Post by adm on Jun 7, 2009 23:28:48 GMT -6
I visited my wife today in the hospital. She thinks it is February…I barely started in nCw then, I still beat her, I still yelled at her. I was still a bad husband. Because of the memory loss she may never recover from, they put her in the psych ward on suicide watch for the inevitable turn of events that will happen when she catches up on the fact that, a mere 2 weeks before her 29th birthday, she is missing 3 months of fights with me over my career, and my getting hurt in matches, and putting my career ahead of her…well let’s just say all those things flooding back to her when she finally realizes what happened, will not be good for her mental state so they have her in Wisconsin…and my mother has the children, and I am slowly losing myself to this fight. Not against Angel or Burns, but against that which I pushed down so hard…so hard when I started here, the OLD me…
I couldn’t stand the hospital so I left…I walked out and took a walk through the rain in the town, it bathed me in water. It should have cleansed my soul, but as the street lamps sodium-vapor glows down upon my body, I realize it’s not helping.
“I got a text message saying I have to face Angel, with our partners at ringside, on Collision. This is great…isn’t it? The man who I couldn’t beat early in my career, thinking I’m weaker than ever, facing me again. It should be such a CAKEWALK for the God known as Angel, shouldn’t it? I mean, he IS unstoppable with Burns; they hardly have lost a match as a team. And now, he’s going to face someone who never beat him and has no chance, right? RIGHT? Angel is a GOD in the ring; I’ve seen him at work firsthand, in singles and tag and have only gotten a DQ win over him. I mean, I have no shot at winning unless he throws the match. I should just throw in the towel, right? But if you remember, I don’t believe in throwing in the towel. I’ve faced impossible odds before and even though I may have lost some of those battles, I still fought them with everything I had.”
Indeed, I have…but it still doesn’t change anything. It still doesn’t change my hurt wife, what happened to her because of my stupidity. Because I was dumb enough not to tell her or the therapist not to allow her involved in THIS match…it was too dangerous, it wasn’t a regular match with no real implications…she should have just stayed in the crowd…
“You see, I walk here, down the street, passing people and things and I don’t care if they see what I say to the camera or myself anymore. I don’t care if they think I am a FREAK. Because, isn’t this the DESTINATION I was headed for from day one? Isn’t this what you all THOUGHT of me to begin with? A creepy FREAK that just pretended he was normal. That everything I was, my perfect family and everything you coveted of mine was just a front for this psychopath known as Bates…and trust me, just the utterance of my name probably makes you think of Norman from the movie Psycho and all the things he did dressed in his dead mother’s clothes. But I’m not him, I’m Kristoff Liam Bates, and I guess you’ve turned me into a PERFECT FREAK from now on…how fitting that the name of the tag team would be Perfect Freaks when both of us were truly freaks, though I tried to pretend to be NORMAL. I still love my wife, I still love my kids, but it’s not enough to be normal that way, no. I need to be as blue collar as anyone else and have no real concept of the word Normal to truly be it.”
Yes…and as I walk past so many “Normal people” on the street, I realize exactly how much a freak I am…and how much I’m getting my dry-clean-only suit wet by not having a raincoat on or using an umbrella…but I don’t seem to care today whether or not I need to replace this stuffy suit…or if I’ll ever wear it again.
“I am slipping into the demons that brought me to nCw. The demons that drove me to my Perfect Drug. The demons that have given me a need to fight, a need to fulfill the masculine urges not quenched or satiated by the desk job I had working with computers for all those years. All the anger and frustration of a job I truly hated, but only kept for the pay and benefits…until Apple shipped my position off to someone who filled their quota for Affirmative Action just because I was making too much, and took a few sick days because of my son getting a bad case of the chicken pox from the neighbor kids. NO…I wasn’t allowed to be a good father then…and I’m not ALLOWED to be a good anything now. No…not as long as Angel is GOD of nCw and we are all just plebeians and lowly angels trying to appease his Godliness. And Burns…he must be Jesus, his right hand. And Angel’s Ego is the Holy Spirit, for it is everywhere…big enough to devour entire realities. Enough to devour me as well. Because you are stripping my sanity…stripping me of everything I used to have and making me lost once again…trying to find the REAL me…the FREAK me…and I think I might be slowly coming to grips with just who that is.”
