Post by Angel on Dec 16, 2008 22:20:13 GMT -6
I was reading people piss and moan about Heroes on a message board and found this post which is pretty funny.
"As the disastrous Vol. 3 mercifully came to a close, I see fans have developed a general liking to the finale and I must ask: where are we now that we weren't already before? What was the point of the last thirteen episodes?
Peter
1. Starts off as an overpowered mess.
2. Future Peter tries to kill Nathan, traps current Peter in some random body (aka useless detour).
3. Future Peter screws everything up.
4. Both Peters go to the future to take Sylar's power. Current Peter gets the "hunger." THIS WILL HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING FOR THE REST OF THE SEASON.
5. Peter is put into a coma.
6. Upon waking from said coma, Peter gets his powers sucked away by his father.
7. Peter is pissy about losing said powers; he runs away.
8. In order to kill his plot device father, goes to find the Haitian with Nathan. Becomes action star, despite the fact that he's a male nurse with no superpowers or any above average physical skill or ability (knocking out Nathan with one punch, really?).
9. Tries to kill plot device father, but pusses out. Doesn't matter since Sybrows was there to finish the deal.
10. Is compelled to try and kill Nathan and destroy the formula because regular people fly to work in a non-existent future. OMG TEH HORROR!
11. Destroy the formula save one dose, specifically, which he uses to regain his empathic powers in full hypocritical glory.
12. Regains powers to "save Nathan" from the fire despite the fact that his bro can fly on his own, thank you very much.
13. The two brothers now hate each other because the script says they have to, and Peter goes off into the night to regain all the powers he once had in while trying to live his old life. Y'know, a direct rip of season one's storylines... Back to square one.
Nathan
1. Is going to reveal superhero existences to the public.
2. Is shot instead. Magically survives.
3. Finds religion and converses with Maury's ghost Linderman. THIS WILL HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING FOR THE REST OF THE SEASON.
4. Becomes a Senator. The title appears to be ceremonial since he never has to do anything, anything in Washington besides have sex with another Ali Larter character.
5. Storyline stalls as he works out his family history/competing plots for world domination.
6. Sides with mother.
7. Goes to Haiti, has some nonsense epiphany, switches allegiances. Wants to give the world superpowers.
8. Has his plans ruined by his own brother/employees. Forgets he has powers himself (seriously, just fly Knox out of the frickin' window for pete's sake...)
9. Is super pissed over losing his well-laid plans of over five hours. At this point all character development since the middle of season one is out the window. His redemption was the driving point of season one's endgame, and now it's all for naught. Fantastic.
10. Becomes spiteful villain. Reveals superhero existence to government and sets up covert task force to wipe them all out. Because they're dangerous you see? Never mind that fifteen minutes ago he was all for giving everyone powers.
11. Careful viewers will note that this is now the exact same storyline as SEASON ONE'S dystopian future (minus puppet master Sylar). Back to square one.
Hiro
1. Sets season three in motion by being a spoiled little brat with too much time on his hands.
2. Loses the formula to speedster chick. Inept globetrotting chase ensues.
3. Goes to the future, sees Tokyo destroyed, Future Ando fries Future Hiro. Why would the friendship end that way? Who knows, it has no payoff and HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING THAT HAPPENS THE REST OF THE SEASON.
4. Goes to Africa because he refuses to time travel ever again. Except not really. More inept shenanigans ensue.
5. Arthur magically tracks him down, doesn't steal his powers, but instead reverts his memory to a childlike state. THIS MAKES NO SENSE.
6. Has to restore memory with help from Issac's old comic book because the writers were at a loss with how to resolve the storyline otherwise.
7. Goes back in time to intercept missing formula component, the catalyst. Should've just gone back in time to tell his past self to never open the stupid safe in the first place...
8. Meets up with dying mom (his Chuck Cunningham sister nowhere to be found) and takes the catalyst. Arthur magically tracks him down again, takes catalyst and superpowers. Epic fail.
9. Gets stuck in past, could just live his life to catch back up with the present, but Daphne expedites things with her Ando-powered Superman homage (writers, seriously, stop pretending that there's real science to be found in this show. You're just embarrassing yourselves).
10. Rips up formula once and for all/hopes villains don't have access to fabled scotch tape technology.
11. Still has no powers, but he never really used them all that well anyway. Will probably remain an immature screw-up. Right back to where he started in season one.
Sybrows
1. Has his powers back. Ready to be crazy serial killer again.
2. Or is he?
3. Nah, still a villain.
4. Or is he?
5. Maybe not.
6. Really?
7. *Shrugs*
8. Oh look, he's a villain again.
9. Nope, back to being misunderstood.
10. Something about manipulation.
11. Manipulation.
12. Manipulation.
13. Manipulation.
14. Oh, back to the villain again.
15. Or is he?
16. More manipulation.
17. Maybe a good guy, but probably not.
18. Definitely not.
19. Or isn't he?
19. Nope, holding steady on villain this time. 99% sure.
20. Darn it.
21. Anti-manipulation.
22. Villain. Villain. Villain. Villain. Villain. Good to have the psychopath back, and he's got motivation too. Sure, we've gone through two seasons for nothing, but classic Sylar is better than anything else the show has going for it.
23. He died. Of course. (Even though he'll be back. Sure the writers covered their bases, but if HRG + magic blood or Future Peter/Claire surviving nuclear incineration are any indication, death means less in Heroes than in any other tv show ever).
You can play this game with any character, and with the possible exception of Claire, every one of them arrives at the same conclusion. We're one and a half seasons removed from season one, and yet we're right back where we started. And while for some that might be great news, I'm left wondering what was the point of it all. What did I get for watching it all?
