Post by Xavier Cross on Oct 19, 2012 11:09:14 GMT -6
“You can’t be Commander Shepard again Dad!”
“And why not? I thought I was a grown ass man?”
“Who still dresses up in costumes for Halloween?”
“SHUT UP SKYPE GIRLFRIEND!”
“I’m just saying.”
“C’mon Dad, you’ve been that costume for like three years in a row. Do something different!”
“I don’t know. What are you kids going to be?”
“I’m going to be Bella from Twi-“
“And you’re grounded.”
“Aw c’mon Dad!”
“No. she is a terrible actress, and an even worse human being! She’s like the female Joe Everyman!”
“Who’s Joe Everyperson?”
“God. I raised you kids right. Try again Bella?”
“TINKERBELL?!”
“I’m noticing a pattern…better that Stewart. Approved!”
The little girls kisses her daddy’s cheek, and runs upstairs.
“And what about my two little dudes?”
“I’m going to be that crazy old man we ran into at the batting cages!”
“You’re going to be Gib, Landon?”
“Yessir…”
“I wonder if they sell prosthetic beer guts…Okay, one rule, anyone who approaches you talking about ‘Brown Eyes’ or say their name is Jimmy Zane. You run, and you scream, and you don’t stop running till you find me.”
“…Okay…Pops…”
Landon looks at his father a bit awkwardly, we hear Natalie laughing in the background from the computer. Landon slowly walks into the living room to finish his homework.
“And what about you little man?”
Little James’s bottom lip begins to quiver, Xavier quickly scoops him up into his arms.
“What’s wrong little guy?”
“I don’t know what I want to be…”
“Well…why not be like Daddy for halloween?”
“Superman?!”
“That’s perfect! You two can dress up like Superman! It would be adorable!”
Xavier was set on sneaking into his Shepard costume, but seeing his youngest son’s face light up, sealed the deal for him. Smiling, he kissed his son on the forehead, and sent him off into the living room with his older brother. Cross turns around in the chair, to see Natalie smiling, wearing a Union Jack bandana on her forehead.
“The National Champion of New Championship Wrestling, does not approve of foreign flags being on my girlfriend?”
“Oh don’t worry, I got my ‘Murica panties on.”
“And, you’re the worst.”
“But you love me.”
“I mean…I guess.”
“I will hang up so fast!”
“You won’t do it.”
-Beep….Beep…Beep-
“Son of a bitch…”
Xavier quickly clicks on the video call button, as the camera pops back up.
“Obviously that was not a bluff.”
“Ya think Superman?”
“I know so Supergirl.”
“Whoa, weren’t they cousin’s. I’m not down for intergalactic incest. I’ll be Jean Grey.”
“Whoa, you don’t cross DC and Marvel! Also, I’m pretty sure Krypton was sort of like the West Virginia of the galaxy. ”
“Okay, A. Gross, and B. Obviously you’ve not seen me in my sexy Dark Phoenix costume.”
“I think Stan Lee will make an exception this time.”
“So you’re finally getting some days off?”
“Yup! We got a few weeks off for Halloween, and we can have Early Thanksgiving.”
“At your fathers….”
“Yes!”
“Er….I’m not sure if Drake even likes the idea that we’re seeing each other.”
“Well it doesn’t matter, Daddy loves me, and he will love you!”
“Or stab me to death.”
“…Oh stop it, shoot I got to run, meeting with some label executives today, about a new record deal!”
“NO WAY! You’ll have to tell me about it when you get back!”
“If I’m not too excited to put sentences together properly, then we’ll see!”
“Good luck sweetie. I love you.”
“I love you too Xavier.”
He stares at the camera for a brief moment before closing his laptop, leaning back in his chair. A fat, chocolate lab, comes bumbling in with little James on his back, both of them are covered in mud.
“Look Daddy! I found Krypto!”
Cross looks a little confused, as the dog leaps onto his chest licking his face. James also grabs onto Xavier’s leg, the two covering him with mud. The scene closes to Xavier with a horrified look on his face.
******
“You know. I went online to go see if I could find a Joe Everyman costume. All sold out, I went to Amazon, I went to Wal Mart, I went to Target, K-Mart, anywhere, and everywhere. So I started to make some phone calls around to figure out what is going on with this nonsense. Come to find out, Mitt Romney has been going around buying up all the Joe Everyman costumes. You know why, because he’s a good man. He wants to save our children from mediocre costumes, and mediocre people. Because if Mitt Romney is elected, Joe Everyman will suffer the most. I mean let’s take this into perspective.
Abortion becomes outlawed. How will Joe Everyman meet the ladies? Anyone who knows anything knows he frequents Abortion Clinics trying to hit on hot teen moms. But don’t worry ladies, he’s been shooting blanks since the sixth grade, just ask his art teacher Mr. Chambers.
Welfare will tighten up, well what happens when the plug is inevitability pulled from his….dying…career. How will Joe Everyman feed all those cat’s he’s managed to collect. Obviously he will try to draw welfare that lazy bastard. You know how you starve Everyman’s cat’s? Hide the food stamps under the work boots.
But in all seriousness Joe, I went to go to the store the other day, buy some toys for less fortunate kids, I stumbled across the toy wrestlers section and I see a Gib action figure, complete with punching action. An Adam Knite, with Kelly Knite valet, a Falcon which was ironically boxed in a X-Files box….must have been a mix up with the new David Duchovny doll, and of course I saw the Savior. Xavier Cross, complete with new National Title, and just pure awesomness. And buried behind all these toys, I found empty box, after empty box. I thought, hey maybe these were stolen. But not, they were still sealed to perfection, as though they just came off the truck. Then it hit me
It was the Joe Everyman action figure, an empty box, a shell, nothingness.
Your career is the same way, flashes of brilliance here and there, but when it boils down to it, you’re nothing Joe. You hold a few accolades to your name, but I scoff at it, I scoff at the thought of you being a challenge. The only reasons I’m on Trauma is to bring in the ratings, so do Every Man, Woman, and Child a favor, and try to bring at least whatever you call your A-Game. You’ll need it, and a new haircut, you look ridiculous.”