Post by Xavier Cross on Apr 25, 2013 7:30:50 GMT -6
Character Key:
Adam Knite
Zelda Knite
Will Washington
Xavier Cross
Gib
“Your screenplay is awful!”
“Shut up Will I’m busy!”
We see Xavier Cross and Will Washington sitting in what could only be described as a ‘man-cave’. The two men are seated on a leather couch, Cross has a gamer headset on, his hands tightly wrapped around a controller leaning forward. Will sits a few feet away from him, playing on an iPad. The large TV in front of the two men has a battle grounds from the Mass Effect 3:Multiplayer mode stretched across it. There are four names tagged underneath four different players.
AdamKnite
ZeldaKnite
XCross69
PenSmonsta114
“So last week on uh Collision, that was awkward right?”
Will casually mentions, without looking from his iPad.
“Adam! Are you kidding me! You were across the map. You can’t just kill people in front of me. That’s against the Geneva convention or something!”
Cross pauses for a moment, before glancing at Will, a curious look on his face.
“Look, can we not talk about this now. The fate of the galaxy is resting in my hands!”
“I mean, I’m just curious of what Falcon’s dick, or Daye’s Dick, or even Rob Diamond’s Dick tasted like. I mean that is just a taste you can’t Scope out.”
Cross shoots Will a look before turning back to the television.
A woman’s voice can be heard over the headset.
“Oh hell no! what did he just say?!”
“He didn’t say anything! Pay attention.”
“You guys are literally the worst…”
“You’re a towel!”
“Cross that didn’t make any sense at all.”
“Yeah…well you don’t make any sense at all!”
“…Touche…”
Will shakes his head, still transfixed on the iPad.
“But seriously. Kissing Zelda is like blowing twenty dudes at once…”
A loud snore, before the shaking of a recliner is heard. The camera pans out to show Gib, passed out in a laz-e-boy chair, a half empty, or half full bottle of whiskey sitting on his lap.
“Don’t talk about my daughter!”
“When did Gib get here?”
“I really don’t know anymore. I think he has a key…He kind of comes and goes, drinks my booze and leaves, or stays. It’s strange almost. He’s kind of like a dog you don’t want, but still breaks into your house and drinks your liquor…”
“You should take him to the vet…”
“YOU WON’T TAKE MY BALLS!”
Gib quickly sits up, looking around, before only taking a swig from the bottle, then coddles it like a teddybear, and falls back to sleep.
“Is…Gib there?”
“Kind of, I don’t exactly think he knows where he is.”
“Is he dead.”
“I hope not…that’s a smell you can’t get off of stuff.”
“Like Zelda’s vagina…”
“WILL!”
“What?”
“I heard that!”
“You heard nothing damn it…”
The game quickly ends, as Cross says his casual goodbyes, before turning the controller off. Looking over at Will, he leans against the arm of the couch eyeing his buddy.
“What’s your malfunction bro?”
Will’s eyebrow raises, but his direction does not change from the iPad.
“The fact is, Zelda kills people. Not in the literal end your life way, but it’s just bad news bears down that way. Imagine a vagina with teeth. It’s awesome because it’s a vagina, but it’s still is a vagina with teeth, that Falcon has banged. And Falcon only bangs 12 year old little bros.”
“That…almost makes sense.”
“Look, my point is. You don’t need to involve yourself with that kind of dysfunction. You’re a single dad, your just now really getting over Cari, and the world can be your play toy. Focus on your career, not some dumb love pipe dream. You’re Xavier Cross, not a Zelda Knite fan-boy…”
“Fanboy?”
“You know, like the wrestling fans that are a little too friendly. For instance, right now I’m sure you’re wondering why exactly I’ve been so astutely looking at this wonderful piece of Apple technology. I’ve been reading NCW Fanfiction, and let me tell you. This is almost as bad as the war.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, for some reason there are people who like to wrap about slash fiction. Using our names, and likeness, they pair us up in romantic situations. For instance, since you’re fighting Joe Everyman this week, I’d thought it’d be funny to find a Xavier Cross, Joe Everyman slash fiction.”
“How is that even hilarious? That’s disturbing and disgusting!”
“Yes, however, this one I couldn’t pass up, it’s titled, “Cross Everyman.” By Kurt Jackson”
“Who…what the hell….”
