Post by Andrew Jacobsen on Feb 3, 2010 1:20:59 GMT -6
The scene is set, as a cameraman walks around the empty Jobing.com Arena in Glendale. The crew is setting up the ring, ensuring that everything will work properly. One man fires off pyro easily recognizable as that of Lance Ryan's entrance. One unexpected appearance is that of Andrew Jacobsen, who's inspecting the ring as if looking for something. He looks over to the cameraman, grinning, and adjusts the X-Division Title, which is hanging, as usual, over his shoulder.
“Yo. I was just looking for Kole Kaos's name on the ring somewhere.”
The cameraman reveals himself to be Dan Nielsen, Andrew's usual camera guy, when he speaks.
“Why, may I ask, are you doing that?”
Andrew shrugs.
“Weeell, he talked a lot about Nelly not belonging in 'his ring'. I wanted to make sure we had the non-Kole branded ring. You know, so Trauma's main event could go off without a hitch.”
Dan just nods.
"Promo time?"
"Promo time."
Andrew turns fully to the camera, flashing a grin.
“Hi there, nCw fans. Andrew Jacobsen here, still YOUR X-Division Champion. You know, coming off a grueling title defense, I actually feel pretty good. I got to shut up Bates, chalk up a defense to shut up anyone who accuses me of hiding with my belt, and got my first win on an actual pay-per-view. Sorry, Wired doesn't count. Now, I get back to my hotel, and what do I see blinking in my inbox from one C. Diamond? Nothing other than my match for this week's Trauma. I feel a kind of love for Trauma. I've been on it far more than Collision, and I honestly think anyone who denigrates it as not as important as Collision is smoking something more potent than whatever Randy Angel's drinking.”
He grins wider, patting the belt.
“Yes, life's good over here at North Star Productions. I've got two amazing tag partners this week in Nelly Angel and Atreyu. Now, I'm not going to bore you by rehashing the history between myself and our Honor Champion, who racked up his second defense last night against Chris Cobain. Congratulations, Atreyu. You shut him up. And Nelly had to survive a Cell match against Rob Diamond, now Lord Dominicus. I gotta tell you, I thought you were dead after that Angel Zimmer from the top of the cell. And the second one onto Rob, too. Congratulations to you for pulling through and showing why you're the man.”
Andrew pulls up a folding chair, sitting down.
“We've got three formidable opponents this week: numero uno is the man that I'll be facing sometime in the near future for the belt that sits over my shoulder, Paul Star. Sorry for injuring you, Paul. I didn't mean to do that. Don't think that I'm going to be too remorseful to take you on, though. I'll do what I have to to win. No ifs, ands, or buts. the second man on the other team is a Lord Dominicus. Or, as we used to know him, Rob Diamond. Now, I heard what Bobby D had to say about me, and I was unimpressed. Rob, I know you're going for the pompous Dr. Doom-style promo, but you lose a LOT of quality with that effect. And we'll have to put up with these duds until A Night To Remember? Chris, you may have caused the nCw locker room more consternation than amusement. ...well, probably more amusement, but you get the idea.”
Andrew grins again, but his image of calm cockiness is shattered when the techs test Joe Everyman's entrance. He practically jumps out of his boots, visibly having to restrain himself.
“...DAMN, I wish they'd warn me before they do that...anyway. Lord Dominicus. You say I will see the darkness—and I truly apologize for your condition—you say I will see the darkness within me reflected tenfold? You say that you're the boogeyman under my bed? Well, news flash: you're not scary, you're not intimidating. You're just ridiculous. I mean, I've wrestled a guy in a freaking dragon suit, and I STILL haven't seen anything as stupid as this. Rob, I've beaten you before. I can beat you again. Even if you hadn't been saddled with this ridiculous gimmick, I STILL could beat you. Plain and simple. Since you have to act like the Green Goblin's schmuck of a brother? Piece of cake. Sorry to say, you're just not good enough to beat any of the men on this team. Nelly's beaten you. I've beaten you. Atreyu could beat you. You're just screwed. Hope you enjoy losing as well as acting mental.”
Andrew's eyes light up as he spots a convenient segue.
