Post by The Brothers Holland on Jun 14, 2008 19:57:38 GMT -6
*We start this promo in Dave Holland's study. Dave Holland is leaning on his desk. There's a TV to the side of him hinting at what's to come. Dave addresses the camera*
Dave: Good evening. I know what some people are thinking. It's mid-week. Well.. it's the end of the week.. whatever. The fact remains though that I haven't been especialyl vocal recently. The last two weeks I've not had a match and before that I wasn't showing my face that much outside of collision anyways. But I did once. Against Trent Helms. I went away and I made a spoof film. He completely missed the point but I'm here to reiterate the point because I myself learned something from that whole experience. I've been watching Spike and Jack training with their team mates. I can see they're serious and I don't blame them. They have to be. As much as they talk about us not being a real threat the fact remains that the biggest name in Tag history is the name The Brothers Holland. You fail to take us seriously and you pay for it. Before I announce what manner of entertainment I have for the audiences at home tonight, I want to make this clear. Milo and I understand that this fact runs both ways. The team of Spike Kane and Jack Manson has bene one that personally, I've wanted to see for a very long time. That's a team I can see going on to great things. But as such with all teams of great standing, there is one trial they must surpass before taking a place of great honour. They must overcome The Brothers Holland... the greatest trial in tag team competition.
*Milo walks in from the side and just takes a seat on a sofa in the rear of the frame*
Dave: I know Milo's only been back a short while but when you think about it.. he wasn't gone for that long. Two.. three months? We'll be back in shape in no time and no one will even realise we've missed a step. But that's enough competitive talk. Because I have to say one more thing before we get to our feature presentation. My stalker. I still don't know who you are... but I know you're coming. I know what you want and I know what you'll do to get it. Jack and Spike deserve an honest victory if they should be good enough to garner one from myself and Milo... if you interrupt that you will be the focus of all my attentions and all the attentions of Milo. Something no one has survived. Ask Jack.. he withstood a minor beating on our part... we did slightly pull our punches out of pity...
*Dave looks over his shoulder at Milo, then returns to the camera*
Dave: Well.. I did. I still ask.. you want me? You can have me. But let the match go by first. It's your call.. but if you call it wrong I'd hate to be in your shoes. Now then... to our feature presentation. You see.. a few weeks ago, as I said, when I faced Trent Helms.. I spent the week making 'Helms Attacks: Idetrentence Day'. And I had the most fun I've had in years... literally years. So much so.. I've decided to revisit that week. This week... I give you our latest movie...
Milo: Hold it... I want popcorn.
*Dave sighs as Milo goes off to grab some popcorn. A few minutes later he returns to his seat in the background.*
Dave: Right.. as I was saying...
Milo: Can't see the screen.
*Dave sighs again.*
Dave: You guys want to come round here for the zoom in.
*Dave motions to the cameraman to bring the camera round to the other side as he turns the TV round so Milo can see. Behind the TV we can now see the sound screw and lights and other set equipment used in any set. Dave resumes from where he left off.*
Dave: Happy?
Milo: Start the film.
Dave: Right.. as I was saying.. Holland Media Studios presents.. Lords of the Wrestling Ring.
*The camera starts to zoom in on the camera.*
Milo: Down in front.
*The feed cuts aside to the actual film itself.*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"The world is changed. The strong are now weak... the weak have become strong. And in times such as these the great houses of men, elves and dwarfs... they will all seek the help of the lesser peoples."
"The evil that once was has returned to the lands of Middle Earth... and he cannot be defeated by the might of the great."
"And so it falls... on the very least to save the world."
