Post by Steve Awesome on Oct 31, 2008 19:56:28 GMT -6
Key
Steve Awesome
Layla
AJ Phoenix
Doc
Kole Kaos
Steve Awesome
Layla
AJ Phoenix
Doc
Kole Kaos
I keep hoping that he might shut up. I keep watching but unfortunately it goes on like this. I feel like I’m forced to watch crappy Lifetime movies in marathon format. Oh blah blah, I love you this….blah, blah, tear jerker, heart strings, love and tenderness. Even had the cute kid. All that was left is some spousal abuse and the old football coach dying of cancer….or AIDS. I’m not even sure which one is more heart wrenching anymore. The problem though…is this is all too real. I try turning it off, thinking that maybe I accidentally clicked on some other pussy’s promo and it uploaded instead. This couldn’t have been an Angel thing because he wasn’t jerking off over himself in a church.
But no…unfortunately….this was the real thing. Which sucked because now I have to restart it from the beginning.
Our scene opens with Steve Awesome, dressed in a sweat suit, his own insignia on the back and down the leg, answering the door to some guy dressed in a UPS suit. Steve sneers at him and drops a handful of candy in the bag he was carrying and slams the door in his face. He walks back to the living room where Layla and the Empire were sitting, chilling like villains.
“Who was that?”
“Eh, some douchy trick or treater.”
Don’t they steal you away from us enough already? Do they really have to bother you at home?
Steve, Kole and Doc all look at AJ with a questionable stare. AJ stares back.
“What? We are doing a parody right?”
I’m only twenty four years old. Turned the big two four last August. I didn’t even get a birthday card from you Angel. You bastard. I started wrestling when I was about nineteen years old. So I’ve been doing this whole wrestling thing for about five years. I’ve competed in about four other companies before I ever even herd of nCw and I made my way up to become world champion in all of them but one. Knowing me though, I more than likely would have become a champion there if Mueller didn’t pull his crap and screw everything up. But that’s in the past. I could talk about how if it wasn’t for me, most of those companies would have never mattered. I could talk about how I was the face or one of the major players for each one. And if you asked any of the fed heads now, they’d tell you exactly the same thing. But I know how things work and anybody who hears somebody talk about what they did somewhere else they always come back with…that was somewhere else…all that matters is what you do in nCw. Even though you take a guy like Sting who was the bomb in WCW and you put him in TNA and he is already been world champion twice. But screw it, if people wanna be bitches about it then let them. So we look at the present and what do we find…..oh….wow….would you look at that…there’s Steve Awesome again…on top of ANOTHER company. His face plastered all over the website, his action figures and T-shirts selling like hot cakes. Angel likes to talk about scratching and clawing to get where he is. How he had to overcome so many challenges and look his worst fears in the face…..but seriously….I just floated there without any obstacles. I’m the cream of the crop, and cream rises. It’s science.
“So what else is on TV?”
Awesome reaches over and grabs the remote from out of Doc’s hand, he flips it on and Heroes comes up on the screen.
“Aw, dammit.”
Awesome goes to change the channel but that Hayden Penettiere chick has a scene going on so he stops himself.
“If she wasn’t so damn cute.”
AJ grabs the remote from him and turns the TV off.
“Don’t change the subject Steve. I want to know what that kid wanted!”
Steve glances at Kole and Doc and Layla. They all shrug there shoulders. A confused Steve Awesome continues on into this very strange conversation.
“Um…candy?”
AJ folds his shoulders across his chest.
A likely story. You honestly expect me to believe that?
“Um...yeah. Considering its Halloween. Dude, why are you getting like this?”
AJ gets up out of the recliner and walks away. He walks over to a large pane glass window that Steve had in his house. It overlooked his large backyard.
“Because….I….I….I hate Halloween!”
It’s been non stop like that for five straight years. Winning world championships, dominating wrestling promotions, being that guy that everybody wants to face. I’m what the profession likes to call a go to guy. So when I got word that XHF was going down and I expressed interest that I was looking for a new place to lace my boots in, Leonard Fox was at my front door with a contract and a pen just begging me to sign. I was offered a very lucrative deal filled with benefits and opportunities and a pay check that contained a zero or two more than any other guy on the roster. And since I’ve been to the top a bunch of times in the past….this time….it was about the money.
