Post by Rob Diamond on Feb 15, 2009 1:39:46 GMT -6
( It's 24 hours before the biggest match in Rob Diamond's career. We find him getting some last minute training from his older brother Chris inside an old PWW ring Chris has, whether they know it or not, in his home gym. On the outside we find Diamond Dallas Honcho providing commentary. )
DDH: Tonight the gayest man in professional wrestling takes on the single greatest thing to ever slap on the spandex and boot a mofo in the face.
( Rob shots Mike a dirty look, leaving himself wide open for a big boot from Chris. )
DDH: You'd think after taking so many large foreign objects to the face, Rob would be able to take a hit, but apparently his vagina still has some sand in it as he once again finds himself crying on the mat with a larger man standing over him.
Rob: I'M NOT GA...
( Before he gets to finish that sentence Chris grabs Rob by the head, stands him up and snap mares him hard to the mat. Chris runs off the ropes and comes back and boots Rob in the back of the head. )
DDH: It's like poetry in motion when Chris Diamond is in that ring. Honestly there isn't a man alive who can stand a chance against him, not even former super villains, turned animal F-ers, turned whatever the hell his thing is now. Your the gay Hulk Hogan now right?
( Rob doesn't get the chance to say anything as Chris sends him flying off the ropes only to clothes line him as hard as he can. )
Chris: GET UP AND FIGHT ALREADY!
DDH: KICK HIS ASS SEA BASS!!!!
Chris: I'm on it son.
DDH: Your so awesome dad.
Chris: Thank you.
( Chris is momentarily distracted, Rob comes up from behind looking to slap Chris in a choke. )
DDH: DAD LOOK OUT!
( Chris turns around with a stiff elbow followed by a European upper cut that sends Rob reeling into the turn buckles. Chris runs in after him and lands a hard elbow. )
DDH: That'll teach you to sneak up on my Daddy.
( Chris pulls Rob out of the corner and looks to go for a pump handle slam, dropping Rob straight on his back. )
Chris: Are you gonna fight back, or has everything I taught you gone right out the window? Who are you, Jack Hammond? LISTEN TO ME!
DDH: Man, this couldn't get any sadder if you were kicking his ass at Star Wars Risk... Which is a bad comparison because Risk is really hard and takes allot of actual intelligence and strategy to master.
( Ok... Chris stands Rob up. )
DDH: You know Rob, you can just stay at the house this weekend and I'll go out there and win this one for the Diamond family. I mean, we might as well send in the Genetic gem stone of the family and not the left over splodge from grandpa Diamond's sack.
( Something snaps in Rob at that moment as he punches Chris as hard as he can right in the face and follows it with a stiff kick to the mid section and a Diamond Cutter out of no where. Rob flies out of the ring and gets in Honcho's face. )
DDH: Look Rob, if you wanna dance...
Rob: SHUT UP!
( Honcho looks a little surprised. )
Rob: I AM SO *** damn SICK OF YOU! Everywhere I turn there you are making some kind of stupid ass comment like it's funny. You leave meat loaf in every single room in the house, you brush with my tooth brush, you plunge the toilet with my tooth crush and you do the dishes with my tooth brush.
DDH: I'm not using mine homes.
Rob: SHUT UP! You drink all the milk save a drop, you eat all the left overs, you buy ice cream and then you immediately eat it all with Chris while you watch Lifetime. Every time we go out it's to a strip club or a bar, you never ask me where I want to go, you always pull some lame prank like ditching me or stealing my car and for Christ's sake I know it was you that stole my tires and left my car sitting on milk crates.
DDH: Was not.
Rob: THE MILK CRATES READ "PROPERTY OF POSITIVELY HONCH!!!!"
DDH: That could of been anybody homes. Here.
( He reaches down. )
DDH: Have some meat loaf.
