Post by Lord Dominicus on Oct 28, 2008 20:04:58 GMT -6
*The camera opens as we watch Brad Kane dribbling a basketball in slow motion. Up....down....up....down, making that dribbling sound. The camera quick reverses to Nelly Angel, who is in his apartment watching this, his eyes fixated on the screen. Randy, who is sitting next to him, seems less interested.*
Randy: Dude, we've watched this like four times already, and now you've got it in slow motion. What the heck bro?
Nelly: Shh shh, it speaks to me.
Randy: It's just Reckless Jack playing basketball, nothing more.
*Nelly never looks away from the TV.*
Nelly: Randy, it wouldn't have been aired by nCw if it didn't have anything to do with our match on Sunday.
Randy: It hardly has anything to do with wrestling! Just accept it, Reckless Kane doesn't care about the match, he'd rather play basketball and talk about his kids and stuff.
*Nelly sharp turns to Randy Angel and holds up an angry finger.*
Nelly: You take that back! Reckless Jack is a legend out here in nCw, there's got to be some deeper meaning to all of this that I'm not getting! And if you won't accept that, then you're going to have to leave! This is an important match, and I need to get into my opponent's head in order to properly understand how to make this a five-star match AND maybe pull off a victory.
*Randy just sighs.*
Randy: Ok bro, let's take a break, and when we come back, we can try again. Ok?
Nelly: Ok, ok.
*We fade out*
*We fade back in on the Golden Gate Bridge. It's windy, and Nelly probably shouldn't be there, but whatever.*
Nelly: This week on Wired, four men are getting a chance to cross a bridge. Well, three people are crossing, and one is rebuilding. Now, Jimmy Zane has been looking for respect in the locker room, but he hasn't gotten any. People don't like him. For some reason, no matter what he does, things get shot back in his face. Things he doesn't want shot into his face, like gooey sticky slimes of injustice, and unfairness. Why? Is it because of how he acts? Maybe. Is it because of the sins of his father? Well, he seems to think so.
*Nelly holds up his hands in a half-shrug.*
Nelly: Who knows why he's not getting the respect. I mean, he's fighting against injustice, isn't that good enough? Maybe. What I think might be the problem is that he's fighting against his own image. Now let's turn back the pages for a moment. Jimmy Zane is also known as the "Voodoo Child." And as awesome of a song as that is by Jimi Hendrix most Americans find voodoo to be well.....really, really creepy. There's something about that whole chicken blood and evil spirit spells and stuff that really freaks people out. I mean, sure, Hexx gets into that sort of thing, but let's be honest, Hexx really freaks most people out too.
*Nelly starts nodding.*
Nelly: Ok, so that might be it. But to be safe, let's keep thinking. Not too long ago, Mr. Zane was sporting some white makeup and looking like the scariest clown I've ever seen. Now some people get scared by clowns. Some people get scared by voodoo. Let's add those two together. And in that, we get Jimmy Zane just a month or two ago, a scary voodoo clown man. I don't care who you are, that's outright terrifying. So I think Jimmy's biggest problem right now is overcoming that, and showing people that he is mildly approachable, and won't bite a head off a chicken and drink its blood or something. And maybe, just maybe winning this match in a normal way will help him on the path of being more accepted by the locker room. Also, if him and his partner Chris Phere can both win this week, it'll be just another step across the bridge in stopping injustice.
*He looks at his watch.*
Nelly: If you excuse me though, I have to go back to my apartment and take care of something.
*Nelly runs off as the camera fades.*
*It fades back in as Nelly now has a Ouija board as he sits in front of his TV, once again watching the Brad Kane promo. Randy Angel walks in, a little intoxicated.*
Randy: Dude, bro, what the crap?
Nelly: What? I took a break.
Randy: Dude, I was totally at the bar for not long at all, and you were here the whole time.
Nelly: No, I'm serious; I took a break and cut a promo, now I'm trying to figure out what Brad Jack's promo is about by divining dark spirits to help me.
Randy: Sounds creepy.
Nelly: Yeah, I got the idea while talking about Jimmy Zane.
Randy: How's it working out?
Nelly: Not well, mostly jibberish and scary things. After a bunch of stuff that I didn't understand I got this-
*Nelly pulls up a piece of paper he's been writing on.*
Nelly: "Recently, I've been doing a ton of thinking. I've thought about this and I've thought about that and I found out that when I sit down, I still don't have the answer that I need. Why do some people get things that they don't deserve? I know I've gone over this but this person just doesn't need the things in life that make him happy. When you look at this person, they're the epitome of everything. They think they're the best thing since bread was invented." ...which I didn't really understand either. After that it started some rant about Hitler and the end of the world and how I'm in great danger or something. To be honest, I guess I was just lucky that it could make sentences, considering none of it made sense.
