Post by Mike Honcho on Dec 6, 2008 14:54:17 GMT -6
Our scene opens with the people’s hero, Mike Honcho, driving around in the Honcho-Van. He is driving around corners way too fast, spilling the open bag of cat food across the back of the van. As the sound of cat food is quickly drowned out by the sound of “Dragostea Din Tei” by O-Zone, Honcho feels his phone begin to vibrate. He pushes the blue tooth button on his steering wheel and the music fades.
Honcho-Man: Who the f**k is it?!?! I was listening to my Numa Numa song! Why would you do that to me?
Charlene: Mike! It’s Charlene, I found out something about your past. Are you interested in me telling you about it?
Mike: Really? I’ll be over in a few minutes, just hang on!
Charlene: No, wait lets meet at Starbucks or some…
She hears the phone disconnect and throws it in frustration. Then she wonders how Mike knows where she lives. Before she could finish the thought, she hears faint music in the distant. Then suddenly she hears a loud crash in her front lawn.
She runs to the window and sees a tipped over Honcho-Van in her yard with Mike climbing out of the passenger side door that is sticking up in the air. He falls down to the ground and stumbbles to the door.
Charlene: Oh my goodness! Are you ok? What happened?
Honcho: I think it was a bad idea to drink and drive at the same time. I’m not going to lie; I was taking a drink when I tried to beat the red light before it turned green. Not the brightest idea I’ve ever had but I do enjoy a good beer.
Charlene: I’m pretty sure the cops are on their way here. I can’t cover anything up and I will testify against you. I hope you like jail time sir.
Magic Man: You forget one thing, ever since I was Tasered on camera by the police, I’m pretty much untouchable. If they try to arrest me, I’ll go public with the tape. In other words, don’t worry about it.
A police car pulls up and a officer runs to Mike with his hand on his gun. He shines the flashlight in Mike’s face.
Officer: Are you the owner of this van and have you been drinking?
MH: Yes, I’ve been drinking Tab soda since five this afternoon and I’m waisted.
Officer: First off, it’s 5:15 and second Tab is non-alcoholic. You’re just an idiot. Place your hands on your head.
Yelling as loud has he can
Mike: Do you know who I am? I’m Mike mother f**kin Honcho! You can’t touch me fart knocker! I’m untouchable but I’m forcing you to feel me, bitch!
With her jaw dropped, she tries to pull the Honcho-Man into the house before he says anything else that would get him thrown in jail. But to her surprise, the officer apologizes for his actions and calls over four more officers to help flip the van back over on its wheels. When the van is back in it’s upright position, the cops drive off and Honcho sits on Charlene’s couch.
With a look of confidence
Honcho: So why did you want me to come over here for? I think you said something about you asking me to marry you.
Miss Riggs: I don’t think that’s why I called you over. I was going through a bunch of old nCw footage and found where the News threw a chair into the crowd and it struck a young man in the head. The young man’s name was Mike Honcho.
With a condescending look
Magic Man: And what does that have to do with me? He has the same name as me. Whoop-de-sh*t! It’s an awesome name and I can see why a lot of people would name their kids that.
Charlene: Let me finish. I did more research on the young man who was hit in the head. He lost all memory and the only thing he had to clue him to his identity was a driver’s license that was snapped in half with the name “Tony Buttafuoco” on it.
The address was unreadable so there was no way to properly identify him. So he just started going by the name Tony Buttafuoco. That same young man became a wrestler with nCw before a “car accident” reported by the News. In the crash, the young man forgot who he was again.
So then News made up the name Mike Honcho to give to you; but in actuality, it was your real name all along. Now you know that your name is really Mike Honcho and you have a real family and a real life before this year.
With a confused look
Mike: So… What your saying is that I have a family, a past life, and I don’t have to legally change my name to Mike Honcho after all? Why would you tell me this?
Charlene: I thought you’d like to know that you have a past. I would like to know if I had a life that I couldn’t remember. Are you mad?
The Magic Man has a furious look on his face
Honcho: I’m pissed off!!! You just ruined everything! I was having the time of my life because I didn’t have anything holding me back. Now you drop this on me? What the hell!
I hope you have a beautiful son. A beautiful, articulate son! So I can have a son too! Because I will marry you right here and now…. Did I just say that out loud?
Charlene: I’m just going to act like I didn’t just hear that. I did find your real parents though. Your mom is alive and well in Colorado. I have her information right here if you want to make contact.
MH: What about my dad? Where is he?
She gets a concerned look on her face.
Charlene: Well, I did find something about your dad. He’s a pro wrestler. I contacted him and he has known that you are his son for some time now. He asked me not to tell you, but I think you have a right to know that he is in fact somebody that works for nCw.
Mike buries his head in his hands as he sits in shock.
Mike: You mean that one of my co-workers is my dad? I don’t believe it! What the hell? Just tell me it’s not Leonard Fox. If I find out that Kelly Fox is my sister, I’m going to be sick and will have to burn down my apartment because if have to be in a room with posters of my sister everywhere that I would look at while I master…. masticated. I chew a lot of gum…
Charlene looks at him and puts her hand on his shoulder.