I turn the corner, and walk into an alley, where a few bums are hiding from the rain between buildings and under the shade of overhangs. I see them and am reminded immediately of the things I had to do to get noticed in this place. How the first thing I did was pick a fight with another bum, Homeless Harold, and then of all the things I did, to him…that made me the bad guy…until he retaliated.
“Yes…cuts and scratches. You mentioned them, Angel, how I suffered my body through so much to get to where I am due to the Xtreme Championship. I guess I didn’t figure that since it was a match under REGULAR RULES that my wife would get into that much danger, at least not as much as if she had been ringside for any of those bloodbaths. I underestimated the drive for his Hall of Fame spot that Burns has, or the drive you and Nero have for destroying one another. I underestimated the danger and look what happened. My wife is on suicide watch for when her memory returns to her, whatever means that may come by. She may kill herself, or someone else, or if I’m there, me…to suddenly be brought back to the present from having months of memories blocked by brain trauma…then burst into the present and have months of pain, hardship, heartache and anger moved into one moment…she may very well break as I fear may happen to myself.”
Indeed the sun isn’t shining, the rain is pouring from the sky like no tomorrow in Wisconsin while all I can think of is that tonight…Collision happened in Minnesota and the next destination is Iowa. I missed a whole week’s action while tending to my wife…putting aside any chances to calculate a strategy for revenge or be involved in any matches, all because of the mother of my children and the woman I married almost eight years ago. I want to destroy something…so badly, but all I see are bums that are down on their luck and are undeserving of my rage…so I bury it deep within myself for a future date. Because to be honest, I must blame myself for most of this…had I acted and moved her out of the way she would not be hurt. Had I not let her come to ringside she’d have been spared. Had I done so many things she would never have been there to be hurt…but I didn’t, I can’t go my entire life on the “What If’s”, but I must try to go on. I must try to save myself.
“As I stand in the shadow of this rain among the bums…I realize exactly who it is I must become to defeat you and Burns, Angel. I must become a true partner to Nero. I must not let anything hold me back. And with my wife in the hospital and my children away…I have nothing with me to keep me from doing what I need to do anymore. I don’t have people to hold me back…I don’t have anything but reckless abandon for pain and punishment like I did when I faced Harold and when I held the Xtreme Championship. You want the OLD BATES back, Angel? You want me to be the creepy freak you thought was a pedophile sitting in a van at a schoolyard? You want to see what I can DO? Well be prepared to regret everything you ask for.”
Indeed, he will regret anything and everything his drunken ghost-seeing self has said. He may be God…but even Gods can feel pain. Even Gods can be punished. Was not Baldur killed in the Norse mythos? Is it not true that Jörmungandr slays the Norse god Thor in the final battle at Ragnarok? Gods can be killed…and Gods can be injured. I walk out of the alley, the homeless men wishing I had given them change or my coat…but today that is not their luck. Today…I will not help them.
"Even if you are right...doesn't mean you didn't give me something to fight for. You insulted me; you told me that I was worse than ever because of my wife. You will regret ever being right, Angel. You will regret being God. I may not win against you, you may beat me once again, but I will make you REGRET being right. You will not beat me without a fight you will not soon forget, Angel. I don’t care if I lose, but I am going to use you to send a message to your partner. You are right Angel, but what Burns did was WRONG. I don’t care what justifications he has…I don’t care whether I may be at fault as much as him. I can’t hurt myself, and I don’t condone of Suicide. So the ONLY things I can do, is pray for forgiveness for my part in it, and make the rest responsible pay for their part of the incident. And you, Angel, will be getting yours soon…VERY soon. You will know when it happens, Angel. You will KNOW!”
