Post by adm on Jun 17, 2009 21:11:46 GMT -6
Breaks My Heart
“Hello honey.” I say as I step through the door into the psych ward in Wisconsin. “I’ve missed you so much.”
“I missed you too, Kristoff.”
She flinches a little as I lean in for a kiss…she’s reverted to her old habits from when I still beat her…as she can’t remember my reformation. She still walks on eggshells around me, and it BREAKS MY HEART.
“So…what are we going to do for the boys’ birthdays? They are coming up soon.”
Actually, her birthday was coming up soon. But thanks to Phillip Burns, my wife thinks it is late February instead of the middle of June. I hate these visits…does she not even remember our anniversary is this weekend? Will I have to fake for three months then hold a celebration because the injuries are permanent? I begin to fiddle with my tie…and think simultaneously of choking Burns with it.
“So how is your new career as a wrestler going, Kristoff?”
“It’s going great. I have a six-man tag match this week. The tag champions are part of it…my partner and I might be getting a title shot at the Pay Per View next month.”
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“And your partner is the weird guy with the face paint you were here with yesterday?”
“Yes…that’s Nero, Kendra. Don’t worry; he’s still afraid of you. He thinks you might hurt him.”
“I wouldn’t hurt him…but…you be careful, Honey. I don’t want you getting hurt.”
What she fails to realize is that at the last Pay Per View, she got hurt, and it is my fault. MY fault. It BREAKS MY HEART to see her like this. She missed the birthdays of our children due to memory loss; she’s going to miss our anniversary and her own birthday. I hope she recovers soon, or else…the damage to our relationship may be beyond severe.
“It’s ok, Kendra, I promise I’ll be careful.”
“And don’t hurt the other guys too bad, you play nice.”
My wife…if only she knew what I wanted to do to them and what they did to HER would break HER heart. She would see what I want to do to Burns, that he’s been hiding behind Angel and using his partner to do his dirty work. But my wife, she’d kill me if she only knew the kind of hatred and anger that is building up pressure within my chest. I feel myself begin to sweat under the green-tinted fluorescents. My wife notices my sweat and flinches as if it were a sign I would hit her. It BREAKS MY HEART that she feels like this.
“I’m sorry, Kendra, but my time is up. I have to go get back to my training.”
I lie…like I have to lie to her every day now. I can’t tell her the real date, I can’t talk current events. I can’t even tell her that Andrew is set up for preschool in the fall. She can’t know ANYTHING! She kisses me goodbye, and I feel her flinch again as she thinks I may grab her by the hair. I can’t believe this…all that progress undone by one head injury. I should have NEVER brought her to Reborn.
I leave the hospital and step out into the rain. I soak it in realizing there is nothing I can do to fix my life as it were. Realizing that maybe everything I tried to avoid was happening. I feel the pressure build and I loosen my tie.
“Burns, you have no idea the kind of pain you put me through. You want to blame it on me…fine. I blame myself for only part of it, but you were still the instrument of her injury. You could have had a heart and stopped yourself before you flew over the ropes with blind and reckless abandon. You can’t imagine the things you did to me, because you yourself lack a heart. But what you did BREAKS MY HEART. I may have been PERFECTLY NORMAL before, but you just made me into a FREAK waiting to happen. The bell will ring, and I don’t know if I will be able to control myself.”
No, I may not. I may take off my tie and begin strangling you to death with it while the fans watch on. I don’t care, I want my vengeance. I want my revenge. I don’t care if I get arrested or put in jail for the things I do to you, Burns, but…you DESERVE it.
“You’ve been hiding from me, Burns. You sent Angel to kiss my wife last week. You sent Angel instead of yourself to the match. You hide, you don’t speak, you just let the cold and merciless hallucinating Angel do your dirty work. Well I have something to say to you. “
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“You are a COWARD, Burns. For what you did at Reborn you fail to own up to your part of the responsibility of it. You send Angel to do everything for you. To speak for you, to insult me and say that I should forget my wife, that I’m better without her. But you both fail to realize that in one action, you brought upon yourselves something different out of me…something I haven’t had since Harold said he raped my wife. You hurt my family. I am a FAMILY MAN and it BREAKS MY HEART when these things happen. And when that happens…I begin to build up pressure like a volcano. When I explode, I take villages with me, and in this case the village of Phillip Burns will be devastated beyond any repair. I hope they give us some form of CAGE or XTREME RULES at the Pay Per View so I can fully use my violent thoughts to my advantage.”
But what about Angel, you say? As I walk through the rain and lightning toward the airport because I am going to go back on the road tonight to get to the hotel for Sunday, you ask me this? I loosen my tie some more for the fact of the distress caused by his insults.
“Angel…I don’t need to say much more than this to you. I am NOT you. I don’t need to BE you. I will be myself, I will be NORMAL. You KNOW what I mean…and if you don’t, let me clarify. You let your wife go to AJ. You let her take your kids. You LET her leave. I would NEVER let my wife leave, even if I had to KEEP her at home locked up in a room she would NEVER leave me.”
I feel myself fall into darkness. I feel my body go cold as the thoughts about Burns and Angel take over me. I fall to my knees, tears welling up in my eyes from the fact that what they did BREAKS MY HEART.
“And Joe…I need only say this to you. You got LUCKY. And look what you did with ALL THAT LUCK. You choked, twice. Were I to have beaten you instead of your lucky win, I would be holding that X-division title, and instead you lost twice to Hammond while I have ALREADY BEATEN HIM. You beat me, yet you couldn’t beat Hammond? What does that say about you, Joe? I’ve heard them call Ortega a choke artist…but I KNOW Ortega, he’s a good man. You…you are the CHOKE ARTIST. And that…is the sad truth.”
Let’s see if he even says anything to me this week. Let US SEE! But I have no more to say…all that is left for now is my trip back to the tour. My thoughts wander…my poor wife…it BREAKS MY HEART. But I am nothing more than PERFECTLY NORMAL Kristoff Liam Bates. I am just me. And I will show them all what it means to be me. Nero, Night Blade…please don’t fail me now.
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