Dave Holland
*The scene shifts to that of New Zealand... no wait it's Middle earth!! It floats over forests drenched in mist. Fast approaching some mountains in the distance.*
*As we get closer the sounds of combat can be heard from within. As we speed past we see a small group of Dwarfs battling against some Goblins. Among them is a man in a long grey robe wielding a huge blue glowing sword.*
*The camera continues past this combat down dark tunnels until we come to a small creature. A Hobbit in fact. He falls to the floor as he flees from the battle behind. His hand hits upon something.*
Terry Tate
*He picks it up and looks at it. It's a ring.. a tiny scale model of a wrestling ring. There's a scream from off in the distance and he places it in his pocket*
Seth Green
*He turns and runs from the scream, back to the battle the Dwarfs are going through, his companions.*
Patrick Stewart
*The camera fades to complete black.*
*The camera changes to the view of a big green field.*
*We see Seth Green charging through the fields. He looks behind him occasionally as he charges forward. He soon reaches the small village of Hobbiton. A farming community is in full flow, farmers leading ponies pulling wagons laid with crops.. you know, that kind of thing.*
Jason Mewes
Kevin Smith
*He continues to charge through town until he reaches his own hobbit hole. He jumps inside and slams the door closed. He leans against it, huffing and puffing with breathlessness from the run. His face has a small smile on it.*
*A moment or two later he starts sniffing the air. He ventures inside to discover the source of whatever it is he can smell. It's a fragrance he seems to recognise and soon after he recognises the source*
Hugo Weaving
How the hell did you guys beat me back?
*The camera switches round to show Jay and Silent Bob sat in front of the fireplace with weed pipes billowing smoke into the whole place.*
What? You should know better than to race us to weed, man.
*Silent Bob nods.*
*Sethdo looks really pissed.*
You leave any for me?
Man, come on. You know we wouldn't leave you hanging.
*Silent Bob produces an envelope. He hands it to Seth.*
With Ving Rhames as Boromir
I always loved you guys.
We know.
*They go back to their pipes. Seth goes to open the envelope but suddenly there's a violent knock at the door. Seth turns to it with a look of slight confusion and fear. He slowly approaches the door.*
*He opens the door and standing there is Patrick Stewart dressed as Gandalf the Grey.*
Gandalf!
Frodo... it is important I speak with you.
Why?
Because we're trying to save time in this film and decided I'm just going to explain what's going on rather than have you and your stoner friends stumble about in the dark.
Oh.. ok.
Special Guest Star Robin Williams as Gollum
Do you remember Bilbo's envelope he left for you.
Yeah... it's...
*Picard the Grey steals the envelope in Sethdo's hands.*
I'm not certain yet, but all will be revealed.
*He tosses the envelope onto the fireplace.*
and Introducing a group of Jack Manson look-alikes as The Nazgul
No way man!
Relax.. it's perfectly safe.
Yeah.. but old dude, that was the best weed in, like, the whole south farthing man!
What?
*A smoke starts to extend from the fire and Picard the Grey gets a waft of it up his nostrils. His face gains a huge smile.*
Oh... I see...
*Sethdo takes the envelope on the mantlepiece and hands it to Picard.*
This was Bilbo's envelope.
Ah! For the sake of the future.. of all mankind...
And elfkind.
Mankind and Elfkind...
Don't forget the Dwarfs
Mankind, Elfkind and Dwarfkind...
*Silent Merry pats his chest, signifying Hobbitkind.*
Oh for the love of... For the sake of the future, of all mankind, elfkind, dwarfkind and hobbitkind...
Hey, man.. what about the Orcs?
Oh **** the orcs!
.. We can do that? Where're the chick-orcs?
*Silent Merry shrugs his shoulders to Jaypin. Picard the Grey shakes his head in despair.*
You know what? To hell with it. Elrond can explain. Just take this to Rivendell.
Rivendell?
Yes, it's an elven colony a long way from here but doubtless not half as far as you'll have to go in the long run.
What?
Nothing. Now you will take, naturally the straightest and most dangerous road to Rivendell but I'll catch up with you at Bree.. and if I don't then I assume my friend will.
What friend?
I cannot say.. I have many friends. But you will need a trusty companion on this journey.
We'll go.. I hear Elf chicks are easy.
Very well... maybe you'll die on the road.. rid me of your stupidity.
Hey man, not cool.
