Post by JackHammer on Sept 24, 2008 15:29:42 GMT -6
::The camera slowly fades in on a backstage area, where JackHammer is standing against a wall, arguing with his wife Angel. JackHammer is wearing his usual hiking boots and dark jeans with a Old Navy t-shirt, and his hair is in a pony tail, of course. Angel is wearing a black skirt and platform shoes which add an inch or two to her height. She's wearing a black tank top. Her hair is flat, and she runs her hand through it, still arguing with JackHammer::
Angel: I don't know what you think I did, but I didn't do it!
JackHammer: Then why did that guy at the bar tell me you slept with Juan Brown?!
Angel: WHO WOULD SLEEP WITH Juan Brown?!
JackHammer: You tell me!
:JackHammer turns around and slams the bottom of his fist into the wall::
JackHammer: This kid had better be mine, Angel, or we're more than finished. We're through!
Angel: JackHammer, you're the only fu*king person I've been with! I'm your women, I swear!
JackHammer:We'll see, Angel. We'll see. Until then--
::Suddenly, the man, the myth, the legend, Juan Brown, walks up next to Angel. He puts his arm over her shoulder and looks at JackHammer with a gleam in his eyes. Angel elbows Juan Brown in the gut and throws his arm off her shoulder. Juan Brown laughs out loud, putting his hands on his hips, speaking in a heavy accent::
Juan Brown: Ha ha ha! Puny American woman!
::Juan Brown turns to JackHammer, who is not amused::
Juan Brown: So tell me amigo, what will it feel like when you find out your women had sex with a Mexican hunk like me?
JackHammer: Shut the f*ck up, Juan Brown.
Juan Brown: Oh, a tough guy? We'll see how tough you are when you find out your girl was..
::Juan Brown does pelvic thrusts::
Juan Brown: Doinked by Juan Brown!
Angel: I've never fu*king met you before in my fu*king life, you asshole. Leave me alone!
::Juan Brown turns to Angel with a grin::
Juan Brown: Don't you worry, cutie pie. Juan Brown will whisk you away to his mansion after the show so we can make sweet sweet love until the sun comes up.
::JackHammer shoves Juan Brown, knocking him back a couple feet. JackHammer gets into his studly face::
JackHammer: Don't you EVER talk to my women like that! If you do it one more time, and I mean ONE MORE TIME, I'll make you sorry. You hear me?
::Juan Brown puts his hand over JackHammer's face and shoves him back into the wall, laughing::
Juan Brown: You are but a weakling! If you'll excuse me, Juan Brown needs to freshen up in his dressing room.
::Juan Brown flips his long, dirty black hair back, then walks away. JackHammer and Angel watch him with sneers on their faces::
Angel: Who the Hell would fu*k him?
JackHammer: From what people have told me, you would.
Angel: I DIDN'T FU*KING DO ANYTHING WITH HIM, JackHammer! DAMN! DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?!
::JackHammer hangs his head::
JackHammer: I don't know what to think anymore..
::Angel sighs, then begins walking away. She stops and turns back to JackHammer, who is still standing with his head down::
Angel: I love you.
::JackHammer looks up with a small grin::
JackHammer: I love you too..
::Angel turns back around and continues walking, until she turns a corner and is out of sight. JackHammer looks up and scratches his forehead. He glances to the left, then to the right, then gets off the wall and begins slowly walking to his right, looking at the floor. He continues walking all by himself, until shouts are heard from behind him. Suddenly, around one corner, Goliath and Damien come flying, running towards JackHammer. JackHammer stops and looks at them coming closer to him. When they're close, JackHammer begins walking again. They catch up, and walk with JackHammer::
Damien: JackHammer, man, you've gotta look at this. There were some dancers back there, and they took their tops off and I got a picture with them!
JackHammer:With the dancers?
Damien: No! With their boobies!
::Damien shows JackHammer a polaroid::
JackHammer: Damien, you're a horny bastard. Go masturbate or something.
Damien: I did that this morning. Maybe I'll do it later tonight. Hey, that reminds me. Can I borrow one of your socks?
JackHammer: Sure, I guess-- Wait.. EW! Fu*king stay away from my socks!
::Damien turns to Goliath::
Damien: Hey Goliath..
Goliath: No, Damien, you may not spank off in my socks!
Damien: Well dammit, all mine are dirty! What'm I supposed to do?!
JackHammer: Try doing it in the shower. Not my shower, mind you.
Damien: Ah, I can't. I get soap in my peehole and it stings like a mofo.
::JackHammer rubs his eyes::
JackHammer: AH! That's disgusting, Damien!