Yes…you will know, Angel. You and Burns were jealous of my Normalcy before…or my façade of being normal. Now…I am on your level. I am a FREAK. And now…you will see what the PERFECT FREAK can do.
Tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away.
I couldn’t stand the hospital so I left…I walked out and took a walk through the rain in the town, it bathed me in water. It should have cleansed my soul, but as the street lamps sodium-vapor glows down upon my body, I realize it’s not helping.
“I got a text message saying I have to face Angel, with our partners at ringside, on Collision. This is great…isn’t it? The man who I couldn’t beat early in my career, thinking I’m weaker than ever, facing me again. It should be such a CAKEWALK for the God known as Angel, shouldn’t it? I mean, he IS unstoppable with Burns; they hardly have lost a match as a team. And now, he’s going to face someone who never beat him and has no chance, right? RIGHT? Angel is a GOD in the ring; I’ve seen him at work firsthand, in singles and tag and have only gotten a DQ win over him. I mean, I have no shot at winning unless he throws the match. I should just throw in the towel, right? But if you remember, I don’t believe in throwing in the towel. I’ve faced impossible odds before and even though I may have lost some of those battles, I still fought them with everything I had.”
Indeed, I have…but it still doesn’t change anything. It still doesn’t change my hurt wife, what happened to her because of my stupidity. Because I was dumb enough not to tell her or the therapist not to allow her involved in THIS match…it was too dangerous, it wasn’t a regular match with no real implications…she should have just stayed in the crowd…
Talking to myself all the way to the station. Pictures in my head of the final destination.
“You see, I walk here, down the street, passing people and things and I don’t care if they see what I say to the camera or myself anymore. I don’t care if they think I am a FREAK. Because, isn’t this the DESTINATION I was headed for from day one? Isn’t this what you all THOUGHT of me to begin with? A creepy FREAK that just pretended he was normal. That everything I was, my perfect family and everything you coveted of mine was just a front for this psychopath known as Bates…and trust me, just the utterance of my name probably makes you think of Norman from the movie Psycho and all the things he did dressed in his dead mother’s clothes. But I’m not him, I’m Kristoff Liam Bates, and I guess you’ve turned me into a PERFECT FREAK from now on…how fitting that the name of the tag team would be Perfect Freaks when both of us were truly freaks, though I tried to pretend to be NORMAL. I still love my wife, I still love my kids, but it’s not enough to be normal that way, no. I need to be as blue collar as anyone else and have no real concept of the word Normal to truly be it.”
Yes…and as I walk past so many “Normal people” on the street, I realize exactly how much a freak I am…and how much I’m getting my dry-clean-only suit wet by not having a raincoat on or using an umbrella…but I don’t seem to care today whether or not I need to replace this stuffy suit…or if I’ll ever wear it again.
All lined up, all the ones that aren’t allowed to stay. Tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away.
“I am slipping into the demons that brought me to nCw. The demons that drove me to my Perfect Drug. The demons that have given me a need to fight, a need to fulfill the masculine urges not quenched or satiated by the desk job I had working with computers for all those years. All the anger and frustration of a job I truly hated, but only kept for the pay and benefits…until Apple shipped my position off to someone who filled their quota for Affirmative Action just because I was making too much, and took a few sick days because of my son getting a bad case of the chicken pox from the neighbor kids. NO…I wasn’t allowed to be a good father then…and I’m not ALLOWED to be a good anything now. No…not as long as Angel is GOD of nCw and we are all just plebeians and lowly angels trying to appease his Godliness. And Burns…he must be Jesus, his right hand. And Angel’s Ego is the Holy Spirit, for it is everywhere…big enough to devour entire realities. Enough to devour me as well. Because you are stripping my sanity…stripping me of everything I used to have and making me lost once again…trying to find the REAL me…the FREAK me…and I think I might be slowly coming to grips with just who that is.”
