Post by Gib on Jan 23, 2013 13:13:01 GMT -6
Jesus Christ.
Here I come out of retirement, give my cushy job as sheriff of ncw up so that I can have the opportunity to defend our country from negative discussions and what I consider heresy and next thing you know I am a *** damn full time wrestler having to go to the ring every week and fight this young handsome guys…
With their luscious well developed abs and seemingly endless glistening of baby oil. I mean, how do you guys shave so smoothly, I shave in the morning and by noon my chest and pubic hair have already grown to jungle like lengths? I mean, I am talking tribal, primitive ****. I assume that it has something to do with injecting testosterone into my bloodstream, but I just figured everyone did that at some point.
But what am I complaining about, I am here to entertain, I am here to be the very best I can me. I am here to make memories and create passion in the industry that I helped build and that I want to leave in good condition. I won’t leave until I see that it is in good hands and I am fairly certain that a time is getting close where I will feel comfortable leaving for good, only to go back to the front office and then come out of retirement again when I see a sorry group of pantywaists trying to throw their weight around.
See, I love the memories that come from wrestling, I mean I have been in many situations where that has been one of me and two of someone else, my favorite of these events have been with two other ladies in a bed with a peanut butter sandwich but other times these events have included another man and a woman and some people say that it isn’t cool but we had a good time and it was in the 80’s so I am fairly certain it was allowed. I mean there was this one time that this guy asked me literally to sleep with his wife, and all he wanted to do was watch.
I knew the guy well, I mean he and I had traveled the road together and had some good times, some smiles a lot of drunken escapades so I figured I would throw the old lady a bone. This guy, he was never a symbol of masculinity and sex appeal like I was but he didn’t look like that sloth dude from goonies.
So there I am, taking care of business, letting this woman see the business end of my light saber and all of the sudden this dude gets all mad and pushes me off. He looked at me like he wanted to kill me, so I did what any god fearing man would do; when he turned around I smashed a lamp over his head and left. I don’t know what happened to that guy, I heard he idled in mediocrity for the rest of his career while I went on to become the biggest and best wrestler ever to lace up a pair of boots and entertain the notion of sensual relations with a man’s wife while the man was in the room.
So, anyway, yeah wrestling a lot make great memories, memories that will last forever and I plan on making some more with Alex Jones and Seth Evans, not like the ones I just talked about.
Unless Shelly is involved… So there is it, my offer to you Alex, I will help her out for you.
{Scene opens to the psychiatrist, the same lady we saw last time. She sits in her chair with her notebook in her hand, her legs are crossed. Interestingly enough, she is wearing make-up this time and instead of her normal pant suit, she wears a business skirt with a jacket.}
{Gib walks into the office; he carries a vase of flowers. He looks at her, his cheeks flushing red. He is dressed nicely, for his standards. His full body denim outfit was a a forerunner in popular 80’s fashion, and his black wingtip shoes would have complimented the outfit nicely, had this been the year that “The Breakfast Club” came out.}
Gib: Hey Doc, I brought you these flowers.
Doc: Uhhh… Thanks I guess, I mean I certainly don’t want flowers from you, so perhaps you can tell me why you brought them to me.
Gib: Well, because despite what you may think about me, and despite the general ill thought out preconceived notions that people have for me, I do have some pride left and I do care, somewhat what people think about me.
Doc: You certainly have an odd way of showing it.
Gib: I have an even odder way of making up for it, but I chose against that and went with the flowers this time. I thought they would brighten this office, because, no offense, with all this rich mahogany and oak people might get the wrong impression of you.
Doc: And what impression is that?
Gib: You know, like, you play for the other team.
Doc: What team?
Gib: You know, like people that eat carpets.
Doc: Are you implying that I am a lesbian?
Gib: Well, look at all the rich mahogany, and there is a box of cigars there, girls don’t smoke cigars.
Doc: See that, right there, that is the basis of your issues, the fact that you are so stuck in the ways of the past, that you are unable to accept that times are changing and that you can’t talk to people the same way you used to,
Gib: No, I completely understand it. The fact of the matter is we have a giant ****ing problem in this society today; too many people are growing pussies. They get their feelings hurt over the stupidest things. You know what, people can say what they want about me, I don’t care.