( He pulls out a pan of meat loaf. )
Rob: AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
( Rob pulls back like he's going to hit Mike but suddenly Chris grabs his arm. )
Chris: That's enough, go be a baby somewhere else. You don't want to listen to me, you don't want to learn what I have to teach, you don't want to be a family? Fine. Get out of my house, go lose the match Sunday, and get the hell out of my family.
( Rob turns and gets right in Chris's face. )
Chris: You wanna do something or you just gonna keep breathing my air?
Rob: Your my brother Chris... And that's the only reason I'm gonna walk out of here without breaking Mike's face... But Sunday... Well, all bets are off.
DDH: Bring it on homes.
( Rob turns back to Mike. )
Rob: It's already broughten.
( Rob walks past Mike, shoulder checking him and heads out of the home gym. The scene fades and reopens some time later. We now find Rob sitting alone at a local bar, presumably somewhere near the arena. In his hand he holds a beer, it's full, it's fresh, he's just looking at it. )
Rob: I have been in nCw since March of 2008. I have amassed more wins and losses than what my record currently shows. For several months I found myself warming the bench, waiting to be called back to the main roster, mostly because I made SEVERAL bad career choices, I became something I wasn't all for a purpose I long forgot. When they called me back it was as a joke. nCw was running low on jobbers. Bad Luck Chuck had lost his luster, Craven Moorehead was getting X-Pac heat, and we all know X-Pace heat is the wrong kind of heat, NAZI is dated. Kelly called me back to job me, but the thing is, once I started to focus again, once I started to really take charge of my career again, I started winning. I may have only one three singles matches since my return, but I won three singles matches that mattered. Sure, my record isn't as stellar as yours Harold, but wrestling isn't all about wins and loses. Winning isn't everything in this business, sorry to burst that ego bubble you have over your immaculate record. You will eventually lose, to me or someone else. Wrestling is about what you put into it, it's about your heart. Someone, be it my brother, or Kelly, or whoever, recognizes my heart. Will my heart be enough to over power you? Probably not, and I don't lie to myself about it. Your a big guy Harold, your tough, your probably going to be the toughest opponent I have ever faced. But just because your bigger, better, more experienced then me, doesn't mean I'm just going to back down. I'm going to fight you with every ounce of my being Harold, I'm going to put my whole heart into beating you because that's what great wrestlers do.
I've got a long career ahead of me Harold, a career that will be ear marked with moments and matches like ours. Win or lose, I'm going to be remembered for what I do in this match. People will see me and they will know that this walking joke, this jobber, stood up to Homeless Harold, the single biggest threat in wrestling today, and he did not blink. They will know I met you in the center of the ring with nothing more on my mind then pinning your shoulders to the mat, and they will know I gave it my all. I have no personal stake in this match like you and Bates and your little flame war. Honestly, why don't the two of you get a room already and suck each other off, the tension is visible and personally it's a little sad to see two grown men struggling this much with their sexuality. It reminds me of the Lord of the Rings and the unspoken homosexual relationship between Frodo and Rudy or whatever his name was. I'm not that much of a nerd.
I digress. Sunday I'm going to do what I have been doing, I'm going to do my best. If that wins me the match then I will have succeeded with my Xtreme American Dream, I will be a success story to tell future students of my teachings. If I "fail" I will be able to take what I learned this week, what I will learn in this match and I will be able to put it to wards the future. I'm not the greatest thing on the face of the planet. I don't need to dissect my opponents every word to make myself feel good. I don't need to make bad jokes about things that have nothing to do with the match. All I have to do is wrestle, bleed, and make you hurt. And I promise you one thing Harold. You will remember me for the pain I will cause you. I will make you scream. I will make you bleed. I will etch my face into your memory and you will remember for the rest of your **** covered career that you pissed off the wrong jobber. I'm taking my destiny into my own hands. I'm going to wrap it in barbed wire. I'm going to light it on fire and I'm going to break open that stinking, disgusting mask of yours and I'm going to ugly you up real good.