::Goliath hands Damien a metallic pen::
Goliath: Damien, look! It's shiny!
::Damien grabs it and is instantly mesmerized::
JackHammer: Thanks man.
Goliath: No problem. You should have heard him while you were gone. All he talked about was tits and ****.
Damien: JackHammer, did you know that you can see yourself in shiny stuff?
::JackHammer sighs, then grabs the pen from Damien. He waves it in front of Damien, who is following it with his eyes. JackHammer throws it down the hall, far far away, and Damien runs after it, panting like a dog::
JackHammer: Go Damien! Get it! Moron..
Goliath: He he.. So, you ready for Sunday?
::JackHammer looks at Goliath while they continue to walk::
JackHammer: I was born ready, man.
Goliath: It seems like your mind is somewhere else.
JackHammer: Oh really? How do you figure that?
Goliath: I don't know.
JackHammer: Well I'm going to say this. Sexy Jason had better not think that just because I'm going through this **** with Angel, I'm going to lay down for him, because I'm not. I've got a lot of frustration built up, a lot of anger I need to release, and he will know that when we meet in the match. He'll have to join a freak show when I'm through with him. This is the biggest match of my career. I have no problem keeping my professional and social life separate. When the bells rings, and the referee holds the NCW National title in the air in from of tens of thousands of people. Angel will be the furthest thing from my mind. When I get home Monday afternoon from the ppv, I will be thinking of Angel. Hell, even on the plane ride back she will be on my mind.
Goliath: I see. What if Sexy Jason uses him dating Amber Ashe to somehow get out of this match?
JackHammer: He's is going to be mad at me. Sexy Jason is a man's man. Can't you tell by his pink dildo? Ha! All Jokes aside, The Butcher never backs down from a challenge. But does he have it anymore? Sunday night, Sexy Jason will show his age. This is typical in boxing. Hell, Ali lost to Larry Holmes when he was on the down slide of his career. George Foreman lost to Tommy Morrison when he was getting older. Hell, it's a part of life. I'm the young up and coming stud of this company. I've gone through so much pain and ****, and I'm sick of treating people the way I'd like to be treated. It's obvious they aren't going to show me any respect, even after I tear them limb from limb, so why bother? Why fu*king bother? I'll just **** down his throat and hurt him some more. Maybe then, I'll be able to get my point across. What point is that? I'm not a pushover like I've been before. I'm not someone you can mess with easily. I'm someone you should fear. I'm someone you should stay away from. That's the message I'm going to get across that punk, and the rest of the world on Sunday. Sexy Jason will wish he never tried to screw me over. He'll wish he'd stayed at home. Because I will win, and he will respect the power I possess.
::Damien runs back up to JackHammer and Goliath, holding the pen::
Damien: Look! I found it!
::JackHammer slaps himself on the forehead::
JackHammer: That's wonderful, Damien.
::All three of them turn down a hall to their left::
JackHammer: Do you guys know where we're going?
Goliath: I have no clue.
JackHammer: Great..
::Suddenly, someone runs up next to JackHammer, grabbing his arm::
Man: Mister Lockheart, you're on in two minutes! Follow me, please!
::JackHammer looks at Goliath and Damien as he's dragged away. They disappear from his sight, and he is still being dragged down a long hallway. The roars of an audience can be heard faintly. JackHammer looks around and sees nothing but concrete and wooden tables around him. The man in front of him is wearing a headset with a microphone, which is messing up his brown hair. He has a white shirt on with a pair of black pants and black shoes. He is also carrying a clipboard which has a paper attached to it, saying " The Jerry Springer Show, Episode: You Cheated on Me, It's Time to Come Clean!" JackHammer smiles and follows the man a little longer. They turn right, then make a left, and they are instantly behind the Jerry Springer stage. The man stops JackHammer, then looks him up and down::
Man: You're dressed fine, so now all you have to do is wait for my signal. When I point at you, you make your way through that door..
::The man points to his far right::
Man: Over there. You got it?
JackHammer: I think so, yeah..
Man: Okay. You've got a minute until you're on, now.
JackHammer: Sure thing..
::JackHammer looks around, glancing to his left. He sees Angel sitting down in a foldable metal chair. JackHammer begins walking over to her, when suddenly, Juan Brown makes his way over, stopping in front of her, puffing out his manly pecks, trying to impress her. Angel frowns and turns away, annoyed. Juan Brown laughs, then marches off. JackHammer walks over to Angel and is about to speak, but at the last second he's grabbed by the arm and yanked backwards by the small man. JackHammer shrugs the man's hand off his arm, and glares at him::
Man: JackHammer, you're on.