But you'll need someone who can defend you should need arise.
*Picard the Grey goes to the window. He suddenly slams his staff into the ground outside the window. We hear an angry shout.*
??: What the hell?
*Picard grabs whoever it is and throws him into the room. Mr T-wise Gamgee stands up and dusts himself off.*
What the hell foo!?
Perfect. You will go to Rivendell with your master.
I ain't got no master Foo! And I ain't going to no Rivendell neither!
Fine... then the elves there will just have to keep on not reading and not drinking their milk.
Hell no! Them suckas gonna pay!
Excellent.. well off you all go.. no time like the present.
Hang on a second.. protect me? What from?
Oh nothing, I'm sure. Except maybe ghosts of long dead kings enslaved by the power of the dark lord Sauron whose entire will is bent on recovering the contents of this envelope.
Oh... is that all.
I said maybe... it probably won't happen.
*The camera cuts to a few days later. Sethdo, Jaypin, Silent Merry and T-wise are all legging it through a forest towards a river. Behind them is a large cloaked figure on a black horse. He swings a wooden 2x4 round his head, wrapped in barbed wire. He swings it at Sethdo who had luckily tripped and avoided the blow. The other three have now reached the ferry and are proceeding to untie it.*
What about Sethdo?
Screw him... let's get the **** out of here!
Wait!!!
*Seth makes a huge jump onto the ferry that's barely more than a raft. The black rider pulls up and rears his horse at the shore, despite the fact he could easily make the jump. Jaypin starts laughing at him until the rider throws a stone at him hitting him square in the head.*
Ow... son of a bitch!
*Silent Merry is laughing silently at Jaypin who slaps him to tell him to cut it out.*
Where's this thing go to anyways?
*The camera cuts away now to the village of Bree. Well, not so much the village just the sign over the main gate. It cuts again to the Prancing Pony Inn. The hobbits all rush inside out of the rain. The place is empty except for the four of them, the barman and another character keeping to the shadows at the side.*
Hi.
Hey.
Not you, I was talking to the barman.
Why?
... To find out if Gandalf's here.
Gandalf? You boys looking for Gandalf?
Depends who's asking?
Well.. put simply I'm your only hope of getting to Rivendell.
Who the hell's this foo?!
My name is Davagorn, son of Davathorn. Gandalf sent me word to meet you boys here and take you the rest of the way to Rivendell.
Hey.. grizzly dude.. isn't this bit supposed to have some dancing, singing and him putting on the ring to turn invisible and ****?
Yeah, but frankly it's better if we speed through the fellowship stuff. Helm's Deeps where the real fun happens, everyone knows that. This is just easier.
*There's a mass of agreement from the group.*
Right then.. shall we go? I've got a match to get to.
A match?
Just wait a second, you'll see.
*A second later and the scene wipes to Amon Sul, otherwise known as Weathertop. It's not so much a ruined fortress in this film but a ruined arena. The wrestling ring is still intact and we join the scene with Dave facing off against four Nazgul, still with their cloaks over their heads. He's fending them off with great skill but he doesn't notice that two have broken off and started to approach Sethdo who's at the side for no real reason.
Sethdo in a panic places the small replica wrestling ring onto his finger. It's also a novelty ring (the wearing kind). He disappears from view temporarily as we switch to the shadow-world view. The one nazgul now looks like Spike Kane while the other looks like Jack Manson, as do the two others that Dave is contending with.
Spike reaches out at Sethdo with his hand. Sethdo struggles to withdraw the ring from him but finally does so. Spike retaliates with a huge stomp in the crotch. Sethdo screams in agony, so loud even Davagorn hears it in the regular world.*
Take off the damn ring you fool!
*Dave plants his foot in the face of one Jackwraith. He screams and runs away as Davagorn does the same to the second one. Sethdo removes the ring just in time to see Davagorn take a Jackwraith barb wire 2x4 and send the third Jackwraith on his way before throwing it as hard as he can at the gap in the Spikeking's cloak. it sticks in what would be his face I guess as the ring is abandoned by them all. Davagorn lifts up Sethdo and carries him off shot.
