Post by Lord Dominicus on Feb 13, 2009 1:24:57 GMT -6
*We open on a sunny Californian day; the camera has found itself at a studio. It weaves its way through sound stage after soundstage until it finds the one it wants. Finally, the door opens and it goes in. The camera walks into the soundstage, and the first thing it sees is a set that looks exactly like Nelly Angel's apartment. It moves towards that, but quickly turns as it goes to a white backdrop with two men sitting in folding directors chairs, waiting. These men are Nelly Angel and his brother/manager Randy Angel. The camera moves up to the two of them.*
Nelly: Hey folks. You know, we have a lot of fun every week here and I hope that you're having just as much fun as Randy and I are.
Randy: Yeah, we like to have a good time.
Nelly: But from time to time- in fact, all the time, we get letters from fans who want to know more about us and what we do.
Randy: We get literally tons of letters.
*Pause.*
Nelly: Well, not literally.
Randy: Yes, literally. It's like we get tons of letters.
Nelly: Yes, it is like that, which means it's figuratively tons.
Randy: Literally, figuratively, what's the difference?
Nelly: Well literally would imply that we're actually getting a ton of letters, as in like the weight of a ton.
Randy: Well- um, you know, maybe if we actually weig- you know what? Do you want to do this segment or don't you?
Nelly: Sorry.
*Nelly returns his attention to the camera.*
Nelly: So anyway, we thought we'd take a break from all the zany adventures and stuff like that to instead answer some of the questions that are constantly thrown at us.
Randy: We're gonna rock the mailbag! Hit those questions, baby!
Nelly: Ah, a great starter question. As most of you, much of my career has been spent as an interviewer for another company. This is why I named my finisher the Interviewer's Invert. Because there's some inverting going on in there somewhere. To be honest, I love interviewing, and would have continued it here, but felt that I should focus more on my wrestling since I often get too wrapped up in interviewing to wrestle well. When I was in college I worked for the college radio station, it wasn't a very popular show.
Randy: Then why did you send me all of your tapes and say you were super popular?
Nelly: I was hoping my family would be supportive.
Randy: Again, why send it to me then?
Nelly: Good point. Anyway, when I was in high school I did some volunteer work around town, and that's about it, not many jobs for me.
Randy: I worked for a rather large company as an executive. I can't say the company's name though, or they'll sue me for slander, I guess they don't want my image associated with them anymore.
*The two just stare at the camera.*
Nelly: What?
Randy: I think the question is implying that we're like the Kane family where it's very unrealistic that we've been brothers and are in fact faking it to build our names.
Nelly: Ah. We've always been brothers, there's no long-lost thing in there or anything. We've seen each other every Christmas for as long as I can remember.
Randy: Why not?
Nelly: Lemme field this one. See, when I debuted in nCw, I had no direction, and in fact, I still don't think I do. I only have my mission to be the best wrestler I can and put on the best matches for the fans. Having said that, the higher-ups at nCw felt it would help me to put on better matches by combining me with similar wrestlers. So I never really chose the X-Division, it sort of chose me. I'm fairly happy with it though, they're mostly pretty cool guys who wrestle really well. I'm a huge fan of Falcon and Jack Hammond, I love having matches with those guys. For some reason, I think both Mark Evil and Sexy Jason are considered to be in the X-Division, which is weird since Mark Evil is clearly more Xtreme than X- wait, that doesn't make sense. Well, you know what I mean. And Jason's style doesn't really match. Either way, I'm not complaining, I really enjoy getting into the ring with the likes of Mark, despite my horrid fear that he'll hurt me. And I love wrestling with Jason-
Randy: Even though he makes you look disgusting by comparison.
Nelly: Yes...well, we can't with them all I guess.
Randy: Anyone who faces my client.
Nelly: That's a lot of people Rand.
Randy: Yeah Nel, I know.
Nelly: As for me, I actually like most guys, or at least give them a chance. However, there are about I'd say, three guys who've really not shown that true X-Division spirit of competition, or have gummed it up terribly with their lifestyles. The two biggest names who've been in the X-Division are Angel and AJ Phoenix. Now, I know AJ from another company and even back then the guy was a jerk. Nothing has changed. When he joined Corporate Empire, I'm pretty sure it came to the shock of nobody. His attitude has always been garbage, and whenever he says that he's changed, he's lying. I've seen him play that game more than enough times. He is in fact the reason why I left the Resistance. On the other side of the coin is Angel, he's nearly AJ's doppelganger, the only difference is that when AJ pretends to have changed, Angel just keeps acting the same. Heck, sometimes he seems to thrive on it, despite being a hypocrite and going after guys who act like him. I have to say the most disgusting thing I've seen was when Angel cut his promo from a church, that man doesn't belong there. I don't care what Falcon says, as long as people like Angel are in the focal point of the Revolution, it'll never get anywhere.