Randy: And because Ouija boards are crap. I've got a better idea.
Nelly: Ok, let's hear it.
Randy: Alright, you remember the Johnny Carson show?
Nelly: No, I was totally too young for that.
Randy: Well, he used to do a skit where the producer would hand him an envelope, then he'd predict what it was about, and read what was inside afterwards. Maybe if I write up a little card and put it into the envelope, you can use it to predict what the promo is about.
Nelly: That's genius!
Randy: Alright, well, it's gonna take me a while to figure out what to write, and you can't be here, so you may as well cut another promo.
Nelly: Done!
*Nelly runs out as the camera fades.*
*And reopens on the Golden Gate Bridge.*
Nelly: Now, Jimmy Zane isn't the only one with a bridge to cross. For quite some time now, Ricky Johnson has been going on and on about how he should be in the world champion's seat. But he keeps getting lower-card matches. Quite obviously, for someone who thinks as much about themselves as Mr. Johnson, this can be rather frustrating. Personally, it seems like people just don't seem to take this guy seriously. So, this week, that is Ricky's bridge. I mean, if he can beat three other guys, including the likes of Brad Kane, then nobody can say he's not doing a good job, right?
*Nelly answers his own question by nodding.*
Nelly: And by showcasing how glorious he is in the X-Division, maybe he'll get more shots at people in the heavyweight division, right?
*He again nods.*
Nelly: And by doing well there, he'll probably get the world title shot he's been so desperately seeking, right? Of course. So this is a big match for Ricky too. He wants to cross that bridge into being taken seriously, and take even more steps towards his presumably destined run as the world champion. Unfortunately, this is a bridge match for more than just him, and only one person can win, but we'll get to that later.
*Nelly looks at his watch.*
Nelly: Because right now, I've got some predicting to do!
*He runs off as the camera fades.*
---
*We reopen in the warm glow of the Brad Kane promo. Nelly is wearing a giant turban and holding an envelope to his head.*
Randy: Ok, now predict three things, and then open it up and see how they're connected.
Nelly: Ok.
*Nelly thinks really really hard.*
Nelly: Hmmm......The Age of Revolution- whoa!
Randy: Keep going. So far it's working.
Nelly: Really? Wow! Ok.........Joe Everyman matches- Hmmm, I smell a super secret alliance here! We're digging in deep Randy!
Randy: Yeah yeah, make the last prediction, because so far this is spot-on.
Nelly: Ok....um.........hmmm.......Brad Kane's first promo this week. OH MY GOD! Brad Kane's promo this week was secretly designed to show that he's going to get involved in Joe Everyman's match somehow, possibly by joining the Age of Revolution...again! Am I right?
Randy: Ju- just open the envelope.
*Nelly opens the envelope, excited to see if he�s right and then he reads the card and it says....*
Nelly: ........"Things that are wasting nCw broadcasts." You're a jerk Randy.
Randy: What? It's all true!
*Nelly sighs as the camera fades out.*
*And in one more time at the bridge! The sun is starting to go down.*
Nelly: And what about me? So far, I've been putting on pretty entertaining matches- I hope, and trying to entertain the fans. But nobody thinks that much of me. I mean sure, I'm a bit soft-hearted and all, but I've done some pretty brash things. I took Doc on head to head in what was surely the match of the night. Not only that, but I've made a very clear stand against the Age of Revolution, and yet when I say that I want to fight them, people keep believing that nCw has no help against these guys. I'm virtually getting ignored here! I mean, maybe it's because of my nice guy personality, but I really do want to stop Age of Revolution, and I really do want to straighten nCw out. We've got these guys, and they just wrestle for themselves, for glory, for money, for all of the stuff that comes along with this job. But they don't realize that they don't need to focus on these things because they come naturally. I'm trying to help people see the light so that in the end we can have the most entertaining matches possible. And maybe, just maybe I can be part of the number one wrestling company in the world once more- only instead said company would be nCw. And think about this, by helping nCw, I'm trying to help wrestling as a whole. This is a lot for one man, but do you hear me complain? No. I'm just trying to get more people to listen to my cause and understand my heart! So on Wired, it's up to me to cross this bridge and get some people to open their ears up! I'm Nelly Angel, and I'm here to make a change for the better!