The camera whites out momentarily before returning us to a shot of Sethdo in a bed in Rivendell.*
Well.. you gave us quite a scare young master Baggins.
Gandalf? What the? Where are we?
Rivendell. We're here to attend the council of Elrond and decide just what to do with that ring. I hear you got in a fight at Weathertop.
It was horrible... He.. he stamped on my crotch Gandalf... he... the pain.. I don't think it will ever heal.
Probably not. Still.. at least Davagorn was there to bail you out.
yeah.. hey.. wait a second where the **** were you?
Me? I was in the greatest WWF match ever!
WWF???
Wizard Wrestling Federation... why what did you think I meant?
Nothing.. forget it.
Anyways.. turns out, Saruman's a bad person who doesn't understand why his life sucks. So then.. shall we go?
*Picard helps Sethdo out of bed as the camera looks out the window to the arriving guests. We see a large Black man ride in on a horse, dressed in the garb of Gondor... a group of dwarfs, one of which is the central focus and bears a remarkable likeness to Milo Holland... and a collective of elves, the main focus of which is a black guy that seems to be wearing football pads under his clothes. Moments later we're at the council of Elrond.*
So we've come together to decide what must be done. A great shadow has returned to the land and we must face it head on.
*The big black gondorian stands up*
And it's about damn time! We've been protecting your asses from Mordor for centuries.. now's the time for the big push. Drive that asshole from the face of the middle earth!
*Picard stands up*
It's not that simple, Boroving. Sauron cannot be defeated by strength of arms alone. We must use subtlety and the key to his defeat has finally been brought to the light. Bring out the ring, Sethdo.
*Sethdo steps into the centre of the circle and places the ring on the tree trunk there. A commotion arises among the crowd.*
That's the key? Then all we need do is march up to him with it and bust the damn lock wide open, right?
It doesn't work that way. No one can use it but Sauron. Anyone else just gets bent to his will... look at the Jackwraiths and the Spikeking.
What about him? He used it and he's fine.
I got stamped in the crotch!
None can use it. That's how it must be.
And who the hell are you to give me orders, huh?!
That's Mr Davagorn sucka! That's right bitch, he's your *** damn king. So show some damn respect before the pain train pays you a visit.. woo!
Cool it Terrylas.
So.. you're my king huh? Gondor has no king. Gondor needs no king.
*Boroving sits his ass back down as do everyone else who has stood up now the situation has diffused.*
No, there's only one thing to be done. The ring must be destroyed.
Right... job's a good'un then.
*Gimilo stands up and slams his axe down hard on the ring. A dark power emenates from the ring and seems to overpower the dwarf. A moment later he's on his ass stunned while the ring remains unharmed.*
You don't think we tried that? I've got twenty elves unconcious because of that damn thing. No, it must be dropped into the fires of mount doom in the realm of Mordor. Then we're all laughing.
Right.. so.. plan B?
There isn't one.
Take it to Gondor and use it to defeat him ourselves.
Listen.. I told you that won't work!
How do you know? Y'know what I'm sick of your bull****. I'm about ready to slap your ass down.
You'll have to get through me first!
*A big fight erupts. Everyone at the council gets involved except for Sethdo and Elrond.*
You'll take it right?
Me? Why me?
You really want one of these retards to take it?
Fair point.
Great. I'll get the water buckets to break them up.
*The screen fades to black before we hear the sound of water being thrown on the crowd and moans and complaints from each of them.*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ok... there is more to come but I'm so damn tired I can't do it tonight. I'll probably do the same as I did with the last one and finish it off tomorrow.. might even take me some of monday or tuesday too.... I'm sorry, Jack and Spike, that this is how it's played out. To be fair you guys kicked my ass with your rp's anyways, even if I had finished this in one sitting. Keep up the good work.