“Let me just give you a highlight of this… “Xavier found himself in the locker room, a glaze of victory washed over him like the sunshine on a hot summer day. He had just achieved one of the greatest victories of his life. He had defeated The Ace in hand to hand combat, just hours after the passing of his Wife, Cari Cross. Xavier clutched the title close to his chest, leaning against the wall. The tears began to flow down his cheek. A knock on the door, Cross bolted to his feet, wiping away the tears, hoping the sweat would cover them up. ‘Enter’ he softly spoke, as his old friend, Joe Everyman entered. The two immediately embraced in a hug. Still wearing their ring gear. ‘I’m sorry about your loss Xavier…are you alright?’ Cross looked into the soft blue eyes of Joe Everyman, and he couldn’t find the words, only actions. He grabbed Joe closely pulling him into-“
“STOP! MY EARS! NO! GOD WHY GOD! THIS IS AWFUL! STOP STOP STOP!”
“-…a deep tongue filled kiss.”
“WHY WOULD YOU EVEN!? WHERE DO I FIND THIS KURT JACKSON. I’LL MURDER HIM!”
Will can’t help but laugh as Xavier, almost overdramatic paces across the room throwing expletives, and strange combinations of swear words to describe what just happened.
The camera freezes for a moment, as Xavier Cross steps onto the screen, almost in a fourth wall sense.
“Ladies and Gentlemen, my name is Xavier Cross. And what you’ve witnessed here is a crime against humanity. The fact that people would even think that Xavier Cross and Joe Everyman would ever hook up is absurd, if anything I’d be into Ricky Johnson, or Steve Awesome…..No Homo…
Look, my point is, this is degrading, and disgusting, and just plain wrong! Slash fiction is just a cheap romance novel for you to get your rocks off. I will have none of it!
Joe Everyman is a nice guy and all, but really, staring into his soft blue eyes?! I think not! That’s not cool, and it’s not okay…Not okay at all!
The simple fact remains, is that I will not only have to take this to my grave, but i'll have to wrestle Joe on Trauma. I don't think I can even look the poor man in the eye anymore. Also, I'm not a slutty teenage girl, despite what some people might believe. So thanks to this Mister Kurt Jackson, I will have to hurt Everyman in front of every man and woman watching Trauma. I will have to go toe to toe, not ass to mouth, with Mister Mediocre himself, the crown cubic zirconium of New Championship Wrestling. I will have to add another loss, to the growing total of Joe Everyman, and prove once and for all, that I am the man, in every slash fiction pairing. EVER!”
Xavier shakes his head in disgust as the camera goes black.
Adam Knite
Zelda Knite
Will Washington
Xavier Cross
Gib
“Your screenplay is awful!”
“Shut up Will I’m busy!”
We see Xavier Cross and Will Washington sitting in what could only be described as a ‘man-cave’. The two men are seated on a leather couch, Cross has a gamer headset on, his hands tightly wrapped around a controller leaning forward. Will sits a few feet away from him, playing on an iPad. The large TV in front of the two men has a battle grounds from the Mass Effect 3:Multiplayer mode stretched across it. There are four names tagged underneath four different players.
AdamKnite
ZeldaKnite
XCross69
PenSmonsta114
“So last week on uh Collision, that was awkward right?”
Will casually mentions, without looking from his iPad.
“Adam! Are you kidding me! You were across the map. You can’t just kill people in front of me. That’s against the Geneva convention or something!”
Cross pauses for a moment, before glancing at Will, a curious look on his face.
“Look, can we not talk about this now. The fate of the galaxy is resting in my hands!”
“I mean, I’m just curious of what Falcon’s dick, or Daye’s Dick, or even Rob Diamond’s Dick tasted like. I mean that is just a taste you can’t Scope out.”
Cross shoots Will a look before turning back to the television.
A woman’s voice can be heard over the headset.
“Oh hell no! what did he just say?!”
“He didn’t say anything! Pay attention.”
“You guys are literally the worst…”
“You’re a towel!”
“Cross that didn’t make any sense at all.”
“Yeah…well you don’t make any sense at all!”
“…Touche…”
Will shakes his head, still transfixed on the iPad.
“But seriously. Kissing Zelda is like blowing twenty dudes at once…”
A loud snore, before the shaking of a recliner is heard. The camera pans out to show Gib, passed out in a laz-e-boy chair, a half empty, or half full bottle of whiskey sitting on his lap.
“Don’t talk about my daughter!”
“When did Gib get here?”
“I really don’t know anymore. I think he has a key…He kind of comes and goes, drinks my booze and leaves, or stays. It’s strange almost. He’s kind of like a dog you don’t want, but still breaks into your house and drinks your liquor…”
“You should take him to the vet…”
“YOU WON’T TAKE MY BALLS!”
