Post by Mike Honcho on Feb 14, 2009 15:44:07 GMT -6
The scene opens shortly after Rob has eaten his Peyote. Chris looks over at Mike as he prepares Honcho’s Spirit Walk Peyote.
Rob: Mike, I’m giving you the same thing as Rob, but I’m not mixing it with a dog turd. So yours will not smell like crap as much.
Mike: Thanks dad. I’m hoping that this will get me back on the winning path. I’ve just been bad in the ring here the past couple of weeks. I know I’ve had a lot of things going on in my life here recently but that is no excuse. I could’ve and should’ve beat every one of those guys. I know there is no shame in losing to any of those guys, but I still didn’t bring my A game. I’m changing that with this spirit walk. I think that me or Rob will walk out the winner. “Jack-off” Liam “Master” Bates and Homeless Hard-on have no idea how focused and determined the both of will be.
Chris: Do you want me to ask Rob to job for you?
MH: No, that will not be necessary dad. I have a flawless plan. It’s a sure fire way to win. And after this Spirit Walk, I’ll be able to execute it flawlessly. Did I use “flawless” just now like, ten times?
Chris: More like two but that’s not the point. I think you are ready for your Spirit Walk. How you feeling Rob? Rob…ROB!
Rob Diamond is sitting perfectly still for the most part, the exception being the few muscle spasms that caused his entire body to twitch. He is staring into the fire with no blinks to moisturize his eyes. Chris walks over and lays him down and closes his eyes.
Chris: Give ‘em hell in there Rob. I know you will, but I know you suck so you need all the help I can give you. (looks over at Mike) Are you ready?
Magic Man: As ready as I’ll ever be. I’m ready to be a complete wrestler.
Chris hands Mike the Peyote and Mike eats every bit of it in one bite. He sits there for a few minutes and looks at Chris.
Mike: I don’t feel anything. Rob started tripping balls within seconds. I’m not even feeling buzzed.
Chris: Really? You ate enough to knock a rhino out cold. You do like to party, eat some more, my son.
Honcho eats two more hand fulls of the Peyote and still doesn’t feel anything. Finally, Chris reaches into his pocket and pulls out another baggy full of Peyote.
Chris: I was saving this for me later on tonight. It’s the strongest Peyote that’s ever been harvested. I think you need it more than I do. Just take a small bite, this is REALLY strong stuff and you’ve already eaten a pound of the weaker stuff. I think you might die or be tripping balls for the rest of your life.
MH: Ok, dad.
Chris hands Mike the baggy and Honcho pulls out a small piece. He takes a small bite from it but then he eats the whole thing. He hears Chris yell NO in a slow motion voice before everything fades to green. Mike stands up to look around and starts to hear “More Than a Feeling” by Boston start to play. He sees a guy with long, greasy hear walking in step with the song. Mike runs up to him, yelling to get his attention. The man stops and looks at him with an annoyed look on his face.
Diamond Dallas Honcho: Hey, where am I?
Man: Hey, Yo! You are…. IN HELL!
MH: I’m freaking out man…
Man: You are freaking out…. Man! (echoes)
Honcho: What the balls are you doing here? Who are you?
Man: I’m Tony Buttafuoco, and I’m here to kill you. You took my life away from me.
Magic Man: No, you took my life from me first! I just took it back. You piece of crap, you made me look like a effin loser that would cheat on his wife with a 16 year old, dump the girl, then she goes crazy and shoots my wife in the face. I’m not like that at all.
Tony: Really? It seems that since I’ve been taken out of the picture, you’ve done nothing. You are a tool that everybody makes fun of behind your back. I would have never lost any of those matches that you did. I would have beating Steve Awesome without Ace coming out with a fast count. You are nothing, a nobody, a LOSER! Now give me back my body!
The greasy haired Buttafuoco lunges at Honcho but Mike punches him in the face, midair. Tony hits the ground with a thud and disappears. Mike looks at his knuckles and Michel Jackson is dancing on them.