Dave: Good evening. I know what some people are thinking. It's mid-week. Well.. it's the end of the week.. whatever. The fact remains though that I haven't been especialyl vocal recently. The last two weeks I've not had a match and before that I wasn't showing my face that much outside of collision anyways. But I did once. Against Trent Helms. I went away and I made a spoof film. He completely missed the point but I'm here to reiterate the point because I myself learned something from that whole experience. I've been watching Spike and Jack training with their team mates. I can see they're serious and I don't blame them. They have to be. As much as they talk about us not being a real threat the fact remains that the biggest name in Tag history is the name The Brothers Holland. You fail to take us seriously and you pay for it. Before I announce what manner of entertainment I have for the audiences at home tonight, I want to make this clear. Milo and I understand that this fact runs both ways. The team of Spike Kane and Jack Manson has bene one that personally, I've wanted to see for a very long time. That's a team I can see going on to great things. But as such with all teams of great standing, there is one trial they must surpass before taking a place of great honour. They must overcome The Brothers Holland... the greatest trial in tag team competition.
*Milo walks in from the side and just takes a seat on a sofa in the rear of the frame*
Dave: I know Milo's only been back a short while but when you think about it.. he wasn't gone for that long. Two.. three months? We'll be back in shape in no time and no one will even realise we've missed a step. But that's enough competitive talk. Because I have to say one more thing before we get to our feature presentation. My stalker. I still don't know who you are... but I know you're coming. I know what you want and I know what you'll do to get it. Jack and Spike deserve an honest victory if they should be good enough to garner one from myself and Milo... if you interrupt that you will be the focus of all my attentions and all the attentions of Milo. Something no one has survived. Ask Jack.. he withstood a minor beating on our part... we did slightly pull our punches out of pity...
*Dave looks over his shoulder at Milo, then returns to the camera*
Dave: Well.. I did. I still ask.. you want me? You can have me. But let the match go by first. It's your call.. but if you call it wrong I'd hate to be in your shoes. Now then... to our feature presentation. You see.. a few weeks ago, as I said, when I faced Trent Helms.. I spent the week making 'Helms Attacks: Idetrentence Day'. And I had the most fun I've had in years... literally years. So much so.. I've decided to revisit that week. This week... I give you our latest movie...
Milo: Hold it... I want popcorn.
*Dave sighs as Milo goes off to grab some popcorn. A few minutes later he returns to his seat in the background.*
Dave: Right.. as I was saying...
Milo: Can't see the screen.
*Dave sighs again.*
Dave: You guys want to come round here for the zoom in.
*Dave motions to the cameraman to bring the camera round to the other side as he turns the TV round so Milo can see. Behind the TV we can now see the sound screw and lights and other set equipment used in any set. Dave resumes from where he left off.*
Dave: Happy?
Milo: Start the film.
Dave: Right.. as I was saying.. Holland Media Studios presents.. Lords of the Wrestling Ring.
*The camera starts to zoom in on the camera.*
Milo: Down in front.
*The feed cuts aside to the actual film itself.*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Holland Media Studios / Wingnut Production
"The world is changed. The strong are now weak... the weak have become strong. And in times such as these the great houses of men, elves and dwarfs... they will all seek the help of the lesser peoples."
In association with New Line Cinema
"The evil that once was has returned to the lands of Middle Earth... and he cannot be defeated by the might of the great."
A Peter Jackson Film
"And so it falls... on the very least to save the world."