Meet the new Heroes, same as the old Heroes...what a compelling character drama! "
"As the disastrous Vol. 3 mercifully came to a close, I see fans have developed a general liking to the finale and I must ask: where are we now that we weren't already before? What was the point of the last thirteen episodes?
Peter
1. Starts off as an overpowered mess.
2. Future Peter tries to kill Nathan, traps current Peter in some random body (aka useless detour).
3. Future Peter screws everything up.
4. Both Peters go to the future to take Sylar's power. Current Peter gets the "hunger." THIS WILL HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING FOR THE REST OF THE SEASON.
5. Peter is put into a coma.
6. Upon waking from said coma, Peter gets his powers sucked away by his father.
7. Peter is pissy about losing said powers; he runs away.
8. In order to kill his plot device father, goes to find the Haitian with Nathan. Becomes action star, despite the fact that he's a male nurse with no superpowers or any above average physical skill or ability (knocking out Nathan with one punch, really?).
9. Tries to kill plot device father, but pusses out. Doesn't matter since Sybrows was there to finish the deal.
10. Is compelled to try and kill Nathan and destroy the formula because regular people fly to work in a non-existent future. OMG TEH HORROR!
11. Destroy the formula save one dose, specifically, which he uses to regain his empathic powers in full hypocritical glory.
12. Regains powers to "save Nathan" from the fire despite the fact that his bro can fly on his own, thank you very much.
13. The two brothers now hate each other because the script says they have to, and Peter goes off into the night to regain all the powers he once had in while trying to live his old life. Y'know, a direct rip of season one's storylines... Back to square one.
Nathan
1. Is going to reveal superhero existences to the public.
2. Is shot instead. Magically survives.
3. Finds religion and converses with Maury's ghost Linderman. THIS WILL HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING FOR THE REST OF THE SEASON.
4. Becomes a Senator. The title appears to be ceremonial since he never has to do anything, anything in Washington besides have sex with another Ali Larter character.
5. Storyline stalls as he works out his family history/competing plots for world domination.
6. Sides with mother.
7. Goes to Haiti, has some nonsense epiphany, switches allegiances. Wants to give the world superpowers.
8. Has his plans ruined by his own brother/employees. Forgets he has powers himself (seriously, just fly Knox out of the frickin' window for pete's sake...)
9. Is super pissed over losing his well-laid plans of over five hours. At this point all character development since the middle of season one is out the window. His redemption was the driving point of season one's endgame, and now it's all for naught. Fantastic.
10. Becomes spiteful villain. Reveals superhero existence to government and sets up covert task force to wipe them all out. Because they're dangerous you see? Never mind that fifteen minutes ago he was all for giving everyone powers.
11. Careful viewers will note that this is now the exact same storyline as SEASON ONE'S dystopian future (minus puppet master Sylar). Back to square one.
Hiro
1. Sets season three in motion by being a spoiled little brat with too much time on his hands.
2. Loses the formula to speedster chick. Inept globetrotting chase ensues.
3. Goes to the future, sees Tokyo destroyed, Future Ando fries Future Hiro. Why would the friendship end that way? Who knows, it has no payoff and HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING THAT HAPPENS THE REST OF THE SEASON.
4. Goes to Africa because he refuses to time travel ever again. Except not really. More inept shenanigans ensue.
5. Arthur magically tracks him down, doesn't steal his powers, but instead reverts his memory to a childlike state. THIS MAKES NO SENSE.
6. Has to restore memory with help from Issac's old comic book because the writers were at a loss with how to resolve the storyline otherwise.
7. Goes back in time to intercept missing formula component, the catalyst. Should've just gone back in time to tell his past self to never open the stupid safe in the first place...
8. Meets up with dying mom (his Chuck Cunningham sister nowhere to be found) and takes the catalyst. Arthur magically tracks him down again, takes catalyst and superpowers. Epic fail.
9. Gets stuck in past, could just live his life to catch back up with the present, but Daphne expedites things with her Ando-powered Superman homage (writers, seriously, stop pretending that there's real science to be found in this show. You're just embarrassing yourselves).
10. Rips up formula once and for all/hopes villains don't have access to fabled scotch tape technology.
11. Still has no powers, but he never really used them all that well anyway. Will probably remain an immature screw-up. Right back to where he started in season one.
Sybrows
1. Has his powers back. Ready to be crazy serial killer again.
2. Or is he?
3. Nah, still a villain.
4. Or is he?
5. Maybe not.
6. Really?
7. *Shrugs*
8. Oh look, he's a villain again.
9. Nope, back to being misunderstood.
10. Something about manipulation.
11. Manipulation.
12. Manipulation.
13. Manipulation.
14. Oh, back to the villain again.
15. Or is he?
16. More manipulation.
17. Maybe a good guy, but probably not.
18. Definitely not.
19. Or isn't he?
19. Nope, holding steady on villain this time. 99% sure.
20. Darn it.
21. Anti-manipulation.
22. Villain. Villain. Villain. Villain. Villain. Good to have the psychopath back, and he's got motivation too. Sure, we've gone through two seasons for nothing, but classic Sylar is better than anything else the show has going for it.
23. He died. Of course. (Even though he'll be back. Sure the writers covered their bases, but if HRG + magic blood or Future Peter/Claire surviving nuclear incineration are any indication, death means less in Heroes than in any other tv show ever).
You can play this game with any character, and with the possible exception of Claire, every one of them arrives at the same conclusion. We're one and a half seasons removed from season one, and yet we're right back where we started. And while for some that might be great news, I'm left wondering what was the point of it all. What did I get for watching it all?
Meet the new Heroes, same as the old Heroes...what a compelling character drama! "