“And the third man, continuing my streak of wrestling the mental, is Kole 'The Konqueror' Kaos. Kole, didn't anyone tell you spelling things with a K instead of a C went out with the 1990s? Jeez, I have to tell Projekt Iconz first and now you? Doesn't anyone get the memos anymore? Speaking of memos, you're the second CEO I'll have wrestled against. The first, of course, is Sexy Jason, who I beat TWICE. Think about it. This man held the Xtreme Championship—a title that basically measures the toughest son of a bitch in the company—THREE TIMES. You've NEVER held a title in your career. And as my previous comments have said, I've got plenty of experience wrestling the deranged. Remember, I got my start beating Blackheart around the ring. Can you, in good faith, say that Blackheart isn't one disturbed individual? Plus, I just beat Kristoff 'Poster Child for Going Postal' Bates. He's more messed up than the entirety of Stillwater Penitentiary. You don't scare me, Kole. A classic case of big guys with small brains. I'll concede your business acumen, but does that extend to your wrestling career? Judging by the comments you made about my style, I doubt it.”
He shakes his head, sighing.
“You've obviously never seen me wrestle. I'm actually quite contrary to what the usual conception of the X-Division is. Most people think someone who can pull off a standing shooting star hurricanrana or some other crap as a member of the X-Division. Well, the motto is 'No Limits', so I'm not fitting the stereotype. I'm a technician. I suplex the living crap out of people. Suplexes, backbreakers, STOs, whatever it takes...and then I break out the submission holds. Kole, do you know what it's like to not be able to stand because your body is in agony? Every part stretched to its breaking point? Arms about to come apart at the joints, legs perilously close to ripping themselves to shreds? A headache so devastating you think someone's set up a rave on top of your frontal lobe? Though, given your appearance, I would doubt you have much of a frontal lobe to begin with...the point stands. I'm not what you think I am. And when you get hauled up for the Ice Breaker, you'll know what a powerbomb feels like. But I'm not going to be content with just pinning you, Kole. No, if I get the chance, I'm going to make you tap. Hand pounding the mat until you get blisters, tears rolling down your face. You're going to tap. And then, if you've particularly pissed me off...I'll break your ankle. Try Kaos Bombing someone with a broken ankle. It won't end well.”
Andrew smiles at the camera cheekily, channeling Jack Hammond.
“Hey, it's that time again. Join us next week on North Star Productions when Tempestad'll teach us how to make delicious churros and other Mexican delights.”
A voice echoes down from the stands.
“I heard that.”
Andrew presses on.
“I'll see everyone on Saturday. Have a good week. And to my opponents—and my tag partners—bring your best. I'll bring mine. And may the best team win.”
Andrew grins, the scene fading out. As it fades out, the pyro guys test Angel's pyro, causing Andrew to actually fall off the chair. Both Dan and Tempestad crack up uncontrollably at this, and the audio lingers for a few more seconds.
“...you guys suck...”
Fin.
“Yo. I was just looking for Kole Kaos's name on the ring somewhere.”
The cameraman reveals himself to be Dan Nielsen, Andrew's usual camera guy, when he speaks.
“Why, may I ask, are you doing that?”
Andrew shrugs.
“Weeell, he talked a lot about Nelly not belonging in 'his ring'. I wanted to make sure we had the non-Kole branded ring. You know, so Trauma's main event could go off without a hitch.”
Dan just nods.
"Promo time?"
"Promo time."
Andrew turns fully to the camera, flashing a grin.
“Hi there, nCw fans. Andrew Jacobsen here, still YOUR X-Division Champion. You know, coming off a grueling title defense, I actually feel pretty good. I got to shut up Bates, chalk up a defense to shut up anyone who accuses me of hiding with my belt, and got my first win on an actual pay-per-view. Sorry, Wired doesn't count. Now, I get back to my hotel, and what do I see blinking in my inbox from one C. Diamond? Nothing other than my match for this week's Trauma. I feel a kind of love for Trauma. I've been on it far more than Collision, and I honestly think anyone who denigrates it as not as important as Collision is smoking something more potent than whatever Randy Angel's drinking.”
He grins wider, patting the belt.
“Yes, life's good over here at North Star Productions. I've got two amazing tag partners this week in Nelly Angel and Atreyu. Now, I'm not going to bore you by rehashing the history between myself and our Honor Champion, who racked up his second defense last night against Chris Cobain. Congratulations, Atreyu. You shut him up. And Nelly had to survive a Cell match against Rob Diamond, now Lord Dominicus. I gotta tell you, I thought you were dead after that Angel Zimmer from the top of the cell. And the second one onto Rob, too. Congratulations to you for pulling through and showing why you're the man.”
Andrew pulls up a folding chair, sitting down.