“What are you talking about AJ?”
He shakes his head, not wanting to look anybody else in the face.
I swore I’d never go back! I swore I’d never relive that night.
Layla stands up and walks over to the Black Dragon. She places a palm on his shoulder.
“It’s okay AJ. You can tell us.”
He shakes his head.
No. They’re just going to make fun of me.
Layla glances over at Steve, Kole, and Doc and they’re all just waiting like a pack of wolves for the moment AJ spills his deep dark secret.
“Don’t worry, they aren’t going to make fun of you. You can tell us.”
And you know what…..I figured that was pretty obvious you know? I figured people knew that. I mean I only talked about it every single time I spoke. I’m not here to beat people because I have something to prove. I’m not here because of some deep heart felt passion I have for pro wrestling. **** wrestling! Yeah, I said it. **** wrestling! I have nothing to prove in it anymore. It’s always been about the money. It’s been about the fame. It’s been about being the top guy and getting those paychecks. It’s about pissing people off and laughing at them because they can’t do **** about it. The other day, this girl walked up to me and she ask me for an autograph. She was a real sweet girl too. Must have been about seventeen I’d say. You know what I did? I hawked up the biggest loogey I could and I spit it right into that little bitches face and I laughed at her. Get it through your minds…I don’t care!
“Okay. Five years ago today, on a night just like this one, I was sitting on my computer.”
“If this story leads into gay porn I’m going to be pissed!”
AJ glances at Layla who glares at Steve.
“I was checking out some other wrestling promotions at the time because I was interested in seeing what else was out there. What kind of competitors there were. And that’s when it happened…..the most awful….horrible thing that could ever happen to anybody.”
Layla and The Empire are all hanging on to his every word now.
I saw…….an ANGEL PROMO!
The lights in the room flicker and everybody gasps.
“It was horrible. It went on for a half hour! A half hour long promo with him arguing with his wife just to add dramatic effect. I mean for the love of God, why even air that footage? What does it have to do with anything? What? I kept waiting and waiting to hear something about his opponent. But it never happened. It just never happened!”
AJ drops to his knees and stares up towards the heavens.
“WHY LORD? WHY DOES ANGEL HAVE TO BE SO LONG AND SO DRAWN OUT? THERES SO MUCH EXTRA CRAP IN HIS PROMOS THAT DON’T EVEN NEED TO BE THERE HE MAKES A JUDD APATOW FILM FEEL LIKE FIVE MINUTES!”
AJ begins to “sob” uncontrollably as the Empire members gather around to comfort there friend.
“It’s okay dude. Trust me, I know the feeling.”
Yeah…somebody needs to explain to him the essence of quality over quantity.
Kole just shakes his head.
I don’t know how you managed to endure that AJ. Usually I just fall asleep around the beginning.
I tried that…..but I was just mesmerized by his bad haircut.
And it just makes me laugh so damn much when all somebody can do is try to deflate my ego by pointing out that I barely win without cheating. Or that I tend to avoid confrontation. And it’s like, I just want to walk over to these people chop them in the throat, kick them in the nuts and say “DUH! You dumb son of a bitch! *** damn! You think it bothers me when you say things like that? I only ****ing embrace it every day of my life.” Angel comes back from the knee injury, what did I do? What did I say? I went directly back to that knee injury. I even told him what my plan was. I said, you shouldn’t have come back so early because now your knee is my target. Every night on Collision I had some form of attack planned out and ready for the little bastard. I laughed at him, spit at him. Told him he wasn’t anything then I treated him exactly like I viewed him. Sure, he may have got me back a few times…and I got him as well. That’s how war works. Back when we formed the Corporate Empire all those months ago, we told the world that we were going to run the damn show. We were going to OWN nCw. What? Did you think we were going to do it by wrestling fair? No…we took everything we wanted by shear FORCE! We flat out TOLD you ALL what we were going to do and yet you still couldn’t stop us.
Ding, Dong.