Doc: Are you sure?
Gib: Do I look sure? Of course I am not, but seriously people need to be able to take jokes, you know when we were a tougher society we didn’t have people crying and shooting people every single time someone called them a pee pee head. They would go to the playground, punch each other and then share an ice cream after. People have lost their ability to be reasonable and that in itself is also the reason that we are getting our ass kicked by those little Asians all the time.
Doc: You know, despite your incoherent, racially insensitive and misogynistic ravings you have a point. You need to understand though, that you can’t just slap a girl on the ass and call her toots anymore.
Gib: Sure I can…
Doc: No, you can’t.
Gib: Then stop me… Toots.
{He stands up and turns walking out of the room. She stands and starts to walk towards him, he turns to face her and they lock eyes, there is a brief fleeting moment before he turns and walks out of the room. She looks quizzically at him as the scene fades}
So here is the place where I talk about the opponents like I hate them or want to eat their babies or intercourse them in some unsavory way but honestly I am feeling uninspired, much like a certain professional wrestler who salutes the audience from another place attempting the STF.
So here we go, Alex, we are friends. You cam after my tag titles and you lost because your partner couldn’t hold up his end of the bargain, and that made you get sand inside of your girl parts and then you left him in the ring where I beat the holy hell out of him. That is our recent history.
Our past history goes back years ago, when you were on your way to the top and I was on the way in. I was under a mask, I was an unbridled animal hell bent on taking a piece of each superstar to a place they would never return and you beat me. See, Alex, I do long to compete with you, but the only competition I am interested in is the competition for the hand of your old lady. I know I may not be attractive or in shape and I know that a foul odor seems to follow me everywhere I go but I have a few old tricks up my sleeve. One is the false arthritis grope, what I do, is when your wife is around. I pretend that my arthritis is acting up in my knee, then as I fall forward, she, being the wonderful young lady she is would come to help me, and then I reach forward and grope her booby.
Yeah, it is a plan. Yes I am going to do it so if you could, perhaps not tell her. You will be doing an old man a great benefit, remember I am old and smell mildly of must and mildew.
You are a great competitor, you someday could wear that ncw championship around your waist, I mean ****tier wrestlers then you have worn it, names like Andrew Jacobsen, Trent Helms, The Ace, Jack Hammond and Gibford Famularo have all held the belt for only a month, because they got lucky. Luck hasn’t hit you yet, but you are youngish, you have a lot of opportunities to get back to the top and show the world that you have what it takes.
Do yourself a favor though, stop complaining about the past, because it makes you look like a pussy, and not the type that I enjoy, you know the type that your wife has, I mean the kind that is generally annoying and no one wants to be around.
Like Rosie O’ Donnels.
Seth Evans, the returner, the jaded superstar the man who took his ball and went home after being so close. You know Seth, I wish I could say nice things about you like I did Alex, but honestly I can’t. I think you are a crybaby, I think that you are a pure creation of the information age that needs instant gratification to satiate your appetite.
I mean what is your gimmick anyway? Are you an angel all you talk about is playing with a halo? A halo is a freakin’ crown worn by Angel’s you pretentious little goat, not some throwing implement to toss around the weiner of your best boyfriend all while rationalizing the behavior by chanting yolo after receiving copious amounts of throw the halo around the meatstick.
But, because I assume that when you say Halo you mean a cherub’s headpiece I can go with that imagery. I am a devil and I have two horns for you, well actually it is only one horn, and now that I think about it, it isn’t a horn it is a wiener. I mean, I can say that right now I am totally in tune with a person wanting a second chance and a person doing it right.
And if you are honestly here to get a second chance, to walk the walk, to back up the words that you are so eloquently speaking each and every week then I am happy to see you in the ncw ring again, however, if this is all a front for trying to get some quick publicity, then I think you will lose the support of all the ncw fans. I think that if you alienate someone long enough that they eventually will turn on you for good, and at that point there is nothing you can do.
I know a thing or two about second chances. I have been given them several times, but each time I need one I feel that my legacy dies a little bit, I feel that a few more people become sick and tired with my shenanigans and I feel that ultimately I leave a piece of myself behind.
Learn from my mistakes Seth, be honest, be heartfelt and do what the world knows you can do…
And of course that is, eat a bushel basket of dongers.