JackHammer: Ugh.. Okay.
::JackHammer turns around and walks over to the entrance, stepping out in front of about a hundred or so people and TV cameras all around. JackHammer waves to the crowd as they cheer him. He makes his way over to the chair, and he takes a seat. In front of him stands Morgan Freeman, the guest host of the show. JackHammer looks around, then he hears Morgan talking, and perks up::
Morgan Freeman: I'm filling in for Jerry Springer today! Jerry and Steve are away on business. Let me introduce our first guest! JackHammer, welcome to the show.
JackHammer: :Thanks for having me, Morgan.
Morgan Freeman: So tell us what's going on. What's happening with you and your wife?
JackHammer: Well, she just told me a couple days ago that she's pregnant.
Audience: WHOO!
::JackHammer smiles a little bit::
JackHammer: Yeah.. Well, I went and celebrated with a couple friends of mine at a bar, and a drunk guy told me that she had slept with Juan Brown a couple weeks ago.
Audience: BOO!
Morgan Freeman: Wait, she slept with Juan Brown?
JackHammer: That's what the guy said.
Morgan Freeman: You don't think it's true, do you?
JackHammer: To tell you the truth,Morgan, I.. I hope it's not.
Morgan Freeman: So what're we going to do? A DNA test?
JackHammer: Yeah. I already had the blood drawn and everything. I just want the results, that's all.
Morgan Freeman: We'll give you the results later in the show, but now lets meet your wife who says she wouldn't touch Juan Brown with a ten foot pole while wearing a radiation suit. She has a beautiful name... Here's Angel!
::The door from the other side of the stage slides open, and out comes Angel to a mixed reaction. She walks over and sits next to JackHammer, not looking at him. JackHammer does the same, not looking at his wife::
Morgan Freeman: So Angel, hi.
Angel: Hello, Morgan.
Morgan Freeman: So Angel, your man thinks you've been sleeping around with Juan Brown. What do you have to say about that?
Angel: It's complete bull sh*t, Morgan. I didn't marry him so I can break his heart. I married him because I love him.
Audience: AWW!
Morgan Freeman: JackHammer, you have anything to say to that?
JackHammer: Not really, except that I love her too..
Morgan Freeman: That's sweet, but now lets bring out the man that's causing all this fuss! Come on out, Juan Brown!
::The screen slides, and out comes Juan Brown in slow motion with romantic music playing, his hair being blown by the wind. His masculine physique shimmers in the light as he makes his way down to the front stage. He sits down next to Angel and his blood shot brown eyes winking at her. She is not impressed, as she turns away from him again. Juan Brown turns to Morgan Freeman::
Morgan Freeman: Welcome to the show, Juan Brown. As everyone knows, you're an international wrestling jobber, and you've made hundreds of dollars. So what are you doing, supposedly sleeping around with this woman?
Juan Brown: Morgan, do not ask Juan Brown dumb questions. Juan Brown does not like dumb questions. Juan Brown took one look at this creature before me and said, "I must have her." So I stared into her eyes, I combed her hair from her face, and I passionately made love to her all night long, and she loved every second of it. Because Juan Brown is the best.
Audience: BOO!
JackHammer: You wish you could have someone HALF as beautiful as her, you #$*&!
Juan Brown: Silly American man, I can have any woman I desire.
Morgan Freeman: Angel, did you sleep with Juan Brown?
Angel: For the billionth time, NO! This guy is a joke! His penis is probably the size of an ants' antenna!
::Angel stands up, looking at Juan Brown::
Angel: Lets get something straight, Juan Brown. You're crap! I wouldn't have sex with you, EVER. So get your fluffy hair and huge breasts out of my face!
Audience: WHOO! YEAH!
::Angel sits down, and JackHammer grins, placing his hand on top of Angel's. Juan Brown is stunned::
Morgan Freeman: To get another person's perspective on this, lets bring out formerly from my show, Little Tex!
::A large fat black man comes out onto the stage, wearing a plaid suit, smiling. He walks over to the three people, and stands behind them::
Morgan Freeman: Ah, little T. What do you make of this?
Tex: Well I'll tell 'ya Morgan, this is all messed up! Over here..
::Little Tex points at JackHammer::
Tornado: We have a pro wrestler who thinks his girl cheated on him with the Mexican romance king. Makes sense to me!
::The audience doesn't say a thing. There is absolute silence. Little T does an annoying little laugh to himself, then walks off stage::
Morgan Freeman: Thank you Little Tex!
::Morgan Freeman pulls out a card from his pocket and looks at it::
Morgan Freeman: Ah, JackHammer, Angel, Juan Brown, we have the results of the DNA tests right here. Are you ready?