Dave Holland
*The scene shifts to that of New Zealand... no wait it's Middle earth!! It floats over forests drenched in mist. Fast approaching some mountains in the distance.*
Melanie Holland-Black
*As we get closer the sounds of combat can be heard from within. As we speed past we see a small group of Dwarfs battling against some Goblins. Among them is a man in a long grey robe wielding a huge blue glowing sword.*
Milo Holland
*The camera continues past this combat down dark tunnels until we come to a small creature. A Hobbit in fact. He falls to the floor as he flees from the battle behind. His hand hits upon something.*
Terry Tate
*He picks it up and looks at it. It's a ring.. a tiny scale model of a wrestling ring. There's a scream from off in the distance and he places it in his pocket*
Seth Green
*He turns and runs from the scream, back to the battle the Dwarfs are going through, his companions.*
Patrick Stewart
*The camera fades to complete black.*
The Lord of the Wrestling Rings
*The camera changes to the view of a big green field.*
50 years later
*We see Seth Green charging through the fields. He looks behind him occasionally as he charges forward. He soon reaches the small village of Hobbiton. A farming community is in full flow, farmers leading ponies pulling wagons laid with crops.. you know, that kind of thing.*
Jason Mewes
Kevin Smith
*He continues to charge through town until he reaches his own hobbit hole. He jumps inside and slams the door closed. He leans against it, huffing and puffing with breathlessness from the run. His face has a small smile on it.*
Mr T
Augustus Cole
Augustus Cole
*A moment or two later he starts sniffing the air. He ventures inside to discover the source of whatever it is he can smell. It's a fragrance he seems to recognise and soon after he recognises the source*
Hugo Weaving
Brian Blessed
Jason Lee
How the hell did you guys beat me back?
*The camera switches round to show Jay and Silent Bob sat in front of the fireplace with weed pipes billowing smoke into the whole place.*
What? You should know better than to race us to weed, man.
*Silent Bob nods.*
Eddie Murphy
Ben Browder
Claudia Black*Sethdo looks really pissed.*
You leave any for me?
Man, come on. You know we wouldn't leave you hanging.
*Silent Bob produces an envelope. He hands it to Seth.*
With Ving Rhames as Boromir
I always loved you guys.
We know.
*They go back to their pipes. Seth goes to open the envelope but suddenly there's a violent knock at the door. Seth turns to it with a look of slight confusion and fear. He slowly approaches the door.*
and Robert Picardo as Denethor
*He opens the door and standing there is Patrick Stewart dressed as Gandalf the Grey.*
Gandalf!
Frodo... it is important I speak with you.
Why?
Because we're trying to save time in this film and decided I'm just going to explain what's going on rather than have you and your stoner friends stumble about in the dark.
Oh.. ok.
Special Guest Star Robin Williams as Gollum
Do you remember Bilbo's envelope he left for you.
Yeah... it's...
*Picard the Grey steals the envelope in Sethdo's hands.*
I'm not certain yet, but all will be revealed.
*He tosses the envelope onto the fireplace.*
and Introducing a group of Jack Manson look-alikes as The Nazgul
No way man!
Relax.. it's perfectly safe.
Yeah.. but old dude, that was the best weed in, like, the whole south farthing man!
What?
and a Spike Kane look-alike as The Witchking
*A smoke starts to extend from the fire and Picard the Grey gets a waft of it up his nostrils. His face gains a huge smile.*
Oh... I see...
*Sethdo takes the envelope on the mantlepiece and hands it to Picard.*
This was Bilbo's envelope.
Ah! For the sake of the future.. of all mankind...
And elfkind.
Mankind and Elfkind...
Don't forget the Dwarfs
Mankind, Elfkind and Dwarfkind...
*Silent Merry pats his chest, signifying Hobbitkind.*
Oh for the love of... For the sake of the future, of all mankind, elfkind, dwarfkind and hobbitkind...
Hey, man.. what about the Orcs?
Oh **** the orcs!
.. We can do that? Where're the chick-orcs?
*Silent Merry shrugs his shoulders to Jaypin. Picard the Grey shakes his head in despair.*
You know what? To hell with it. Elrond can explain. Just take this to Rivendell.
Rivendell?
Yes, it's an elven colony a long way from here but doubtless not half as far as you'll have to go in the long run.
What?
Nothing. Now you will take, naturally the straightest and most dangerous road to Rivendell but I'll catch up with you at Bree.. and if I don't then I assume my friend will.
What friend?
I cannot say.. I have many friends. But you will need a trusty companion on this journey.
We'll go.. I hear Elf chicks are easy.
