Post by adm on Jul 15, 2009 11:11:07 GMT -6
Xtreme Roots
The wounds from the Death Cage are healing nicely, and my wife and I are enjoying a nice lunch at a restaurant in Tulsa, Oklahoma. We were having a nice meal, but something told me my wife’s slight case of INSANITY was putting me on edge…Now, I truly felt what she must have felt when I was acting erratic when I first came to nCw. And part of her erratic actions is this Xtreme match with Fergus Callaghan, a man I barely know, let alone have any true disdain for.
“So, Kris, do you have any idea why I asked the cameramen to come videotape our lunch?”
“No, Kendra, I have no idea why you would help ruin a completely nice lunch with work.”
“Oh…saying that is NOT very NORMAL, Kris…you don’t want to be ABNORMAL like this Fergus character.”
“And what, Kendra, would happen if I was abnormal?”
She gets up, and dumps her glass of water into my lap. This suit is dry-clean only. I know she is trying to unleash the demons within me she saw when I went after Phillip Burns…the ones Gib, formerly Harold, helped me subdue within myself. And right now, all I can think of is slapping my own wife, but I resist.
“So how does that make you feel, Kris? Does it make you angry? Do you want to hurt me?”
“Why…would I want to hurt my lovely wife?” I have to grit my teeth to avoid showing the anger at her for what she just did to me.
“Oh…Kris, you can hide it very well, but I know you want to hurt me for doing that. But that’s what a NORMAL person would do, hurt someone who hurts them. Now…if Fergus comes at you this week, will you hurt him?”
“I will HAVE to…and thanks for picking a man I don’t even KNOW.”
“You know him, Kris, you KNOW him. See, he’s just your everyday Bostonian Drunk. He’s Irish, and he loves to fight. This will be HIS kind of match…but YOU know this match better than him after holding the Xtreme title for weeks.”
“And you want me to go after that belt again? When you detested my pain and suffering before?”
“Oh…Kris…this has something so much more in store for you than one silly little title. Time is fluid now that I remember…and…I see CLEARLY now.”
I don’t understand what she’s talking about. Time being fluid…maybe the knock to her head Burns gave her did a little more than make her crazy. Maybe it gave her some sort of mental condition where she thinks she can read between the lines.
“Right…well, what exactly do you THINK will happen this week if you come ringside with me?”
“I will BEAT HIM TO A PULP WITH YOU!”
“What?”
“You heard me, Kris…I want to join you…I want to be LIKE you…Husband and Wife…terrorizing this place and showing all these other FREAKS what NORMAL PEOPLE do to FREAKS!”
She has truly lost it. She sounds like I used to sound, speaking of freaks and normal people. I don’t understand how in just a matter of months, the roles would be reversed in our relationship pertaining to my job. And now, I have to find something to say to Fergus to actually analyze the situation.
“So what do you say, Kristoff…are you going to be a GOOD BOY and cut a promo or do you need to be wearing the rest of my meal as well?”
“I don’t have much options do I?”
“That’s a good boy…do what’s RIGHT and NORMAL.”
I can’t believe my wife has such control over me. I can’t believe she’s gone this insane. Or am I the insane one and she’s truly sane?
“Fergus Callaghan, former #1 contender for the Xtreme Title, a title I never was pinned to lose. A title…where Dirty Deal pinned one man at the same time to obtain in that cluster of a match many months ago at A Night to Remember. And now, you faced, and lost, to Sexy Jason. You underestimated him…just like I almost underestimated Mark Evil. You don’t underestimate even the dumbest, biggest, most steroid-built men like Sexy Jason or Gib when you are using weapons. They have a bigger advantage than men like us, unless you are not willing to go the “Extra mile”.”
“Indeed, my darling.”
“And that Extra Mile, with me, is to bring my own flavor to the match. Did you look at the matches I’ve had winning and defending that belt? Did you see the things I did in the Death Cage? I sacrifice myself; I become HOMICIDAL within the ring. I lose all control and I LIKED it. With you, it’s not personal. But being I didn’t get my full revenge on Burns, and never won the Tag Titles, I can always just take out my frustrations for the pain I suffered for nothing…on you. I still have my barbed-wire-wrapped briefcase. I still have a stapler to use. I still have manila envelopes and a bag of salt for good measure. You have NO IDEA what I can do with a little invention and simple office supplies, Fergus. And that’s how I…PERFECTLY NORMAL Kristoff Liam Bates work. I am INVENTIVE and you…are not.”
I look over to my wife, across the table. The men and women in the restaurant are gawking at the cameramen and a few “fans” are hesitating to come and ask for my autograph, but right now, it’s time for business. Right now, my wife is reveling in the fact that I am promising pain to one Fergus Callaghan, and right now…I am REMINDING him what I am capable of.
“You don’t have to be intelligent to win these kinds of matches, Fergus. Something I know you are not. You are a drunk, a delinquent, and of course your friend Monty and yourself make fun of people, just for being themselves. Me…I hit a bit closer to home. I evaluate and analyze the situation and take everything for what it is. Could you win? Yes. Will you win? NO! You lacked the will to focus on anything but your jokes and humor pre-match to actually properly prepare for the match with Sexy Jason, and then lost. You cry, whine and piss and moan about how he gave you a low blow and that’s why you lost. But yet, EVERYTHING is legal in an Xtreme Rules match, you didn’t capitalize when you could and GAVE him that opportunity.”
“He very well did, Kristoff. And will you capitalize if he gives you an opening?”
“Yes…And Fergus, don’t think because I tend to come off as a “nice family man” I won’t get down and dirty with you. Don’t THINK for a MOMENT that if you turn your back on me, and I’m on the ground, I won’t do what Sexy Jason did. Not because I am a BAD GUY. Not because I want to make you unable to have anymore welfare-collecting children. But because the match REQUIRES you to take any and all opportunities to win the match. If you fail to see that…and play “by the book” with weapons…you are bound to get burned.”
“And with the lighter fluid we still have, I have a feeling that burning will come from the barbed-wire briefcase.”
Indeed, Fergus Callaghan is not going to LIKE what I said. Indeed, I realize, he will make fun of me, and my wife’s mental condition. But all that will do is return PERFECTLY NORMAL Kristoff Liam Bates, to his…XTREME ROOTS!