Post by Kelly Fox on Jul 5, 2010 11:08:57 GMT -6
OPENING
Hey there NCW fans.. yes it is I, Kelly Knite bringing all you ungrateful ingrates another addition of my Knitelife column. You heard it right..... I'm with Steve now. First Zelda turned her back on me over a misunderstanding, then you fans turned your back on me over an accident, and then Adam took my heart and pulled it from chest.... so I don't care about being nice to any of you little ****s anymore. You threw trash at me! You cussed me, you threatened my life... and you threatened the life of my daughter.... none of you deserve to have my words grace your eye sockets.
However, I'm a professional, and as a professional I will continue to do my job and I will continue to bring you the exciting Knitelife action that I know all you just crave so much despite you booing your stupid little heads off every time I show my face in an arena. However, lets just put all that behind us for now shall we? So I can get to work on this Column and you people can enjoy it.
My father told me last week to have you fans decide on a match type that will appear at the fan choice pay per view, Ascension. You all made it very clear that you want to see an Assault X match. I mean, you really, really want to see an Assault X match, it won the voting by taking in 50% of the votes! So fans, I'm glad to announce that you'll get what you want, at Ascension there will be a title match that will be decided in an Assault X match. Isn't that great? It better be, since you're the ones who decided on it.
Now this week's poll.... as usual will be over what match you think will be the best one of all? What match do you think this show is completely worth buying to see? You know what match I think will be the best, but this isn't about what I think, sadly, otherwise it would be a lot smarter of a choice than you numbskulls will likely choose. Anyway, get those votes in, and lets see what you think will be worth seeing here.
REVIEW OF LAST WEEK
The shows were very good this week. So many matches were just hard fought battles between wrestlers who wanted to win. We got to declare a new Xtreme champion on Trauma thanks to the firing of Tommy Victor, congratulations to Tempestad. That wasn't the only title match we had this week if you can believe that, we also had the travesty of a match that was Zelda Knite hurt shoulder and all... thanks to me -heehee- taking on not one but two women for her women's world champion, in what turned out to be a very good match.
Trauma was a good show, and I think it really got people excited for Collision with the great matchups we had. We saw the debut of that slut Ashlie Ember, and it was good to see her get chocked out, not to mention we saw the Honor Champion taking on the X-Division champion which was very close to stealing the show with the back and forth action, but the main attraction, the reason you watched.... Alex Jones versus Steve Awesome. Awesome my man, comes out with a victory and shows everybody why he's the Face of the Franchise. If was some good television, with all the great talent currently coming into NCW Trauma is looking more and more like a sister show to Collision instead of the undercard.
Now Collision, wasn't it awesome, wasn't it amazing seeing The Front Office at work? Did you see how we held Adam down and made him feel pain... he thinks that putting me through what he did makes him a man? Shows that he's tough? Well we showed him, you don't mess around with my feelings, otherwise you get your face kicked in by the Firing Squad. Of course.... I almost got my slap in, which would of made the show at least twice as awesome, but the Pixelated Bitch had to make her presence known, but how well... seeing my boys tearing Adam up was good enough.
Ok.. the actual matches... were fantastic. Doc and Rob Diamond almost stole the show with their match, both men fought hard and it was a close contest, said Pixelated Priss managed to steal the world title from either Tara or Rayne by jumping about 20 feet from the top of the cage to the floor... she's always been stupid, but I didn't realize she was freaking crazy as well. The Main Event was as advertised, a match between two of the best in NCW, and the battle between iWash and the Motor City Mafia was keeping people on the edge of their seat. Gabriel Karras comes right back and holds off three of the best rising stars in an amazing four way match, which I loved. Then finally I would hate myself if I didn't bring up Philip Burns beating Adam Knite like a rented mule... where did I learn the phrase “rented mule”? Oh well, whatever, it was great. I'll have to give this week's show an 8.7!
PICTURE PERFECT PREVIEW
LAST WEEK'S RECORD :: 10-3 :: Well that totally makes up for my horrid predictions the past couple of weeks, so I'm glad. Again I show a knack for predicting Trauma going 4-1 for the show.
OVERALL RECORD :: 112 - 65 :: Oh yeah baby... you looking at that. Come on, admit it, that's impressive isn't it? I know what you're thinking, but no.. I can't help pick your lotto numbers yet... but soon people, patience.
UPSET OF THE WEEK RECORD :: 7-9 :: I was so close to going up over 500 with this and then in two weeks I'm back to being down 2... I hate predicting these upsets I tell you.
