Post by Gib on Feb 14, 2009 21:06:56 GMT -6
(Scene opens to an access road running alongside a highway, where we see Homeless Harold standing, his mask held together with duct tape, his thumb sticking out facing the road. A small car slows, then approaching him, the lights shining on his massive frame, his face covered in the hockey mask the car quickly resumes its speed. Harold lowers his head and stops, sitting on a rather large rock, most likely one of those memorial rocks that for some reason has a plaque on it, well if there is a plaque there, it is now covered by Harold’s posterior gluteus maximus.)
(He cocks his head looking into the camera, speaking slowly, it isn’t easy getting to the arena when the person in charge of transportation is hired by the biggest rival you have ever had in the world, Adam Knite)
Bates, I see that I have awakened a beast inside of you, one that has been brought forth by years of torment, years of nine to fivers. I know what you are made of, I know that you are nothing more then a man that has been **** on time and time again, a man that is full of rage and hostility for all the wrong reasons, and when you are angry, I know you won’t be at your most cerebral. I know you won’t think well, I know you will make mistakes. The mistakes you make against me will cost you dearly. See, a part of me has been reawakened this week, a part of me that lied dormant. I have been playing this character, Homeless Harold so long that I became the maniacal beast that he was. That isn’t me. I have the correct genetics, and physique to power through my opponents, but my years of wrestling experience have helped me to become a wrestler, who, is so well rounded that there are few flaws. Did you ever wonder why Knite chose to extort me? It is because I have pinned his shoulders to the mat more times then any other person in his young and storied career. He knows what I am capable of, and imagine if I got this far just using raw power and my innate ability to absorb massive amounts of punishment, imagine what will happen if I actually try to wrestle, if I give it one hundred percent in there. There is only one result, continuous destruction. When I was born, I was born a wrestler, I was born better then others, and it is as if this sport was genetically given to me. My talk with your wife reminded me of my human side. It reminded me that I can have emotion. Your wife is a wonderful person, and you should count the blessings that she is with a freak like you.
(He smiles and holds a briefcase up. You recognize it as the IRS briefcase)
I told your wife that I would return this to you, and I am a man of my word. After our match I will give this briefcase to you, I will hand it over. The only thing that will be different is that it will have an imprint of your face on it. Consider it a free personalization, and engraving that you don’t even have to pay 25 cents per character for.
You finally figured out my secret, the one that Adam knows, and the one that my former best friend Jimmy Zane knows. You know that I was once a huge wrestler, one of if not the best ever to step foot in the ring. I am surprised it took so long for someone to realize it. One day I was headlining pay per views, raking in the big bucks and then an injury occurred, my investments failed and the savings I had I pilfered away on booze and hookers. I have fallen, I am a fallen hero. When I would arrive at arenas fans would chant my name, they would call out to me, when I felt pain they felt the same pain through me. When I was victorious they were on their feet loving every minute of it. My world crashed and I couldn’t bare the humility of everyone knowing that their hero was nothing more then a worthless addict. A shell of what he was, so I made a plan, I allowed a man to urinate on me, the most degrading moment of my life was the result but that was the final rock bottom. For several months now I have fought and I have fought hard. I have finally brought myself to the forefront and when I take my mask off it will be on my terms, not Adam Knite’s. When I feel that I can face the humiliation then I will let everyone know who I am, and they will chant with me, feel with me and love me again. See, like in literature life comes full circle, there are highs and lows and the people that press on are the ones that are truly legends. I am sure that most of the wrestlers here still have my action figures and my t-shirts and when they realize who I am they will march around their living rooms posing down with me after I win my matches once again.
(he lowers his head, sorrow filling his eyes, then he begins to speak again his voice more invigorated then you have ever heard it, he is full of emotion and excitement at the prospect of returning to the top of this business again)
Roberto… Are you just a common man, working hard with your hands? Or would you being the Xtreme American dream make your song something like this… I’m just a ****in’ common man, working hard with my ****in’ hands. See, to me Xtreme means nothing, to me Xtreme isn’t a title that you put in front of something to make yourself sound bad ass or to prove that you can’t even spell a word properly, it is just a glorified way of saying I like to kick peoples asses in a severe fashion.