MH: Are you my Spirit Guide?
Jackson: No, he is. (Points to Honcho’s left)
ED209: I am your Spirit Guide. You have 30 seconds to comply.
Honcho: ED209? What the crap man? I’m really tripping balls.
ED209: Yes, you are tripping balls and on a journey to find who you really are before the match at Crossroads. You have 20 seconds to comply.
Magic Man: Alright, what do you need me to do?
ED209: You have two tasks you must complete. You’ve completed one task already, being true yourself and not listening to other people’s negative energy. You have 10 seconds to comply.
Mike: What’s the next step?
ED209: That is for you to figure out. I will use deadly force if you do not comply. You have 5 seconds.
Honcho: F you ED209! You won’t kill me; you’re supposed to help me. If you try to kill me, I will sock you right in the robot face!
ED209: Do your best. You have 30 seconds to comply.
Mike: What the crap is going on here? That’s it, I’m going to slap you ED209!
He starts to walk towards the giant robot but the green floor caves in on him and he lands in a dark, black hole. A bright light shines in his face and he puts up his hands to help protect his eyes. He sees a tall figure walking up to him. After a few seconds, he can see the person walking up to him is Death.
Mike: Are you Death? If so, I need more cowbell.
Death: Like I’ve never heard that one before, Honch. You have two choices, you can either die or face me in a game of chess. If you pick chess and lose, then you die anyways. I’ve never lost at chess so you can save us both time by picking…die…
MH: I know for a fact that you’ve lost in chess, Battleship, and Twister. I’ve seen Bill and Ted. Out of my face, Death.
He shoves down Death and steps over him and walks towards the light. He takes off one of his shoes and throws it at the light, busting it. Instead of the room becoming dark, the room changes to Crossroads PPV set up. ED209 was standing in the middle of the ring.
ED209: You have completed both tasked Honcho. You came to turms with yourself and you are no longer scared of death. You are ready to finish the Spirit Walk with… a walk. You have 30 seconds to comply.
With a defiant look on his face, he just flips off ED209 and walks to the back area that turns into a long, empty road. He walks the lonely road and thinks about the upcoming match up.
MH: Bates… Why can’t you be the master of the roll up? I mean, the “Master Bates of the Roll Up” is the best nickname ever! Besides Magic Man, DDH, and Honcho-Man. You say “normal” like it’s a good thing. What the balls is “normal” anyways? I think that “normal” is being odd. And what you do is odd. When you killed those girls and cut off their skin and wore it like a Joe Dirt trench coat and tuck your wiener between your legs and dance to “Good-Bye Horses”, that is not normal. That is just down right bizarre! I heard somebody asked you about me and you said “Wait, is he a great big ol’ fat person?” with a chuckle and a grin. You want to say that to my face, homes? I don’t think you want to make me angry, you won’t like me when I’m… UH!
Mike is knocked back a few steps. He looks around confused for a moment and notices that he is now standing at a crossroad. There are road signs on every road. The one in front of him said “Homeless Harold”, the one to the right said “Jack-Off Master Bates” and the one on the left said “Uncle Rob”.
Honcho: How fitting. It’s time to end this losing steak. Enough is enough and it’s time for a change. I will win this Sunday at Crossroads, and there’s nothing you can do about it. UH!
Mike is knocked back again but this time he is floating above his lifeless body as Chris walks around in a panic, still in his Indain headdress. There is a paramedic team using the deliberator on Mike.
ED209: If you don’t get back in your body, you will be dead forever. You have 30 seconds to comply.
He feels one more jolt in his chest and then he feels something pull him away. He opens his eyes and gasps for air as he comes back to sober state.
Chris: Oh my God, Mike! You scared me. I told you not to eat that much! How do you feel?
Mike: Like I’m going to win this Sunday at Crossroads. Get these doctor fags away from me.
