Post by theonly on Dec 3, 2008 23:27:46 GMT -6
*Subtitled As: "Death Nearly Blooms"*
Tuesday morning.
A day that shall forever be placed into my mind.
It started off like any other day.
I was eating breakfast.
My sister and her boyfriend left without telling anyone.
I yelled at them the night before.
I thought it was my fault.
I had drove people away from me before and I thought I had done it again.
So I started to drink...
Started to drown my sorrows.
Megan slapped the bottle from my hands.
I took it upon myself to slap her.
I made my love bleed.
I made my love experience pain.
I made my love cry.
I became the monster again.
I became the thing I hate.
I was overcome with hate for myself...
Remorse for myself...
Disdain...
Any other emotion you can think of.
I take my daughter with me into the bathroom.
I grab a straight razor blade.
I proceed to cut my wrist...
The wrong way...
I didn't die...
But I wanted to.
Not because I drove my sister away.
Not because I hate life.
I wanted to because I hit my wife.
I had become my uncle.
The monster I hate.
He used to beat me.
Beat my cousins.
Beat my aunt.
I was just like him.
But I felt remorse.
I felt like I wanted to die because I injured my love.
I'm still living...
Still breathing...
Still ticking...
Still angry.
This has put perspective into my life.
It's made me think about my goals.
It's made me realize that the reasons I have are valid.
But now its not about deserving what he has.
This is about life and death now.
This is about how I can think about killing myself after earning my way.
While he runs amok...
Not caring...
Not feeling...
For anyone else but himself.
How would he feel if he slapped his love?
How would you feel if you slapped your love?
My pain...
My hurt...
Is increased now.
Frostbyte...
Kiss your family goodbye.
Kiss your friends goodbye.
Look at yourself in the mirror.
Ask yourself if you really think you have a chance...
A shot...
A hope...
A prayer of beating me.
You see Frost...
I live to serve her.
She's my everything.
If I lost her, I would end my life.
But she's still with me.
She's feeling my pain...
My sorrow...
My guilt.
But she feels it in a different way.
She wants to comfort me...
Hold me...
**** me...
And love me.
You on the other hand.
You'll feel the same emotions in a different manner.
They'll be beaten into you...
Driven into you...
Maimed into you...
Its not hard to understand why nCw saw you fit as my "punishment" for making Bad Luck Chuck pay his dues.
You're enough to make anyone want to kill themself.
In a way...
You pushed me over the edge.
So now, I have to push you into the edge.
Put on a jacket Frost.
I know you think it's cold already...
But when I get done with you...
Its going to be that much colder.
There is life after death.
You're going to experience it at my hands.
Why?
She demands it from me.