Randy: Who's the third guy?
Nelly: Jimmy Zane.
Randy: Why?
Nelly: Why? See, when I first joined, Jimmy had himself covered in face paint and was cutting hard to figure out promos of insanity. I liked that. I lumped him under the group of those guys in wrestling who just can't do any other job- like Mark Evil. And so he was doing his best in his own little crazy way. But as time has passed, I've noticed that he's not crazy, in fact, he was just doing that little gig to get some attention. Since then, all he's done is title-hunt and lie, and cheat, and do whatever he can to get farther than the next guy. Jimmy Zane, no matter what he might suggest some times, has no care if the match is good or not, if he can, he'll end my match this Sunday with him as fast as possible, with him as the victor.
Randy: Which actually brings us to our next question.
*Nelly looks down at his crotch.*
Nelly: I sure hope he doesn't, I'm rather fond of these guys.
Randy: I think I'll make Nelly wear a nut-cup just in case.
Nelly: If he does though, it'll just further prove my point that Jimmy isn't a sportsman at all and is in fact just a jerk.
Randy: Won't help you win though.
Nelly: No, no it won't.
Randy: Maybe we can get him to promise he won't.
*Nelly raises an eyebrow an looks over to his brother.*
Nelly: Are you kidding me?
Randy: No, why?
*Nelly calls off camera.*
Nelly: Hey Brian! What did Jimmy say before our tag match?
*A voice off camera responds*
(Presumably) Brian: "I won't turn my back on you, because that's not the kind of guy I am."
*Nelly turns back to Randy.*
Nelly: That's why.
Randy: I might, I might not. Depends who's asking.
Nelly: Or who you're paying for.
Randy: You son of a-
Randy: Huh?
Nelly: It's about you showing up.
Randy: I wasn't previously unseen, I used to work at another place right after Nelly got contracted here. I was a hardcore wrestler because my drunkenness made me nearly impervious to pain.
Nelly: Yeah, and I didn't know he'd stick around once he showed up.
Nelly: I didn't.
Randy: Yeah, I showed up to give my bro a little support after he wasn't invited to the Pay Per View in his first month. But I figured that since my company was going under I'd best find a new paycheck, so I convinced Kelly that I was Nelly's manager, and then due to my contractual obligations, eventually had to become an active manager with Nelly.
Nelly: Ha, that's what Jimmy Zane keeps asking. I dunno, I hadn't really thought about the title attached to the match. I just am going out, if I win, great, if I don't, then I'll go down fighting.
Randy: Or grabbing your crotch if Zane pulls a douche move.
Nelly: Touche'.
Nelly: I really like "Brad Logan" by Rancid too. Not only that, but it was about California, which is cool too. But most people change their music a million billion times a week anyway. And I figured that having a song about being high on junk probably wasn't appropriate, so I switched to Jet's "Rip it Up."
Nelly: It's hard enough cleaning up after Randy.
Randy: Hey!
Nelly: Randy, your questions don't count.
Randy: How did you know?!
Nelly: Well, first of all, I don't like Adam Knite or Angel. People seem to think that just because I left the Resistance that suddenly I've become a Revolution sympathizer. This is simply not the case. While yes, because of guys like Falcon and the now overseas team of Pure Innovation I've decided to once again hear what the Revolution, I have by no stretch decided if the Revolution is the way of change I agree with. Because surely there should be change. I'm just not sure how to go about enacting it.
Nelly: I do too, in fact, I love wrestling. I care enough about it that I can't look the other way at the varied things that are clogging up its arteries. You've seen what happens to other sports when they give in to the money and the drugs and the sex and the notoriety. I don't want that to happen to wrestling. Wrestling lives in disgrace as is, we need to fix that, and then make it better than any other sport out there. Every week I enter the ring I do it as a representative of wrestling. It'll be no different on Sunday when I take on Jimmy Zane. I'm doing this not for myself, no matter how much it sucked getting punched in my tag match with him last week, I'm doing this for wrestling, this great sport that has kept me going every day. Jimmy, do it for the title if you want, I'm doing this because it needs to be done as just another step of cleansing this sport. Fight me all you want Jimmy, some day you'll see the light, or be trampled under those who do. Now if you guys excuse me, we need to get back to work.
Randy: Thanks for joining us!
*The camera then fades.*
Nelly: Hey folks. You know, we have a lot of fun every week here and I hope that you're having just as much fun as Randy and I are.