*Nelly nods as the camera fades for the last time...well, for this promo anyway. Just in time too, the sun is almost gone.*
Randy: Dude, we've watched this like four times already, and now you've got it in slow motion. What the heck bro?
Nelly: Shh shh, it speaks to me.
Randy: It's just Reckless Jack playing basketball, nothing more.
*Nelly never looks away from the TV.*
Nelly: Randy, it wouldn't have been aired by nCw if it didn't have anything to do with our match on Sunday.
Randy: It hardly has anything to do with wrestling! Just accept it, Reckless Kane doesn't care about the match, he'd rather play basketball and talk about his kids and stuff.
*Nelly sharp turns to Randy Angel and holds up an angry finger.*
Nelly: You take that back! Reckless Jack is a legend out here in nCw, there's got to be some deeper meaning to all of this that I'm not getting! And if you won't accept that, then you're going to have to leave! This is an important match, and I need to get into my opponent's head in order to properly understand how to make this a five-star match AND maybe pull off a victory.
*Randy just sighs.*
Randy: Ok bro, let's take a break, and when we come back, we can try again. Ok?
Nelly: Ok, ok.
*We fade out*
*We fade back in on the Golden Gate Bridge. It's windy, and Nelly probably shouldn't be there, but whatever.*
Nelly: This week on Wired, four men are getting a chance to cross a bridge. Well, three people are crossing, and one is rebuilding. Now, Jimmy Zane has been looking for respect in the locker room, but he hasn't gotten any. People don't like him. For some reason, no matter what he does, things get shot back in his face. Things he doesn't want shot into his face, like gooey sticky slimes of injustice, and unfairness. Why? Is it because of how he acts? Maybe. Is it because of the sins of his father? Well, he seems to think so.
*Nelly holds up his hands in a half-shrug.*
Nelly: Who knows why he's not getting the respect. I mean, he's fighting against injustice, isn't that good enough? Maybe. What I think might be the problem is that he's fighting against his own image. Now let's turn back the pages for a moment. Jimmy Zane is also known as the "Voodoo Child." And as awesome of a song as that is by Jimi Hendrix most Americans find voodoo to be well.....really, really creepy. There's something about that whole chicken blood and evil spirit spells and stuff that really freaks people out. I mean, sure, Hexx gets into that sort of thing, but let's be honest, Hexx really freaks most people out too.
*Nelly starts nodding.*
Nelly: Ok, so that might be it. But to be safe, let's keep thinking. Not too long ago, Mr. Zane was sporting some white makeup and looking like the scariest clown I've ever seen. Now some people get scared by clowns. Some people get scared by voodoo. Let's add those two together. And in that, we get Jimmy Zane just a month or two ago, a scary voodoo clown man. I don't care who you are, that's outright terrifying. So I think Jimmy's biggest problem right now is overcoming that, and showing people that he is mildly approachable, and won't bite a head off a chicken and drink its blood or something. And maybe, just maybe winning this match in a normal way will help him on the path of being more accepted by the locker room. Also, if him and his partner Chris Phere can both win this week, it'll be just another step across the bridge in stopping injustice.
*He looks at his watch.*
Nelly: If you excuse me though, I have to go back to my apartment and take care of something.
*Nelly runs off as the camera fades.*
*It fades back in as Nelly now has a Ouija board as he sits in front of his TV, once again watching the Brad Kane promo. Randy Angel walks in, a little intoxicated.*
Randy: Dude, bro, what the crap?
Nelly: What? I took a break.
Randy: Dude, I was totally at the bar for not long at all, and you were here the whole time.
Nelly: No, I'm serious; I took a break and cut a promo, now I'm trying to figure out what Brad Jack's promo is about by divining dark spirits to help me.
Randy: Sounds creepy.
Nelly: Yeah, I got the idea while talking about Jimmy Zane.
Randy: How's it working out?
Nelly: Not well, mostly jibberish and scary things. After a bunch of stuff that I didn't understand I got this-
*Nelly pulls up a piece of paper he's been writing on.*
Nelly: "Recently, I've been doing a ton of thinking. I've thought about this and I've thought about that and I found out that when I sit down, I still don't have the answer that I need. Why do some people get things that they don't deserve? I know I've gone over this but this person just doesn't need the things in life that make him happy. When you look at this person, they're the epitome of everything. They think they're the best thing since bread was invented." ...which I didn't really understand either. After that it started some rant about Hitler and the end of the world and how I'm in great danger or something. To be honest, I guess I was just lucky that it could make sentences, considering none of it made sense.