Very well... maybe you'll die on the road.. rid me of your stupidity.
Hey man, not cool.
But you'll need someone who can defend you should need arise.
*Picard the Grey goes to the window. He suddenly slams his staff into the ground outside the window. We hear an angry shout.*
??: What the hell?
*Picard grabs whoever it is and throws him into the room. Mr T-wise Gamgee stands up and dusts himself off.*
What the hell foo!?
Perfect. You will go to Rivendell with your master.
I ain't got no master Foo! And I ain't going to no Rivendell neither!
Fine... then the elves there will just have to keep on not reading and not drinking their milk.
Hell no! Them suckas gonna pay!
Excellent.. well off you all go.. no time like the present.
Hang on a second.. protect me? What from?
Oh nothing, I'm sure. Except maybe ghosts of long dead kings enslaved by the power of the dark lord Sauron whose entire will is bent on recovering the contents of this envelope.
Oh... is that all.
I said maybe... it probably won't happen.
*The camera cuts to a few days later. Sethdo, Jaypin, Silent Merry and T-wise are all legging it through a forest towards a river. Behind them is a large cloaked figure on a black horse. He swings a wooden 2x4 round his head, wrapped in barbed wire. He swings it at Sethdo who had luckily tripped and avoided the blow. The other three have now reached the ferry and are proceeding to untie it.*
What about Sethdo?
Screw him... let's get the **** out of here!
Wait!!!
*Seth makes a huge jump onto the ferry that's barely more than a raft. The black rider pulls up and rears his horse at the shore, despite the fact he could easily make the jump. Jaypin starts laughing at him until the rider throws a stone at him hitting him square in the head.*
Ow... son of a bitch!
*Silent Merry is laughing silently at Jaypin who slaps him to tell him to cut it out.*
Where's this thing go to anyways?
*The camera cuts away now to the village of Bree. Well, not so much the village just the sign over the main gate. It cuts again to the Prancing Pony Inn. The hobbits all rush inside out of the rain. The place is empty except for the four of them, the barman and another character keeping to the shadows at the side.*
Hi.
Hey.
Not you, I was talking to the barman.
Why?
... To find out if Gandalf's here.
Gandalf? You boys looking for Gandalf?
Depends who's asking?
Well.. put simply I'm your only hope of getting to Rivendell.
Who the hell's this foo?!
My name is Davagorn, son of Davathorn. Gandalf sent me word to meet you boys here and take you the rest of the way to Rivendell.
Hey.. grizzly dude.. isn't this bit supposed to have some dancing, singing and him putting on the ring to turn invisible and ****?
Yeah, but frankly it's better if we speed through the fellowship stuff. Helm's Deeps where the real fun happens, everyone knows that. This is just easier.
*There's a mass of agreement from the group.*
Right then.. shall we go? I've got a match to get to.
A match?
Just wait a second, you'll see.
*A second later and the scene wipes to Amon Sul, otherwise known as Weathertop. It's not so much a ruined fortress in this film but a ruined arena. The wrestling ring is still intact and we join the scene with Dave facing off against four Nazgul, still with their cloaks over their heads. He's fending them off with great skill but he doesn't notice that two have broken off and started to approach Sethdo who's at the side for no real reason.
Sethdo in a panic places the small replica wrestling ring onto his finger. It's also a novelty ring (the wearing kind). He disappears from view temporarily as we switch to the shadow-world view. The one nazgul now looks like Spike Kane while the other looks like Jack Manson, as do the two others that Dave is contending with.
Spike reaches out at Sethdo with his hand. Sethdo struggles to withdraw the ring from him but finally does so. Spike retaliates with a huge stomp in the crotch. Sethdo screams in agony, so loud even Davagorn hears it in the regular world.*
Take off the damn ring you fool!
*Dave plants his foot in the face of one Jackwraith. He screams and runs away as Davagorn does the same to the second one. Sethdo removes the ring just in time to see Davagorn take a Jackwraith barb wire 2x4 and send the third Jackwraith on his way before throwing it as hard as he can at the gap in the Spikeking's cloak. it sticks in what would be his face I guess as the ring is abandoned by them all. Davagorn lifts up Sethdo and carries him off shot.