That’s the doorbell numb nuts. Probably another trick or treater. Awesome walks over to answer it. He gets it about an inch or two open before AJ dives across the room and slams the door shut.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AJ continues to scream for about five minutes as everyone stares at him.
“Dude….what the hell?”
I can’t allow this stupid holiday to continue. It brings back so many bad memories.
Come on AJ, it can’t be that bad.
"Oh but it was. It was just…so…..pointless. That’s why we have to cancel Halloween."
Steve shakes his head.
“Oh no…we’re not canceling Halloween.
I don’t know man, it’s really getting in his head. Maybe you should just turn the front porch lights off. It is getting kind of late.
“But I can’t Kole….I…just….can’t.
Why the hell not?
Steve Awesome punches the wall.
“I JUST CAN’T ALRIGHT!”
I wasn’t always like that though. There was a point in my life….where I did care. I wanted everybody to like me. I wanted them to respect me and say…Wow…there goes Steve Awesome. He is one of the greats. That’s the reason I signed up to go to wrestling school in the first place. Because, I, like everyone else, had that boyhood dream of one day standing tall in a wrestling world…holding that championship high above my head. I knew I had to work hard too. I had to bust my ass and learn and practice. And at first, I’ll admit it, I wasn’t that good. I would walk out to that ring and get tossed around quicker then Shelly at a party. But I kept going. I tried hard and put forth more effort and eventually…I just started….winning….and winning….and winning….and winning. I became a champion of this, I set a record for that, I beat this legend and I stop this immovable force and I did that and I did this and the damn list goes on and on. And you know something, winning all the damn time just happens to get boring. It just wasn’t cutting it, so one day I decided…you know what? Screw this. I’m just going to have some fun. I’m going to start raising a little hell. Stir up a little controversy to make things a little more interesting. I only do this for my Kliq like I’m Adam Sandler.
Oh God…now what?
By now, Awesome has went and gotten himself all worked up.
“YOU JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND!”
He yells through his own “sobs”.
“I just can’t quit Halloween.”
Why not?
“Because Halloween is my LIFE!”
What?
“Ever since I was a young boy I knew that when I grew up I wanted to do Halloween for the rest of my life. It was my calling in life. I remember my first Halloween…..I was two. I got scared so quick and screamed so loud you’d have thought I was MaCaulay Culkin.”
Ding Dong
Doorbell again asshats. Steve runs over to open the door, meanwhile…
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
AJ tackles Steve out of the way and they scramble on the floor fighting to either open of close the door. A frustrated Layla steps over them.
“Would you guys cut it out? It’s only the pizza guy!”
Layla hands the man a twenty and he walks off. Steve and AJ pick themselves up off the ground and dust themselves off while they glared at one another.
Sure, maybe I felt like a part of my dignity and pride were being ripped away from me when I started doing things for me. When I started acting selfish. But you know what….this business….this world….its so cut throat that you almost can’t go out in it without watching your back. Does that make me a bad person because I choose to live my life different then somebody else? Well if it does….then **** you.
Because I ain’t changing. Not for anybody.
That’s it dude! Your going to have to choose. Me…or Halloween.
“Dude…don’t make me do this.”
I’m not kidding around here Steve. It’s either me or the night that brings back such horrible memories.
Ding Dong
Doorbell once again ass faces.
Clocks ticking Steve. Make your choice.
Awesome walks up to AJ. Grabs him by the hand and they proceed to engage in a deep, passionate….
I’ve been the asshole my whole career pretty much. So there’s no reason to change. But something happened to me that night I shattered Trent Helms wrist into a million little pieces. Maybe I finally realized that I when I said I was willing to just about anything to get ahead…I actually meant it. Where as….Angel sure talks a big game but all he can do is brood at a bar and drown his sorrows in a glass of beer. I’ve never lied about the type of person I am. If want you to suffer, I don’t wait until I get a wrestling match….I’ll find you, bring my friends, a few weapons, and kick your ass right then and there. You may call me a bitch for it….but I’m sure it’s hard to send the message when your strapped up to a hospital bed.
….best friend secret handshake.