JackHammer: Yeah, before you say anything, I just want to say Angel, you're the only thing in this world I truly care about. You've been everything to me, and even through all of this, I love you more than ever. Hell, if I wasn't going to propose to you at more of a romantic setting, I would do it right now. But I can't, so please, no matter what happens, just remember you stole my heart, and dammit, you can keep it. I wouldn't want it to be with anyone else.
Audience: AWWWWWWWW!
Morgan Freeman: That's very sweet, JackHammer. Now, for the res--
Juan Brown: That was sweet? Ha! Romance is possessed by no one, other than Juan Brown. For this fool to be romantic would be a crime against nature!
Morgan Freeman: Juan Brown, can we please read the results?
Juan Brown:Yes, read as you like, but Juan Brown will be pleased with the outcome.
Morgan Freeman: Okay, JackHammer..
::Morgan Freeman looks at the card, then stares at JackHammer for a few seconds. A few seconds more pass, and JackHammer gets upset::
JackHammer: Read the %@^#!*^ card, dammit!
Audience: HA HA HA!
Morgan Freeman: JackHammer, you're the father.
::JackHammer and Angel jump up and kiss each other. Juan Brown, not having a good time anymore, pushes JackHammer aside and grabs Angel, sticking his tongue in her mouth. JackHammer sees this and jumps on top of Juan Browns back, choking him with his forearms. Juan Brown lets go of Angel and grabs JackHammer by the hair and throws him to the stage. JackHammer is down and barely conscious, and Juan Brown stands over him chuckling::
Juan Brown: Puny American! You cannot defeat Juan Brown!
::Juan Brown climbs on top of JackHammer and pulls his hand back, ready to punch him, when suddenly Goliath and Damien come running out from the back. Goliath cracks a baseball bat across Juan Brown's gorgeous face, knocking him down, almost killing him. JackHammer gets up, dazed, but joins Goliath and Damien, kicking away at Juan Brown. Suddenly, from behind them all, Angel comes, pushing them aside. She looks at the crowd, who is cheering, then she pulls her leg far back and swings it forward as hard as she can, right in between Juan Brown's legs. A loud "crunch!" is heard, and Juan Brown hollars in pain. Angel backs up a few feet next to JackHammer, then yells::
Angel: Hey Juan Brown, here's a new catch phrase for you! I can't believe it used to be a testicle!
Audience: HA HA HA!
::JackHammer grabs Angel and starts kissing her again, and the camera changes back to Morgan Freeman::
Morgan Freeman: We'll be right back after these messages!
::Goliath and Damien continue kicking Juan Brown, and JackHammer and Angel leave the stage, leaving the rowdiness of the spotlight. They walk backstage, holding hands. They walk down a long hallway, far away from anyone else::
JackHammer: I'm sorry I believed that guy. I should have known you'd never do anything like that to me.
Angel: Duh!
JackHammer: Can we put this all behind us?
Angel: Nope.
JackHammer: What? Why not?
Angel: We've got to get a tape of it, so we can watch Juan Brown getting his ass kicked over and over again.
::JackHammer and Angel both laugh. JackHammer puts his arms around Angel's waist::
JackHammer: Have I told you I love you today?
Angel: Yes, but you can say it again.
JackHammer: I love you.
Angel: I love you.
::They slowly close in on each others lips, no doubt about to play tonsil hockey, when suddenly, a loud crash is heard from down the hall. Goliath and Damien are seen being pushed around by two security guards, until they reach JackHammer and Angel. The security guards leave Goliath and Damien alone, walking away::
Goliath: Those a-holes wouldn't let us beat up Juan Brown anymore!
Damien: Yeah! I was moving my way down his body, too! I was about to start kicking him in the nadz and ****!
Goliath: Yeah, but Damien.. You know what?
Damien: What?
Goliath: I think Morgan Freeman's wife is hot.
Damien: You WHAT?!
Goliath: She looks great! I mean.. DAMN!
Damien: Are you out of your mind?! She's gotta be around sixty!
Goliath: She's in her late thirties or early forties!
Damien: I don't give a ****! She's nasty!
Goliath: Says you!
Damien: Says me!
Goliath: You don't know--
JackHammer: Guys, shut up.
::Damien and Goliath look at JackHammer::
Goliath: But it's true! She IS hot!
JackHammer: Then go whack off or something. Damn.
Goliath: Good plan. But first, I'm going to go ask her for a date..
::Goliath walks back down the hall alone, leaving Damien with JackHammer and Angel::
Damien: I guess I'll be in the car, Lost.
JackHammer: Okay.
