Post by Rob Diamond on Mar 21, 2009 14:39:29 GMT -6
( The house of Diamond, Hollywood Hills, California. The scene is the living room of Diamond where we find Rob and Mike just sitting down on Chris' black leather sofa, prepared to enjoy a rousing game of "nCw: Revolution" for Xbox 360. Each of them is holding a wireless remote, a six pack of "BudLite" in front of them on the table. )
Mike: You know I've been practicing since last time we played? You ain't kicking my ass this time my old master.
Rob: You think so? I hope your right, it got old throwing you over the top rope over and over again in that 30 man battle royal. God, you played as like every character.
Mike: Not this time homes, I'M GONNA RULE YOU!
Rob: "Ready to Rumble" reference? Really?
Mike: What?
( Rob just shakes his head as they enter the match selection screen. Rob picks exhibition, singles match, and he doesn't change the rules. The player selection screen now comes up. )
Rob: I think I'm going to be Steve Awesome this time. Why don't you try to be someone besides Burning.
Mike: Don't worry about who I pick.
( Mike scrolls through the roster passing up Lance Ryan, Adam Knite, Spike Kane and others until he finally arrives at... Mark Evil. )
Rob: Are you kidding me? He's one of the lowest ranked characters in the game, bested only by NAZI.
Mike: I wouldn't bash the Barbed Wire Messiah like that if I were you.
Rob: Really? Cause from where I'm sitting, Awesome versus Evil, this is going to be a walk in the park.
Mike: Believe in magic.
Rob: "Disney" too?
Mike: It was a long night.
( Rob chose "Collision" for the venue and now their just waiting for the game to finish loading and the match to begin. It's finished, both wrestlers are in the ring, Rob and Mike are ready and the bell sounds. DING DING! )
Mike: Up, down, left, right, up, down, X!
Rob: The hell?
( Rob looks over at Mike, slightly puzzled when Mark Evil explodes out of his corner, barbed wire just appearing on his right arm as he charges Steve Awesome and just plows him over with the Barbed Wire Massacre. Evil makes the pin. )
Mike: ONE! TWO! THREE! I WIN BITCH!
Rob: BULLSPIT! This wasn't Xtreme rules, that was cheating, you down right cheated, SHENANIGANS!
Mike: Don't be a baby Uncle Rob, the rules don't mater when you know the "Barbed Wire Massacre" cheat code, exclusive to Mark Evil. Once he nails it, no body can get up, not matter what their "HP" or stamina is. Best part, you can hit it anytime, anywhere, in any match.
Rob: Oh whatever, you still cheated. This is like playing "Mortal Kombat" and using "Sub-Zero" and just freezing and upper cutting your opponents over and over again.
Mike: Ain't nothing wrong with that.
Rob: Yeah, I want a rematch, new rules.
Mike: Pick your poison homes.
( Rob exits out of the screen, declining the offered rematch. He heads into "Main Events" and selects a "Ladder Match." Then he heads to the settings of the match and turns the weapons "on." )
Rob: Lets see you pull that crap in a "Ladder Match."
( Rob picks up and opens a beer he just pounds half of it down then slams it on the table. Rob looks at his nephew with a **** eating grin on his face. )
Rob: Hope your ready to lose.
( This time Rob picks Trent Helms, chuckling to himself as Mike re selects Mark Evil. They finalize their choices and the match begins to load. Setting is "Crossroads" they open with two ladders on either side of the ring, Trent Helms standing across from Mark Evil. The bell sounds and Trent Helms jumps right out of the ring. Mark Evil runs across and looks to be going for some high risk maneuver, but Trent Helms moves, picks up a ladder and slams it against Mark Evil's head. )
Rob: Not so tough now.
( Trent Helms levels Mark Evil then slides the ladder back in the ring. Mark Evil is back up, he grabs a steel chair and gets in the ring. Mark Evil swings but Rob manages to hit the reversal button just in time to take the chair and hit Mark Evil in the stomach followed by a hard DDT on the chair itself. Trent Helms scoops Mark Evil up and Irish whips him into the corner, then Hard Irish whips him out of the ring. )
Rob: This match is so mine.
( Mike scoffs as Rob sets up the ladder. Trent Helms begins the painfully slow ascent up the ladder. He reaches the top and stretches out and grabs the belt. He pulls himself off the ladder and hangs from the title belt. Mark Evil gets up and slides in the ring. He climbs up the ladder too. )
Rob: Too late "homes."
Mike: Up, down, left, right, up, down, X!
( Again the barbed wire just appears on Mark Evil's right arm as he jumps off the ladder and hits Trent Helms with the "Barbed Wire Massacre" which sends Trent Helms flying through the air and to the outside, crashing down hard on top of the announcer's table. )
Rob: Are you serious?
Mike: Abra...
( Mark Evil climbs back up the ladder, grabs the belt, and a few moments later he falls down to the ring, clutching the title, and winning the match. )
Mike: Cadabra.
Rob: COME THE HECK ON! I HAD THAT ONE!!! BULL! BULL!!! THIS GAME IS RIGGED! I have never seen more absolute bull in one game ever.