You mentioned that you deserve this shot. I look at what you have done here, and all I see is you getting your ass kicked in an Xtreme fashion every week. Seriously, you are 3 and 4, you have lost more then you have won and you get a title shot. That makes sense, if I had known that to get a title shot all I had to do was lose, then I would have laid down on the mat a long time ago. No, see I went about things all wrong, I went to the ring, I ripped people apart winning match after match and going on a streak that has never been witnessed in this federation before.
The Xtreme American dream, well, I do apologize for assuming you are emo, but that homoerotic red stripe in your hair made me believe that you were indeed of the emotional variety, so now at least I know. But when you were crying about how much you are overlooked and how your brother is always given everything, you did sound somewhat like a thirteen year old girl reading Twilight with a box of razorblades. As a matter of fact, I thought it was really funny how you mentioned that you don’t cry a mere moment after crying about your brother. You should check it out, I laughed, America laughed, hell the little thirteen year old girls reading Twilight brandishing their razorblades and listening to, is it Alkaline Trio, laughed. See, I stopped listening to the radio when that douchebag Kurt Cobain ruined rock for the world.
You should bring a Rob Diamond that is different from what I have seen before, because if you come to the ring and lay on your back to count the lights on the ceiling of yet another arena I may be forced to laugh so hard that I urinate in my pants in public again. Then I run out of the ring embarrassed, fall off the apron striking my head on the ring bell, which would in turn signal an air strike that would make the bombing of Pearl Harbor look tame and then you may be able to pin me, but only maybe because I do have amazing regenerative powers for a man that has a severe iron deficiency. Taking your name from a great man like Dusty Rhodes is respectable, but, he was actually good so perhaps you should change it to something more fitting, like the Brooklyn Diamond or the Gobbledy Robert.
Do you get it yet Rob? Do you understand? MY talk with Master Bate’s wife has rejuvenated me, I feel more like myself then I ever have before. I feel that I am soon going to be able to take this mask off, I will be able express who I am to the world, allow people to know that I have fallen, that I have made mistakes but that I am on a whole different level then anyone else that straps on boots and wrestles. Don’t you people get it? Could some random person amass a perfect record for so long in this federation? If you put two and two together enough times Rob, then you will eventually get four. And four represents the fact that I don’t lose easily, and it will take more of a man then you to put me down. You just don’t have what is necessary.
(he pauses, getting worked up, and shifts his attention)
And Michelle the Magic Man Honcho. It is true that I wish I were a Honcho Man, and I did contact you once before asking you to be my friend but you ignored me, and it hurt my feelings. I just wanted to try the meatloaf you made. It looked so delicious dripping with grease and perfection, but no. You would rather spirit travel while taking peyote then share some of your sweet ambrosia with me, and for that I have very hard feelings. I am glad you enjoyed the Fromunda cheese I sent you, because it was Fromunda these nuts.
(The first Homeless Harold joke ever, excitement fills your veins like a boy when he firsts notices the growth of his pubic hairs.)
I am entering the match the champion but I hold no nervous feelings about losing my title. Even though I can lose without losing it matters not in the grand scheme of things. This title I hold isn’t the one I covet, it isn’t the one I am worthy of. I will come into this match as the champion and you can be rest assured that I will leave the champion. In my years in this business I have learned plenty of tricks and the tricks I learned when I was wrestling against Onita and Mr Pogo in FMW will come in handy tomorrow night. The two of them taught me ways to inflict such degrees of pain on my opponents that you won’t understand what happened. I am going to rip your moustache off your face and glue it on your ass. Then, your secret Samson like powers will be null and void and you will be a Honcho Honcho Girl.
The new day of Harold is upon us. I have witnessed the errors of my ways, I have lived through the biggest fall from grace that a person could ever endure, but still I trudge on, still I lumber forward. To the fans that I have disappointed I can only offer my sincerest of apologies, I can only say that I regret my actions of the past few months and I promise that I will gain penance for my despicable actions. It won’t be through hail mary’s, it won’t be through apologies. It will be through destruction of that which I helped create.