::Damien leaves::
JackHammer: So, tell me. What're we going to name our kid?
Angel: I'll think about it. Lets just go home.
::The camera fades out as JackHammer and Angel walk down the hall a little ways, then turn right, out of the camera's view.
Angel: I don't know what you think I did, but I didn't do it!
JackHammer: Then why did that guy at the bar tell me you slept with Juan Brown?!
Angel: WHO WOULD SLEEP WITH Juan Brown?!
JackHammer: You tell me!
:JackHammer turns around and slams the bottom of his fist into the wall::
JackHammer: This kid had better be mine, Angel, or we're more than finished. We're through!
Angel: JackHammer, you're the only fu*king person I've been with! I'm your women, I swear!
JackHammer:We'll see, Angel. We'll see. Until then--
::Suddenly, the man, the myth, the legend, Juan Brown, walks up next to Angel. He puts his arm over her shoulder and looks at JackHammer with a gleam in his eyes. Angel elbows Juan Brown in the gut and throws his arm off her shoulder. Juan Brown laughs out loud, putting his hands on his hips, speaking in a heavy accent::
Juan Brown: Ha ha ha! Puny American woman!
::Juan Brown turns to JackHammer, who is not amused::
Juan Brown: So tell me amigo, what will it feel like when you find out your women had sex with a Mexican hunk like me?
JackHammer: Shut the f*ck up, Juan Brown.
Juan Brown: Oh, a tough guy? We'll see how tough you are when you find out your girl was..
::Juan Brown does pelvic thrusts::
Juan Brown: Doinked by Juan Brown!
Angel: I've never fu*king met you before in my fu*king life, you asshole. Leave me alone!
::Juan Brown turns to Angel with a grin::
Juan Brown: Don't you worry, cutie pie. Juan Brown will whisk you away to his mansion after the show so we can make sweet sweet love until the sun comes up.
::JackHammer shoves Juan Brown, knocking him back a couple feet. JackHammer gets into his studly face::
JackHammer: Don't you EVER talk to my women like that! If you do it one more time, and I mean ONE MORE TIME, I'll make you sorry. You hear me?
::Juan Brown puts his hand over JackHammer's face and shoves him back into the wall, laughing::
Juan Brown: You are but a weakling! If you'll excuse me, Juan Brown needs to freshen up in his dressing room.
::Juan Brown flips his long, dirty black hair back, then walks away. JackHammer and Angel watch him with sneers on their faces::
Angel: Who the Hell would fu*k him?
JackHammer: From what people have told me, you would.
Angel: I DIDN'T FU*KING DO ANYTHING WITH HIM, JackHammer! DAMN! DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?!
::JackHammer hangs his head::
JackHammer: I don't know what to think anymore..
::Angel sighs, then begins walking away. She stops and turns back to JackHammer, who is still standing with his head down::
Angel: I love you.
::JackHammer looks up with a small grin::
JackHammer: I love you too..
::Angel turns back around and continues walking, until she turns a corner and is out of sight. JackHammer looks up and scratches his forehead. He glances to the left, then to the right, then gets off the wall and begins slowly walking to his right, looking at the floor. He continues walking all by himself, until shouts are heard from behind him. Suddenly, around one corner, Goliath and Damien come flying, running towards JackHammer. JackHammer stops and looks at them coming closer to him. When they're close, JackHammer begins walking again. They catch up, and walk with JackHammer::
Damien: JackHammer, man, you've gotta look at this. There were some dancers back there, and they took their tops off and I got a picture with them!
JackHammer:With the dancers?
Damien: No! With their boobies!
::Damien shows JackHammer a polaroid::
JackHammer: Damien, you're a horny bastard. Go masturbate or something.
Damien: I did that this morning. Maybe I'll do it later tonight. Hey, that reminds me. Can I borrow one of your socks?
JackHammer: Sure, I guess-- Wait.. EW! Fu*king stay away from my socks!
::Damien turns to Goliath::
Damien: Hey Goliath..
Goliath: No, Damien, you may not spank off in my socks!
Damien: Well dammit, all mine are dirty! What'm I supposed to do?!
JackHammer: Try doing it in the shower. Not my shower, mind you.
Damien: Ah, I can't. I get soap in my peehole and it stings like a mofo.
::JackHammer rubs his eyes::
JackHammer: AH! That's disgusting, Damien!
::Goliath hands Damien a metallic pen::
Goliath: Damien, look! It's shiny!
::Damien grabs it and is instantly mesmerized::
JackHammer: Thanks man.
Goliath: No problem. You should have heard him while you were gone. All he talked about was tits and ****.