Mike: Calm down uncle Rob, nothing to get upset about. Theres just no stopping the awesome that is Mark Evil and his apparently magical barbed wire of doom.
Rob: I'll barbed wire of doom your face. I'll be right back.
( Rob gets up off the couch and leaves the room. )
Mike: *whispers* panties are twisted...
( Five minutes pass and Rob struts back into the room and sits down. )
Mike: Finished crying?
( Rob doesn't respond. )
Mike: Last game homes, I'm getting bored sitting here, kicking your ass all day.
( Again, Rob ignores him. This time Rob just picks a regular old singles match, they set it on "Trauma" and Rob's choice of wrestler is... Joe Everyman. )
Mike: Everychump? Why the hell would you pick that "wannabe real wrestler but I can't seem to find the talent to win a match" bitch?
( Rob just stares at the screen as the match loads. )
Mike: Five bucks says Everychump doesn't even load.
( A chuckle escapes Rob Diamond as the match is finished loading, the bell rings, and the fight begins. )
Mike: Here.. we.. go... Up, down, left, right, up, down, X!
( Barbed wire appears around the right arm of Mark Evil as he ramps up and charges Joe Everyman with the "Barbed Wire Massacre." Joe Everyman just stands there as Rob glares confidently at the screen. Mark Evil collides with Joe Everyman, but this time, nothing happens, and Mike Honcho looks shocked. )
Mike: What? I typed it in right...
Rob: Left, right, down, up, Y!
( Joe Everyman whips Mark Evil around and kicks him in the stomach then hits the "Twist of Fate." Joe Everyman quickly rolls Mark Evil over and pins him. )
Rob: And a one, and a two, and a three. TA DAA!!!!
Mike: What the hell was that? Why didn't the "BWM" hit?
Rob: Well Mike, when I left the room I looked up the strategy guide to this game, and as it turns out Joe Everyman is completely immune to all offense performed by Mark Evil. The minute I chose Joe Everyman, you lost. It's impossible for Joe to lose to Mark, so in the end, you were your own downfall.
Mike: And the code?
Rob: Instant finisher code.
Mike: THATS CHEATING!
Rob: Of course it is, when you lose. Now lets say we do some tag team matches for a while.
Mike: Awesome, I'll be me, you be you, and we'll simulate the ass whopping we're going to give Homos for Freedom this Sunday.
Rob: As fun as that sounds, we can't.
Mike: Why not?
Rob: Scotty Callaway didn't make the cut for this game... I suppose we can sub Mimic.
Mike: You really wanna give Everychump a chance?
Rob: Your right, lets just play Smackdown and do 3 on 1 hard core handi cap matches against John Cena.
Mike: Three faces of Hogan versus Cena?
Rob: Hogan World Order for the win baby.
( Fade to black. )
Mike: You know I've been practicing since last time we played? You ain't kicking my ass this time my old master.
Rob: You think so? I hope your right, it got old throwing you over the top rope over and over again in that 30 man battle royal. God, you played as like every character.
Mike: Not this time homes, I'M GONNA RULE YOU!
Rob: "Ready to Rumble" reference? Really?
Mike: What?
( Rob just shakes his head as they enter the match selection screen. Rob picks exhibition, singles match, and he doesn't change the rules. The player selection screen now comes up. )
Rob: I think I'm going to be Steve Awesome this time. Why don't you try to be someone besides Burning.
Mike: Don't worry about who I pick.
( Mike scrolls through the roster passing up Lance Ryan, Adam Knite, Spike Kane and others until he finally arrives at... Mark Evil. )
Rob: Are you kidding me? He's one of the lowest ranked characters in the game, bested only by NAZI.
Mike: I wouldn't bash the Barbed Wire Messiah like that if I were you.
Rob: Really? Cause from where I'm sitting, Awesome versus Evil, this is going to be a walk in the park.
Mike: Believe in magic.
Rob: "Disney" too?
Mike: It was a long night.
( Rob chose "Collision" for the venue and now their just waiting for the game to finish loading and the match to begin. It's finished, both wrestlers are in the ring, Rob and Mike are ready and the bell sounds. DING DING! )
Mike: Up, down, left, right, up, down, X!
Rob: The hell?
( Rob looks over at Mike, slightly puzzled when Mark Evil explodes out of his corner, barbed wire just appearing on his right arm as he charges Steve Awesome and just plows him over with the Barbed Wire Massacre. Evil makes the pin. )
Mike: ONE! TWO! THREE! I WIN BITCH!
Rob: BULLSPIT! This wasn't Xtreme rules, that was cheating, you down right cheated, SHENANIGANS!
Mike: Don't be a baby Uncle Rob, the rules don't mater when you know the "Barbed Wire Massacre" cheat code, exclusive to Mark Evil. Once he nails it, no body can get up, not matter what their "HP" or stamina is. Best part, you can hit it anytime, anywhere, in any match.
Rob: Oh whatever, you still cheated. This is like playing "Mortal Kombat" and using "Sub-Zero" and just freezing and upper cutting your opponents over and over again.
Mike: Ain't nothing wrong with that.
Rob: Yeah, I want a rematch, new rules.
