Post by Curtis D. Kanyon on Mar 18, 2013 22:39:33 GMT -6
(Somewhere during Collision, and yes, I did get Dan to write half of this.)
{"Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap" storms the arena's sound system. As the former two-time NCW tag team champions walk down the ramp. Wearing the most classy formal wear seen. Gibson tips his top hat for Curtis to continue down the ramp but Curtis tips his hat back. Ron obliges and trips on the red carpet. Venting his frustration, he dares to unleash his beast and change the state of red carpets forever. Curtis stops Ron who already had his zipper down and began digging through his shorts. Ron apologizes and begins slapping hands of the fans. Curtis glares at him.}
Curtis: You do that?
Ron: I don't? It's been awhile.
Curtis: Pretty sure you have always been against kind acts toward this companies fanbase. Plus, you just were rummaging through your shorts.
Ron: I don't have any disease man.
Curtis: Sanitary much?
Ron: I'm clean. I'm no hobo..... yet.
{It is worth pointing out, as Curtis sprays a fan in the face with water from his flower on his tux. That Ron's top hat actually has two beer cans attached to it. While Curtis is going with the far less obvious plan, drinking those little whiskey bottles and then handing them to children as gifts.}
Curtis: Now if you lick the bottle, you might actually get a good buzz.
Ron: Freaks will probably try to scrape your DNA out of it. Army of Curtis clones.
Curtis: If only it were that simple.
Ron: It is... seen it on youtube. I mean sure they were all horribly disfigured. It's the presence that counts.
{They both get on the apron, at the same time a bunch of empty bottles fall out of Curtis Kanyon's two sizes too small suit.}
Ron: Your looking jacked.
Curtis: Your looking.... sorta in shape.
Ron: Thanks for noticing. Ready to accept our rightful places.
Curtis: I'm nervous.
Ron: The booze didn't help?
Curtis: No amount of booze is enough, to cure nerves. Not to mention someone watered this stuff down with pencil shavings.
Ron: What?
{Curtis shrugs. As they get in the ring and shakes the hands of the HOF committee. Each presented with plaques listing their personal accomplishments while in NCW. While Ron merely has two lines on his, Curtis seems to have no space on his. They even used permanent marker to add stuff on the sides, they originally forgot. Ron and Curtis share a touching embrace, then Ron fumbles through his pocket to retrieve his phone. He steps up to the podium.}
Ron: It's hard to believe it's been a few months since I last appeared on NCW television.
{Curtis whispers in his ear.}
Ron: Apparently it's been longer but you know.... you can never tell when you experience time travel. My internal calendar is so messed up. Anyways I'm glad I could appear tonight to accept this plaque, that surely cost NCW a hefty amount of change to make. Surely this is one of the reasons NCW is losing money left and right. They even spared no expense, booked this entire arena for this very special hall of fame induction tonight. Threw all that money away on two blokes, who use to kick ass and piss them off. I mean sure they could have just featured us on an episode of Collision but instead all the talent is here tonight to remember the people we beat up. The people we nearly killed night in and night out. You remember you got in our way, you got hurt bad. I remember this one time when we took these two hookers....
{Ron's speech begins drifting off. As he starts fiddling with his phone. Taking all his attention off the camera's and the people in attendance. Curtis peers over to see what he's doing.}
Ron: ...They didn't walk or talk right for weeks..... damn it how do I post a new listing.
{Curtis reaches over and directs Ron's finger.}
Ron: Ah.... makes sense. Wonder what kind of freaks are going to answer this ad. Wait... what... We hurt people. Yaddda Yadda.....
{Ron holds the plaque up and takes a picture with it.}
Ron: Authentic enough. Complain now assholes, real deal... am I still at the mic? Did I tell the story about how we would buy hookers to prep for our title matches. Easily the best sparring for the money. They would take clotheslines like champions. It's like they took shots to the face all the time.
Curtis: You kinda did but you drifted off and went on a short racial spurt. Pretty sure NCW took a commercial break.
Ron: I do not remember this at all. Hopefully it was nothing but good words.
Curtis: It wasn't.
Ron: Which reminds me.... I should probably grab some of these turnbuckle pads and put them in as a package deal. NCW surely won't miss it. Maybe rip this part of the mat up as well. I don't know, just looking for free **** to line my pockets with cash.
Curtis: This is the oddest acceptance speech.
Ron: Did I not say thank you?
Curtis: Well no but the fact we're having an abnormal conversation during it.
Ron: I know.... you won't be able to top it. Don't worry. You can't be best at everything. Oh.... thank you for having me in this hall of fame. I hope when this place closes it's doors, this wing you guys set up at least stays open. People need to walk by daily, see the couple things I did. Thank you for having me NCW. Thank you for the people I made into fans. Thank you for helping control the black population.
{Ron steps aside, as Curtis steps forward. Ron shows Curtis a freak that responded to his ad.}
Curtis: Why the hell is he flashing his dong?
