Post by Keybo Shabaz on Nov 19, 2009 3:31:20 GMT -6
(Everybody wants you by Damone plays in the background, signaling the start of nCws favorite TV show, the Pulse! A highlight clip of nCws finest is shown for an opening montage. Fade in a sound stage, with a large desk and a neon "The Pulse" sign behind it. A man sits at the desk, black suit, gray tie, he shuffles the papers in front of him as the music fades and the camera shifts into position.)
Keybo: Hey, guess what? Yeah. I'm back! There was a long hiatus because of TV contracts, then I had to deal with Suspense losing it's TV deal and closing, but now, everything is all sorted out and I have my time slot back!
(Cheap Pop.)
The Pulse!
Has come back... to your televisions.. My last prediction set was ages ago, but I still want to show you all how right I was, right?
Suspense
Keybo: Somewhere in the scuffle the Suspense records for September 25th were lost, but then again.. maybe it's better this way.
Trauma
JFK vs Nick Logan
Xtreme Rules
Keybo: We miss you James.
JFK 1-0
Spike Kane vs. Gib
Road to the Gold
Keybo: We miss you.. Spike?
Gib 2-0
Xavier Williams vs Seth Evans
Keybo: We miss you Xavier. This is starting to be a trend.
Xavier Williams 2-1
Glen Nodoveit vs. Steve Awesome
Road to the Gold
Keybo: We miss... both of you. Damn.
Steve Awesome 3-1
Keybo: Little more.
Collision
Rob Diamond vs Gabriel Karras
Keybo: First match from back then where both guys are still here.
Rob Diamond 4-1
Jimmy Zane vs. Joe Everyman
Road to the Gold
Keybo: And somehow, Everyman is still around to torment me.
Jimmy Zane 5-1
Lance Ryan vs Xavier Cross
Keybo: Yay, Lance.
Lance Ryan 6-1
Sexy Jason vs. Will Washington
Road to the Gold
Keybo: In the time since this, Washington left and returned. And we missed him.
Will Washington 7-1
Falcon vs Reckless Jack
Xtreme Rules
Keybo: Yay, Jack. Except he retired.
Reckless Jack 8-1
Week: 8-1
2009: 185-110
Keybo: Well, I had a good week more than 2 months ago. Let's see if the hiatus made me better. Oh, this is a special week. Why you ask? Mind Games is here!
Wired
Craig Jacobs vs Kronos vs Mike Honcho
Keybo: We'll call this match, The desperate, the pious and the magic. Jacobs and Kronos are new, but Mike Honcho has never been one to care about new. So, the magic 8 ball says...
Craig Jacobs
Mark Evil vs Diego Davies
Xtreme Rules
Keybo: Wait a minute.. Mark Evil is.. alive? Man, we had a tribute show and everything. Anyway, Evil finds himself across the ring from another guy who's just as big and bad as he is. Just don't tell him I said that.
Diego Davies
Andrew Jacobsen vs Mr. Happy
Keybo: The star of the North Star takes on.. the happiest person I've ever seen. This could go over really well, or not so well.
Andrew Jacobsen
Mind Games: Deja Vu
Xavier Cross vs Will Washington
Street Fight for the #1 Contendership of the nCw World Title[/color]
Keybo: These two have been getting at one another for many a week. Now they get to settle their differences, and have a chance at going after the companys top prize. This is gonna be a thing to watch.
Xavier Cross
Freakke vs Blackheart vs Mr. Mysterio vs Bad Luck Chuck
Xtreme 4 way for the #1 Contendership of the Xtreme Title
Keybo: As much as my good buddy Mike Kane wants to deny it, the people love Xtreme matches. And this one promises nothing less than stellar. Has Chucks luck turned for the best? Or will one of the monsters take this home?
Blackheart
Gabriel Karras (c) vs Atreyu
nCw Xtreme title match
Keybo: Atreyu has vowed to end this era of Xtreme, claiming it to be nothing more than a farce on wrestling. But Gabe Karras doesn't make his living hitting people with stuff, and I hope that Atreyu knows what he's getting into.
