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Post by Jake Keeton on Dec 1, 2009 23:34:38 GMT -6
Figured I'd ask since most everyone else has one of these.
So my first RP for nCw is up, can I get some feedback?
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Post by Jake Keeton on Dec 4, 2009 19:51:42 GMT -6
BUMP!
Second one's posted. Do I suck that bad?
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Post by Shane Hunt on Dec 4, 2009 20:21:52 GMT -6
You can see my reaction to your RPs in the chat thingy right now.
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Post by adm on Dec 5, 2009 20:48:54 GMT -6
Keeton, a few things of positive and negative to think about sir:
First, the negatives, cuz that is always easier to get out of the way: Your intros really tend to drag down the overall entertainment of the rp. Shorten them, find a way to streamline what you need to say to a paragraph instead of a page and it'll all float on alright.
Positives: Really nice, entertaining, interesting dynamic the 2nd half of the rps. The family dynamic, though I don't know who is who, you seem to know the personalities of everyone and they don't act out of character and fit in very well. Keep that part solid, maybe add a bit of subtle humor to it, you'll be golden (because we all know nobody's serious all the time).
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Post by Jake Keeton on Dec 5, 2009 23:21:24 GMT -6
Shorter? I really wasn't expecting that, think it's the first time anyone has said that about my stuff. The intros are kind of an inner monologue, which is where I get in my match work/trash talk, but with multiple opponents to talk about it was hard to make it any shorter and counter what my opponents said. They won't be that long for one on one matches.
Glad you like my stories, I try to make the characters real and have their own personality. I'd thought about adding a section to my bio with a brief outline of each character to give people some background on them. Thought about even having pic bases associated with them too for people to visualize.
Thanks for the feedback though Bates, it's much appreciated. I like it here.
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Post by adm on Dec 6, 2009 16:23:14 GMT -6
Yeah, I like it here too...and thanks for taking it into consideration, seems just a little work and most of the "newer" guys could be new weapons in the arsenal of nCw
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Post by Maniac on Dec 6, 2009 17:50:16 GMT -6
I'd love to give you something constructive to work with, but I've really enjoyed your two rps, the intros I thought, with the trash talk, were great and the family dynamic was good. If anything, I like to see the personal life tie in a bit more with the wrestling, the way your second one did with his son and fighting.
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Post by Shane Hunt on Dec 6, 2009 18:12:05 GMT -6
I think I misunderstood the first part of your RP, so didn't comment them in my own RPs. I thought that the first part was us seeing what you were thinking. Is that not what those first couple of paragraphs are?
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Post by Jake Keeton on Dec 6, 2009 22:00:29 GMT -6
I think I misunderstood the first part of your RP, so didn't comment them in my own RPs. I thought that the first part was us seeing what you were thinking. Is that not what those first couple of paragraphs are? Yeah it's his thoughts but they're kind of said out loud. I know you're not American and I'm not sure how old you are but the was a TV show called The Wonder Years when I was a teenager that had like the main characters thoughts being spoken out loud during the show, that's kinda what I do.
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Post by Jake Keeton on Dec 12, 2009 11:56:02 GMT -6
My RP's for this weeks Trauma are up, can I get some thoughts from people?
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Post by msjsn3 on Dec 12, 2009 11:58:34 GMT -6
Both of your rps were good.
On your second rp the only thing I seen wrong...was Trauma is on Saturday. You mentioned Sunday. But if I was voting...I would not count off on. Otherwise then that good job
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Post by Jimmy Zane on Dec 13, 2009 9:21:26 GMT -6
I liked both your RPs....very nicely thought out... I think it should be a hell of a match this week.
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