Post by Curtis D. Kanyon on Jun 3, 2010 21:18:18 GMT -6
*We open in on a video of an arena full of people, being filmed from the rafters. The camera slowly pans across the arena as a narrator starts in.*
Narrator: Bears play dead when they seem him walking in the woods.
He ordered a Burrito Supreme at Jack in the Box, and got one.
When the waiter brings him a "hot plate," he grabs it anyway.
He has never packed his tights, though accused of it many times.
If a monument was built in his honor, the Washington Monument would buy a sports car to overcompensate.
His organ donor card also includes his wig.
For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For him, each testicle is larger than the other one.
He is the most interesting man in NCW.
*The scene cuts to DDK sitting at a table. His entourage around him.*
DDK: I don't always kick ass...but when I do, I prefer them to be smarmy bitches like JFK.
*DDK drinks a beer. The scene starts to fade.*
DDK: WAIT!
*The scene brightens back up.*
DDK: That's it? That's not it! I'm not going to spout a few facts and then fade out. I need to spew some crap about JFK. Because I have a lot of fans now. I mean, way more people are voting for me to win this time around. It's amazing.
Obsidian: I know, it's wild! Who could like you?
DDK: Shush. Listen JFK. You look at the monitor and you listen close. I don't like you. You make me sick. It's not just the gerbil on your face and the unkempt hair. Your aura, the way you walk, the way you talk. Everything about you makes me hate you. You happy Joe? I said "Hate!" JFK, I didn't make the match, I didn't make the rules. You want my sack? Really? You want Chris to offer you my sack? You want Leo to hand you my sack? Well I don't make the rules buddy boy! I did once, it was tough. And of course, I only have one title shot sack. Why wouldn't I? What are you drunk?
*GQ leans over and whispers in DDK's ear.*
DDK: Oh, I never made that connection. Damn, you sick bastard. I hate you more now. What's wrong with you?
Obsidian: You double entendre all the time!
DDK: No I don't.
Obsidian: You just did it a few minutes ago, talking about Leo handling your sack.
DDK: I didn't mean it like that. That's ****ing gross dude. But back to JFK. James ****ing Klingons. Now that's gross. That's what it stands for though right? You see Mr. President, I use my shot the way I see fit, against who I see fit. You'd use it on the world champ all willy nilly. Because you a foo. It's about the moment. It's about the time, the day, the who, the where. It's all about carpe diem! It may be the world champ. It may be one of your boys. But you James, obviously they didn't give you a chance at the sack because you don't deserve it. You're not "the next big thing." You're not "the guy." I am. I'm blowing things up. My alter ego was a great tag team wrestler, I'm a better singles wrestler. You'll find that out when you feel the bang. You'll find that out when you're broken in half!
*DDK flips the table angrily.*
DDK: YOU'LL FIND THAT OUT WHEN YOU'RE LYING ON YOUR ASS LOOKING AT THE LIGHTS!
*DDK charges the camera man and delivers the bang. The camera goes flying, but DDK catches it and puts his face right up into the viewer.*
DDK: And when it's over...you'll be complaining to Chris and Leo...about why they let you in the ring...with a beast like me.
*DDK tosses the camera and the scene cuts to fuzz.*
Narrator: Bears play dead when they seem him walking in the woods.
He ordered a Burrito Supreme at Jack in the Box, and got one.
When the waiter brings him a "hot plate," he grabs it anyway.
He has never packed his tights, though accused of it many times.
If a monument was built in his honor, the Washington Monument would buy a sports car to overcompensate.
His organ donor card also includes his wig.
For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For him, each testicle is larger than the other one.
He is the most interesting man in NCW.
*The scene cuts to DDK sitting at a table. His entourage around him.*
DDK: I don't always kick ass...but when I do, I prefer them to be smarmy bitches like JFK.
*DDK drinks a beer. The scene starts to fade.*
DDK: WAIT!
*The scene brightens back up.*
DDK: That's it? That's not it! I'm not going to spout a few facts and then fade out. I need to spew some crap about JFK. Because I have a lot of fans now. I mean, way more people are voting for me to win this time around. It's amazing.
Obsidian: I know, it's wild! Who could like you?
DDK: Shush. Listen JFK. You look at the monitor and you listen close. I don't like you. You make me sick. It's not just the gerbil on your face and the unkempt hair. Your aura, the way you walk, the way you talk. Everything about you makes me hate you. You happy Joe? I said "Hate!" JFK, I didn't make the match, I didn't make the rules. You want my sack? Really? You want Chris to offer you my sack? You want Leo to hand you my sack? Well I don't make the rules buddy boy! I did once, it was tough. And of course, I only have one title shot sack. Why wouldn't I? What are you drunk?
*GQ leans over and whispers in DDK's ear.*
DDK: Oh, I never made that connection. Damn, you sick bastard. I hate you more now. What's wrong with you?
Obsidian: You double entendre all the time!
DDK: No I don't.
Obsidian: You just did it a few minutes ago, talking about Leo handling your sack.
DDK: I didn't mean it like that. That's ****ing gross dude. But back to JFK. James ****ing Klingons. Now that's gross. That's what it stands for though right? You see Mr. President, I use my shot the way I see fit, against who I see fit. You'd use it on the world champ all willy nilly. Because you a foo. It's about the moment. It's about the time, the day, the who, the where. It's all about carpe diem! It may be the world champ. It may be one of your boys. But you James, obviously they didn't give you a chance at the sack because you don't deserve it. You're not "the next big thing." You're not "the guy." I am. I'm blowing things up. My alter ego was a great tag team wrestler, I'm a better singles wrestler. You'll find that out when you feel the bang. You'll find that out when you're broken in half!
*DDK flips the table angrily.*
DDK: YOU'LL FIND THAT OUT WHEN YOU'RE LYING ON YOUR ASS LOOKING AT THE LIGHTS!
*DDK charges the camera man and delivers the bang. The camera goes flying, but DDK catches it and puts his face right up into the viewer.*
DDK: And when it's over...you'll be complaining to Chris and Leo...about why they let you in the ring...with a beast like me.
*DDK tosses the camera and the scene cuts to fuzz.*