You will cheer for me again…
You will remember.
(With that said he stands and holds his thumb back out towards an eighteen wheeler, removing his mask, his face still hidden in shadows the truck slows and the scene fades.)
(He cocks his head looking into the camera, speaking slowly, it isn’t easy getting to the arena when the person in charge of transportation is hired by the biggest rival you have ever had in the world, Adam Knite)
Bates, I see that I have awakened a beast inside of you, one that has been brought forth by years of torment, years of nine to fivers. I know what you are made of, I know that you are nothing more then a man that has been **** on time and time again, a man that is full of rage and hostility for all the wrong reasons, and when you are angry, I know you won’t be at your most cerebral. I know you won’t think well, I know you will make mistakes. The mistakes you make against me will cost you dearly. See, a part of me has been reawakened this week, a part of me that lied dormant. I have been playing this character, Homeless Harold so long that I became the maniacal beast that he was. That isn’t me. I have the correct genetics, and physique to power through my opponents, but my years of wrestling experience have helped me to become a wrestler, who, is so well rounded that there are few flaws. Did you ever wonder why Knite chose to extort me? It is because I have pinned his shoulders to the mat more times then any other person in his young and storied career. He knows what I am capable of, and imagine if I got this far just using raw power and my innate ability to absorb massive amounts of punishment, imagine what will happen if I actually try to wrestle, if I give it one hundred percent in there. There is only one result, continuous destruction. When I was born, I was born a wrestler, I was born better then others, and it is as if this sport was genetically given to me. My talk with your wife reminded me of my human side. It reminded me that I can have emotion. Your wife is a wonderful person, and you should count the blessings that she is with a freak like you.
(He smiles and holds a briefcase up. You recognize it as the IRS briefcase)
I told your wife that I would return this to you, and I am a man of my word. After our match I will give this briefcase to you, I will hand it over. The only thing that will be different is that it will have an imprint of your face on it. Consider it a free personalization, and engraving that you don’t even have to pay 25 cents per character for.
You finally figured out my secret, the one that Adam knows, and the one that my former best friend Jimmy Zane knows. You know that I was once a huge wrestler, one of if not the best ever to step foot in the ring. I am surprised it took so long for someone to realize it. One day I was headlining pay per views, raking in the big bucks and then an injury occurred, my investments failed and the savings I had I pilfered away on booze and hookers. I have fallen, I am a fallen hero. When I would arrive at arenas fans would chant my name, they would call out to me, when I felt pain they felt the same pain through me. When I was victorious they were on their feet loving every minute of it. My world crashed and I couldn’t bare the humility of everyone knowing that their hero was nothing more then a worthless addict. A shell of what he was, so I made a plan, I allowed a man to urinate on me, the most degrading moment of my life was the result but that was the final rock bottom. For several months now I have fought and I have fought hard. I have finally brought myself to the forefront and when I take my mask off it will be on my terms, not Adam Knite’s. When I feel that I can face the humiliation then I will let everyone know who I am, and they will chant with me, feel with me and love me again. See, like in literature life comes full circle, there are highs and lows and the people that press on are the ones that are truly legends. I am sure that most of the wrestlers here still have my action figures and my t-shirts and when they realize who I am they will march around their living rooms posing down with me after I win my matches once again.
(he lowers his head, sorrow filling his eyes, then he begins to speak again his voice more invigorated then you have ever heard it, he is full of emotion and excitement at the prospect of returning to the top of this business again)
Roberto… Are you just a common man, working hard with your hands? Or would you being the Xtreme American dream make your song something like this… I’m just a ****in’ common man, working hard with my ****in’ hands. See, to me Xtreme means nothing, to me Xtreme isn’t a title that you put in front of something to make yourself sound bad ass or to prove that you can’t even spell a word properly, it is just a glorified way of saying I like to kick peoples asses in a severe fashion.