What were you thinking? Homo. AJ smiles at Steve.
“I’m sorry….”
Awesome pulls open the door and drops some more candy into some little kids bag.
GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!
“But….this is my house.”
AJ looks around.
Oh….right. FINE! I’LL GET OUT!
Suddenly a midget comes wobbling out from the kitchen dressed in nothing but pink under where. He was a hairy midget too and his beer gut hung over his stinky pinkies.
Hairy midget: I love you AJ.
The midget said in an obvious smoker voice. You know the gravelly one where it reminds you of the sounds made when a man is brave enough to enter Bea Arthur’s vagina.
I love you too Pumpkin.
That’s the midgets name by the way.
“Pumpkin” The hairy midget: You take.
Pumpkin the hairy midget digs inside his stinky pinkies and pulls out a wad of cash and places it in a very reluctant AJ’s hand.
“Pumpkin” The hairy midget: Bring me back a pack of Marlboro One Hundreds In a Box. HACK HACK COUGH COUGH!
Kole leans over to Doc.
That doesn’t sound healthy at all.
Doc shakes his head no.
See you soon munchkin.
“Pumpkin” The Hairy Midget: Awh….that was just mean!
The midget kicks AJ in the shin as the scene cuts out.
As the credits roll we get a picture of Steve and AJ Phoenix shaking hands. Text appears on the bottom of the screen.
“Steve and AJ became friends again as soon as AJ brought the cigarettes back for Pumpkin. They decided to bury the hatchet and just forget about Halloween for awhile. Instead of think how much the day meant to them or how much the day made them angry, they just spent the whole night making fun of kids in there costumes.”
A picture of Kole pops up. Text follows.
“Kole Kaos decided to seek out therapy after enduring what he called the most ridiculous night of his life.”
A picture of Doc is next.
“Doc got angry with the writers of this thing. He demanded that the next time they make fun of somebody who just tries too damn hard that he should be the star…..or at least have more lines.”
Layla is next.
“Layla became a big fan of pizza again. She was able to eat the entire thing since nobody seemed to realize they even had any to begin with.
Then pumpkin appears.
“Pumpkin was later diagnosed with emphazema and died shortly after the filming of this piece. Wich is good because he narrowly missed the financial suit that Bea Arthur’s vagina took out on him for stealing it’s trademark voice.
The end.
The scene opens one more time. Steve Awesome is shown in front of a camera.
“Oh and Angel…..your not winning my title. So…go **** yourself. Kthxby!”
Fade.
But no…unfortunately….this was the real thing. Which sucked because now I have to restart it from the beginning.
Our scene opens with Steve Awesome, dressed in a sweat suit, his own insignia on the back and down the leg, answering the door to some guy dressed in a UPS suit. Steve sneers at him and drops a handful of candy in the bag he was carrying and slams the door in his face. He walks back to the living room where Layla and the Empire were sitting, chilling like villains.
“Who was that?”
“Eh, some douchy trick or treater.”
Don’t they steal you away from us enough already? Do they really have to bother you at home?
Steve, Kole and Doc all look at AJ with a questionable stare. AJ stares back.
“What? We are doing a parody right?”
I’m only twenty four years old. Turned the big two four last August. I didn’t even get a birthday card from you Angel. You bastard. I started wrestling when I was about nineteen years old. So I’ve been doing this whole wrestling thing for about five years. I’ve competed in about four other companies before I ever even herd of nCw and I made my way up to become world champion in all of them but one. Knowing me though, I more than likely would have become a champion there if Mueller didn’t pull his crap and screw everything up. But that’s in the past. I could talk about how if it wasn’t for me, most of those companies would have never mattered. I could talk about how I was the face or one of the major players for each one. And if you asked any of the fed heads now, they’d tell you exactly the same thing. But I know how things work and anybody who hears somebody talk about what they did somewhere else they always come back with…that was somewhere else…all that matters is what you do in nCw. Even though you take a guy like Sting who was the bomb in WCW and you put him in TNA and he is already been world champion twice. But screw it, if people wanna be bitches about it then let them. So we look at the present and what do we find…..oh….wow….would you look at that…there’s Steve Awesome again…on top of ANOTHER company. His face plastered all over the website, his action figures and T-shirts selling like hot cakes. Angel likes to talk about scratching and clawing to get where he is. How he had to overcome so many challenges and look his worst fears in the face…..but seriously….I just floated there without any obstacles. I’m the cream of the crop, and cream rises. It’s science.