“We've got three formidable opponents this week: numero uno is the man that I'll be facing sometime in the near future for the belt that sits over my shoulder, Paul Star. Sorry for injuring you, Paul. I didn't mean to do that. Don't think that I'm going to be too remorseful to take you on, though. I'll do what I have to to win. No ifs, ands, or buts. the second man on the other team is a Lord Dominicus. Or, as we used to know him, Rob Diamond. Now, I heard what Bobby D had to say about me, and I was unimpressed. Rob, I know you're going for the pompous Dr. Doom-style promo, but you lose a LOT of quality with that effect. And we'll have to put up with these duds until A Night To Remember? Chris, you may have caused the nCw locker room more consternation than amusement. ...well, probably more amusement, but you get the idea.”
Andrew grins again, but his image of calm cockiness is shattered when the techs test Joe Everyman's entrance. He practically jumps out of his boots, visibly having to restrain himself.
“...DAMN, I wish they'd warn me before they do that...anyway. Lord Dominicus. You say I will see the darkness—and I truly apologize for your condition—you say I will see the darkness within me reflected tenfold? You say that you're the boogeyman under my bed? Well, news flash: you're not scary, you're not intimidating. You're just ridiculous. I mean, I've wrestled a guy in a freaking dragon suit, and I STILL haven't seen anything as stupid as this. Rob, I've beaten you before. I can beat you again. Even if you hadn't been saddled with this ridiculous gimmick, I STILL could beat you. Plain and simple. Since you have to act like the Green Goblin's schmuck of a brother? Piece of cake. Sorry to say, you're just not good enough to beat any of the men on this team. Nelly's beaten you. I've beaten you. Atreyu could beat you. You're just screwed. Hope you enjoy losing as well as acting mental.”
Andrew's eyes light up as he spots a convenient segue.
“And the third man, continuing my streak of wrestling the mental, is Kole 'The Konqueror' Kaos. Kole, didn't anyone tell you spelling things with a K instead of a C went out with the 1990s? Jeez, I have to tell Projekt Iconz first and now you? Doesn't anyone get the memos anymore? Speaking of memos, you're the second CEO I'll have wrestled against. The first, of course, is Sexy Jason, who I beat TWICE. Think about it. This man held the Xtreme Championship—a title that basically measures the toughest son of a bitch in the company—THREE TIMES. You've NEVER held a title in your career. And as my previous comments have said, I've got plenty of experience wrestling the deranged. Remember, I got my start beating Blackheart around the ring. Can you, in good faith, say that Blackheart isn't one disturbed individual? Plus, I just beat Kristoff 'Poster Child for Going Postal' Bates. He's more messed up than the entirety of Stillwater Penitentiary. You don't scare me, Kole. A classic case of big guys with small brains. I'll concede your business acumen, but does that extend to your wrestling career? Judging by the comments you made about my style, I doubt it.”
He shakes his head, sighing.
“You've obviously never seen me wrestle. I'm actually quite contrary to what the usual conception of the X-Division is. Most people think someone who can pull off a standing shooting star hurricanrana or some other crap as a member of the X-Division. Well, the motto is 'No Limits', so I'm not fitting the stereotype. I'm a technician. I suplex the living crap out of people. Suplexes, backbreakers, STOs, whatever it takes...and then I break out the submission holds. Kole, do you know what it's like to not be able to stand because your body is in agony? Every part stretched to its breaking point? Arms about to come apart at the joints, legs perilously close to ripping themselves to shreds? A headache so devastating you think someone's set up a rave on top of your frontal lobe? Though, given your appearance, I would doubt you have much of a frontal lobe to begin with...the point stands. I'm not what you think I am. And when you get hauled up for the Ice Breaker, you'll know what a powerbomb feels like. But I'm not going to be content with just pinning you, Kole. No, if I get the chance, I'm going to make you tap. Hand pounding the mat until you get blisters, tears rolling down your face. You're going to tap. And then, if you've particularly pissed me off...I'll break your ankle. Try Kaos Bombing someone with a broken ankle. It won't end well.”
Andrew smiles at the camera cheekily, channeling Jack Hammond.
“Hey, it's that time again. Join us next week on North Star Productions when Tempestad'll teach us how to make delicious churros and other Mexican delights.”
A voice echoes down from the stands.
“I heard that.”
Andrew presses on.
“I'll see everyone on Saturday. Have a good week. And to my opponents—and my tag partners—bring your best. I'll bring mine. And may the best team win.”
Andrew grins, the scene fading out. As it fades out, the pyro guys test Angel's pyro, causing Andrew to actually fall off the chair. Both Dan and Tempestad crack up uncontrollably at this, and the audio lingers for a few more seconds.
“...you guys suck...”
Fin.