Post by Mike Honcho on Aug 23, 2008 21:29:24 GMT -6
Our scene opens with Mike sitting on the couch in his cheap apartment with a look of frustration on his face as he looks at three different remotes lying on the table. He grabs the smallest one and pushes several buttons but nothing seems to happen. He tests the other two but he can’t make the equipment do what he wants. He throws down all three remotes and picks up the phone to try and get in touch with the only person that he can think of… The News.
News: This is the home of The News, News speaking.
Mike: Hey Mr. The News, it’s Mike Honcho.
News: How in the blue hell did you get this number? This is a private number that only important people can call. Are you as famous as Ronald Reagan?
Honcho: The President or the actor? Because he was more famous as a President then an actor.
News: Well, it doesn’t matter because he was more famous than you when he was born. Don’t you know these things?
MH: I just need your help News… Plus you’re listed in the phone book. Right here under News. It’s weird because the same number is listed under the names Dixie Wrecked, Patrick Batman, and Patrick Duffy. What’s up with that?
News: Ok, ok. I’ll listen to your problems but only because I stole at least eight thousand dollars from you in one week.
MH: What was that last part? Your phone started to cut out for some reason…
News: Don’t worry about it. What’s on your mind my young padawan?
Mike: It’s this place you got me. Can I move soon because I should have money after I win this week and I’d like an entertainment system that I can use.
(In a Yoda type of voice)
News: Your match you must tell about first. Hum?
Honcho: It’s against this guy who is really good named Jack Hammond. He’s all smart and saying I’m stupid. I bet he can’t tell me what the “String Theory” is or Einstein’s “Theory of Everything” but I can. Just because I like “Blazing Saddles” over “The English Patient” doesn’t mean I’m dumb. (The sound of a timed buzzer goes off) Hold on a sec News, I got something cooking.
The aroma of a great dinner fills Mike’s nose. He leans over his roast and savors the great smell. He tries the broth and is very pleased with taste. He adjusts the heat down to let it simmer a little more and runs back to the phone.
Mike: Ok News, I’m back.
The News is loudly snoring on the other side of the phone. Mike reaches into his desk and grabs an air horn and blows it right into the phone. Knowing he had the full attention of News, he puts the phone to his ear.
Mike: Are you there, News?
News: Yes, I must have had a bad dream just before you got on here. I got everything up to ‘you should be able to’ so if you can start from there…
MH: I don’t remember saying that but since you gave me this entertainment system, can you tell me how to turn up the tv volume without turning up the surround sound?
News: Why do you need the tv to be turned up when the surround sound is on?
Honcho: Because I like to party. Hey, is this place haunted? I’ve been cooking this roast and I keep hearing a creepy voice.
News: I thought you only knew how to cook ‘Shake and Bake’ and easy things?
Mike: Well, I think that before the bear attack I had a Culinary Degree. I can cook almost anything. It’s really crazy. But what should I do about Jack?
News: Well that’s an easy fix; beat him. That’s the best I got. And for the tv thing, just use the surround sound you dummy! Goodnight and good luck!
That’s when News slams down his phone and grabs his new burrito.
News: Now, where were we my love?
Mike looks at the phone and calmly hangs up. At that moment he hears a deep, sinister voice utter the phrase “GET OUT! GET OUT!” then dead silence. Mike looks around with a confused look on his face but just shrugs it off and tends to his fancy feast.
End scene
News: This is the home of The News, News speaking.
Mike: Hey Mr. The News, it’s Mike Honcho.
News: How in the blue hell did you get this number? This is a private number that only important people can call. Are you as famous as Ronald Reagan?
Honcho: The President or the actor? Because he was more famous as a President then an actor.
News: Well, it doesn’t matter because he was more famous than you when he was born. Don’t you know these things?
MH: I just need your help News… Plus you’re listed in the phone book. Right here under News. It’s weird because the same number is listed under the names Dixie Wrecked, Patrick Batman, and Patrick Duffy. What’s up with that?
News: Ok, ok. I’ll listen to your problems but only because I stole at least eight thousand dollars from you in one week.
MH: What was that last part? Your phone started to cut out for some reason…
News: Don’t worry about it. What’s on your mind my young padawan?
Mike: It’s this place you got me. Can I move soon because I should have money after I win this week and I’d like an entertainment system that I can use.
(In a Yoda type of voice)
News: Your match you must tell about first. Hum?
Honcho: It’s against this guy who is really good named Jack Hammond. He’s all smart and saying I’m stupid. I bet he can’t tell me what the “String Theory” is or Einstein’s “Theory of Everything” but I can. Just because I like “Blazing Saddles” over “The English Patient” doesn’t mean I’m dumb. (The sound of a timed buzzer goes off) Hold on a sec News, I got something cooking.
The aroma of a great dinner fills Mike’s nose. He leans over his roast and savors the great smell. He tries the broth and is very pleased with taste. He adjusts the heat down to let it simmer a little more and runs back to the phone.
Mike: Ok News, I’m back.
The News is loudly snoring on the other side of the phone. Mike reaches into his desk and grabs an air horn and blows it right into the phone. Knowing he had the full attention of News, he puts the phone to his ear.
Mike: Are you there, News?
News: Yes, I must have had a bad dream just before you got on here. I got everything up to ‘you should be able to’ so if you can start from there…
MH: I don’t remember saying that but since you gave me this entertainment system, can you tell me how to turn up the tv volume without turning up the surround sound?
News: Why do you need the tv to be turned up when the surround sound is on?
Honcho: Because I like to party. Hey, is this place haunted? I’ve been cooking this roast and I keep hearing a creepy voice.
News: I thought you only knew how to cook ‘Shake and Bake’ and easy things?
Mike: Well, I think that before the bear attack I had a Culinary Degree. I can cook almost anything. It’s really crazy. But what should I do about Jack?
News: Well that’s an easy fix; beat him. That’s the best I got. And for the tv thing, just use the surround sound you dummy! Goodnight and good luck!
That’s when News slams down his phone and grabs his new burrito.
News: Now, where were we my love?
Mike looks at the phone and calmly hangs up. At that moment he hears a deep, sinister voice utter the phrase “GET OUT! GET OUT!” then dead silence. Mike looks around with a confused look on his face but just shrugs it off and tends to his fancy feast.
End scene