Post by Steve Awesome on Jan 10, 2009 23:06:37 GMT -6
Click here to view the Awesome webcast
As you click another loading screen pops up. This time it’s a vignette of all the classic moments when The Ace was in love with a girl who thought she was a cat……heh remember how stupid that was? The bar reaches one hundred and the scene opens up to Steve Awesome sitting in a room. He has his hair pulled back and his sunglasses pulled up on top of his forehead. The strange part is that he’s laughing. He shakes his head and holds up his hands.
“Oh my god……guys…..I’m so sorry….”
He says in between winded breaths. He wipes his mouth and clears his throat.
“I know laughing is like a huge continuity error from the last one we did, but after what I just read, I can’t help it. I just read what The Ace had to say and I suddenly realized why I hated the guy so much in the first place. Because he’s a douche bag. Oh man, did you guys read that comment? Of course not, your too busy checking out all the new Steve Awesome merchandise on sale for the New Year. Buy it now because I could sure use the money.”
He flashes a quick smile and a thumbs up.
“Anyway, if you missed it or you’re God forbid….an Ace fan….I know there’s been at least two outbreaks in Northern Nigeria, go ahead and hit pause and scroll up and take a look at it. Don’t worry I’ll do it for you.
Suddenly, Steve freezes in his spot. He does this for several seconds until he finally bursts out of it.
“Ha, thought I really paused it didn’t you. Seriously though, you guys don’t wanna read that pile of trash. I printed it out and my cat wouldn’t even take a crap on it. So if you didn’t read it before hand, some of this might not make sense to you, and if you did read it……
He takes a deep empathetic sigh.
“I feel sorry for your pain.”
He holds his heart and stares deeply into the camera.
“But right….onto my old best friend.”
His big smile and joking attitude seem to disappear. That cocky smirk returns to his face. That’s when you knew it was time for business.
“So…..it looks like Ace finally stood up and put on his big boy pants. He finally got the courage to try and tell me like it was. He was determined to give me a piece of his mind this time and this time he really did it folks. So old Acey got up, puffed out his chest, sat down behind his computer and he wrote me up the nastiest letter he could come up with. Oh man, he just tore me a new a-hole everybody. And you know what, honestly, I think I’m going to just drop out of the match and leave the company.”
Awesome stops and scratches his head.
“No, that’s a bitch move.”
He smiles.
“Instead, I’ll stay and I’ll critique it Ace. For the most part I kind of liked it dude. I like how you changed it up a bit and did the same boring, restate the question in the answer approach you always do instead of going with the same old same old, boring, restate the question in the answer approach you always do.
Awesome rolls his eyes. The stupidity was killing him faster then Ace’s hair could recede.
“Then the other part that I thought was kinda neat, was the way you brought the comment up to a PG13 rating and called me a bitch at the end of it. Really put the exclamation point on the angry text you used on me. So yeah...D Minus at best. But don’t worry dude, I’ve already accepted the fact that you’re the Ace.”
“A whiny little douche bag who can’t accept when’s he’s been beat…multiple times. A whiny little douche bag who can’t accept the fact that he isn’t all he makes himself out to be. Face it Ace, man, your mediocre. You may have done something to some guy in some match in some company in some year before I gave a damn, but hear in nCw, where the real competition is, your just mediocre. Your not the face of Satan, your just the face of the hair club for men. You dated a chick who thought she was a cat for crying out loud! You were banging a RETARD! And I’m supposed to be scared by you? Why because you beat Johnny Rotten while he was drunk? Then still you had to trick him anyway. Johnny’s not even that smart man. He drinks WAY to much. That can’t be good for your brain.”
“You live in your own little world Ace. A world filled with excuses and puns. Where the world loves you and your some kind of respected and feared individual. But let me explain something to you Ace……
Steve walks up and picks up the web cam in his hand and he brings it up to his face.
“I…..DON’T….FEAR…YOU!”
He slowly blinks.
“I don’t fear you at all Ace. Not one tiny, insignificant, obscure bit. I just feel sorry for you. Because I know that no matter what I say…..this will never end between us. Because your too pig headed to ever admit the obvious. So you know what I’m going to do when we get locked inside the Dragons Den. I’m not going to viciously maim you and then force your child and wife to watch it over and over again…even though I want too…so…sooooo bad…….”
He just shakes his head.
“I’m just going to wrestle you. I’m going to wrestle you and I’m going to beat you.”
“Then, once you have no more excuses….once the cold hard truth is in front of your eyes…..”
“Maybe it’ll finally shut you up.”
Static.