Post by Philip Burns on Feb 13, 2009 17:41:27 GMT -6
Philip Burns paces the floor of his new house wearing a fine house coat Hugh Hefner style with a phone to his ear. He is visibly upset, a lot weighing on his mind. Who could he be trying to talk to? He has a huge match this Sunday with Angel against Upper Echelon. Maybe he is trying to contact his tag team partner to form a plan or maybe he is trying to get a meeting with his fellow Age of the Revolution members. Perhaps he is desperately trying to contact Kelly Fox and ask a favor. Whatever it is it I very important. Let's listen in.
“Thank you for calling Dish Network customer service. Your call is important to us. Please listen to all out menu options, as some of them may have changed.”
Crap. Okay so maybe it wasn't as important as I had hoped. But this man has been in his new home for nearly two weeks and has yet to hear from the DishMover technician.
For billing press one or say “Billing”
For technical support press two or say “Support”
Support.
Ok. Would you like to try some trouble shotting tips? Most problems can be solved with simple troubleshooting.
NO.
Okay.
Before Burns even hears what the automated system has to say next he firmly presses the zero key on his phone, indicating he would like to speak with a representative. Hold music ensues.
Burns is nearly irate, he usually comes home after a week on the road expecting his favorite shows to be waiting for him yet nothing this time.
6 MINUTES LATER
Thanks you for calling Dish Network my name is Kevin, how can I direct your call?
Finally! Yea dude I have been waiting for a couple weeks now on these DishMover guys and they were supposed to be here the day I moved in to this house. I have been without Late Night with Conan O'Brien for a long time now. You know that show only has one more week left until Conan moves out to Los Angeles to host the Tonight Show. If I don't get to see the final episode I will flip.
Sir I am sorry for your inconvenience and would be happy to assist you today. May I have your sixteen digit account number and verify your address please.
Burns give up the info. The account number is fine but the address comes back as incorrect.
We are sorry sir but the address you have given us is incorrect.
Damn try my old one. I bet the order never got put in.
He gives the guy his old address which checks out and they proceed.
OK sir thank you for that information. It seems that you are correct, the order never got placed on the DishMover. I will be happy to set up an appointment. In cases like these we put a rush order on getting your service hooked up. It seems we have a spot open for Sunday between Noon and 5PM.
Obviously he can not make this appointment with Crossroads being this Sunday in Toronto.
Yea well that doesn't work for me, I will be in Toronto, Ontario Canada. I am part of a big wrestling PAY-PER-VIEW... so that is out of the question.
Alright sir, not a problem. Sir we can also schedule you for next Saturday, the 21st.
Conan's last day is the 20th. What don't you understand? This thing was supposed to be taken care of already. How can I prepare to face the Upper Echelon is tag team action if I cant relax in front of my TV and enjoy Cactus Chef playing “We Didn't Start the Fire” on the flute?
Burns chuckles to himself at the fond memory. Good times.
I apologize sir but this is the best we can do. I would hazard to guess that basing your serenity around a television show isn't the healthiest thing to do. Especially since the show in question is Late Night with Conan O'Brien. He isn't very funny.
This sets Burns into a fury. The rage in his eyes is unrivaled by any trash talk scenario he has been part of.
Who the hell do you think you are? Conan not funny? Whats your last name bub?
Sir by law I can not disclose this information.
Hide behind your damn laws then. You know what my friends and I do? We take over inefficient companies and have out way with hem until it is good again. And it starts with trimming all the bull**** out. Thats you. I still have a few days off a week. nCw is not the only place needing an overhaul your hear me Dish boy?
This really isn't called for sir. Here I will tell you what I can do. I can have a guy be out there on Tuesday. This guy has an installation about 20 miles away from where you are but I think we may be able to fit it in. Also we are prepared to make a 5 dollar adjustment on your account as an apology for the inconvenience.
Phil rolls his eyes at the thought of 5 dollars worth of compensation. How could this guy be serious?
Yea man, thank GOD! I am really hurting for five ****ing dollars!
Sir, please calm down Mr. Burns sir. Alright my manager has just let me know that we are prepared to offer you five installments of ten dollars totaling 50 dollars.
Make it one installment of 100 dollars and its a deal. Otherwise shut it off and I will have cable installed tomorrow.
I am being told I can do that for you sir. You are a valued customer and we are sorry for your inconvenience.
You're damn right I am valued. If you can offer me a hundred bucks then why didnt you in the first place? I have every channel you guys offer. My bill is 400 dollars a month so don't **** with me.
I wouldn't dream of it sir. Alright we have the adjustment in place and it is no obligation so you do not have to accept any terms. We also have a technician scheduled for Tuesday. Is there anything I can help you with?
No.
Would you say I performed to your satisfaction sir?
Go to hell.
Philip Burns hangs up the phone. And tosses it on the couch. He takes a deep breath and sighs, trying to calm down. He hangs his head low, walk into the kitchen and pours himself a drink. Burns quickly consumes the drink and addresses unseen parties
Hey ladies, looks like we cant order that dirty movie we wanted.
