Post by Angel on Apr 21, 2009 22:03:56 GMT -6
Someone sent me a dvd, someone wanted me to watch it, and someone has a sick sense of humor. I watched the dvd, I saw the images that were on it. My fourth birthday party. Alex, my twin brother, also known as Fate, my mother and Father. It was the last time the four of us were together as a family. The last time before my father... did what he did. It was my last happy memory with that family and someone wanted me to live it again. Someone has a sick sense of humor, and when I have the time I'm going to find out who.
It's been a long drive, my heart has been racing the whole time, but I had to come back, I have to see her, and come hell or high water I will get into her room this time. But at the moment I'm just trying to clear my head as I stand outside in the relative cold that is Hartford, Connecticut.
"I had thought we were beyond all the bickering, name calling, and pissing contests. I had thought that after all this time you and I could finally sit back like men and say what we needed to say without dragging each other's names through the mud. Thats what I had thought AJ."
I open my eyes and look around, for a second I can't believe I'm standing outside of her hospital, for a second I can't believe she's inside that building, not waiting for me, but maybe... just maybe expecting me...
"So when I turned my TV on, when I saw you saying all the same things you always say, when I saw you reading off your "101 ways to insult Angel" hand book on national television for, let me count, the eleventh time? I was a little shocked, I was a little hurt, but mostly I was disappointed."
This little promo is almost an after thought to me, after the long drive back to Connecticut, all I can think about is the moment I see her again for the first time.
"I figured at this point you'd have so much more to say to me than "You abandoned your family, you suck off Adam, your a disgraceful person or whatever, and I beat you, I beat you, nah nah nah nah nah, I BEAT YOU!"
*sigh*
"Really? You beat me? Funny AJ, how you sit back and act all noble, act like Shelly is the only thing on your mind, but you still manage to sink back into that little ego of yours and remind me at least forty times that you finally beat me. You FINALLY did the one thing I've been begging you to do. You FINALLY lived up to your potential. You FINALLY maned up AJ. Where were you a month ago when I got down on my knees and begged you to put the bullet in the back of my head and end my misery? Where were you then? You were too busy fighting a selfish war for selfish reasons, but two weeks ago, like you said, you fought for Shelly. For one shining moment you fought for something greater than yourself, and for exactly one shining moment you became everything I have ever dreamed you could be."
I'm stalling, I'm nervous, this walk shouldn't take this long, I should be inside already, it's just... it's been almost a month... Does she even want to see me? Does she still love me?
"But as quickly as that moment came, in exactly three seconds, you regressed AJ, you became that spoiled little kid on Christmas morning who got the one present he wanted but his parents didn't want to give him. AJ, I'm glad you beat me, I'm glad you showed nCw that you are not only my equal, but when the circumstances are right, you are my better. See, thats the thing you always ignored about me. Unlike you, I have never lived for my future or my legacy, I have never cared how I will be remembered. I live for right now. So you replacing me in nCw isn't something that keeps me up at night. You replacing me in my home on the other hand, it's really starting to bother me."
I've reached the doors of the hospital, I knew she's just inside, just up the elevator, just down the hall. She's there. I'm so close.
"By all means AJ, ascend to the pinnacle of nCw, take the reigns and become the legend you've always wanted to be. I will not stop you AJ, I won't even try. As for my family, as for my wife, I've seen the error of my ways, I see where I faltered and failed, I see what truly matters to me and it's not this company, it's not 15 pounds of gold, it's Shelly and Hayleigh. It's my wife and my daughter. It's my family. I love them with my whole being AJ, and now I see that you do as well. I see that you too wish to be with them, you wish to replace me, maybe not literally, but you do wish to step into my shoes, to fill them, as you have so well these last few weeks. But I can't let you AJ. I can't turn my back again. I will not make the same mistake twice. nCw may rise or it may well fall, I don't care, I'll still have a job with whatever company it is when it's over, as will we all. But one of us is going to end up alone AJ. One of us is going to lose more than a match, more than titles, more than pride. One of us is going to lose our soul. I've seen you drop the ego and fight for love, I know your going to do it again Sunday, and I know you can beat me, what I don't know is who's side Shelly will be on, if she'll be on one at all, but I"m going to find out."
I take a deep breath, I calm my heart, and I step into the elevator that will carry me to my fate.
