Post by adm on Apr 21, 2009 22:20:18 GMT -6
Part 1 – The Shadow of Doubt
“I just want you to come home, Kristoff. Give up on nCw and come home. The kids miss, you, and I miss you. And I want you to come home before you get hurt.”
My wife thinks about me, maybe too much. She, thanks to me, has not been allowed to see what I can do in that ring. I forbade her from watching any of the previous title defenses. So now, I see myself riddled with the doubt she has cast upon me, and not unfounded. I won the title facing three other men, one being Homeless Harold, my “Guardian Angel” who tried to use my family to get to me. She’s afraid…of everything this place offers.
“So why don’t you come and join me, you and the kids? You can make sure I don’t get hurt, Kendra.”
“But, Kristoff, I saw Collision this last week. I saw what happened to Rob Diamond’s girlfriend. I’ve seen what happens, they don’t care if you are a woman with children or not. They wouldn’t think twice to hurt me or the children. We’re not even safe at home…the close call with Harold was proof enough of that.”
“I’m sorry, Kendra. But I must do this.”
“Come home, Kristoff. Please, I don’t…want to think of what will happen to you in that ring. I love you too much to think about it.”
“You don’t even know what I can do…Kendra.”
“I don’t know if I want to.”
She tells me she loves me, and hangs up the phone. In half an hour I call the offices of nCw and have them send an express package of every last match I’ve been in where I used weapons, as well as the promos before and after, showing her exactly what I’m capable of. If my wife doesn’t believe in me, I’ll make her. She doubts my abilities, but I don’t. I haven’t become the 3rd longest reigning Xtreme Champion with one of the best records in nCw for nothing. I am not making light of any of this, but she has no faith…so I am cast into doubt about my abilities once more.
I sit on the edge of the hotel room bed, thinking about Collision and the fact that we won, despite my doubts about me and my team, we won. Despite my acting like a FREAK and acting like Dark Prophet. No, I will not do that again unless I absolutely have no other option. There are other ways of speaking my mind about a match. And this week, this time…Doubt seems to be on everyone’s mind but my own. I sit on the bed, in one of my many suits, adjusting my tie and straightening my glasses. In the ring, I’ll wear contacts, but for now, my glasses will do the trick.
“Not many people have commented on the match yet, but that’s fine, it’s still early in the week. It’s still early enough to let me know that there are doubts I can win, even those who have watched me be hurdled to the top of nCw, doubt my abilities now. I am living in the shadow of their doubt when last week it was I who doubted and everyone else was behind me. The coin flipped and I am now on the wrong side. Thanks, Sexy Jason, thanks for reminding me of how I am merely three weeks from beating your record, and if I win on Sunday, nothing will stop me from doing that, not even you. And thanks for reminding me exactly what is at stake, aside from a title, there is so much more. Two people have a chance of being twice Xtreme champion, not a soul has done that yet. And I seek to be ever closer to beating that record. Not because I truly want to, but because it has become so close I can taste it.”
Yes, I can taste victory much like I could taste the defeat from just a few weeks ago against Steve Awesome. I can taste victory just like the eleven total victories on my record so far. Eleven wins, three losses. I think my history speaks for itself, it will be nigh impossible to defeat me, especially with “bigger and better” men facing me. I have, after all, beaten Spike Kane. And there’s no ring rust to be had on him, he’s been in another federation for the last however many months.
“I know you may think you have a partner, Jason. You may think Hammer has your back, but just like Dirty Deal will find out, there are no friends in these matches. Diamond and Honcho were beginning to tag and cooperate when I faced them to WIN this title alongside Harold. So it just proves there are no friends when weapons come to play. There is nothing but doubt, and yourself. You must remember there are five others in this match, and only ONE FALL to decide. That means every time you try to make someone submit or pin them, someone will be there to break it up until none of us can move enough to break up the win attempt of another. We need to think less about winning and more about survival. Which is why…I’ve got my friend here.”