Atreyu
Rob Diamond (c) vs Seth Evans
No Excuses Match for the nCw X Division title[/color]
Keybo: Evans has one more chance to redeem himself before Diamond can write him off. I hope he does it. It sucks not being able to go home.
Seth Evans
Dirty Deal (c) vs Adam Knite and Gib
nCw Tag Team title match[/color]
Keybo: I could go into why.. but I hate Dirty Deal. Go Gibknights!
Adam Knite and Gib
Joe Everyman (c) vs Lance Ryan
Lethal Lottery 2 out of 3 falls for the nCw National title[/color]
Keybo: Joe Everyman has managed to blunder his way into keeping that title for as long as he did. But Lance won't be cheated twice. Three matches, you gotta win two to get the title. This has legend sauce all over it.
Lance Ryan
Falcon (c) vs Sexy Jason vs Jack Hammond
Triple Threat Last Man Standing for the nCw World title[/color]
Keybo: This is what it comes down to. Jason has his overdue shot at greatness. Hammond has a chance to redeem himself, if by pure luck. Keeping two seperate men down for ten seconds each seems easy, but trust me.. it's not. Go Go Hammy.
Jack Hammond
Keybo: And with that, Mind Games will end and another chapter will be written in the saga of New Championship Wrestling. But now.. here's what you have been waiting for. This has been long overdue. My guest tonight.. is none other.. than WRESTLING LEGEND.... BRAD KANE!
("The Kill" by Thirty Seconds to Mars plays and Brad Kane comes out from the back. He steps up to the crowd, touching hands with all his loving supporters. He turns back, he and Keybo embrace, and Brad takes his seat.)
Keybo: Welcome to the Pulse, Mr. Kane.
Brad: Good to be here. Man, this is a comfy couch.. where'd you get it?
Keybo: Don't laugh.. but.. Ikea..
(Brad fights off an urge to laugh.)
Keybo: So, how're you enjoying your retirement?
Brad: It's a liberating feeling. So much time to just relax and be with my family.
Keybo: Congratulations on the new baby.
Brad: Thank you.
Keybo: Ready to answer all your adoring fanmail?
Brad: Absolutely.
Keybo: Ok.. Dwight.. from Scranton, Pennsylvania asks..Why are you such a quitter Brad? Beats, Bears, Brad Kane.
Brad: Well, DWIGHT SCHRUTE, I know who you are. Are you that bored that you stopped beet farming and trying to get Jim fired that you're sending in questions to a wrestling show? Anyways, I'm clearly not a quitter, I'm a guy who knows when to leave. My wife is pregnant again, something that you probably have no concept of besides boning that tight ass Angela. So Dwight, I just don't view this as quitting as I do leaving when the time is right. I beat my brother which was basically one of my last goals in wrestling. So why bother adding more titles and accomplishments when that list is long enough? I hope that satisfies your curious nature. And, by the way, this is a true fact. Black bear is best.
Keybo: I prefer Polar. Ed.. from Connecticut.. asks.. Is this retirement for real or will we see you return in time for RTTG 4?
Brad: Outside of my last endeavor right now, which is competing in the 2009 Total J Cup Tournament, this is for real. Like I told Dwight, I'm comfortable with my accomplishments and I don't need to pad them anymore outside of finally winning a tournament that doesn't have a title shot at the end. I want a trophy. And a fruit plate.
Keybo: Plenty of fruit in the green room.
Brad: I know, and it was delicious.
Keybo: Mike Kane.. from.. where else.. Boston asks.. Hey douche, you owe me hospital bills for the freakin' hole in my hand!
Brad: Fine, fine. Just give me the bill at Thanksgiving. Can we please not try to end this visit with a fistfight? If not, I'll add another hole in your hand. Retard.
