Post by Curtis D. Kanyon on Aug 28, 2011 2:01:15 GMT -6
*We open in on DDK looking directly into the camera.*
DDK: Is that how it is now Seth? Huh? Mr. Talks-a-lot. Did you talk so damn much you talked through my last promo and didn't even listen to what I had to say? Too busy seeing some quack to get into my head to just notice I said you, Alex, and gay in the same sentence to not realize I said I wouldn't do gay jokes about you. I tried to be respectful, I tried to put you on blast for something else and not go "the usual route" everyone goes when they talk about two guys who travel the road together. Trust me, I've heard it all, and I've dished it out, but I tried to not do that with you Seth. But still, there you are, running your mouth, putting me on blast as if I did. So you know what, if you're going to convict me for something I didn't do, then I guess now it's double jeopardy! You can't blast me for doing something I've already served sentence for, so here goes...
*The camera pulls back to reveal DDK on a stage with a spot light on him. Behind him is a brick wall, and in front of him, a microphone. Almost like one of those generic stand up sets from the 80's.*
DDK: Seth Evan's and Alex Jones are so gay together...
Crowd: How gay are they!
DDK: They're so gay, that when they eat at Olive Garden, and the waiter asks them if they want their salad tossed, Seth says, "don't worry, we did that twice already." When they first heard the Aristocrats joke, Alex said, "is that it? We'll give you something better right now," and proceeded to do unspeakable things to Seth. The only brass ring Seth and Alex reach for has got anal beads attached to it. Seth Evans has gone down on his knees more times than Bates has been shot down by women. Seth Evans has blown more dudes away than hurricane Katrina! Seth Evans has played catcher more times than Yogi Berra! Seth Evan's has smoked more pole than Farmer John! Seth Evans...well, he's just plain gay.
*The crowd applauds.*
DDK: Thank you, thank you. So there you go Seth, you asked for it, you got it. And you know, while I'm here, I might as well touch on Jackhammer, but not in the Seth Evans way. You see, Jack is so dumb...
Crowd: How dumb is he?
DDK: Jackhammer is so dumb, he think's Planet of the Apes really happened. Jackhammer is so dumb, rocks feel insulted when you say he's as dumb as rocks. Jackhammer is so dumb, he heard it was chili outside, so he ran and grabbed a bowl. Jackhammer is so damn dumb, his IQ is lower than Bates chances of hooking up with a lady. Jackhammer is soooo dumb, he didn't get any of the Seth Evans jokes from earlier!
*The crowd applauds.*
DDK: Now Jack, I know you didn't really say anything to instigate that tirade, but you had to hear that from somebody man. You need that limitless pill or something, just to catch up. Now, I can go on and on about questioning Seth's manhood and Jack's lack of brains, but that doesn't do the message justice. The best way to deliver my true message is in the ring. And that's the message that I am your better, and I deserve better things than the both of you.
*DDK pulls the microphone out of the stand and starts pacing back and forth.*
DDK: Because let me tell you guys. And Seth, please shut up for one second and actually listen to this part. I realize you guys are talented. I realize you guys wouldn't even be in the NCW if you didn't have a speck of athleticism. It's not about that. It's not about me saying, "you are beneath me because you completely suck and I am a thousand times more amazing than you." Because, well, you are beneath me...and I am more amazing than you, but you don't completely suck. You're just not on my level. And that's fine. Please come out and shine on like the diamonds you can be, but there can only be one Dallas sized diamond. And that's me. Whether Jack want's to claim he requested this match or not, I am gracing the both of you with enjoying a bit of my spotlight. Take it, make the most of it, then bow out when I make you. You may just survive. You may not survive. That's up to destiny. I'm just here to kick ass and get paid. I'm just here to prove I belong on this fabled mountain that Seth made up. I will rule again. Oh yes, I will rule again. And the two of you, you have a sliver in hope of winning, and then you have small chance of surviving, but niether of you will avoid feeling...the BANG!