The paramedics look at each other and just shrug. They stand up and walk back to the ambulance and drive off. The father and son duo hear Rob start to come back from his Spirit Walk and stand over him until he wakes up.
End Scene
Rob: Mike, I’m giving you the same thing as Rob, but I’m not mixing it with a dog turd. So yours will not smell like crap as much.
Mike: Thanks dad. I’m hoping that this will get me back on the winning path. I’ve just been bad in the ring here the past couple of weeks. I know I’ve had a lot of things going on in my life here recently but that is no excuse. I could’ve and should’ve beat every one of those guys. I know there is no shame in losing to any of those guys, but I still didn’t bring my A game. I’m changing that with this spirit walk. I think that me or Rob will walk out the winner. “Jack-off” Liam “Master” Bates and Homeless Hard-on have no idea how focused and determined the both of will be.
Chris: Do you want me to ask Rob to job for you?
MH: No, that will not be necessary dad. I have a flawless plan. It’s a sure fire way to win. And after this Spirit Walk, I’ll be able to execute it flawlessly. Did I use “flawless” just now like, ten times?
Chris: More like two but that’s not the point. I think you are ready for your Spirit Walk. How you feeling Rob? Rob…ROB!
Rob Diamond is sitting perfectly still for the most part, the exception being the few muscle spasms that caused his entire body to twitch. He is staring into the fire with no blinks to moisturize his eyes. Chris walks over and lays him down and closes his eyes.
Chris: Give ‘em hell in there Rob. I know you will, but I know you suck so you need all the help I can give you. (looks over at Mike) Are you ready?
Magic Man: As ready as I’ll ever be. I’m ready to be a complete wrestler.
Chris hands Mike the Peyote and Mike eats every bit of it in one bite. He sits there for a few minutes and looks at Chris.
Mike: I don’t feel anything. Rob started tripping balls within seconds. I’m not even feeling buzzed.
Chris: Really? You ate enough to knock a rhino out cold. You do like to party, eat some more, my son.
Honcho eats two more hand fulls of the Peyote and still doesn’t feel anything. Finally, Chris reaches into his pocket and pulls out another baggy full of Peyote.
Chris: I was saving this for me later on tonight. It’s the strongest Peyote that’s ever been harvested. I think you need it more than I do. Just take a small bite, this is REALLY strong stuff and you’ve already eaten a pound of the weaker stuff. I think you might die or be tripping balls for the rest of your life.
MH: Ok, dad.
Chris hands Mike the baggy and Honcho pulls out a small piece. He takes a small bite from it but then he eats the whole thing. He hears Chris yell NO in a slow motion voice before everything fades to green. Mike stands up to look around and starts to hear “More Than a Feeling” by Boston start to play. He sees a guy with long, greasy hear walking in step with the song. Mike runs up to him, yelling to get his attention. The man stops and looks at him with an annoyed look on his face.
Diamond Dallas Honcho: Hey, where am I?
Man: Hey, Yo! You are…. IN HELL!
MH: I’m freaking out man…
Man: You are freaking out…. Man! (echoes)
Honcho: What the balls are you doing here? Who are you?
Man: I’m Tony Buttafuoco, and I’m here to kill you. You took my life away from me.
Magic Man: No, you took my life from me first! I just took it back. You piece of crap, you made me look like a effin loser that would cheat on his wife with a 16 year old, dump the girl, then she goes crazy and shoots my wife in the face. I’m not like that at all.
Tony: Really? It seems that since I’ve been taken out of the picture, you’ve done nothing. You are a tool that everybody makes fun of behind your back. I would have never lost any of those matches that you did. I would have beating Steve Awesome without Ace coming out with a fast count. You are nothing, a nobody, a LOSER! Now give me back my body!
The greasy haired Buttafuoco lunges at Honcho but Mike punches him in the face, midair. Tony hits the ground with a thud and disappears. Mike looks at his knuckles and Michel Jackson is dancing on them.
MH: Are you my Spirit Guide?