Gib quickly sits up, looking around, before only taking a swig from the bottle, then coddles it like a teddybear, and falls back to sleep.
“Is…Gib there?”
“Kind of, I don’t exactly think he knows where he is.”
“Is he dead.”
“I hope not…that’s a smell you can’t get off of stuff.”
“Like Zelda’s vagina…”
“WILL!”
“What?”
“I heard that!”
“You heard nothing damn it…”
The game quickly ends, as Cross says his casual goodbyes, before turning the controller off. Looking over at Will, he leans against the arm of the couch eyeing his buddy.
“What’s your malfunction bro?”
Will’s eyebrow raises, but his direction does not change from the iPad.
“The fact is, Zelda kills people. Not in the literal end your life way, but it’s just bad news bears down that way. Imagine a vagina with teeth. It’s awesome because it’s a vagina, but it’s still is a vagina with teeth, that Falcon has banged. And Falcon only bangs 12 year old little bros.”
“That…almost makes sense.”
“Look, my point is. You don’t need to involve yourself with that kind of dysfunction. You’re a single dad, your just now really getting over Cari, and the world can be your play toy. Focus on your career, not some dumb love pipe dream. You’re Xavier Cross, not a Zelda Knite fan-boy…”
“Fanboy?”
“You know, like the wrestling fans that are a little too friendly. For instance, right now I’m sure you’re wondering why exactly I’ve been so astutely looking at this wonderful piece of Apple technology. I’ve been reading NCW Fanfiction, and let me tell you. This is almost as bad as the war.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, for some reason there are people who like to wrap about slash fiction. Using our names, and likeness, they pair us up in romantic situations. For instance, since you’re fighting Joe Everyman this week, I’d thought it’d be funny to find a Xavier Cross, Joe Everyman slash fiction.”
“How is that even hilarious? That’s disturbing and disgusting!”
“Yes, however, this one I couldn’t pass up, it’s titled, “Cross Everyman.” By Kurt Jackson”
“Who…what the hell….”
“Let me just give you a highlight of this… “Xavier found himself in the locker room, a glaze of victory washed over him like the sunshine on a hot summer day. He had just achieved one of the greatest victories of his life. He had defeated The Ace in hand to hand combat, just hours after the passing of his Wife, Cari Cross. Xavier clutched the title close to his chest, leaning against the wall. The tears began to flow down his cheek. A knock on the door, Cross bolted to his feet, wiping away the tears, hoping the sweat would cover them up. ‘Enter’ he softly spoke, as his old friend, Joe Everyman entered. The two immediately embraced in a hug. Still wearing their ring gear. ‘I’m sorry about your loss Xavier…are you alright?’ Cross looked into the soft blue eyes of Joe Everyman, and he couldn’t find the words, only actions. He grabbed Joe closely pulling him into-“
“STOP! MY EARS! NO! GOD WHY GOD! THIS IS AWFUL! STOP STOP STOP!”
“-…a deep tongue filled kiss.”
“WHY WOULD YOU EVEN!? WHERE DO I FIND THIS KURT JACKSON. I’LL MURDER HIM!”
Will can’t help but laugh as Xavier, almost overdramatic paces across the room throwing expletives, and strange combinations of swear words to describe what just happened.
The camera freezes for a moment, as Xavier Cross steps onto the screen, almost in a fourth wall sense.
“Ladies and Gentlemen, my name is Xavier Cross. And what you’ve witnessed here is a crime against humanity. The fact that people would even think that Xavier Cross and Joe Everyman would ever hook up is absurd, if anything I’d be into Ricky Johnson, or Steve Awesome…..No Homo…
Look, my point is, this is degrading, and disgusting, and just plain wrong! Slash fiction is just a cheap romance novel for you to get your rocks off. I will have none of it!
Joe Everyman is a nice guy and all, but really, staring into his soft blue eyes?! I think not! That’s not cool, and it’s not okay…Not okay at all!
The simple fact remains, is that I will not only have to take this to my grave, but i'll have to wrestle Joe on Trauma. I don't think I can even look the poor man in the eye anymore. Also, I'm not a slutty teenage girl, despite what some people might believe. So thanks to this Mister Kurt Jackson, I will have to hurt Everyman in front of every man and woman watching Trauma. I will have to go toe to toe, not ass to mouth, with Mister Mediocre himself, the crown cubic zirconium of New Championship Wrestling. I will have to add another loss, to the growing total of Joe Everyman, and prove once and for all, that I am the man, in every slash fiction pairing. EVER!”
Xavier shakes his head in disgust as the camera goes black.