“So what else is on TV?”
Awesome reaches over and grabs the remote from out of Doc’s hand, he flips it on and Heroes comes up on the screen.
“Aw, dammit.”
Awesome goes to change the channel but that Hayden Penettiere chick has a scene going on so he stops himself.
“If she wasn’t so damn cute.”
AJ grabs the remote from him and turns the TV off.
“Don’t change the subject Steve. I want to know what that kid wanted!”
Steve glances at Kole and Doc and Layla. They all shrug there shoulders. A confused Steve Awesome continues on into this very strange conversation.
“Um…candy?”
AJ folds his shoulders across his chest.
A likely story. You honestly expect me to believe that?
“Um...yeah. Considering its Halloween. Dude, why are you getting like this?”
AJ gets up out of the recliner and walks away. He walks over to a large pane glass window that Steve had in his house. It overlooked his large backyard.
“Because….I….I….I hate Halloween!”
It’s been non stop like that for five straight years. Winning world championships, dominating wrestling promotions, being that guy that everybody wants to face. I’m what the profession likes to call a go to guy. So when I got word that XHF was going down and I expressed interest that I was looking for a new place to lace my boots in, Leonard Fox was at my front door with a contract and a pen just begging me to sign. I was offered a very lucrative deal filled with benefits and opportunities and a pay check that contained a zero or two more than any other guy on the roster. And since I’ve been to the top a bunch of times in the past….this time….it was about the money.
“What are you talking about AJ?”
He shakes his head, not wanting to look anybody else in the face.
I swore I’d never go back! I swore I’d never relive that night.
Layla stands up and walks over to the Black Dragon. She places a palm on his shoulder.
“It’s okay AJ. You can tell us.”
He shakes his head.
No. They’re just going to make fun of me.
Layla glances over at Steve, Kole, and Doc and they’re all just waiting like a pack of wolves for the moment AJ spills his deep dark secret.
“Don’t worry, they aren’t going to make fun of you. You can tell us.”
And you know what…..I figured that was pretty obvious you know? I figured people knew that. I mean I only talked about it every single time I spoke. I’m not here to beat people because I have something to prove. I’m not here because of some deep heart felt passion I have for pro wrestling. **** wrestling! Yeah, I said it. **** wrestling! I have nothing to prove in it anymore. It’s always been about the money. It’s been about the fame. It’s been about being the top guy and getting those paychecks. It’s about pissing people off and laughing at them because they can’t do **** about it. The other day, this girl walked up to me and she ask me for an autograph. She was a real sweet girl too. Must have been about seventeen I’d say. You know what I did? I hawked up the biggest loogey I could and I spit it right into that little bitches face and I laughed at her. Get it through your minds…I don’t care!
“Okay. Five years ago today, on a night just like this one, I was sitting on my computer.”
“If this story leads into gay porn I’m going to be pissed!”
AJ glances at Layla who glares at Steve.
“I was checking out some other wrestling promotions at the time because I was interested in seeing what else was out there. What kind of competitors there were. And that’s when it happened…..the most awful….horrible thing that could ever happen to anybody.”
Layla and The Empire are all hanging on to his every word now.
I saw…….an ANGEL PROMO!
The lights in the room flicker and everybody gasps.
“It was horrible. It went on for a half hour! A half hour long promo with him arguing with his wife just to add dramatic effect. I mean for the love of God, why even air that footage? What does it have to do with anything? What? I kept waiting and waiting to hear something about his opponent. But it never happened. It just never happened!”
AJ drops to his knees and stares up towards the heavens.
“WHY LORD? WHY DOES ANGEL HAVE TO BE SO LONG AND SO DRAWN OUT? THERES SO MUCH EXTRA CRAP IN HIS PROMOS THAT DON’T EVEN NEED TO BE THERE HE MAKES A JUDD APATOW FILM FEEL LIKE FIVE MINUTES!”
