Post by Mike Honcho on Aug 23, 2008 9:01:20 GMT -6
The scene opens with Mike Honcho hitchhiking down a long and worn down road. He’s been walking for only a few minutes but already fells as if he has been walking for days in desert sun. He has removed his pants and placed them on his head and has his shirt tied around his waist to make a poor kilt. As people drive by they yell mean things and one truck full of high school boys drove by throwing a giant bag of trash at him. The bag lands at his feet and he stops in his tracks. The acrid smell of the trash causes him to tear up. That’s when he hears a car horn. He turns and looks to see Chad Lights newest car pull up.
Chad: Walking again I see.
Mike: It’s so terrible to be walking in this heat! It must be around a hundred and twenty degrees out here!
Chad: Um, more like seventy-two. The cold front hit last night and the cloud cover has made it a nice day. In fact, you’re not even sweating. What the hell are you doing?
Honcho: Really, hold on a sec, let me get my clothes back on right.
Mike turns his back to Chad and puts the clothes back on the proper way and walks up to Chad’s car.
MH: That’s a nice car you got there. Can I catch a ride with you for a few blocks?
Lights: Sure, just don’t do like last time.
Honcho: What do you mean last time? I’ve never even met you in person until today. Did you help me before the bear attack?
Chad: Yeah, don’t you remember? Hop in and we’ll talk about it while I drive.
The Magic Man runs around to the side of the car and opens the door. At that moment a car speeds by and hits Mike on the side and takes off Chad’s passenger door. Mike is rolled on top of the car and then smacks the ground hard. The blue Mini-Cooper doesn’t even bother to stop and drives on as if nothing has happened. Chad jumps out of the car and rushes to the passenger side as he dials a number on his phone.
Chad: Yes, some dude just totaled my car! (Listens to the person on the other line) A guy was speeding by and hit my door and took it clean off. (Listens again) You can send me a replacement car in twenty minutes and have this car fixed in a week. Now I remember why I have my insurance with you. Thanks Geico, that was so easy.
As Chad starts to give directions on where to send the replacement car, Mike comes to and staggers his way back up to a standing position. He falls down a few times but soon is up right on his feet. Chad hangs up the phone and looks at his car in disbelieve. Honcho walks over and puts his hand on Chad’s shoulder.
MH: Don’t worry about the car man. It’s just a possession. You can always get another one.
CL: Oh, crap Mike! I forgot you were there. Do you want to call an ambulance over to check you out?
Honcho: Naw, but you can send some Playboy Bunnies over to check me out! High five!
Chad reluctantly gives Mike the high five.
Lights: So you’re ok? How can you get hit by a speeding car and not even be knocked out but take a baseball bat to the head, I mean, get mauled by a bear and be put in a coma?
MH: It might be because of my new superpowers.
Chad: Superpowers?
Honcho: Yeah, when the bear mauled me, the bump on the head caused what doctors called psychosomatic injuries. That means I can set things on fire with my mind and I can do superpower stuff with my mind if I want to.
Chad: I’m pretty sure that means you are suffering from mental health issues.
Mike: Dude, people get bumped on the head all the time and get superpowers. Read a comic book. And people call me dumb… Like that guy I’ve got a match with, Jack Hammond. He said I was “simple” or something. Just because my favorite song is “Simple Man” by Lynyrd Skynyrd doesn’t mean I’m dumb. If he wants “simple”, I’ll give him a simple recipe. I’ll give him some shake (does hand motion of rolling dice) and (pauses and does hand motions of putting something in the oven) bake! Shake and bake!
Chad: Yeah, car’s here.
As the rental car pulls up, Mike brushes all the glass off of his pants and shirt and climbs in the car. Chad drives them to the headquarters of nCw and lets Mike out.
Chad: Are you sure you’re ok?
MH: Yeah, I’ll be ok. Thanks for the ride, abracadabra homes!
Chad: Try not to hurt anybody this time…
Chad pulls into the parking lot and Mike makes his way to the building when he is stopped by security.
Security Guard: I’m sorry but only nCw members aloud past this point.
Honcho: I am a member. I’ve already had a match and everything. You know, you look very familiar to me for some reason… Are you Michael Clarke Duncan?
The guard takes a closer look at Mike and then smiles real big.
Security Guard: No son, I am not. But I do get that a lot. What’s your name again?
MH: My name is Mike, Mike Honcho, pleased to meet you sir.
