Post by Jabari Woodhead on Feb 8, 2013 18:55:31 GMT -6
The scene opens up with Jabari Woodhead sitting in a black leather chair in front of a desk. An older white gentleman is sitting behind the desk and has a bluetooth headset in this left ear.
Agent: What brings you in my man.
Jabari Woodhead: Nothing much, just wanted to shoot the **** with you. Have you been contacted by any teams about me getting back into the NFL?
Agent: A couple teams are looking at you my man but they don't want to pay a thirty year old the money that you want.
Jabari Woodhead: Who is interested in me?
Agent: Denver, Kansas City and Green Bay as a backup.
Jabari Woodhead: Seriously a back up in Green Bay? Who the hell is even playing the middle in Green Bay?
Agent: They don't even want you playing the middle, they are happy with AJ Hawk and Brad Jones in the middle. They want you playing behind with Clay Matthews or Erik Walden at outside linebacker.
Jabari Woodhead: They must be out of their freaking minds up there. I guess all that cold and snow made them ****ing retarded. I ain't even played outside linebacker before and I can ****ing tell you I'm better than those two **** heads. What about Denver and Kansas City?
Agent: Denver I can't really say is strapped for cash but they don't have enough cap room to pay you what you want and Kansas City is only interested if they don't draft Manti Te'o.
Jabari Woodhead: Man they must be trippin' if they want Te'o over me. That dude isn't even a quarter of the play that I am plus he is pretty screwed up in the head. Dating a chick who wasn't even a chick over the internet for three years and it turns out she was fake. Seriously KC do you really want someone like that on their team?
Agent: There just isn't a big market a big market for veteran linebackers. They are always looking for younger and faster my man. It's nothing against you but you are over thirty and have been out of the league for over a year now.
Jabari Woodhead: Are you saying that I have lost a step?
Agent: That is not what I'm saying, you are better off just waiting it out until training camp. I'm sure someone will get hurt and your services will be in big demand at that point. The first thing I would do is file your un-retirement papers with the NFL so you can get that process done before training camp.
Jabari Woodhead: I don't know man, I'm seriously thinking about staying retired. I've got a pretty good thing going with this wrestling business.
Agent: Yeah, I saw how that worked. Way to lose to that pip squeak last week. What a grand and triumphant return to the ring you had.
Jabari Woodhead: You motha****a better shut the **** up if you know what's good for you. You better not be sitting behind that desk is that comfy ass chair sitting in a building that I pretty much built for you and insult me. Ring rust motha****a, I was rusty from not wrestling for months on end. Maybe you would like to wrestle against me in that company if you think it's so easy motha****a.
Agent: I'm just saying maybe you should keep your options open.
Jabari Woodhead: Maybe you should sit there and keep your motha****ing mouth closed for a second. Matt Jackson and I are gonna team up and we gonna become tag team champions, we gonna be the likes of AC Douglas and Todd Williams, Jobber one and Jobber two, I mean Joe Everyman and Davey Ortega and then after we slay all those guys we gonna ****ing end the reign of Team America. We gonna send Simon Daye back behind the announce table where a pussy like him belongs and we are going to send Gib to either the retirement home or hopefully just take him behind the woodshed and put him down like the old ****ing dog he is.
Agent: You seem pretty confident in your abilities.
Jabari Woodhead: You damn right I'm confident, I got the biggest man I have ever seen who decided to team up with me.
Agent: You think he is bigger than Vince Wilfork.
Jabari Woodhead: What the **** did I say about talking when I was talking. Now shut your ****ing cake hole before I make you able to only consume food through a ****ing straw. As I was about to say before you ****ing interrupted me. I have the biggest and baddest man on the face of the Earth on my team and to answer your question Matt Jackson would tear Vince Wilfork in half like a ****ing phone book.
Agent: He is that big?
Jabari Woodhead: Yes he is. Is there anything else you would like to know before I get out of here to get my massage on?
Agent: What is your prediction for your match this week?
Jabari Woodhead: Complete and utter domination. We are Alabama to there Notre Dame, Denver Broncos to the Kansas City Chiefs. Hell we are a nuclear ****ing weapon, everything that gets in our way will be blown away and no one will even remember that it stood there. Hexx and Mimic stand about a snowballs chance in hell of winning this match. They have the same chance of winning as Central Michigan would have at beating the New England Patriots. This game is gonna be a laugher so get your popcorn ready and don't blink because you might just miss Matt Jackson and I ending Hexx and Mimic's careers.