Here I come out of retirement, give my cushy job as sheriff of ncw up so that I can have the opportunity to defend our country from negative discussions and what I consider heresy and next thing you know I am a *** damn full time wrestler having to go to the ring every week and fight this young handsome guys…
With their luscious well developed abs and seemingly endless glistening of baby oil. I mean, how do you guys shave so smoothly, I shave in the morning and by noon my chest and pubic hair have already grown to jungle like lengths? I mean, I am talking tribal, primitive ****. I assume that it has something to do with injecting testosterone into my bloodstream, but I just figured everyone did that at some point.
But what am I complaining about, I am here to entertain, I am here to be the very best I can me. I am here to make memories and create passion in the industry that I helped build and that I want to leave in good condition. I won’t leave until I see that it is in good hands and I am fairly certain that a time is getting close where I will feel comfortable leaving for good, only to go back to the front office and then come out of retirement again when I see a sorry group of pantywaists trying to throw their weight around.
See, I love the memories that come from wrestling, I mean I have been in many situations where that has been one of me and two of someone else, my favorite of these events have been with two other ladies in a bed with a peanut butter sandwich but other times these events have included another man and a woman and some people say that it isn’t cool but we had a good time and it was in the 80’s so I am fairly certain it was allowed. I mean there was this one time that this guy asked me literally to sleep with his wife, and all he wanted to do was watch.
I knew the guy well, I mean he and I had traveled the road together and had some good times, some smiles a lot of drunken escapades so I figured I would throw the old lady a bone. This guy, he was never a symbol of masculinity and sex appeal like I was but he didn’t look like that sloth dude from goonies.
So there I am, taking care of business, letting this woman see the business end of my light saber and all of the sudden this dude gets all mad and pushes me off. He looked at me like he wanted to kill me, so I did what any god fearing man would do; when he turned around I smashed a lamp over his head and left. I don’t know what happened to that guy, I heard he idled in mediocrity for the rest of his career while I went on to become the biggest and best wrestler ever to lace up a pair of boots and entertain the notion of sensual relations with a man’s wife while the man was in the room.
So, anyway, yeah wrestling a lot make great memories, memories that will last forever and I plan on making some more with Alex Jones and Seth Evans, not like the ones I just talked about.
Unless Shelly is involved… So there is it, my offer to you Alex, I will help her out for you.
{Scene opens to the psychiatrist, the same lady we saw last time. She sits in her chair with her notebook in her hand, her legs are crossed. Interestingly enough, she is wearing make-up this time and instead of her normal pant suit, she wears a business skirt with a jacket.}
{Gib walks into the office; he carries a vase of flowers. He looks at her, his cheeks flushing red. He is dressed nicely, for his standards. His full body denim outfit was a a forerunner in popular 80’s fashion, and his black wingtip shoes would have complimented the outfit nicely, had this been the year that “The Breakfast Club” came out.}
Gib: Hey Doc, I brought you these flowers.
Doc: Uhhh… Thanks I guess, I mean I certainly don’t want flowers from you, so perhaps you can tell me why you brought them to me.
Gib: Well, because despite what you may think about me, and despite the general ill thought out preconceived notions that people have for me, I do have some pride left and I do care, somewhat what people think about me.
Doc: You certainly have an odd way of showing it.
Gib: I have an even odder way of making up for it, but I chose against that and went with the flowers this time. I thought they would brighten this office, because, no offense, with all this rich mahogany and oak people might get the wrong impression of you.
Doc: And what impression is that?
Gib: You know, like, you play for the other team.
Doc: What team?
Gib: You know, like people that eat carpets.
Doc: Are you implying that I am a lesbian?
Gib: Well, look at all the rich mahogany, and there is a box of cigars there, girls don’t smoke cigars.
Doc: See that, right there, that is the basis of your issues, the fact that you are so stuck in the ways of the past, that you are unable to accept that times are changing and that you can’t talk to people the same way you used to,
Gib: No, I completely understand it. The fact of the matter is we have a giant ****ing problem in this society today; too many people are growing pussies. They get their feelings hurt over the stupidest things. You know what, people can say what they want about me, I don’t care.
Doc: Are you sure?