The two shake hands as the guard begins to chuckle that soon turns into roaring laughter. Mike joins in because he doesn’t know what else to do. The guard looks at the list and check marks a name.
Guard: Go right ahead, Mr. Butt- I mean Honcho! Would you like a bottle of water? Ha ha ha ha ha!
The guard starts to laugh and Mike declines the water and walks into the building.
End scene
Chad: Walking again I see.
Mike: It’s so terrible to be walking in this heat! It must be around a hundred and twenty degrees out here!
Chad: Um, more like seventy-two. The cold front hit last night and the cloud cover has made it a nice day. In fact, you’re not even sweating. What the hell are you doing?
Honcho: Really, hold on a sec, let me get my clothes back on right.
Mike turns his back to Chad and puts the clothes back on the proper way and walks up to Chad’s car.
MH: That’s a nice car you got there. Can I catch a ride with you for a few blocks?
Lights: Sure, just don’t do like last time.
Honcho: What do you mean last time? I’ve never even met you in person until today. Did you help me before the bear attack?
Chad: Yeah, don’t you remember? Hop in and we’ll talk about it while I drive.
The Magic Man runs around to the side of the car and opens the door. At that moment a car speeds by and hits Mike on the side and takes off Chad’s passenger door. Mike is rolled on top of the car and then smacks the ground hard. The blue Mini-Cooper doesn’t even bother to stop and drives on as if nothing has happened. Chad jumps out of the car and rushes to the passenger side as he dials a number on his phone.
Chad: Yes, some dude just totaled my car! (Listens to the person on the other line) A guy was speeding by and hit my door and took it clean off. (Listens again) You can send me a replacement car in twenty minutes and have this car fixed in a week. Now I remember why I have my insurance with you. Thanks Geico, that was so easy.
As Chad starts to give directions on where to send the replacement car, Mike comes to and staggers his way back up to a standing position. He falls down a few times but soon is up right on his feet. Chad hangs up the phone and looks at his car in disbelieve. Honcho walks over and puts his hand on Chad’s shoulder.
MH: Don’t worry about the car man. It’s just a possession. You can always get another one.
CL: Oh, crap Mike! I forgot you were there. Do you want to call an ambulance over to check you out?
Honcho: Naw, but you can send some Playboy Bunnies over to check me out! High five!
Chad reluctantly gives Mike the high five.
Lights: So you’re ok? How can you get hit by a speeding car and not even be knocked out but take a baseball bat to the head, I mean, get mauled by a bear and be put in a coma?
MH: It might be because of my new superpowers.
Chad: Superpowers?
Honcho: Yeah, when the bear mauled me, the bump on the head caused what doctors called psychosomatic injuries. That means I can set things on fire with my mind and I can do superpower stuff with my mind if I want to.
Chad: I’m pretty sure that means you are suffering from mental health issues.
Mike: Dude, people get bumped on the head all the time and get superpowers. Read a comic book. And people call me dumb… Like that guy I’ve got a match with, Jack Hammond. He said I was “simple” or something. Just because my favorite song is “Simple Man” by Lynyrd Skynyrd doesn’t mean I’m dumb. If he wants “simple”, I’ll give him a simple recipe. I’ll give him some shake (does hand motion of rolling dice) and (pauses and does hand motions of putting something in the oven) bake! Shake and bake!
Chad: Yeah, car’s here.
As the rental car pulls up, Mike brushes all the glass off of his pants and shirt and climbs in the car. Chad drives them to the headquarters of nCw and lets Mike out.
Chad: Are you sure you’re ok?
MH: Yeah, I’ll be ok. Thanks for the ride, abracadabra homes!
Chad: Try not to hurt anybody this time…
Chad pulls into the parking lot and Mike makes his way to the building when he is stopped by security.
Security Guard: I’m sorry but only nCw members aloud past this point.
Honcho: I am a member. I’ve already had a match and everything. You know, you look very familiar to me for some reason… Are you Michael Clarke Duncan?
The guard takes a closer look at Mike and then smiles real big.
Security Guard: No son, I am not. But I do get that a lot. What’s your name again?
MH: My name is Mike, Mike Honcho, pleased to meet you sir.
The two shake hands as the guard begins to chuckle that soon turns into roaring laughter. Mike joins in because he doesn’t know what else to do. The guard looks at the list and check marks a name.
Guard: Go right ahead, Mr. Butt- I mean Honcho! Would you like a bottle of water? Ha ha ha ha ha!
The guard starts to laugh and Mike declines the water and walks into the building.
End scene