AJ begins to “sob” uncontrollably as the Empire members gather around to comfort there friend.
“It’s okay dude. Trust me, I know the feeling.”
Yeah…somebody needs to explain to him the essence of quality over quantity.
Kole just shakes his head.
I don’t know how you managed to endure that AJ. Usually I just fall asleep around the beginning.
I tried that…..but I was just mesmerized by his bad haircut.
And it just makes me laugh so damn much when all somebody can do is try to deflate my ego by pointing out that I barely win without cheating. Or that I tend to avoid confrontation. And it’s like, I just want to walk over to these people chop them in the throat, kick them in the nuts and say “DUH! You dumb son of a bitch! *** damn! You think it bothers me when you say things like that? I only ****ing embrace it every day of my life.” Angel comes back from the knee injury, what did I do? What did I say? I went directly back to that knee injury. I even told him what my plan was. I said, you shouldn’t have come back so early because now your knee is my target. Every night on Collision I had some form of attack planned out and ready for the little bastard. I laughed at him, spit at him. Told him he wasn’t anything then I treated him exactly like I viewed him. Sure, he may have got me back a few times…and I got him as well. That’s how war works. Back when we formed the Corporate Empire all those months ago, we told the world that we were going to run the damn show. We were going to OWN nCw. What? Did you think we were going to do it by wrestling fair? No…we took everything we wanted by shear FORCE! We flat out TOLD you ALL what we were going to do and yet you still couldn’t stop us.
Ding, Dong.
That’s the doorbell numb nuts. Probably another trick or treater. Awesome walks over to answer it. He gets it about an inch or two open before AJ dives across the room and slams the door shut.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AJ continues to scream for about five minutes as everyone stares at him.
“Dude….what the hell?”
I can’t allow this stupid holiday to continue. It brings back so many bad memories.
Come on AJ, it can’t be that bad.
"Oh but it was. It was just…so…..pointless. That’s why we have to cancel Halloween."
Steve shakes his head.
“Oh no…we’re not canceling Halloween.
I don’t know man, it’s really getting in his head. Maybe you should just turn the front porch lights off. It is getting kind of late.
“But I can’t Kole….I…just….can’t.
Why the hell not?
Steve Awesome punches the wall.
“I JUST CAN’T ALRIGHT!”
I wasn’t always like that though. There was a point in my life….where I did care. I wanted everybody to like me. I wanted them to respect me and say…Wow…there goes Steve Awesome. He is one of the greats. That’s the reason I signed up to go to wrestling school in the first place. Because, I, like everyone else, had that boyhood dream of one day standing tall in a wrestling world…holding that championship high above my head. I knew I had to work hard too. I had to bust my ass and learn and practice. And at first, I’ll admit it, I wasn’t that good. I would walk out to that ring and get tossed around quicker then Shelly at a party. But I kept going. I tried hard and put forth more effort and eventually…I just started….winning….and winning….and winning….and winning. I became a champion of this, I set a record for that, I beat this legend and I stop this immovable force and I did that and I did this and the damn list goes on and on. And you know something, winning all the damn time just happens to get boring. It just wasn’t cutting it, so one day I decided…you know what? Screw this. I’m just going to have some fun. I’m going to start raising a little hell. Stir up a little controversy to make things a little more interesting. I only do this for my Kliq like I’m Adam Sandler.
Oh God…now what?
By now, Awesome has went and gotten himself all worked up.
“YOU JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND!”
He yells through his own “sobs”.
“I just can’t quit Halloween.”
Why not?
“Because Halloween is my LIFE!”
What?
“Ever since I was a young boy I knew that when I grew up I wanted to do Halloween for the rest of my life. It was my calling in life. I remember my first Halloween…..I was two. I got scared so quick and screamed so loud you’d have thought I was MaCaulay Culkin.”
Ding Dong
Doorbell again asshats. Steve runs over to open the door, meanwhile…
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
AJ tackles Steve out of the way and they scramble on the floor fighting to either open of close the door. A frustrated Layla steps over them.