Gib: Do I look sure? Of course I am not, but seriously people need to be able to take jokes, you know when we were a tougher society we didn’t have people crying and shooting people every single time someone called them a pee pee head. They would go to the playground, punch each other and then share an ice cream after. People have lost their ability to be reasonable and that in itself is also the reason that we are getting our ass kicked by those little Asians all the time.
Doc: You know, despite your incoherent, racially insensitive and misogynistic ravings you have a point. You need to understand though, that you can’t just slap a girl on the ass and call her toots anymore.
Gib: Sure I can…
Doc: No, you can’t.
Gib: Then stop me… Toots.
{He stands up and turns walking out of the room. She stands and starts to walk towards him, he turns to face her and they lock eyes, there is a brief fleeting moment before he turns and walks out of the room. She looks quizzically at him as the scene fades}
So here is the place where I talk about the opponents like I hate them or want to eat their babies or intercourse them in some unsavory way but honestly I am feeling uninspired, much like a certain professional wrestler who salutes the audience from another place attempting the STF.
So here we go, Alex, we are friends. You cam after my tag titles and you lost because your partner couldn’t hold up his end of the bargain, and that made you get sand inside of your girl parts and then you left him in the ring where I beat the holy hell out of him. That is our recent history.
Our past history goes back years ago, when you were on your way to the top and I was on the way in. I was under a mask, I was an unbridled animal hell bent on taking a piece of each superstar to a place they would never return and you beat me. See, Alex, I do long to compete with you, but the only competition I am interested in is the competition for the hand of your old lady. I know I may not be attractive or in shape and I know that a foul odor seems to follow me everywhere I go but I have a few old tricks up my sleeve. One is the false arthritis grope, what I do, is when your wife is around. I pretend that my arthritis is acting up in my knee, then as I fall forward, she, being the wonderful young lady she is would come to help me, and then I reach forward and grope her booby.
Yeah, it is a plan. Yes I am going to do it so if you could, perhaps not tell her. You will be doing an old man a great benefit, remember I am old and smell mildly of must and mildew.
You are a great competitor, you someday could wear that ncw championship around your waist, I mean ****tier wrestlers then you have worn it, names like Andrew Jacobsen, Trent Helms, The Ace, Jack Hammond and Gibford Famularo have all held the belt for only a month, because they got lucky. Luck hasn’t hit you yet, but you are youngish, you have a lot of opportunities to get back to the top and show the world that you have what it takes.
Do yourself a favor though, stop complaining about the past, because it makes you look like a pussy, and not the type that I enjoy, you know the type that your wife has, I mean the kind that is generally annoying and no one wants to be around.
Like Rosie O’ Donnels.
Seth Evans, the returner, the jaded superstar the man who took his ball and went home after being so close. You know Seth, I wish I could say nice things about you like I did Alex, but honestly I can’t. I think you are a crybaby, I think that you are a pure creation of the information age that needs instant gratification to satiate your appetite.
I mean what is your gimmick anyway? Are you an angel all you talk about is playing with a halo? A halo is a freakin’ crown worn by Angel’s you pretentious little goat, not some throwing implement to toss around the weiner of your best boyfriend all while rationalizing the behavior by chanting yolo after receiving copious amounts of throw the halo around the meatstick.
But, because I assume that when you say Halo you mean a cherub’s headpiece I can go with that imagery. I am a devil and I have two horns for you, well actually it is only one horn, and now that I think about it, it isn’t a horn it is a wiener. I mean, I can say that right now I am totally in tune with a person wanting a second chance and a person doing it right.
And if you are honestly here to get a second chance, to walk the walk, to back up the words that you are so eloquently speaking each and every week then I am happy to see you in the ncw ring again, however, if this is all a front for trying to get some quick publicity, then I think you will lose the support of all the ncw fans. I think that if you alienate someone long enough that they eventually will turn on you for good, and at that point there is nothing you can do.
I know a thing or two about second chances. I have been given them several times, but each time I need one I feel that my legacy dies a little bit, I feel that a few more people become sick and tired with my shenanigans and I feel that ultimately I leave a piece of myself behind.
Learn from my mistakes Seth, be honest, be heartfelt and do what the world knows you can do…
And of course that is, eat a bushel basket of dongers.