Keep that in mind the next time you wanna piss me off. As for Bates and Honcho. I've said my peace about Bates. Your crazy, deal with it. And Honcho, you and I have some issues to beat out of each other, and we will, I hope your ready.
( Fade out. )
DDH: Tonight the gayest man in professional wrestling takes on the single greatest thing to ever slap on the spandex and boot a mofo in the face.
( Rob shots Mike a dirty look, leaving himself wide open for a big boot from Chris. )
DDH: You'd think after taking so many large foreign objects to the face, Rob would be able to take a hit, but apparently his vagina still has some sand in it as he once again finds himself crying on the mat with a larger man standing over him.
Rob: I'M NOT GA...
( Before he gets to finish that sentence Chris grabs Rob by the head, stands him up and snap mares him hard to the mat. Chris runs off the ropes and comes back and boots Rob in the back of the head. )
DDH: It's like poetry in motion when Chris Diamond is in that ring. Honestly there isn't a man alive who can stand a chance against him, not even former super villains, turned animal F-ers, turned whatever the hell his thing is now. Your the gay Hulk Hogan now right?
( Rob doesn't get the chance to say anything as Chris sends him flying off the ropes only to clothes line him as hard as he can. )
Chris: GET UP AND FIGHT ALREADY!
DDH: KICK HIS ASS SEA BASS!!!!
Chris: I'm on it son.
DDH: Your so awesome dad.
Chris: Thank you.
( Chris is momentarily distracted, Rob comes up from behind looking to slap Chris in a choke. )
DDH: DAD LOOK OUT!
( Chris turns around with a stiff elbow followed by a European upper cut that sends Rob reeling into the turn buckles. Chris runs in after him and lands a hard elbow. )
DDH: That'll teach you to sneak up on my Daddy.
( Chris pulls Rob out of the corner and looks to go for a pump handle slam, dropping Rob straight on his back. )
Chris: Are you gonna fight back, or has everything I taught you gone right out the window? Who are you, Jack Hammond? LISTEN TO ME!
DDH: Man, this couldn't get any sadder if you were kicking his ass at Star Wars Risk... Which is a bad comparison because Risk is really hard and takes allot of actual intelligence and strategy to master.
( Ok... Chris stands Rob up. )
DDH: You know Rob, you can just stay at the house this weekend and I'll go out there and win this one for the Diamond family. I mean, we might as well send in the Genetic gem stone of the family and not the left over splodge from grandpa Diamond's sack.
( Something snaps in Rob at that moment as he punches Chris as hard as he can right in the face and follows it with a stiff kick to the mid section and a Diamond Cutter out of no where. Rob flies out of the ring and gets in Honcho's face. )
DDH: Look Rob, if you wanna dance...
Rob: SHUT UP!
( Honcho looks a little surprised. )
Rob: I AM SO *** damn SICK OF YOU! Everywhere I turn there you are making some kind of stupid ass comment like it's funny. You leave meat loaf in every single room in the house, you brush with my tooth brush, you plunge the toilet with my tooth crush and you do the dishes with my tooth brush.
DDH: I'm not using mine homes.
Rob: SHUT UP! You drink all the milk save a drop, you eat all the left overs, you buy ice cream and then you immediately eat it all with Chris while you watch Lifetime. Every time we go out it's to a strip club or a bar, you never ask me where I want to go, you always pull some lame prank like ditching me or stealing my car and for Christ's sake I know it was you that stole my tires and left my car sitting on milk crates.
DDH: Was not.
Rob: THE MILK CRATES READ "PROPERTY OF POSITIVELY HONCH!!!!"
DDH: That could of been anybody homes. Here.
( He reaches down. )
DDH: Have some meat loaf.
( He pulls out a pan of meat loaf. )
Rob: AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
( Rob pulls back like he's going to hit Mike but suddenly Chris grabs his arm. )
Chris: That's enough, go be a baby somewhere else. You don't want to listen to me, you don't want to learn what I have to teach, you don't want to be a family? Fine. Get out of my house, go lose the match Sunday, and get the hell out of my family.