Randy: Yeah, we like to have a good time.
Nelly: But from time to time- in fact, all the time, we get letters from fans who want to know more about us and what we do.
Randy: We get literally tons of letters.
*Pause.*
Nelly: Well, not literally.
Randy: Yes, literally. It's like we get tons of letters.
Nelly: Yes, it is like that, which means it's figuratively tons.
Randy: Literally, figuratively, what's the difference?
Nelly: Well literally would imply that we're actually getting a ton of letters, as in like the weight of a ton.
Randy: Well- um, you know, maybe if we actually weig- you know what? Do you want to do this segment or don't you?
Nelly: Sorry.
*Nelly returns his attention to the camera.*
Nelly: So anyway, we thought we'd take a break from all the zany adventures and stuff like that to instead answer some of the questions that are constantly thrown at us.
Randy: We're gonna rock the mailbag! Hit those questions, baby!
Nelly, what other jobs have you had?
Nelly: Ah, a great starter question. As most of you, much of my career has been spent as an interviewer for another company. This is why I named my finisher the Interviewer's Invert. Because there's some inverting going on in there somewhere. To be honest, I love interviewing, and would have continued it here, but felt that I should focus more on my wrestling since I often get too wrapped up in interviewing to wrestle well. When I was in college I worked for the college radio station, it wasn't a very popular show.
Randy: Then why did you send me all of your tapes and say you were super popular?
Nelly: I was hoping my family would be supportive.
Randy: Again, why send it to me then?
Nelly: Good point. Anyway, when I was in high school I did some volunteer work around town, and that's about it, not many jobs for me.
Randy: I worked for a rather large company as an executive. I can't say the company's name though, or they'll sue me for slander, I guess they don't want my image associated with them anymore.
How long have you two been "brothers?"
*The two just stare at the camera.*
Nelly: What?
Randy: I think the question is implying that we're like the Kane family where it's very unrealistic that we've been brothers and are in fact faking it to build our names.
Nelly: Ah. We've always been brothers, there's no long-lost thing in there or anything. We've seen each other every Christmas for as long as I can remember.
Why the X-Division?
Randy: Why not?
Nelly: Lemme field this one. See, when I debuted in nCw, I had no direction, and in fact, I still don't think I do. I only have my mission to be the best wrestler I can and put on the best matches for the fans. Having said that, the higher-ups at nCw felt it would help me to put on better matches by combining me with similar wrestlers. So I never really chose the X-Division, it sort of chose me. I'm fairly happy with it though, they're mostly pretty cool guys who wrestle really well. I'm a huge fan of Falcon and Jack Hammond, I love having matches with those guys. For some reason, I think both Mark Evil and Sexy Jason are considered to be in the X-Division, which is weird since Mark Evil is clearly more Xtreme than X- wait, that doesn't make sense. Well, you know what I mean. And Jason's style doesn't really match. Either way, I'm not complaining, I really enjoy getting into the ring with the likes of Mark, despite my horrid fear that he'll hurt me. And I love wrestling with Jason-
Randy: Even though he makes you look disgusting by comparison.
Nelly: Yes...well, we can't with them all I guess.
Is there anyone in the X-Division you don't like?
Randy: Anyone who faces my client.
Nelly: That's a lot of people Rand.
Randy: Yeah Nel, I know.
Nelly: As for me, I actually like most guys, or at least give them a chance. However, there are about I'd say, three guys who've really not shown that true X-Division spirit of competition, or have gummed it up terribly with their lifestyles. The two biggest names who've been in the X-Division are Angel and AJ Phoenix. Now, I know AJ from another company and even back then the guy was a jerk. Nothing has changed. When he joined Corporate Empire, I'm pretty sure it came to the shock of nobody. His attitude has always been garbage, and whenever he says that he's changed, he's lying. I've seen him play that game more than enough times. He is in fact the reason why I left the Resistance. On the other side of the coin is Angel, he's nearly AJ's doppelganger, the only difference is that when AJ pretends to have changed, Angel just keeps acting the same. Heck, sometimes he seems to thrive on it, despite being a hypocrite and going after guys who act like him. I have to say the most disgusting thing I've seen was when Angel cut his promo from a church, that man doesn't belong there. I don't care what Falcon says, as long as people like Angel are in the focal point of the Revolution, it'll never get anywhere.
Randy: Who's the third guy?
Nelly: Jimmy Zane.
Randy: Why?