Damien: JackHammer, did you know that you can see yourself in shiny stuff?
::JackHammer sighs, then grabs the pen from Damien. He waves it in front of Damien, who is following it with his eyes. JackHammer throws it down the hall, far far away, and Damien runs after it, panting like a dog::
JackHammer: Go Damien! Get it! Moron..
Goliath: He he.. So, you ready for Sunday?
::JackHammer looks at Goliath while they continue to walk::
JackHammer: I was born ready, man.
Goliath: It seems like your mind is somewhere else.
JackHammer: Oh really? How do you figure that?
Goliath: I don't know.
JackHammer: Well I'm going to say this. Sexy Jason had better not think that just because I'm going through this **** with Angel, I'm going to lay down for him, because I'm not. I've got a lot of frustration built up, a lot of anger I need to release, and he will know that when we meet in the match. He'll have to join a freak show when I'm through with him. This is the biggest match of my career. I have no problem keeping my professional and social life separate. When the bells rings, and the referee holds the NCW National title in the air in from of tens of thousands of people. Angel will be the furthest thing from my mind. When I get home Monday afternoon from the ppv, I will be thinking of Angel. Hell, even on the plane ride back she will be on my mind.
Goliath: I see. What if Sexy Jason uses him dating Amber Ashe to somehow get out of this match?
JackHammer: He's is going to be mad at me. Sexy Jason is a man's man. Can't you tell by his pink dildo? Ha! All Jokes aside, The Butcher never backs down from a challenge. But does he have it anymore? Sunday night, Sexy Jason will show his age. This is typical in boxing. Hell, Ali lost to Larry Holmes when he was on the down slide of his career. George Foreman lost to Tommy Morrison when he was getting older. Hell, it's a part of life. I'm the young up and coming stud of this company. I've gone through so much pain and ****, and I'm sick of treating people the way I'd like to be treated. It's obvious they aren't going to show me any respect, even after I tear them limb from limb, so why bother? Why fu*king bother? I'll just **** down his throat and hurt him some more. Maybe then, I'll be able to get my point across. What point is that? I'm not a pushover like I've been before. I'm not someone you can mess with easily. I'm someone you should fear. I'm someone you should stay away from. That's the message I'm going to get across that punk, and the rest of the world on Sunday. Sexy Jason will wish he never tried to screw me over. He'll wish he'd stayed at home. Because I will win, and he will respect the power I possess.
::Damien runs back up to JackHammer and Goliath, holding the pen::
Damien: Look! I found it!
::JackHammer slaps himself on the forehead::
JackHammer: That's wonderful, Damien.
::All three of them turn down a hall to their left::
JackHammer: Do you guys know where we're going?
Goliath: I have no clue.
JackHammer: Great..
::Suddenly, someone runs up next to JackHammer, grabbing his arm::
Man: Mister Lockheart, you're on in two minutes! Follow me, please!
::JackHammer looks at Goliath and Damien as he's dragged away. They disappear from his sight, and he is still being dragged down a long hallway. The roars of an audience can be heard faintly. JackHammer looks around and sees nothing but concrete and wooden tables around him. The man in front of him is wearing a headset with a microphone, which is messing up his brown hair. He has a white shirt on with a pair of black pants and black shoes. He is also carrying a clipboard which has a paper attached to it, saying " The Jerry Springer Show, Episode: You Cheated on Me, It's Time to Come Clean!" JackHammer smiles and follows the man a little longer. They turn right, then make a left, and they are instantly behind the Jerry Springer stage. The man stops JackHammer, then looks him up and down::
Man: You're dressed fine, so now all you have to do is wait for my signal. When I point at you, you make your way through that door..
::The man points to his far right::
Man: Over there. You got it?
JackHammer: I think so, yeah..
Man: Okay. You've got a minute until you're on, now.
JackHammer: Sure thing..
::JackHammer looks around, glancing to his left. He sees Angel sitting down in a foldable metal chair. JackHammer begins walking over to her, when suddenly, Juan Brown makes his way over, stopping in front of her, puffing out his manly pecks, trying to impress her. Angel frowns and turns away, annoyed. Juan Brown laughs, then marches off. JackHammer walks over to Angel and is about to speak, but at the last second he's grabbed by the arm and yanked backwards by the small man. JackHammer shrugs the man's hand off his arm, and glares at him::
Man: JackHammer, you're on.
JackHammer: Ugh.. Okay.