Mike: Pick your poison homes.
( Rob exits out of the screen, declining the offered rematch. He heads into "Main Events" and selects a "Ladder Match." Then he heads to the settings of the match and turns the weapons "on." )
Rob: Lets see you pull that crap in a "Ladder Match."
( Rob picks up and opens a beer he just pounds half of it down then slams it on the table. Rob looks at his nephew with a **** eating grin on his face. )
Rob: Hope your ready to lose.
( This time Rob picks Trent Helms, chuckling to himself as Mike re selects Mark Evil. They finalize their choices and the match begins to load. Setting is "Crossroads" they open with two ladders on either side of the ring, Trent Helms standing across from Mark Evil. The bell sounds and Trent Helms jumps right out of the ring. Mark Evil runs across and looks to be going for some high risk maneuver, but Trent Helms moves, picks up a ladder and slams it against Mark Evil's head. )
Rob: Not so tough now.
( Trent Helms levels Mark Evil then slides the ladder back in the ring. Mark Evil is back up, he grabs a steel chair and gets in the ring. Mark Evil swings but Rob manages to hit the reversal button just in time to take the chair and hit Mark Evil in the stomach followed by a hard DDT on the chair itself. Trent Helms scoops Mark Evil up and Irish whips him into the corner, then Hard Irish whips him out of the ring. )
Rob: This match is so mine.
( Mike scoffs as Rob sets up the ladder. Trent Helms begins the painfully slow ascent up the ladder. He reaches the top and stretches out and grabs the belt. He pulls himself off the ladder and hangs from the title belt. Mark Evil gets up and slides in the ring. He climbs up the ladder too. )
Rob: Too late "homes."
Mike: Up, down, left, right, up, down, X!
( Again the barbed wire just appears on Mark Evil's right arm as he jumps off the ladder and hits Trent Helms with the "Barbed Wire Massacre" which sends Trent Helms flying through the air and to the outside, crashing down hard on top of the announcer's table. )
Rob: Are you serious?
Mike: Abra...
( Mark Evil climbs back up the ladder, grabs the belt, and a few moments later he falls down to the ring, clutching the title, and winning the match. )
Mike: Cadabra.
Rob: COME THE HECK ON! I HAD THAT ONE!!! BULL! BULL!!! THIS GAME IS RIGGED! I have never seen more absolute bull in one game ever.
Mike: Calm down uncle Rob, nothing to get upset about. Theres just no stopping the awesome that is Mark Evil and his apparently magical barbed wire of doom.
Rob: I'll barbed wire of doom your face. I'll be right back.
( Rob gets up off the couch and leaves the room. )
Mike: *whispers* panties are twisted...
( Five minutes pass and Rob struts back into the room and sits down. )
Mike: Finished crying?
( Rob doesn't respond. )
Mike: Last game homes, I'm getting bored sitting here, kicking your ass all day.
( Again, Rob ignores him. This time Rob just picks a regular old singles match, they set it on "Trauma" and Rob's choice of wrestler is... Joe Everyman. )
Mike: Everychump? Why the hell would you pick that "wannabe real wrestler but I can't seem to find the talent to win a match" bitch?
( Rob just stares at the screen as the match loads. )
Mike: Five bucks says Everychump doesn't even load.
( A chuckle escapes Rob Diamond as the match is finished loading, the bell rings, and the fight begins. )
Mike: Here.. we.. go... Up, down, left, right, up, down, X!
( Barbed wire appears around the right arm of Mark Evil as he ramps up and charges Joe Everyman with the "Barbed Wire Massacre." Joe Everyman just stands there as Rob glares confidently at the screen. Mark Evil collides with Joe Everyman, but this time, nothing happens, and Mike Honcho looks shocked. )
Mike: What? I typed it in right...
Rob: Left, right, down, up, Y!
( Joe Everyman whips Mark Evil around and kicks him in the stomach then hits the "Twist of Fate." Joe Everyman quickly rolls Mark Evil over and pins him. )
Rob: And a one, and a two, and a three. TA DAA!!!!
Mike: What the hell was that? Why didn't the "BWM" hit?
Rob: Well Mike, when I left the room I looked up the strategy guide to this game, and as it turns out Joe Everyman is completely immune to all offense performed by Mark Evil. The minute I chose Joe Everyman, you lost. It's impossible for Joe to lose to Mark, so in the end, you were your own downfall.
Mike: And the code?
Rob: Instant finisher code.
Mike: THATS CHEATING!
Rob: Of course it is, when you lose. Now lets say we do some tag team matches for a while.
Mike: Awesome, I'll be me, you be you, and we'll simulate the ass whopping we're going to give Homos for Freedom this Sunday.
Rob: As fun as that sounds, we can't.
Mike: Why not?
Rob: Scotty Callaway didn't make the cut for this game... I suppose we can sub Mimic.
Mike: You really wanna give Everychump a chance?
Rob: Your right, lets just play Smackdown and do 3 on 1 hard core handi cap matches against John Cena.
Mike: Three faces of Hogan versus Cena?
Rob: Hogan World Order for the win baby.
( Fade to black. )