Nelly: Why? See, when I first joined, Jimmy had himself covered in face paint and was cutting hard to figure out promos of insanity. I liked that. I lumped him under the group of those guys in wrestling who just can't do any other job- like Mark Evil. And so he was doing his best in his own little crazy way. But as time has passed, I've noticed that he's not crazy, in fact, he was just doing that little gig to get some attention. Since then, all he's done is title-hunt and lie, and cheat, and do whatever he can to get farther than the next guy. Jimmy Zane, no matter what he might suggest some times, has no care if the match is good or not, if he can, he'll end my match this Sunday with him as fast as possible, with him as the victor.
Randy: Which actually brings us to our next question.
Do you think that Jimmy Zane will use a low-blow to gain the upper hand on Sunday just like he did to Sexy Jason to get his title shot in the first place?
*Nelly looks down at his crotch.*
Nelly: I sure hope he doesn't, I'm rather fond of these guys.
Randy: I think I'll make Nelly wear a nut-cup just in case.
Nelly: If he does though, it'll just further prove my point that Jimmy isn't a sportsman at all and is in fact just a jerk.
Randy: Won't help you win though.
Nelly: No, no it won't.
Randy: Maybe we can get him to promise he won't.
*Nelly raises an eyebrow an looks over to his brother.*
Nelly: Are you kidding me?
Randy: No, why?
*Nelly calls off camera.*
Nelly: Hey Brian! What did Jimmy say before our tag match?
*A voice off camera responds*
(Presumably) Brian: "I won't turn my back on you, because that's not the kind of guy I am."
*Nelly turns back to Randy.*
Nelly: That's why.
Does Randy have a girlfriend?
Randy: I might, I might not. Depends who's asking.
Nelly: Or who you're paying for.
Randy: You son of a-
Wasn't it jumping the shark a bit introducing an alcoholic previously unseen brother character so soon after your debut?
Randy: Huh?
Nelly: It's about you showing up.
Randy: I wasn't previously unseen, I used to work at another place right after Nelly got contracted here. I was a hardcore wrestler because my drunkenness made me nearly impervious to pain.
Nelly: Yeah, and I didn't know he'd stick around once he showed up.
Why did you hire Randy? He seems incompetent.
Nelly: I didn't.
Randy: Yeah, I showed up to give my bro a little support after he wasn't invited to the Pay Per View in his first month. But I figured that since my company was going under I'd best find a new paycheck, so I convinced Kelly that I was Nelly's manager, and then due to my contractual obligations, eventually had to become an active manager with Nelly.
What makes you think you can become X-Division Champion?
Nelly: Ha, that's what Jimmy Zane keeps asking. I dunno, I hadn't really thought about the title attached to the match. I just am going out, if I win, great, if I don't, then I'll go down fighting.
Randy: Or grabbing your crotch if Zane pulls a douche move.
Nelly: Touche'.
Why did you change away from your old theme song? I really liked it.
Nelly: I really like "Brad Logan" by Rancid too. Not only that, but it was about California, which is cool too. But most people change their music a million billion times a week anyway. And I figured that having a song about being high on junk probably wasn't appropriate, so I switched to Jet's "Rip it Up."
Do you have any pets?
Nelly: It's hard enough cleaning up after Randy.
Randy: Hey!
I heard that Jimmy Zane is a Nazi and is in the KKK, is that true?
Nelly: Randy, your questions don't count.
Randy: How did you know?!
Why haven't you joined the Revolution?
Nelly: Well, first of all, I don't like Adam Knite or Angel. People seem to think that just because I left the Resistance that suddenly I've become a Revolution sympathizer. This is simply not the case. While yes, because of guys like Falcon and the now overseas team of Pure Innovation I've decided to once again hear what the Revolution, I have by no stretch decided if the Revolution is the way of change I agree with. Because surely there should be change. I'm just not sure how to go about enacting it.
Why do you want to change wrestling anyway? I like wrestling.
Nelly: I do too, in fact, I love wrestling. I care enough about it that I can't look the other way at the varied things that are clogging up its arteries. You've seen what happens to other sports when they give in to the money and the drugs and the sex and the notoriety. I don't want that to happen to wrestling. Wrestling lives in disgrace as is, we need to fix that, and then make it better than any other sport out there. Every week I enter the ring I do it as a representative of wrestling. It'll be no different on Sunday when I take on Jimmy Zane. I'm doing this not for myself, no matter how much it sucked getting punched in my tag match with him last week, I'm doing this for wrestling, this great sport that has kept me going every day. Jimmy, do it for the title if you want, I'm doing this because it needs to be done as just another step of cleansing this sport. Fight me all you want Jimmy, some day you'll see the light, or be trampled under those who do. Now if you guys excuse me, we need to get back to work.
Randy: Thanks for joining us!
*The camera then fades.*