Keybo: Now, now, thanksgiving is about slaughtering the Indians, not each other. Brett Favre.. from.. wait.. no way.. there's no way Brett Favre watches my show.. anyway, he asks.. How'd you do it Bradley? How'd you bring yourself to quit for good?
Brad: As a Tampa Bay fan, first and foremost, up yours smurfhead. Now, to answer your question. I don't need to be a bitch hogging the spotlight like you. I DON'T NEED ANOTHER CHAMPIONSHIP TO MAKE MYSELF FEEL LIKE A MAN. My large penis does that well enough.
Keybo: Easy Brad, family show and all that.
Brad: My bad.
Keybo: Lance Ryan from Oshawa, Ontario, Canada asks.. Dude, you always said that I would be your last match. Yet you let some douche named Biggs take that honor, or whoever you beat in the finals of the tournament you entered. Way I see it, you owe me one more. Question two though, what was with that text you sent me?
Brad: Yeah, yeah, I know. Blame PWA for booking their shows after Collision. That wasn't my fault. If its any consolation, I beat Biggs. Then again, a two year old could beat JJ Biggs. Lance, if I win that tournament, I'll GLADLY give you my last match. You know I would brother. Lacey got a hold of my cell phone some how and just started typing. Then Megan edited it to say that. I live in a house full of women, give me a break man.
Keybo: I can't believe it.
Brad: Tell me about it. Sometimes I feel like I gotta wear a tampon to fit in.
Keybo: Not about that.. the fact that you wrestled. That hurts me deeply.
Brad: I'm sorry. But I honor my contracts.
Keybo: Alright, alright, we'll let that one go. Anyway, someone anonymously asked How nice are JLHs... boobs..? Why don't these get thrown out?
Brad: Shock value. Well I've never had sex with Jennifer Love Hewitt though my wife looks like her and her boobs are the greatest thing I've ever felt. Too bad you'll never know the feeling. Loser.
Keybo: Damn people always wasting my air time. Next up is Jamie Kennedy.. yeah.. he's not writing into my show either, but he asks.. Yo dawg.. he also doesn't talk like that.. I was tappin that JLH... who's JLH?
Brad: Jennifer Love Hewitt.
Keybo: Right. I was thinkin.. why ain't you ever been nCw Champion? You wasn't good enough? Come on dawg.
Brad: Good for you Jamie. Anyways, it wasn't really a big deal to me here. I had my shot a couple of years back and I didn't win it so I just never tried for it again. Simple as that.
Keybo: I can't see why people don't get that. Moving on.. Jennifer.. Love.. no way.. come on people.. anyway, the supposed JLH asks.. Have you ever watched ANY of my movies?...like serious...and stop sending me fruit baskets, we got enough fruit running around with Stu Stone...oh beeteedubs, i looooove Lance Ryan!!!! Woooo
Brad: Well Ms. Hewitt. I am a fan of yours so yes I have watched your movies. Though I'm not too sure why you were in the Garfield movies. Total trash but hey, you made parts of it watchable. And you like fruit. Not what you said me to a couple of months ago. Call me sometime.
Keybo: Hey, I loved the Ghost Whisperer.
Brad: Me too.
Keybo: Thats all the time we have. I'd like to give extra special thanks to Brad Kane for stopping by.
Brad: My pleasure.
Keybo: For New Championship Wrestling, I'm Keybo Shabaz.. he's Brad Kane.. and remember..
Steel Chairs are fun...
Barbed Wire is a good time..
And always tip your waitress...
Good night.
(Everybody wants you by Damone plays again as the transmission fades out.)
"Hey, join me again next week on my new night, THURSDAY, when my guest in the studio will be the that God's Greatest Gift, Xavier Cross! Questions? Comments? Wanna invite him to a rodeo? Send them in to:
TheShabaz@newchampionshipwrestling.com
Or Call the studio lines at 1-866-555-3737
And I'll see you here next week!"
(You know the deal.)