The scene fades to black
Agent: What brings you in my man.
Jabari Woodhead: Nothing much, just wanted to shoot the **** with you. Have you been contacted by any teams about me getting back into the NFL?
Agent: A couple teams are looking at you my man but they don't want to pay a thirty year old the money that you want.
Jabari Woodhead: Who is interested in me?
Agent: Denver, Kansas City and Green Bay as a backup.
Jabari Woodhead: Seriously a back up in Green Bay? Who the hell is even playing the middle in Green Bay?
Agent: They don't even want you playing the middle, they are happy with AJ Hawk and Brad Jones in the middle. They want you playing behind with Clay Matthews or Erik Walden at outside linebacker.
Jabari Woodhead: They must be out of their freaking minds up there. I guess all that cold and snow made them ****ing retarded. I ain't even played outside linebacker before and I can ****ing tell you I'm better than those two **** heads. What about Denver and Kansas City?
Agent: Denver I can't really say is strapped for cash but they don't have enough cap room to pay you what you want and Kansas City is only interested if they don't draft Manti Te'o.
Jabari Woodhead: Man they must be trippin' if they want Te'o over me. That dude isn't even a quarter of the play that I am plus he is pretty screwed up in the head. Dating a chick who wasn't even a chick over the internet for three years and it turns out she was fake. Seriously KC do you really want someone like that on their team?
Agent: There just isn't a big market a big market for veteran linebackers. They are always looking for younger and faster my man. It's nothing against you but you are over thirty and have been out of the league for over a year now.
Jabari Woodhead: Are you saying that I have lost a step?
Agent: That is not what I'm saying, you are better off just waiting it out until training camp. I'm sure someone will get hurt and your services will be in big demand at that point. The first thing I would do is file your un-retirement papers with the NFL so you can get that process done before training camp.
Jabari Woodhead: I don't know man, I'm seriously thinking about staying retired. I've got a pretty good thing going with this wrestling business.
Agent: Yeah, I saw how that worked. Way to lose to that pip squeak last week. What a grand and triumphant return to the ring you had.
Jabari Woodhead: You motha****a better shut the **** up if you know what's good for you. You better not be sitting behind that desk is that comfy ass chair sitting in a building that I pretty much built for you and insult me. Ring rust motha****a, I was rusty from not wrestling for months on end. Maybe you would like to wrestle against me in that company if you think it's so easy motha****a.
Agent: I'm just saying maybe you should keep your options open.
Jabari Woodhead: Maybe you should sit there and keep your motha****ing mouth closed for a second. Matt Jackson and I are gonna team up and we gonna become tag team champions, we gonna be the likes of AC Douglas and Todd Williams, Jobber one and Jobber two, I mean Joe Everyman and Davey Ortega and then after we slay all those guys we gonna ****ing end the reign of Team America. We gonna send Simon Daye back behind the announce table where a pussy like him belongs and we are going to send Gib to either the retirement home or hopefully just take him behind the woodshed and put him down like the old ****ing dog he is.
Agent: You seem pretty confident in your abilities.
Jabari Woodhead: You damn right I'm confident, I got the biggest man I have ever seen who decided to team up with me.
Agent: You think he is bigger than Vince Wilfork.
Jabari Woodhead: What the **** did I say about talking when I was talking. Now shut your ****ing cake hole before I make you able to only consume food through a ****ing straw. As I was about to say before you ****ing interrupted me. I have the biggest and baddest man on the face of the Earth on my team and to answer your question Matt Jackson would tear Vince Wilfork in half like a ****ing phone book.
Agent: He is that big?
Jabari Woodhead: Yes he is. Is there anything else you would like to know before I get out of here to get my massage on?
Agent: What is your prediction for your match this week?
Jabari Woodhead: Complete and utter domination. We are Alabama to there Notre Dame, Denver Broncos to the Kansas City Chiefs. Hell we are a nuclear ****ing weapon, everything that gets in our way will be blown away and no one will even remember that it stood there. Hexx and Mimic stand about a snowballs chance in hell of winning this match. They have the same chance of winning as Central Michigan would have at beating the New England Patriots. This game is gonna be a laugher so get your popcorn ready and don't blink because you might just miss Matt Jackson and I ending Hexx and Mimic's careers.
The scene fades to black