::JackHammer turns around and walks over to the entrance, stepping out in front of about a hundred or so people and TV cameras all around. JackHammer waves to the crowd as they cheer him. He makes his way over to the chair, and he takes a seat. In front of him stands Morgan Freeman, the guest host of the show. JackHammer looks around, then he hears Morgan talking, and perks up::
Morgan Freeman: I'm filling in for Jerry Springer today! Jerry and Steve are away on business. Let me introduce our first guest! JackHammer, welcome to the show.
JackHammer: :Thanks for having me, Morgan.
Morgan Freeman: So tell us what's going on. What's happening with you and your wife?
JackHammer: Well, she just told me a couple days ago that she's pregnant.
Audience: WHOO!
::JackHammer smiles a little bit::
JackHammer: Yeah.. Well, I went and celebrated with a couple friends of mine at a bar, and a drunk guy told me that she had slept with Juan Brown a couple weeks ago.
Audience: BOO!
Morgan Freeman: Wait, she slept with Juan Brown?
JackHammer: That's what the guy said.
Morgan Freeman: You don't think it's true, do you?
JackHammer: To tell you the truth,Morgan, I.. I hope it's not.
Morgan Freeman: So what're we going to do? A DNA test?
JackHammer: Yeah. I already had the blood drawn and everything. I just want the results, that's all.
Morgan Freeman: We'll give you the results later in the show, but now lets meet your wife who says she wouldn't touch Juan Brown with a ten foot pole while wearing a radiation suit. She has a beautiful name... Here's Angel!
::The door from the other side of the stage slides open, and out comes Angel to a mixed reaction. She walks over and sits next to JackHammer, not looking at him. JackHammer does the same, not looking at his wife::
Morgan Freeman: So Angel, hi.
Angel: Hello, Morgan.
Morgan Freeman: So Angel, your man thinks you've been sleeping around with Juan Brown. What do you have to say about that?
Angel: It's complete bull sh*t, Morgan. I didn't marry him so I can break his heart. I married him because I love him.
Audience: AWW!
Morgan Freeman: JackHammer, you have anything to say to that?
JackHammer: Not really, except that I love her too..
Morgan Freeman: That's sweet, but now lets bring out the man that's causing all this fuss! Come on out, Juan Brown!
::The screen slides, and out comes Juan Brown in slow motion with romantic music playing, his hair being blown by the wind. His masculine physique shimmers in the light as he makes his way down to the front stage. He sits down next to Angel and his blood shot brown eyes winking at her. She is not impressed, as she turns away from him again. Juan Brown turns to Morgan Freeman::
Morgan Freeman: Welcome to the show, Juan Brown. As everyone knows, you're an international wrestling jobber, and you've made hundreds of dollars. So what are you doing, supposedly sleeping around with this woman?
Juan Brown: Morgan, do not ask Juan Brown dumb questions. Juan Brown does not like dumb questions. Juan Brown took one look at this creature before me and said, "I must have her." So I stared into her eyes, I combed her hair from her face, and I passionately made love to her all night long, and she loved every second of it. Because Juan Brown is the best.
Audience: BOO!
JackHammer: You wish you could have someone HALF as beautiful as her, you #$*&!
Juan Brown: Silly American man, I can have any woman I desire.
Morgan Freeman: Angel, did you sleep with Juan Brown?
Angel: For the billionth time, NO! This guy is a joke! His penis is probably the size of an ants' antenna!
::Angel stands up, looking at Juan Brown::
Angel: Lets get something straight, Juan Brown. You're crap! I wouldn't have sex with you, EVER. So get your fluffy hair and huge breasts out of my face!
Audience: WHOO! YEAH!
::Angel sits down, and JackHammer grins, placing his hand on top of Angel's. Juan Brown is stunned::
Morgan Freeman: To get another person's perspective on this, lets bring out formerly from my show, Little Tex!
::A large fat black man comes out onto the stage, wearing a plaid suit, smiling. He walks over to the three people, and stands behind them::
Morgan Freeman: Ah, little T. What do you make of this?
Tex: Well I'll tell 'ya Morgan, this is all messed up! Over here..
::Little Tex points at JackHammer::
Tornado: We have a pro wrestler who thinks his girl cheated on him with the Mexican romance king. Makes sense to me!
::The audience doesn't say a thing. There is absolute silence. Little T does an annoying little laugh to himself, then walks off stage::
Morgan Freeman: Thank you Little Tex!
::Morgan Freeman pulls out a card from his pocket and looks at it::
Morgan Freeman: Ah, JackHammer, Angel, Juan Brown, we have the results of the DNA tests right here. Are you ready?
JackHammer: Yeah, before you say anything, I just want to say Angel, you're the only thing in this world I truly care about. You've been everything to me, and even through all of this, I love you more than ever. Hell, if I wasn't going to propose to you at more of a romantic setting, I would do it right now. But I can't, so please, no matter what happens, just remember you stole my heart, and dammit, you can keep it. I wouldn't want it to be with anyone else.