I turn the corner, and walk into an alley, where a few bums are hiding from the rain between buildings and under the shade of overhangs. I see them and am reminded immediately of the things I had to do to get noticed in this place. How the first thing I did was pick a fight with another bum, Homeless Harold, and then of all the things I did, to him…that made me the bad guy…until he retaliated.
Tried to save a place from the cuts and the scratches. Tried to overcome the complications and the catches.
“Yes…cuts and scratches. You mentioned them, Angel, how I suffered my body through so much to get to where I am due to the Xtreme Championship. I guess I didn’t figure that since it was a match under REGULAR RULES that my wife would get into that much danger, at least not as much as if she had been ringside for any of those bloodbaths. I underestimated the drive for his Hall of Fame spot that Burns has, or the drive you and Nero have for destroying one another. I underestimated the danger and look what happened. My wife is on suicide watch for when her memory returns to her, whatever means that may come by. She may kill herself, or someone else, or if I’m there, me…to suddenly be brought back to the present from having months of memories blocked by brain trauma…then burst into the present and have months of pain, hardship, heartache and anger moved into one moment…she may very well break as I fear may happen to myself.”
Nothing ever grows and the sun doesn’t shine all day.
Indeed the sun isn’t shining, the rain is pouring from the sky like no tomorrow in Wisconsin while all I can think of is that tonight…Collision happened in Minnesota and the next destination is Iowa. I missed a whole week’s action while tending to my wife…putting aside any chances to calculate a strategy for revenge or be involved in any matches, all because of the mother of my children and the woman I married almost eight years ago. I want to destroy something…so badly, but all I see are bums that are down on their luck and are undeserving of my rage…so I bury it deep within myself for a future date. Because to be honest, I must blame myself for most of this…had I acted and moved her out of the way she would not be hurt. Had I not let her come to ringside she’d have been spared. Had I done so many things she would never have been there to be hurt…but I didn’t, I can’t go my entire life on the “What If’s”, but I must try to go on. I must try to save myself.
Tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away.
Tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away.
Tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away.
Tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away.
Tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away.
“As I stand in the shadow of this rain among the bums…I realize exactly who it is I must become to defeat you and Burns, Angel. I must become a true partner to Nero. I must not let anything hold me back. And with my wife in the hospital and my children away…I have nothing with me to keep me from doing what I need to do anymore. I don’t have people to hold me back…I don’t have anything but reckless abandon for pain and punishment like I did when I faced Harold and when I held the Xtreme Championship. You want the OLD BATES back, Angel? You want me to be the creepy freak you thought was a pedophile sitting in a van at a schoolyard? You want to see what I can DO? Well be prepared to regret everything you ask for.”
Indeed, he will regret anything and everything his drunken ghost-seeing self has said. He may be God…but even Gods can feel pain. Even Gods can be punished. Was not Baldur killed in the Norse mythos? Is it not true that Jörmungandr slays the Norse god Thor in the final battle at Ragnarok? Gods can be killed…and Gods can be injured. I walk out of the alley, the homeless men wishing I had given them change or my coat…but today that is not their luck. Today…I will not help them.
"Even if you are right...doesn't mean you didn't give me something to fight for. You insulted me; you told me that I was worse than ever because of my wife. You will regret ever being right, Angel. You will regret being God. I may not win against you, you may beat me once again, but I will make you REGRET being right. You will not beat me without a fight you will not soon forget, Angel. I don’t care if I lose, but I am going to use you to send a message to your partner. You are right Angel, but what Burns did was WRONG. I don’t care what justifications he has…I don’t care whether I may be at fault as much as him. I can’t hurt myself, and I don’t condone of Suicide. So the ONLY things I can do, is pray for forgiveness for my part in it, and make the rest responsible pay for their part of the incident. And you, Angel, will be getting yours soon…VERY soon. You will know when it happens, Angel. You will KNOW!”
Yes…you will know, Angel. You and Burns were jealous of my Normalcy before…or my façade of being normal. Now…I am on your level. I am a FREAK. And now…you will see what the PERFECT FREAK can do.