Two very attractive women dressed to where they nearly aren't allowed to be shown on TV come form the bedroom.
Thats OK Burnsy, we can make our own!
Burns puts his arms around both women and they all head to the door the girls just came from.
Thats what I'm talking about! This is much better preparation for Upper Echelon!
The door slams shut and the scene fades away.
“Thank you for calling Dish Network customer service. Your call is important to us. Please listen to all out menu options, as some of them may have changed.”
Crap. Okay so maybe it wasn't as important as I had hoped. But this man has been in his new home for nearly two weeks and has yet to hear from the DishMover technician.
For billing press one or say “Billing”
For technical support press two or say “Support”
Support.
Ok. Would you like to try some trouble shotting tips? Most problems can be solved with simple troubleshooting.
NO.
Okay.
Before Burns even hears what the automated system has to say next he firmly presses the zero key on his phone, indicating he would like to speak with a representative. Hold music ensues.
Burns is nearly irate, he usually comes home after a week on the road expecting his favorite shows to be waiting for him yet nothing this time.
6 MINUTES LATER
Thanks you for calling Dish Network my name is Kevin, how can I direct your call?
Finally! Yea dude I have been waiting for a couple weeks now on these DishMover guys and they were supposed to be here the day I moved in to this house. I have been without Late Night with Conan O'Brien for a long time now. You know that show only has one more week left until Conan moves out to Los Angeles to host the Tonight Show. If I don't get to see the final episode I will flip.
Sir I am sorry for your inconvenience and would be happy to assist you today. May I have your sixteen digit account number and verify your address please.
Burns give up the info. The account number is fine but the address comes back as incorrect.
We are sorry sir but the address you have given us is incorrect.
Damn try my old one. I bet the order never got put in.
He gives the guy his old address which checks out and they proceed.
OK sir thank you for that information. It seems that you are correct, the order never got placed on the DishMover. I will be happy to set up an appointment. In cases like these we put a rush order on getting your service hooked up. It seems we have a spot open for Sunday between Noon and 5PM.
Obviously he can not make this appointment with Crossroads being this Sunday in Toronto.
Yea well that doesn't work for me, I will be in Toronto, Ontario Canada. I am part of a big wrestling PAY-PER-VIEW... so that is out of the question.
Alright sir, not a problem. Sir we can also schedule you for next Saturday, the 21st.
Conan's last day is the 20th. What don't you understand? This thing was supposed to be taken care of already. How can I prepare to face the Upper Echelon is tag team action if I cant relax in front of my TV and enjoy Cactus Chef playing “We Didn't Start the Fire” on the flute?
Burns chuckles to himself at the fond memory. Good times.
I apologize sir but this is the best we can do. I would hazard to guess that basing your serenity around a television show isn't the healthiest thing to do. Especially since the show in question is Late Night with Conan O'Brien. He isn't very funny.
This sets Burns into a fury. The rage in his eyes is unrivaled by any trash talk scenario he has been part of.
Who the hell do you think you are? Conan not funny? Whats your last name bub?
Sir by law I can not disclose this information.
Hide behind your damn laws then. You know what my friends and I do? We take over inefficient companies and have out way with hem until it is good again. And it starts with trimming all the bull**** out. Thats you. I still have a few days off a week. nCw is not the only place needing an overhaul your hear me Dish boy?
This really isn't called for sir. Here I will tell you what I can do. I can have a guy be out there on Tuesday. This guy has an installation about 20 miles away from where you are but I think we may be able to fit it in. Also we are prepared to make a 5 dollar adjustment on your account as an apology for the inconvenience.
Phil rolls his eyes at the thought of 5 dollars worth of compensation. How could this guy be serious?
Yea man, thank GOD! I am really hurting for five ****ing dollars!
Sir, please calm down Mr. Burns sir. Alright my manager has just let me know that we are prepared to offer you five installments of ten dollars totaling 50 dollars.
Make it one installment of 100 dollars and its a deal. Otherwise shut it off and I will have cable installed tomorrow.
I am being told I can do that for you sir. You are a valued customer and we are sorry for your inconvenience.
You're damn right I am valued. If you can offer me a hundred bucks then why didnt you in the first place? I have every channel you guys offer. My bill is 400 dollars a month so don't **** with me.
I wouldn't dream of it sir. Alright we have the adjustment in place and it is no obligation so you do not have to accept any terms. We also have a technician scheduled for Tuesday. Is there anything I can help you with?
No.
Would you say I performed to your satisfaction sir?
Go to hell.
Philip Burns hangs up the phone. And tosses it on the couch. He takes a deep breath and sighs, trying to calm down. He hangs his head low, walk into the kitchen and pours himself a drink. Burns quickly consumes the drink and addresses unseen parties
Hey ladies, looks like we cant order that dirty movie we wanted.
Two very attractive women dressed to where they nearly aren't allowed to be shown on TV come form the bedroom.
Thats OK Burnsy, we can make our own!
Burns puts his arms around both women and they all head to the door the girls just came from.
Thats what I'm talking about! This is much better preparation for Upper Echelon!
The door slams shut and the scene fades away.