WIRED
Singles Match
Joe Ragnal vs "Bad Luck" Chuck
-It'll be a sad day if "Falcon Punch" Ragnal loses to "Bad Luck" Chuck.
Women's Over-The-Top Battle Royal
Tara Fenix vs. Ashlie Ember vs. Charlaine Jones vs. Malice vs. Maria Williams vs. Megan Kane
-Do any of the rest of these women even stand a chance? Tara Fenix has a date with Zelda for the rematch of the year.
Honor Match for #1 Contendership
Evan Andrews vs. Stefan Rzany
-Easily the toughest match to call for Trauma. I'm going with Lance based off his legacy here in NCW, but I can totally see Andrews pulling this upset off.
Tag Team Match
Doc and JFK vs. Joe Everyman and Max Myers
-Everyman has been amazing lately despite losing this past week, but I don't see him him and Myers being able to hang with Doc and JFK.
Honor Championship
Singles Match
Venom(C) vs. Xavier Williams
-Another tough one here. Xavier is a former world champion here in NCW, and some might call this an upset, but I don't think so. Venom is rededicated and he wants to show how wrestling is done with Honor.
PICTURE PERFECT
World Tag Team Championships
Ladder Match
Will Washington and Ian Kline(C) vs. Motor City Mafia
- My MCM boys are going to kick the crap out of iWash. Oh yeah, I said it.
X-Division Championship
Singles Match
Freakke(C) vs. Seth Evans
-Freakke hasn't won in a month... I don't know if Evans has or not as well.. but he's the better wrestler.
Extreme Nicholas Caged Lynch Mob Match
DDK vs. Ron Gibson
-I hate picking against my boy Gibson, but DDK does have the power of the sack on his side. So I'll side with him, but be pulling for Ron.
X-Treme Championship
First Blood Elimination Triple Threat Match
Tempestad(C) vs. Gabriel Karras vs. Sephiroth du Lac
-Blood is involved, so I have to side with the vampire here. Besides he's been on a roll since getting with Maria and they've recently been married, I think that only makes him stronger.
Snake Pit Match
Ayla St. James vs. Cleopatra
-The lovers square off one on one this week, in this "Snake pit Match" last time they fought it was Cleo coming out on top -heehee- but this week it's different as Ayla sheds the mistress crap and defeats Cleo.
!!!UPSET OF THE WEEK!!!
Death Cage Match
Alex Jones vs. Angel
-I call this my upset of the week because of Angel's unholy record against AJ being something like 10-2. I don't think Angel is going to be able to control himself in this match because of everything going on... and Jones uses that to his advantage.
National Title Match
Charlie Velez(C) vs. Andrew Jacobsen
-I love me some Andrew Jacobsen, but I don't think he's ready for this level of competition yet. He's going to be the future of NCW, but he's going to have to wait his turn, because Velez pulls this one out.
Mixed Tag Team Match
Adam Knite and Zelda Knite vs. Steve Awesome and Kelly Knite
-I won't vote on my match, but I will tell you that me and Steve are going to **** Dinoboy and Gamegirl up. I promise it.
Bird's Cage
Falcon vs. Rob Diamond
-Falcon has too much to fight for to lose this match. Diamond has been making his life a living hell after taking Serenity from him, and Falcon just comes out here and wins this.
World Championship
Singles Match
Brad Kane(C) vs. Philip Burns
Brad Kane has been a different man, he doesn't want to lose this title on his first defense, and I think he'll do what it takes to put SoS away. However, I can totally see Burns shocking the world and winning this.
- - Look at that card people... wow. We have an amazing pay per view lined up for you, just look at the Wired showing, seriously that could be a Collision lineup of matches any week, and it's going to be shown streaming on the NCW website. So not miss this show, go sell blood, or donate sperm whatever it is you have to do to get the money to order! I'm not joking when I saw this likely will be the pay per view of the year thus far.
THE FAB FIVE
Honorable Mention: Rob Diamond :: Haha you're still not making the list pal... but nice win.
5.Ron Gibson :: He got the win for his... unordinary team, I hear he was pretty excited about it too.
4.Venom :: He comes back and he doesn't miss a beat as our new Honor champion defeats the X-Division champ.
3.Philip Burns :: Anybody who is willing to go through those lengths to win matches and get under his opponents skin, deserves to make this list.
2.Falcon :: He beat the world champion in a fantastic match, there is no topping that unless....
1.Zelda Knite :: A sprained shoulder, a handicapped match... she's sure to lose right? No, you'll have to drive a stake through her heart it seems.