“Would you guys cut it out? It’s only the pizza guy!”
Layla hands the man a twenty and he walks off. Steve and AJ pick themselves up off the ground and dust themselves off while they glared at one another.
Sure, maybe I felt like a part of my dignity and pride were being ripped away from me when I started doing things for me. When I started acting selfish. But you know what….this business….this world….its so cut throat that you almost can’t go out in it without watching your back. Does that make me a bad person because I choose to live my life different then somebody else? Well if it does….then **** you.
Because I ain’t changing. Not for anybody.
That’s it dude! Your going to have to choose. Me…or Halloween.
“Dude…don’t make me do this.”
I’m not kidding around here Steve. It’s either me or the night that brings back such horrible memories.
Ding Dong
Doorbell once again ass faces.
Clocks ticking Steve. Make your choice.
Awesome walks up to AJ. Grabs him by the hand and they proceed to engage in a deep, passionate….
I’ve been the asshole my whole career pretty much. So there’s no reason to change. But something happened to me that night I shattered Trent Helms wrist into a million little pieces. Maybe I finally realized that I when I said I was willing to just about anything to get ahead…I actually meant it. Where as….Angel sure talks a big game but all he can do is brood at a bar and drown his sorrows in a glass of beer. I’ve never lied about the type of person I am. If want you to suffer, I don’t wait until I get a wrestling match….I’ll find you, bring my friends, a few weapons, and kick your ass right then and there. You may call me a bitch for it….but I’m sure it’s hard to send the message when your strapped up to a hospital bed.
….best friend secret handshake.
What were you thinking? Homo. AJ smiles at Steve.
“I’m sorry….”
Awesome pulls open the door and drops some more candy into some little kids bag.
GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!
“But….this is my house.”
AJ looks around.
Oh….right. FINE! I’LL GET OUT!
Suddenly a midget comes wobbling out from the kitchen dressed in nothing but pink under where. He was a hairy midget too and his beer gut hung over his stinky pinkies.
Hairy midget: I love you AJ.
The midget said in an obvious smoker voice. You know the gravelly one where it reminds you of the sounds made when a man is brave enough to enter Bea Arthur’s vagina.
I love you too Pumpkin.
That’s the midgets name by the way.
“Pumpkin” The hairy midget: You take.
Pumpkin the hairy midget digs inside his stinky pinkies and pulls out a wad of cash and places it in a very reluctant AJ’s hand.
“Pumpkin” The hairy midget: Bring me back a pack of Marlboro One Hundreds In a Box. HACK HACK COUGH COUGH!
Kole leans over to Doc.
That doesn’t sound healthy at all.
Doc shakes his head no.
See you soon munchkin.
“Pumpkin” The Hairy Midget: Awh….that was just mean!
The midget kicks AJ in the shin as the scene cuts out.
As the credits roll we get a picture of Steve and AJ Phoenix shaking hands. Text appears on the bottom of the screen.
“Steve and AJ became friends again as soon as AJ brought the cigarettes back for Pumpkin. They decided to bury the hatchet and just forget about Halloween for awhile. Instead of think how much the day meant to them or how much the day made them angry, they just spent the whole night making fun of kids in there costumes.”
A picture of Kole pops up. Text follows.
“Kole Kaos decided to seek out therapy after enduring what he called the most ridiculous night of his life.”
A picture of Doc is next.
“Doc got angry with the writers of this thing. He demanded that the next time they make fun of somebody who just tries too damn hard that he should be the star…..or at least have more lines.”
Layla is next.
“Layla became a big fan of pizza again. She was able to eat the entire thing since nobody seemed to realize they even had any to begin with.
Then pumpkin appears.
“Pumpkin was later diagnosed with emphazema and died shortly after the filming of this piece. Wich is good because he narrowly missed the financial suit that Bea Arthur’s vagina took out on him for stealing it’s trademark voice.
The end.
The scene opens one more time. Steve Awesome is shown in front of a camera.
“Oh and Angel…..your not winning my title. So…go **** yourself. Kthxby!”
Fade.