The camera whites out momentarily before returning us to a shot of Sethdo in a bed in Rivendell.*
Well.. you gave us quite a scare young master Baggins.
Gandalf? What the? Where are we?
Rivendell. We're here to attend the council of Elrond and decide just what to do with that ring. I hear you got in a fight at Weathertop.
It was horrible... He.. he stamped on my crotch Gandalf... he... the pain.. I don't think it will ever heal.
Probably not. Still.. at least Davagorn was there to bail you out.
yeah.. hey.. wait a second where the **** were you?
Me? I was in the greatest WWF match ever!
WWF???
Wizard Wrestling Federation... why what did you think I meant?
Nothing.. forget it.
Anyways.. turns out, Saruman's a bad person who doesn't understand why his life sucks. So then.. shall we go?
*Picard helps Sethdo out of bed as the camera looks out the window to the arriving guests. We see a large Black man ride in on a horse, dressed in the garb of Gondor... a group of dwarfs, one of which is the central focus and bears a remarkable likeness to Milo Holland... and a collective of elves, the main focus of which is a black guy that seems to be wearing football pads under his clothes. Moments later we're at the council of Elrond.*
So we've come together to decide what must be done. A great shadow has returned to the land and we must face it head on.
*The big black gondorian stands up*
And it's about damn time! We've been protecting your asses from Mordor for centuries.. now's the time for the big push. Drive that asshole from the face of the middle earth!
*Picard stands up*
It's not that simple, Boroving. Sauron cannot be defeated by strength of arms alone. We must use subtlety and the key to his defeat has finally been brought to the light. Bring out the ring, Sethdo.
*Sethdo steps into the centre of the circle and places the ring on the tree trunk there. A commotion arises among the crowd.*
That's the key? Then all we need do is march up to him with it and bust the damn lock wide open, right?
It doesn't work that way. No one can use it but Sauron. Anyone else just gets bent to his will... look at the Jackwraiths and the Spikeking.
What about him? He used it and he's fine.
I got stamped in the crotch!
None can use it. That's how it must be.
And who the hell are you to give me orders, huh?!
That's Mr Davagorn sucka! That's right bitch, he's your *** damn king. So show some damn respect before the pain train pays you a visit.. woo!
Cool it Terrylas.
So.. you're my king huh? Gondor has no king. Gondor needs no king.
*Boroving sits his ass back down as do everyone else who has stood up now the situation has diffused.*
No, there's only one thing to be done. The ring must be destroyed.
Right... job's a good'un then.
*Gimilo stands up and slams his axe down hard on the ring. A dark power emenates from the ring and seems to overpower the dwarf. A moment later he's on his ass stunned while the ring remains unharmed.*
You don't think we tried that? I've got twenty elves unconcious because of that damn thing. No, it must be dropped into the fires of mount doom in the realm of Mordor. Then we're all laughing.
Right.. so.. plan B?
There isn't one.
Take it to Gondor and use it to defeat him ourselves.
Listen.. I told you that won't work!
How do you know? Y'know what I'm sick of your bull****. I'm about ready to slap your ass down.
You'll have to get through me first!
*A big fight erupts. Everyone at the council gets involved except for Sethdo and Elrond.*
You'll take it right?
Me? Why me?
You really want one of these retards to take it?
Fair point.
Great. I'll get the water buckets to break them up.
*The screen fades to black before we hear the sound of water being thrown on the crowd and moans and complaints from each of them.*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ok... there is more to come but I'm so damn tired I can't do it tonight. I'll probably do the same as I did with the last one and finish it off tomorrow.. might even take me some of monday or tuesday too.... I'm sorry, Jack and Spike, that this is how it's played out. To be fair you guys kicked my ass with your rp's anyways, even if I had finished this in one sitting. Keep up the good work.