( Rob turns and gets right in Chris's face. )
Chris: You wanna do something or you just gonna keep breathing my air?
Rob: Your my brother Chris... And that's the only reason I'm gonna walk out of here without breaking Mike's face... But Sunday... Well, all bets are off.
DDH: Bring it on homes.
( Rob turns back to Mike. )
Rob: It's already broughten.
( Rob walks past Mike, shoulder checking him and heads out of the home gym. The scene fades and reopens some time later. We now find Rob sitting alone at a local bar, presumably somewhere near the arena. In his hand he holds a beer, it's full, it's fresh, he's just looking at it. )
Rob: I have been in nCw since March of 2008. I have amassed more wins and losses than what my record currently shows. For several months I found myself warming the bench, waiting to be called back to the main roster, mostly because I made SEVERAL bad career choices, I became something I wasn't all for a purpose I long forgot. When they called me back it was as a joke. nCw was running low on jobbers. Bad Luck Chuck had lost his luster, Craven Moorehead was getting X-Pac heat, and we all know X-Pace heat is the wrong kind of heat, NAZI is dated. Kelly called me back to job me, but the thing is, once I started to focus again, once I started to really take charge of my career again, I started winning. I may have only one three singles matches since my return, but I won three singles matches that mattered. Sure, my record isn't as stellar as yours Harold, but wrestling isn't all about wins and loses. Winning isn't everything in this business, sorry to burst that ego bubble you have over your immaculate record. You will eventually lose, to me or someone else. Wrestling is about what you put into it, it's about your heart. Someone, be it my brother, or Kelly, or whoever, recognizes my heart. Will my heart be enough to over power you? Probably not, and I don't lie to myself about it. Your a big guy Harold, your tough, your probably going to be the toughest opponent I have ever faced. But just because your bigger, better, more experienced then me, doesn't mean I'm just going to back down. I'm going to fight you with every ounce of my being Harold, I'm going to put my whole heart into beating you because that's what great wrestlers do.
I've got a long career ahead of me Harold, a career that will be ear marked with moments and matches like ours. Win or lose, I'm going to be remembered for what I do in this match. People will see me and they will know that this walking joke, this jobber, stood up to Homeless Harold, the single biggest threat in wrestling today, and he did not blink. They will know I met you in the center of the ring with nothing more on my mind then pinning your shoulders to the mat, and they will know I gave it my all. I have no personal stake in this match like you and Bates and your little flame war. Honestly, why don't the two of you get a room already and suck each other off, the tension is visible and personally it's a little sad to see two grown men struggling this much with their sexuality. It reminds me of the Lord of the Rings and the unspoken homosexual relationship between Frodo and Rudy or whatever his name was. I'm not that much of a nerd.
I digress. Sunday I'm going to do what I have been doing, I'm going to do my best. If that wins me the match then I will have succeeded with my Xtreme American Dream, I will be a success story to tell future students of my teachings. If I "fail" I will be able to take what I learned this week, what I will learn in this match and I will be able to put it to wards the future. I'm not the greatest thing on the face of the planet. I don't need to dissect my opponents every word to make myself feel good. I don't need to make bad jokes about things that have nothing to do with the match. All I have to do is wrestle, bleed, and make you hurt. And I promise you one thing Harold. You will remember me for the pain I will cause you. I will make you scream. I will make you bleed. I will etch my face into your memory and you will remember for the rest of your **** covered career that you pissed off the wrong jobber. I'm taking my destiny into my own hands. I'm going to wrap it in barbed wire. I'm going to light it on fire and I'm going to break open that stinking, disgusting mask of yours and I'm going to ugly you up real good.
Keep that in mind the next time you wanna piss me off. As for Bates and Honcho. I've said my peace about Bates. Your crazy, deal with it. And Honcho, you and I have some issues to beat out of each other, and we will, I hope your ready.
( Fade out. )