Riggs: I’m sorry Mike, but I can’t even tell you yes or no on that. I will be sued if I answer any more questions on the matter of your dad. I’m sorry, Mike.
The scene fades as Charlene begins to comfort the Honcho-Man who is crying.
Honcho-Man: Who the f**k is it?!?! I was listening to my Numa Numa song! Why would you do that to me?
Charlene: Mike! It’s Charlene, I found out something about your past. Are you interested in me telling you about it?
Mike: Really? I’ll be over in a few minutes, just hang on!
Charlene: No, wait lets meet at Starbucks or some…
She hears the phone disconnect and throws it in frustration. Then she wonders how Mike knows where she lives. Before she could finish the thought, she hears faint music in the distant. Then suddenly she hears a loud crash in her front lawn.
She runs to the window and sees a tipped over Honcho-Van in her yard with Mike climbing out of the passenger side door that is sticking up in the air. He falls down to the ground and stumbbles to the door.
Charlene: Oh my goodness! Are you ok? What happened?
Honcho: I think it was a bad idea to drink and drive at the same time. I’m not going to lie; I was taking a drink when I tried to beat the red light before it turned green. Not the brightest idea I’ve ever had but I do enjoy a good beer.
Charlene: I’m pretty sure the cops are on their way here. I can’t cover anything up and I will testify against you. I hope you like jail time sir.
Magic Man: You forget one thing, ever since I was Tasered on camera by the police, I’m pretty much untouchable. If they try to arrest me, I’ll go public with the tape. In other words, don’t worry about it.
A police car pulls up and a officer runs to Mike with his hand on his gun. He shines the flashlight in Mike’s face.
Officer: Are you the owner of this van and have you been drinking?
MH: Yes, I’ve been drinking Tab soda since five this afternoon and I’m waisted.
Officer: First off, it’s 5:15 and second Tab is non-alcoholic. You’re just an idiot. Place your hands on your head.
Yelling as loud has he can
Mike: Do you know who I am? I’m Mike mother f**kin Honcho! You can’t touch me fart knocker! I’m untouchable but I’m forcing you to feel me, bitch!
With her jaw dropped, she tries to pull the Honcho-Man into the house before he says anything else that would get him thrown in jail. But to her surprise, the officer apologizes for his actions and calls over four more officers to help flip the van back over on its wheels. When the van is back in it’s upright position, the cops drive off and Honcho sits on Charlene’s couch.
With a look of confidence
Honcho: So why did you want me to come over here for? I think you said something about you asking me to marry you.
Miss Riggs: I don’t think that’s why I called you over. I was going through a bunch of old nCw footage and found where the News threw a chair into the crowd and it struck a young man in the head. The young man’s name was Mike Honcho.
With a condescending look
Magic Man: And what does that have to do with me? He has the same name as me. Whoop-de-sh*t! It’s an awesome name and I can see why a lot of people would name their kids that.
Charlene: Let me finish. I did more research on the young man who was hit in the head. He lost all memory and the only thing he had to clue him to his identity was a driver’s license that was snapped in half with the name “Tony Buttafuoco” on it.
The address was unreadable so there was no way to properly identify him. So he just started going by the name Tony Buttafuoco. That same young man became a wrestler with nCw before a “car accident” reported by the News. In the crash, the young man forgot who he was again.
So then News made up the name Mike Honcho to give to you; but in actuality, it was your real name all along. Now you know that your name is really Mike Honcho and you have a real family and a real life before this year.
With a confused look
Mike: So… What your saying is that I have a family, a past life, and I don’t have to legally change my name to Mike Honcho after all? Why would you tell me this?
Charlene: I thought you’d like to know that you have a past. I would like to know if I had a life that I couldn’t remember. Are you mad?
The Magic Man has a furious look on his face
Honcho: I’m pissed off!!! You just ruined everything! I was having the time of my life because I didn’t have anything holding me back. Now you drop this on me? What the hell!
I hope you have a beautiful son. A beautiful, articulate son! So I can have a son too! Because I will marry you right here and now…. Did I just say that out loud?
Charlene: I’m just going to act like I didn’t just hear that. I did find your real parents though. Your mom is alive and well in Colorado. I have her information right here if you want to make contact.
MH: What about my dad? Where is he?
She gets a concerned look on her face.
Charlene: Well, I did find something about your dad. He’s a pro wrestler. I contacted him and he has known that you are his son for some time now. He asked me not to tell you, but I think you have a right to know that he is in fact somebody that works for nCw.
Mike buries his head in his hands as he sits in shock.
Mike: You mean that one of my co-workers is my dad? I don’t believe it! What the hell? Just tell me it’s not Leonard Fox. If I find out that Kelly Fox is my sister, I’m going to be sick and will have to burn down my apartment because if have to be in a room with posters of my sister everywhere that I would look at while I master…. masticated. I chew a lot of gum…
Charlene looks at him and puts her hand on his shoulder.
Riggs: I’m sorry Mike, but I can’t even tell you yes or no on that. I will be sued if I answer any more questions on the matter of your dad. I’m sorry, Mike.
The scene fades as Charlene begins to comfort the Honcho-Man who is crying.