Post by destroyyou555 on Apr 8, 2011 0:57:37 GMT -6
Just so you assholes at home know...
I hired Morgan Freeman to cut the following promo for me, well that is a lie, all I did was hire a really cheap Morgan Freeman imperonator to do, nor did i even bother to write this promo, I mean, what is the point. nCw has allowed misfortunes to happen towards me, time and time again and what has been the outcome, a pat on the back, saying nice try kid, you're get them the next time, I didn't even get that, I got the shaft without a reach around to show for it.
What you want me to mention what happened on Collision this past week, why bother, I'm sure Steve Awesome will tell you strictly from his point of you, how the evil Trent Helms was punished and that Jesus Christ, Muhammad, L. Ron Hubbard, Moses, David Blaine and God himself came down from heaven to do a injustice that was Trent Helms wrestling against him and almost stealing his Colissum bid, hell, he proberly won't even say that, He'll just flex his abs at us, blush his pretty little eyes, and the audience will melt in the palm of his hand, while he goes and assrapes whoever else stands in his way..
What you expect me to namedrop someone else?
No....i won't...Fine, I saw call him Seth Drabble, because I'm going to see to it, that my size ten boot, repeately kicks him in the balls, until he begs me to stop, and seriously considers a sex change so that I no longer will continue to assault his sack, once that happens, i'll simply just continue doing what I did, kicking him in his vee jay jay.
Does it hurt Seth, which isn't your real name, but I'm just having Morgan Freeman call you that for the sake of the fact, This isn't a Trent Helms promo.
Did I mention, I starred in such high grossing movies as The Dark Knight, The Bucket List, and did the voiceover for march of the penguins.
You know what, since this is my promo and not Trent Helms, I'm just going to read you my shopping list instead because the sound of my voice is so smoothing.
I'm going to get me some Cookie N Creme Ice Cream, because I love the little chocolate chunks of cookies mixed in with my vanilla ice cream, too prove this is indeed a Morgan Freeman promo (which it isn't) I will not be making a Joe Everyman reference when I say the word Vanilla.
I will also get me some mushroom, in which I tend to chop up finely, to put on my porterhouse steak, because as I said, I starred in the third highest grossing flim of all time, I will also get me some bacon, but not what was made to be put in a geocery story, no, I will personally cut the bacon off a turkey because that is what high priced celebrities like myself do, Eat turkey instead of Pork, because it saving the enviroment, despite the fact, we are still killing another animal for it.
I will also buy a stick of Force 5 gum, however while I'm chewing it, I will be making the Dark Knight rises, which will put another few millions of dollars in my pocket, while I do things with computers, and talk to Christian Bale how he likes to abuse his mother.
The point of this is, because as I said, I am Morgan Freeman and everyone love the sound of my voice, screw James Earl Jones, because there was something Obi-Won never told him, That I am his father....
(Now this is seemingly getting to be about the point this turns into a Trent Helms promo)
The Morgan Freeman impersoniator, pulls a lightsaber out, which is in the shape of a dollar sign, even colored green like money.
Trent Helms informed me, when he paid me a few thousands dollar to cut this promo, that it is pretty much expected in his promos, however need I remind you.
This is Morgan Freeman promo time.
He also informed me, once I throw this lightsaber away, and have this background of me in Wanted, curving a bullet in the background, I would be expected to say something about that one guy who is to remain nameless...
However he in turn also told me, that and I quote...
After you throw away your lightsaber, and having yourself in the background, being a bigger badass then Samuel L. Jackson, and as it seems your promo is to wind down and you begin to get serious, you do something else, and do not talk about that B-Show Commontator, nor how he decided for reason totally unknown to me to attack me, maybe I'm his father or something, in which I walked out on him, despite the fact, he looks to be about a year or so older then me, which in my universe is possible, because well I am Trent Helms, well except I'm not, because you're saying it Morgan Freeman, just like in another universe, I am Rob Diamond and Zelda Knite son from the future, even thru I exist in this timeline.
Which makes you wonder, Will there be two Trent Helms hanging around somehow.
Maybe if that is the case, I can finally have a three-way...
However, maybe I should just totally throw it out there, you know since there seems to be a little tension between myself and the Diamond Camp, So let's just throw it out there Me (Morgan Freeman), Zelda and Rob, let's just get it over with, we know it bound to happen.
But whatever, you're proberly no sell that too, also rob for the record, Silver Surfer would totally whip the floor with the Green Lantern, and honestly don't care what my cousin says about that.
Now I must end this, because this Morgan Freeman impersonator is expensive by the hour...
I will just leave you on this...
Seth Drabble, I don't care your reason, or your black man servants, Sunday, you will know that my name is Trent Helms, and that you ****ed....with a jedi master son....