Randy: And because Ouija boards are crap. I've got a better idea.
Nelly: Ok, let's hear it.
Randy: Alright, you remember the Johnny Carson show?
Nelly: No, I was totally too young for that.
Randy: Well, he used to do a skit where the producer would hand him an envelope, then he'd predict what it was about, and read what was inside afterwards. Maybe if I write up a little card and put it into the envelope, you can use it to predict what the promo is about.
Nelly: That's genius!
Randy: Alright, well, it's gonna take me a while to figure out what to write, and you can't be here, so you may as well cut another promo.
Nelly: Done!
*Nelly runs out as the camera fades.*
*And reopens on the Golden Gate Bridge.*
Nelly: Now, Jimmy Zane isn't the only one with a bridge to cross. For quite some time now, Ricky Johnson has been going on and on about how he should be in the world champion's seat. But he keeps getting lower-card matches. Quite obviously, for someone who thinks as much about themselves as Mr. Johnson, this can be rather frustrating. Personally, it seems like people just don't seem to take this guy seriously. So, this week, that is Ricky's bridge. I mean, if he can beat three other guys, including the likes of Brad Kane, then nobody can say he's not doing a good job, right?
*Nelly answers his own question by nodding.*
Nelly: And by showcasing how glorious he is in the X-Division, maybe he'll get more shots at people in the heavyweight division, right?
*He again nods.*
Nelly: And by doing well there, he'll probably get the world title shot he's been so desperately seeking, right? Of course. So this is a big match for Ricky too. He wants to cross that bridge into being taken seriously, and take even more steps towards his presumably destined run as the world champion. Unfortunately, this is a bridge match for more than just him, and only one person can win, but we'll get to that later.
*Nelly looks at his watch.*
Nelly: Because right now, I've got some predicting to do!
*He runs off as the camera fades.*
---
*We reopen in the warm glow of the Brad Kane promo. Nelly is wearing a giant turban and holding an envelope to his head.*
Randy: Ok, now predict three things, and then open it up and see how they're connected.
Nelly: Ok.
*Nelly thinks really really hard.*
Nelly: Hmmm......The Age of Revolution- whoa!
Randy: Keep going. So far it's working.
Nelly: Really? Wow! Ok.........Joe Everyman matches- Hmmm, I smell a super secret alliance here! We're digging in deep Randy!
Randy: Yeah yeah, make the last prediction, because so far this is spot-on.
Nelly: Ok....um.........hmmm.......Brad Kane's first promo this week. OH MY GOD! Brad Kane's promo this week was secretly designed to show that he's going to get involved in Joe Everyman's match somehow, possibly by joining the Age of Revolution...again! Am I right?
Randy: Ju- just open the envelope.
*Nelly opens the envelope, excited to see if he�s right and then he reads the card and it says....*
Nelly: ........"Things that are wasting nCw broadcasts." You're a jerk Randy.
Randy: What? It's all true!
*Nelly sighs as the camera fades out.*
*And in one more time at the bridge! The sun is starting to go down.*
Nelly: And what about me? So far, I've been putting on pretty entertaining matches- I hope, and trying to entertain the fans. But nobody thinks that much of me. I mean sure, I'm a bit soft-hearted and all, but I've done some pretty brash things. I took Doc on head to head in what was surely the match of the night. Not only that, but I've made a very clear stand against the Age of Revolution, and yet when I say that I want to fight them, people keep believing that nCw has no help against these guys. I'm virtually getting ignored here! I mean, maybe it's because of my nice guy personality, but I really do want to stop Age of Revolution, and I really do want to straighten nCw out. We've got these guys, and they just wrestle for themselves, for glory, for money, for all of the stuff that comes along with this job. But they don't realize that they don't need to focus on these things because they come naturally. I'm trying to help people see the light so that in the end we can have the most entertaining matches possible. And maybe, just maybe I can be part of the number one wrestling company in the world once more- only instead said company would be nCw. And think about this, by helping nCw, I'm trying to help wrestling as a whole. This is a lot for one man, but do you hear me complain? No. I'm just trying to get more people to listen to my cause and understand my heart! So on Wired, it's up to me to cross this bridge and get some people to open their ears up! I'm Nelly Angel, and I'm here to make a change for the better!
*Nelly nods as the camera fades for the last time...well, for this promo anyway. Just in time too, the sun is almost gone.*