Audience: AWWWWWWWW!
Morgan Freeman: That's very sweet, JackHammer. Now, for the res--
Juan Brown: That was sweet? Ha! Romance is possessed by no one, other than Juan Brown. For this fool to be romantic would be a crime against nature!
Morgan Freeman: Juan Brown, can we please read the results?
Juan Brown:Yes, read as you like, but Juan Brown will be pleased with the outcome.
Morgan Freeman: Okay, JackHammer..
::Morgan Freeman looks at the card, then stares at JackHammer for a few seconds. A few seconds more pass, and JackHammer gets upset::
JackHammer: Read the %@^#!*^ card, dammit!
Audience: HA HA HA!
Morgan Freeman: JackHammer, you're the father.
::JackHammer and Angel jump up and kiss each other. Juan Brown, not having a good time anymore, pushes JackHammer aside and grabs Angel, sticking his tongue in her mouth. JackHammer sees this and jumps on top of Juan Browns back, choking him with his forearms. Juan Brown lets go of Angel and grabs JackHammer by the hair and throws him to the stage. JackHammer is down and barely conscious, and Juan Brown stands over him chuckling::
Juan Brown: Puny American! You cannot defeat Juan Brown!
::Juan Brown climbs on top of JackHammer and pulls his hand back, ready to punch him, when suddenly Goliath and Damien come running out from the back. Goliath cracks a baseball bat across Juan Brown's gorgeous face, knocking him down, almost killing him. JackHammer gets up, dazed, but joins Goliath and Damien, kicking away at Juan Brown. Suddenly, from behind them all, Angel comes, pushing them aside. She looks at the crowd, who is cheering, then she pulls her leg far back and swings it forward as hard as she can, right in between Juan Brown's legs. A loud "crunch!" is heard, and Juan Brown hollars in pain. Angel backs up a few feet next to JackHammer, then yells::
Angel: Hey Juan Brown, here's a new catch phrase for you! I can't believe it used to be a testicle!
Audience: HA HA HA!
::JackHammer grabs Angel and starts kissing her again, and the camera changes back to Morgan Freeman::
Morgan Freeman: We'll be right back after these messages!
::Goliath and Damien continue kicking Juan Brown, and JackHammer and Angel leave the stage, leaving the rowdiness of the spotlight. They walk backstage, holding hands. They walk down a long hallway, far away from anyone else::
JackHammer: I'm sorry I believed that guy. I should have known you'd never do anything like that to me.
Angel: Duh!
JackHammer: Can we put this all behind us?
Angel: Nope.
JackHammer: What? Why not?
Angel: We've got to get a tape of it, so we can watch Juan Brown getting his ass kicked over and over again.
::JackHammer and Angel both laugh. JackHammer puts his arms around Angel's waist::
JackHammer: Have I told you I love you today?
Angel: Yes, but you can say it again.
JackHammer: I love you.
Angel: I love you.
::They slowly close in on each others lips, no doubt about to play tonsil hockey, when suddenly, a loud crash is heard from down the hall. Goliath and Damien are seen being pushed around by two security guards, until they reach JackHammer and Angel. The security guards leave Goliath and Damien alone, walking away::
Goliath: Those a-holes wouldn't let us beat up Juan Brown anymore!
Damien: Yeah! I was moving my way down his body, too! I was about to start kicking him in the nadz and ****!
Goliath: Yeah, but Damien.. You know what?
Damien: What?
Goliath: I think Morgan Freeman's wife is hot.
Damien: You WHAT?!
Goliath: She looks great! I mean.. DAMN!
Damien: Are you out of your mind?! She's gotta be around sixty!
Goliath: She's in her late thirties or early forties!
Damien: I don't give a ****! She's nasty!
Goliath: Says you!
Damien: Says me!
Goliath: You don't know--
JackHammer: Guys, shut up.
::Damien and Goliath look at JackHammer::
Goliath: But it's true! She IS hot!
JackHammer: Then go whack off or something. Damn.
Goliath: Good plan. But first, I'm going to go ask her for a date..
::Goliath walks back down the hall alone, leaving Damien with JackHammer and Angel::
Damien: I guess I'll be in the car, Lost.
JackHammer: Okay.
::Damien leaves::
JackHammer: So, tell me. What're we going to name our kid?
Angel: I'll think about it. Lets just go home.
::The camera fades out as JackHammer and Angel walk down the hall a little ways, then turn right, out of the camera's view.