You mentioned that you deserve this shot. I look at what you have done here, and all I see is you getting your ass kicked in an Xtreme fashion every week. Seriously, you are 3 and 4, you have lost more then you have won and you get a title shot. That makes sense, if I had known that to get a title shot all I had to do was lose, then I would have laid down on the mat a long time ago. No, see I went about things all wrong, I went to the ring, I ripped people apart winning match after match and going on a streak that has never been witnessed in this federation before.
The Xtreme American dream, well, I do apologize for assuming you are emo, but that homoerotic red stripe in your hair made me believe that you were indeed of the emotional variety, so now at least I know. But when you were crying about how much you are overlooked and how your brother is always given everything, you did sound somewhat like a thirteen year old girl reading Twilight with a box of razorblades. As a matter of fact, I thought it was really funny how you mentioned that you don’t cry a mere moment after crying about your brother. You should check it out, I laughed, America laughed, hell the little thirteen year old girls reading Twilight brandishing their razorblades and listening to, is it Alkaline Trio, laughed. See, I stopped listening to the radio when that douchebag Kurt Cobain ruined rock for the world.
You should bring a Rob Diamond that is different from what I have seen before, because if you come to the ring and lay on your back to count the lights on the ceiling of yet another arena I may be forced to laugh so hard that I urinate in my pants in public again. Then I run out of the ring embarrassed, fall off the apron striking my head on the ring bell, which would in turn signal an air strike that would make the bombing of Pearl Harbor look tame and then you may be able to pin me, but only maybe because I do have amazing regenerative powers for a man that has a severe iron deficiency. Taking your name from a great man like Dusty Rhodes is respectable, but, he was actually good so perhaps you should change it to something more fitting, like the Brooklyn Diamond or the Gobbledy Robert.
Do you get it yet Rob? Do you understand? MY talk with Master Bate’s wife has rejuvenated me, I feel more like myself then I ever have before. I feel that I am soon going to be able to take this mask off, I will be able express who I am to the world, allow people to know that I have fallen, that I have made mistakes but that I am on a whole different level then anyone else that straps on boots and wrestles. Don’t you people get it? Could some random person amass a perfect record for so long in this federation? If you put two and two together enough times Rob, then you will eventually get four. And four represents the fact that I don’t lose easily, and it will take more of a man then you to put me down. You just don’t have what is necessary.
(he pauses, getting worked up, and shifts his attention)
And Michelle the Magic Man Honcho. It is true that I wish I were a Honcho Man, and I did contact you once before asking you to be my friend but you ignored me, and it hurt my feelings. I just wanted to try the meatloaf you made. It looked so delicious dripping with grease and perfection, but no. You would rather spirit travel while taking peyote then share some of your sweet ambrosia with me, and for that I have very hard feelings. I am glad you enjoyed the Fromunda cheese I sent you, because it was Fromunda these nuts.
(The first Homeless Harold joke ever, excitement fills your veins like a boy when he firsts notices the growth of his pubic hairs.)
I am entering the match the champion but I hold no nervous feelings about losing my title. Even though I can lose without losing it matters not in the grand scheme of things. This title I hold isn’t the one I covet, it isn’t the one I am worthy of. I will come into this match as the champion and you can be rest assured that I will leave the champion. In my years in this business I have learned plenty of tricks and the tricks I learned when I was wrestling against Onita and Mr Pogo in FMW will come in handy tomorrow night. The two of them taught me ways to inflict such degrees of pain on my opponents that you won’t understand what happened. I am going to rip your moustache off your face and glue it on your ass. Then, your secret Samson like powers will be null and void and you will be a Honcho Honcho Girl.
The new day of Harold is upon us. I have witnessed the errors of my ways, I have lived through the biggest fall from grace that a person could ever endure, but still I trudge on, still I lumber forward. To the fans that I have disappointed I can only offer my sincerest of apologies, I can only say that I regret my actions of the past few months and I promise that I will gain penance for my despicable actions. It won’t be through hail mary’s, it won’t be through apologies. It will be through destruction of that which I helped create.
You will cheer for me again…
You will remember.
(With that said he stands and holds his thumb back out towards an eighteen wheeler, removing his mask, his face still hidden in shadows the truck slows and the scene fades.)