Ron: I don't know. The ad for this hunk of metal clearly says, "Looking to be mounted." I don't know how me holding up a hall of fame plaque turns into anything else. Hopefully I at least get 15.
Curtis: 1500?
Ron: 15 bucks... or maybe 15 delicious subway sandwiches.
{Curtis just shakes his head.}
Curtis: As my good buddy Ron was sort of loosely saying, thank you NCW for all the god times. I can't believe we're here, as the second tag team getting put into the Hall of Fame. I never would have joined NCW if it wasn't for Ron. I mean literally, one night we had this crazy bender to celebrate Ron's third "Not the Father" result from Maury, and we woke up in the back of this pick-up truck that just so happened to be the janitor of NCW's corporate office's truck, and he just so happened to be pulling up to work right when we awakened. After a little purging, we dusted ourselves off and walked into those doors and got us a contract!
Ron: I vaguely remember that! That old office was a hell hole.
Curtis: Yes it was, but luckily, the ratings we brought in got them better offices. We did a lot as a tag team here. We were two time tag team champions with some healthy reigns. We were the only co-Xtreme champions. We won a warfare match. We became CEO's and gave ourselves iron clad contracts, where we will still be paid for years to come from NCW. We injured so many people...so many people. We irrevocably ruined Amber's life, though now I hear she's almost eight months clean. We may or may not have hired Brad to dress up like a ninja to injure Adam. We even fought a little amongst ourselves. Remember that triathlon? That Collision felt like it was ten hours long.
Ron: So does this one.
Curtis: And no matter what, we never faltered from who we were. We always stayed dirty while we were together. We were always vile, and disturbing, and it worked.
Ron: Hey buddy, I keep getting people who want to help me sell my plaque, no takers. This is taking to long, you still have Nick Cage's number? He'll buy anything.
Curtis: Dude, I forgot I even had that!
{Curtis takes out his phone and is scrolling through his contacts.}
Curtis: Sorry, hold on a sec.
{The phone rings, and the message "This number is no longer in service" plays.}
Curtis: Damn. Sorry buddy. Well, I don't know how else to waist your time, so I just have to say...thanks! Thanks to NCW, thanks to all of you for watching, thanks to all our opponents for willing to get their asses kicked by us, and thanks to Russell and Amber for being our lackeys! And always remember, however dirty you get, we'll be dirtier!
Ron: That's right! Thanks everybody! Now, any takers in the audience? Two-hundred or best offer!
{Ron leaves the ring with his plaque and starts haggling with fans. Curtis just shrugs as the committee looks on in anger. Ron sells a kid the microphone he's holding for ten bucks and then continues to search for a big buyer as we go to commercial.}
{"Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap" storms the arena's sound system. As the former two-time NCW tag team champions walk down the ramp. Wearing the most classy formal wear seen. Gibson tips his top hat for Curtis to continue down the ramp but Curtis tips his hat back. Ron obliges and trips on the red carpet. Venting his frustration, he dares to unleash his beast and change the state of red carpets forever. Curtis stops Ron who already had his zipper down and began digging through his shorts. Ron apologizes and begins slapping hands of the fans. Curtis glares at him.}
Curtis: You do that?
Ron: I don't? It's been awhile.
Curtis: Pretty sure you have always been against kind acts toward this companies fanbase. Plus, you just were rummaging through your shorts.
Ron: I don't have any disease man.
Curtis: Sanitary much?
Ron: I'm clean. I'm no hobo..... yet.
{It is worth pointing out, as Curtis sprays a fan in the face with water from his flower on his tux. That Ron's top hat actually has two beer cans attached to it. While Curtis is going with the far less obvious plan, drinking those little whiskey bottles and then handing them to children as gifts.}
Curtis: Now if you lick the bottle, you might actually get a good buzz.
Ron: Freaks will probably try to scrape your DNA out of it. Army of Curtis clones.
Curtis: If only it were that simple.
Ron: It is... seen it on youtube. I mean sure they were all horribly disfigured. It's the presence that counts.
{They both get on the apron, at the same time a bunch of empty bottles fall out of Curtis Kanyon's two sizes too small suit.}
Ron: Your looking jacked.
Curtis: Your looking.... sorta in shape.
Ron: Thanks for noticing. Ready to accept our rightful places.
Curtis: I'm nervous.
Ron: The booze didn't help?
Curtis: No amount of booze is enough, to cure nerves. Not to mention someone watered this stuff down with pencil shavings.
Ron: What?
{Curtis shrugs. As they get in the ring and shakes the hands of the HOF committee. Each presented with plaques listing their personal accomplishments while in NCW. While Ron merely has two lines on his, Curtis seems to have no space on his. They even used permanent marker to add stuff on the sides, they originally forgot. Ron and Curtis share a touching embrace, then Ron fumbles through his pocket to retrieve his phone. He steps up to the podium.}
Ron: It's hard to believe it's been a few months since I last appeared on NCW television.