*DDK holds out his arm, then drops the mic and it makes a loud thud. He then walks off stage. The scene fades.*
DDK: Is that how it is now Seth? Huh? Mr. Talks-a-lot. Did you talk so damn much you talked through my last promo and didn't even listen to what I had to say? Too busy seeing some quack to get into my head to just notice I said you, Alex, and gay in the same sentence to not realize I said I wouldn't do gay jokes about you. I tried to be respectful, I tried to put you on blast for something else and not go "the usual route" everyone goes when they talk about two guys who travel the road together. Trust me, I've heard it all, and I've dished it out, but I tried to not do that with you Seth. But still, there you are, running your mouth, putting me on blast as if I did. So you know what, if you're going to convict me for something I didn't do, then I guess now it's double jeopardy! You can't blast me for doing something I've already served sentence for, so here goes...
*The camera pulls back to reveal DDK on a stage with a spot light on him. Behind him is a brick wall, and in front of him, a microphone. Almost like one of those generic stand up sets from the 80's.*
DDK: Seth Evan's and Alex Jones are so gay together...
Crowd: How gay are they!
DDK: They're so gay, that when they eat at Olive Garden, and the waiter asks them if they want their salad tossed, Seth says, "don't worry, we did that twice already." When they first heard the Aristocrats joke, Alex said, "is that it? We'll give you something better right now," and proceeded to do unspeakable things to Seth. The only brass ring Seth and Alex reach for has got anal beads attached to it. Seth Evans has gone down on his knees more times than Bates has been shot down by women. Seth Evans has blown more dudes away than hurricane Katrina! Seth Evans has played catcher more times than Yogi Berra! Seth Evan's has smoked more pole than Farmer John! Seth Evans...well, he's just plain gay.
*The crowd applauds.*
DDK: Thank you, thank you. So there you go Seth, you asked for it, you got it. And you know, while I'm here, I might as well touch on Jackhammer, but not in the Seth Evans way. You see, Jack is so dumb...
Crowd: How dumb is he?
DDK: Jackhammer is so dumb, he think's Planet of the Apes really happened. Jackhammer is so dumb, rocks feel insulted when you say he's as dumb as rocks. Jackhammer is so dumb, he heard it was chili outside, so he ran and grabbed a bowl. Jackhammer is so damn dumb, his IQ is lower than Bates chances of hooking up with a lady. Jackhammer is soooo dumb, he didn't get any of the Seth Evans jokes from earlier!
*The crowd applauds.*
DDK: Now Jack, I know you didn't really say anything to instigate that tirade, but you had to hear that from somebody man. You need that limitless pill or something, just to catch up. Now, I can go on and on about questioning Seth's manhood and Jack's lack of brains, but that doesn't do the message justice. The best way to deliver my true message is in the ring. And that's the message that I am your better, and I deserve better things than the both of you.
*DDK pulls the microphone out of the stand and starts pacing back and forth.*
DDK: Because let me tell you guys. And Seth, please shut up for one second and actually listen to this part. I realize you guys are talented. I realize you guys wouldn't even be in the NCW if you didn't have a speck of athleticism. It's not about that. It's not about me saying, "you are beneath me because you completely suck and I am a thousand times more amazing than you." Because, well, you are beneath me...and I am more amazing than you, but you don't completely suck. You're just not on my level. And that's fine. Please come out and shine on like the diamonds you can be, but there can only be one Dallas sized diamond. And that's me. Whether Jack want's to claim he requested this match or not, I am gracing the both of you with enjoying a bit of my spotlight. Take it, make the most of it, then bow out when I make you. You may just survive. You may not survive. That's up to destiny. I'm just here to kick ass and get paid. I'm just here to prove I belong on this fabled mountain that Seth made up. I will rule again. Oh yes, I will rule again. And the two of you, you have a sliver in hope of winning, and then you have small chance of surviving, but niether of you will avoid feeling...the BANG!
*DDK holds out his arm, then drops the mic and it makes a loud thud. He then walks off stage. The scene fades.*