I hate feeling like this
I'm so tired of trying to fight this
I'm asleep and all I dream of
Is waking to You
Tell me that You will listen
You're touch is what i'm missing
And the more I hide I realize I'm slowly losing You
Comatose
I'll never wake up without an overdose of You
I don't wanna live, I dont wanna breathe
'Les I feel you next to me
You take the pain I feel
Waking up to You never felt so real
I don't wanna sleep, I don't wanna dream
'Cause my dreams don't comfort me
The way You make me feel
Waking up to You never felt so real
It's been a long drive, my heart has been racing the whole time, but I had to come back, I have to see her, and come hell or high water I will get into her room this time. But at the moment I'm just trying to clear my head as I stand outside in the relative cold that is Hartford, Connecticut.
"I had thought we were beyond all the bickering, name calling, and pissing contests. I had thought that after all this time you and I could finally sit back like men and say what we needed to say without dragging each other's names through the mud. Thats what I had thought AJ."
I open my eyes and look around, for a second I can't believe I'm standing outside of her hospital, for a second I can't believe she's inside that building, not waiting for me, but maybe... just maybe expecting me...
"So when I turned my TV on, when I saw you saying all the same things you always say, when I saw you reading off your "101 ways to insult Angel" hand book on national television for, let me count, the eleventh time? I was a little shocked, I was a little hurt, but mostly I was disappointed."
This little promo is almost an after thought to me, after the long drive back to Connecticut, all I can think about is the moment I see her again for the first time.
"I figured at this point you'd have so much more to say to me than "You abandoned your family, you suck off Adam, your a disgraceful person or whatever, and I beat you, I beat you, nah nah nah nah nah, I BEAT YOU!"
*sigh*
"Really? You beat me? Funny AJ, how you sit back and act all noble, act like Shelly is the only thing on your mind, but you still manage to sink back into that little ego of yours and remind me at least forty times that you finally beat me. You FINALLY did the one thing I've been begging you to do. You FINALLY lived up to your potential. You FINALLY maned up AJ. Where were you a month ago when I got down on my knees and begged you to put the bullet in the back of my head and end my misery? Where were you then? You were too busy fighting a selfish war for selfish reasons, but two weeks ago, like you said, you fought for Shelly. For one shining moment you fought for something greater than yourself, and for exactly one shining moment you became everything I have ever dreamed you could be."
I'm stalling, I'm nervous, this walk shouldn't take this long, I should be inside already, it's just... it's been almost a month... Does she even want to see me? Does she still love me?
"But as quickly as that moment came, in exactly three seconds, you regressed AJ, you became that spoiled little kid on Christmas morning who got the one present he wanted but his parents didn't want to give him. AJ, I'm glad you beat me, I'm glad you showed nCw that you are not only my equal, but when the circumstances are right, you are my better. See, thats the thing you always ignored about me. Unlike you, I have never lived for my future or my legacy, I have never cared how I will be remembered. I live for right now. So you replacing me in nCw isn't something that keeps me up at night. You replacing me in my home on the other hand, it's really starting to bother me."
I've reached the doors of the hospital, I knew she's just inside, just up the elevator, just down the hall. She's there. I'm so close.
"By all means AJ, ascend to the pinnacle of nCw, take the reigns and become the legend you've always wanted to be. I will not stop you AJ, I won't even try. As for my family, as for my wife, I've seen the error of my ways, I see where I faltered and failed, I see what truly matters to me and it's not this company, it's not 15 pounds of gold, it's Shelly and Hayleigh. It's my wife and my daughter. It's my family. I love them with my whole being AJ, and now I see that you do as well. I see that you too wish to be with them, you wish to replace me, maybe not literally, but you do wish to step into my shoes, to fill them, as you have so well these last few weeks. But I can't let you AJ. I can't turn my back again. I will not make the same mistake twice. nCw may rise or it may well fall, I don't care, I'll still have a job with whatever company it is when it's over, as will we all. But one of us is going to end up alone AJ. One of us is going to lose more than a match, more than titles, more than pride. One of us is going to lose our soul. I've seen you drop the ego and fight for love, I know your going to do it again Sunday, and I know you can beat me, what I don't know is who's side Shelly will be on, if she'll be on one at all, but I"m going to find out."
I take a deep breath, I calm my heart, and I step into the elevator that will carry me to my fate.
I hate feeling like this
I'm so tired of trying to fight this
I'm asleep and all I dream of
Is waking to You
Tell me that You will listen
You're touch is what i'm missing
And the more I hide I realize I'm slowly losing You
Comatose
I'll never wake up without an overdose of You
I don't wanna live, I dont wanna breathe
'Les I feel you next to me
You take the pain I feel
Waking up to You never felt so real
I don't wanna sleep, I don't wanna dream
'Cause my dreams don't comfort me
The way You make me feel
Waking up to You never felt so real