{Curtis whispers in his ear.}
Ron: Apparently it's been longer but you know.... you can never tell when you experience time travel. My internal calendar is so messed up. Anyways I'm glad I could appear tonight to accept this plaque, that surely cost NCW a hefty amount of change to make. Surely this is one of the reasons NCW is losing money left and right. They even spared no expense, booked this entire arena for this very special hall of fame induction tonight. Threw all that money away on two blokes, who use to kick ass and piss them off. I mean sure they could have just featured us on an episode of Collision but instead all the talent is here tonight to remember the people we beat up. The people we nearly killed night in and night out. You remember you got in our way, you got hurt bad. I remember this one time when we took these two hookers....
{Ron's speech begins drifting off. As he starts fiddling with his phone. Taking all his attention off the camera's and the people in attendance. Curtis peers over to see what he's doing.}
Ron: ...They didn't walk or talk right for weeks..... damn it how do I post a new listing.
{Curtis reaches over and directs Ron's finger.}
Ron: Ah.... makes sense. Wonder what kind of freaks are going to answer this ad. Wait... what... We hurt people. Yaddda Yadda.....
{Ron holds the plaque up and takes a picture with it.}
Ron: Authentic enough. Complain now assholes, real deal... am I still at the mic? Did I tell the story about how we would buy hookers to prep for our title matches. Easily the best sparring for the money. They would take clotheslines like champions. It's like they took shots to the face all the time.
Curtis: You kinda did but you drifted off and went on a short racial spurt. Pretty sure NCW took a commercial break.
Ron: I do not remember this at all. Hopefully it was nothing but good words.
Curtis: It wasn't.
Ron: Which reminds me.... I should probably grab some of these turnbuckle pads and put them in as a package deal. NCW surely won't miss it. Maybe rip this part of the mat up as well. I don't know, just looking for free **** to line my pockets with cash.
Curtis: This is the oddest acceptance speech.
Ron: Did I not say thank you?
Curtis: Well no but the fact we're having an abnormal conversation during it.
Ron: I know.... you won't be able to top it. Don't worry. You can't be best at everything. Oh.... thank you for having me in this hall of fame. I hope when this place closes it's doors, this wing you guys set up at least stays open. People need to walk by daily, see the couple things I did. Thank you for having me NCW. Thank you for the people I made into fans. Thank you for helping control the black population.
{Ron steps aside, as Curtis steps forward. Ron shows Curtis a freak that responded to his ad.}
Curtis: Why the hell is he flashing his dong?
Ron: I don't know. The ad for this hunk of metal clearly says, "Looking to be mounted." I don't know how me holding up a hall of fame plaque turns into anything else. Hopefully I at least get 15.
Curtis: 1500?
Ron: 15 bucks... or maybe 15 delicious subway sandwiches.
{Curtis just shakes his head.}
Curtis: As my good buddy Ron was sort of loosely saying, thank you NCW for all the god times. I can't believe we're here, as the second tag team getting put into the Hall of Fame. I never would have joined NCW if it wasn't for Ron. I mean literally, one night we had this crazy bender to celebrate Ron's third "Not the Father" result from Maury, and we woke up in the back of this pick-up truck that just so happened to be the janitor of NCW's corporate office's truck, and he just so happened to be pulling up to work right when we awakened. After a little purging, we dusted ourselves off and walked into those doors and got us a contract!
Ron: I vaguely remember that! That old office was a hell hole.
Curtis: Yes it was, but luckily, the ratings we brought in got them better offices. We did a lot as a tag team here. We were two time tag team champions with some healthy reigns. We were the only co-Xtreme champions. We won a warfare match. We became CEO's and gave ourselves iron clad contracts, where we will still be paid for years to come from NCW. We injured so many people...so many people. We irrevocably ruined Amber's life, though now I hear she's almost eight months clean. We may or may not have hired Brad to dress up like a ninja to injure Adam. We even fought a little amongst ourselves. Remember that triathlon? That Collision felt like it was ten hours long.
Ron: So does this one.
Curtis: And no matter what, we never faltered from who we were. We always stayed dirty while we were together. We were always vile, and disturbing, and it worked.
Ron: Hey buddy, I keep getting people who want to help me sell my plaque, no takers. This is taking to long, you still have Nick Cage's number? He'll buy anything.
Curtis: Dude, I forgot I even had that!
{Curtis takes out his phone and is scrolling through his contacts.}
Curtis: Sorry, hold on a sec.
{The phone rings, and the message "This number is no longer in service" plays.}
Curtis: Damn. Sorry buddy. Well, I don't know how else to waist your time, so I just have to say...thanks! Thanks to NCW, thanks to all of you for watching, thanks to all our opponents for willing to get their asses kicked by us, and thanks to Russell and Amber for being our lackeys! And always remember, however dirty you get, we'll be dirtier!
Ron: That's right! Thanks everybody! Now, any takers in the audience? Two-hundred or best offer!
{Ron leaves the ring with his plaque and starts haggling with fans. Curtis just shrugs as the committee looks on in anger. Ron sells a kid the microphone he's holding for ten bucks and then continues to search for a big buyer as we go to commercial.}