Jackson: No, he is. (Points to Honcho’s left)
ED209: I am your Spirit Guide. You have 30 seconds to comply.
Honcho: ED209? What the crap man? I’m really tripping balls.
ED209: Yes, you are tripping balls and on a journey to find who you really are before the match at Crossroads. You have 20 seconds to comply.
Magic Man: Alright, what do you need me to do?
ED209: You have two tasks you must complete. You’ve completed one task already, being true yourself and not listening to other people’s negative energy. You have 10 seconds to comply.
Mike: What’s the next step?
ED209: That is for you to figure out. I will use deadly force if you do not comply. You have 5 seconds.
Honcho: F you ED209! You won’t kill me; you’re supposed to help me. If you try to kill me, I will sock you right in the robot face!
ED209: Do your best. You have 30 seconds to comply.
Mike: What the crap is going on here? That’s it, I’m going to slap you ED209!
He starts to walk towards the giant robot but the green floor caves in on him and he lands in a dark, black hole. A bright light shines in his face and he puts up his hands to help protect his eyes. He sees a tall figure walking up to him. After a few seconds, he can see the person walking up to him is Death.
Mike: Are you Death? If so, I need more cowbell.
Death: Like I’ve never heard that one before, Honch. You have two choices, you can either die or face me in a game of chess. If you pick chess and lose, then you die anyways. I’ve never lost at chess so you can save us both time by picking…die…
MH: I know for a fact that you’ve lost in chess, Battleship, and Twister. I’ve seen Bill and Ted. Out of my face, Death.
He shoves down Death and steps over him and walks towards the light. He takes off one of his shoes and throws it at the light, busting it. Instead of the room becoming dark, the room changes to Crossroads PPV set up. ED209 was standing in the middle of the ring.
ED209: You have completed both tasked Honcho. You came to turms with yourself and you are no longer scared of death. You are ready to finish the Spirit Walk with… a walk. You have 30 seconds to comply.
With a defiant look on his face, he just flips off ED209 and walks to the back area that turns into a long, empty road. He walks the lonely road and thinks about the upcoming match up.
MH: Bates… Why can’t you be the master of the roll up? I mean, the “Master Bates of the Roll Up” is the best nickname ever! Besides Magic Man, DDH, and Honcho-Man. You say “normal” like it’s a good thing. What the balls is “normal” anyways? I think that “normal” is being odd. And what you do is odd. When you killed those girls and cut off their skin and wore it like a Joe Dirt trench coat and tuck your wiener between your legs and dance to “Good-Bye Horses”, that is not normal. That is just down right bizarre! I heard somebody asked you about me and you said “Wait, is he a great big ol’ fat person?” with a chuckle and a grin. You want to say that to my face, homes? I don’t think you want to make me angry, you won’t like me when I’m… UH!
Mike is knocked back a few steps. He looks around confused for a moment and notices that he is now standing at a crossroad. There are road signs on every road. The one in front of him said “Homeless Harold”, the one to the right said “Jack-Off Master Bates” and the one on the left said “Uncle Rob”.
Honcho: How fitting. It’s time to end this losing steak. Enough is enough and it’s time for a change. I will win this Sunday at Crossroads, and there’s nothing you can do about it. UH!
Mike is knocked back again but this time he is floating above his lifeless body as Chris walks around in a panic, still in his Indain headdress. There is a paramedic team using the deliberator on Mike.
ED209: If you don’t get back in your body, you will be dead forever. You have 30 seconds to comply.
He feels one more jolt in his chest and then he feels something pull him away. He opens his eyes and gasps for air as he comes back to sober state.
Chris: Oh my God, Mike! You scared me. I told you not to eat that much! How do you feel?
Mike: Like I’m going to win this Sunday at Crossroads. Get these doctor fags away from me.
The paramedics look at each other and just shrug. They stand up and walk back to the ambulance and drive off. The father and son duo hear Rob start to come back from his Spirit Walk and stand over him until he wakes up.
End Scene