True, I just said there were no friends in this match. But I forgot to mention I have a friend that has helped me every other time. I reach under the hotel room bed, and pull out my trusty barbed-wire-wrapped briefcase. The dents and crusted blood and scorches from setting it ablaze and doing damage in every other Xtreme Championship match I’ve been in, defense or looking to gain the title, it was there. There is no way that anyone can stop me from using this to my advantage, and there is no way stopping them from using it themselves. But I am ingenious in my methods of destruction, my title around my waist, I continue.
“Yes, I won this Xtreme title using a letter opener and this briefcase. I followed it up by using the briefcase again, and again as well as other office supplies. This time, I will use more weapons that have probably never been thought of being used in this match before. Weapons that suit me, that suit my previous profession and weapons, which are just as psychotic as everything I’ve used before. This match is six men, one fall, and there is NOTHING to stop us from bringing our toys to help us. Toys that I’m sure Dirty Deal will be able to get out of Amber’s cage. And yes, I realize you are just as insane as anyone else here. You will probably pay for your sins in Hell, but right now, you probably look at each other and doubt the ability to cooperate long enough to get one of you a win in this match. But don’t worry, JackHammer will not have Sexy Jason’s back, I’ve seen him before, he turned his back on Dark Prophet at one point when they were Tag Champions, so it’s obvious he’s going to put his own needs ahead of yours. And Joe…I don’t doubt your heart one moment, there is no easy win for anyone. This is going to be HELL and right now, I am walking through a shadow of doubt cast upon me by everyone around me, including my wife. My own wife, she doubts my abilities. You can’t believe how much that hurts, to have her tell me to give up, to come home, to throw in the towel. It hurts…it breaks my heart.”
Almost as much as it will break her heart to see her loving husband rip men to shreds with this very briefcase in my previous matches when she gets those tapes. But this week, I must think about myself, and my title. I need to think about Cleveland and what we are about to accomplish on Sunday. We will bring the most bloody and brutal match to any Pay Per View since the last match of Dark Prophet’s career. We will give Sexy Jason something new to have nightmares about. We will give Joe Everyman a reason to limp from injuries for the rest of his life. And of course…we will punish Dirty Deal for hurting Amber.
“Yes, Jason, I will help you punish Dirty Deal, but that means nothing about the title. The two of them, this match, you get your chance to pay them back in full. You get to use whatever your heart desires to destroy them and free Amber from their clutches and back into the real world, and perhaps therapy. I have seen what they do to women, and it is cruel, unusual, and definitely not right. I admit I, not long ago, was not the best husband or father. But I have changed; I am a better man now. And I will use that to help you punish these cretins for their crimes against women and their misogynistic views. But I look at the men in the ring, and the title around my waist and I wonder, “Can I actually win?” My wife’s doubt is suddenly cast upon myself and I wonder if I can do it…I wonder…”
And just like Thomas doubted Jesus’ raising from the dead, I must not doubt myself. For those who doubt do not believe. And unbelievers will be cast into the fires of Hell. And Hell is what A Night to Remember will be. Hell, is what is coming. For just like Jesus said, “Stop Doubting and Believe.” Because my wife has not seen me, she does not believe. But you, who have seen me and do not believe, have cast a Shadow of DOUBT over my head, and now I wonder whether I will truly fall short of breaking the record length of holding this title. The tie on my neck is tight; the voice in my throat is hoarse. And now…tears run down my face as it hits me. My wife…doubts me. My wife…wants me to give up. My wife…NEVER believed I could be a wrestler.
“And now…it seems like I have been cast down the path into perdition and Hellfire awaits me. Yea I walk down and descend beyond the first circle, and down into the further depths of Hell I must go. Down…until I reach the destination days away. Cleveland will be a battle ground for the ages. The fans will get more blood than they asked for, and the hospital will get six men admitted with injuries so great our very lives depend on taking caution and not attempting to murder, but only to win. But now…I wonder if that is what it will take to win. I will sin, oh God, I will sin. And my fans…they shall reap the rewards of my victory.”
Sunday I walk into Cleveland. Sunday will be A Night to Remember, a night of blood. It will be Hell on Earth. And when one of us wins that match, I truly hope it will be me. But thanks to the tears running down my face…and the words of my wife…I am in the Shadow of Doubt…it may not be me. I truly hope, but do I believe? I doubt…so perhaps I don’t…believe…