WHAT TO KEEP AN EYE ON
Do I even have to mention that I'm on the card? Well, whatever, I'll mention it anyway. It'll be Awesome and I taking on the Knite siblings. I don't have to tell you how much emotion is going to be in this match, how much passion everybody is going to be fighting with. I'm sick of being treated like a dog by those two just because they can't understand accidents and refuse to believe me, so you know what. I'll show them. Don't trust me? Fine.... I'll join the Front Office and show them what it's like when I turn my back on you. Keep an eye on it and watch The Awesome Knites destroy the most popular wrestler in NCW.
Then of course there is this match between Angel and Alex Jones, you'll not want to miss it as there is so much hate and fire between them right now. The mind games Alex has been playing on Angel using his own daughter Hayleigh is sick, but it's clearly effective as Angel has not been Angel lately. You'll want to see this, as there will be blood, I can promise that...
And speaking of blood, we have a First Blood elimination match, which I don't know has ever been done before. Tempestad, Sephiroth Du Lac, and Gabriel Karras will be doing whatever they can to bloody their opponent's in another match that the emotions are just overflowing in. If I were to pick a dark horse match as the “show stealer” this week, it would be this one, you're going to see three men just beat the holy hell out of each other, what's not to like?
Make sure you catch Venom this week, I think I've said this already, but he's totally about to take off and rip through the NCW roster, I can feel it.
Then make sure to watch Andrew Jacobsen, I don't think he has what it takes to win the National title yet, he still needs some work, but I do think he has what it takes to totally push Velez to the limits and give him everything he can handle. You'll want to see that little firecracker in action, trust me.
THE KNITELINE
Rob Diamond: The office up the hall.
"Hey Kelly, I've won like every match I've been in since A Night to Remember and was just curious why you dog me every week in your top 5? I mean, it's kind of insulting when I make Charlie Velez tap out one week and get nothing, but the next week he beats the former jobber Karras and gets the number 3 spot? I call bull**** and expect this to be fixed ASAP!"
- Hey Rob... go **** yourself.
Jose, New Mexico
"Kelly, what is your favorite thing about Fourth of July."
- I love fireworks. Me and Adam we used to go outside, lay on the grass and look at the sky as the fireworks exploded above us. It was very romantic.... I really missed that this year... oh well... his loss.
Dave T.Z. K-Town, PA
"Hey, Kelly what are your thoughts on some of the new talent coming to nCw? I mean, we have the Executioner, Abel, Nate Wolfe, Max Myers, and Evan Andrews all joined the roster in the last month. Who do you think will have a biggest impact on the company?"
- I love seeing new guys come through the door, it's always good to have fresh faces ready to step up and win some matches. I think of all the men you listed Evan Andrews will be the one who shoots up the fastest, he's got a huge ceiling and he'll only get better.
AJ; Tampa Bay, Wisconsin.
"Kelly. Hot dog eating contest. You vs. Zelda. Which one of you could handle more weiners?
*Childish snicker in the background*"
- Ignoring the obvious sexual innuendo for now.. Zelda would win, because she's fatter than me and eats more junkfood. Now, going back to the obvious sexual innuendo... she'd win again, she's working on becoming a professional at wiener eating it seems.
MY CLOSING THOUGHTS
This pay per view card looks sick. I don't know if I can stress that enough.
Isn't it cute seeing iWash with Jacobsen and Kane trying to fight off the Front Office? They're so adorable, I just want to pinch their little cheeks.
I totally softened Zelda up for Tara and Rayne, and they still couldn't keep her down? Wow. Good job guys, really... just keep giving the Plucky Princess momentum... geez.
I'm happy to see one of my best friends Amber Ashe pick up a win inside a wrestling ring. She always wanted to be a wrestler too, but couldn't ever make any progress, so thank you Gibson for that.
I'm also loved the look on Adam's face as I reared my hand back to bitch slap him right across the eyes, I just wish I could of seen his expression afterward, you can thank Zelda for that not happening... I'm going to strangle her.
I think, I'm really excited about this Ayla versus Cleo match. The stipulation is retarded, but oh well, the match itself should be a hard fought battle between two former lovers. Sounds like another match higher up on the card. Maybe that's why I like it so much.
So, my friend Will Wash, needs to quit hanging around those losers and join the Front Office.
Well, that's all for me this week, it's going to be a great show, it's going to be the show of the year if you ask me. Don't miss out, you'll regret it for a very long time if you do. Until next time....
--Kelly Knite
PS: oh....and remember... you can all go jump off a bridge for all I care.