Post by Mike Machado on Sept 27, 2010 1:01:56 GMT -6
Mike Machado: Hello. My name is Mike Machado, and I'm....
Counselor: Go ahead Mike.
MM: I'm... a Hot Pocket-aholic.
Machado's just able to get the sentence out. He collapses into his chair, one of 5 or 6 that make up a circle. The light hanging in the center of the circle swings from side to side, adding unnecessary dramatic effect.
Counselor: Very good Mike! That is what we call progress!
An approving murmur rises up from the other Hot Pocket-aholics. Mike stands back up, feeling motivated.
MM: It's been.. 3 days, since my last Hot Pocket.
Counselor: That's great, Mike! Really great!
MM: Also. Today, for the first time in many months: I pooped a solid, brown turd.
Counselor: That is... fantastic.. Mike....
The counselor's voice betrays her. She is less than enthused about his bowel movements. Machado, of course, doesn't pick up on the hint.
MM: It was big. So big, in fact, that I cried out audibly as it exited my rectum.
Counselor: Okay, maybe we'll hear from someone else n..
Machado is quick to cut her off.
MM: It was open --wide, wide open --and I threw up in my mouth just a little. I saw it with perfect distinctness --all brown, with what looked like a glaze of KY Jelly, that chilled the very marrow in my bones.
Counselor: Wait.. you saw it? KY Jelly? What are you talking about right now?
Machado leaps to his feet and grabs the counselor by her shirt, shaking her violently and repeatedly.
MM: GIVE ME ALL YOUR HOT POCKETS BITCH! GIVE THEM UP NOW!!!
Machado instinctively throws the Might of Mediocrity on the poor woman. She's screams and flails around wildly as the other members of the meeting try to pry the inside cradle apart. The camera fades out to chaos.
Counselor: Go ahead Mike.
MM: I'm... a Hot Pocket-aholic.
Machado's just able to get the sentence out. He collapses into his chair, one of 5 or 6 that make up a circle. The light hanging in the center of the circle swings from side to side, adding unnecessary dramatic effect.
Counselor: Very good Mike! That is what we call progress!
An approving murmur rises up from the other Hot Pocket-aholics. Mike stands back up, feeling motivated.
MM: It's been.. 3 days, since my last Hot Pocket.
Counselor: That's great, Mike! Really great!
MM: Also. Today, for the first time in many months: I pooped a solid, brown turd.
Counselor: That is... fantastic.. Mike....
The counselor's voice betrays her. She is less than enthused about his bowel movements. Machado, of course, doesn't pick up on the hint.
MM: It was big. So big, in fact, that I cried out audibly as it exited my rectum.
Counselor: Okay, maybe we'll hear from someone else n..
Machado is quick to cut her off.
MM: It was open --wide, wide open --and I threw up in my mouth just a little. I saw it with perfect distinctness --all brown, with what looked like a glaze of KY Jelly, that chilled the very marrow in my bones.
Counselor: Wait.. you saw it? KY Jelly? What are you talking about right now?
Machado leaps to his feet and grabs the counselor by her shirt, shaking her violently and repeatedly.
MM: GIVE ME ALL YOUR HOT POCKETS BITCH! GIVE THEM UP NOW!!!
Machado instinctively throws the Might of Mediocrity on the poor woman. She's screams and flails around wildly as the other members of the meeting try to pry the inside cradle apart. The camera fades out to chaos.