Post by Spike Kane on Apr 27, 2013 10:07:57 GMT -6
I know the question on everyones mind will be “Why Angel, Spike?” huh, why Spike? Out of every single member of the nCw family, except our current crop of champions of course....why out of them all do you pick the one man who has wanted to put you down since the moment he walked into this company? The man who by all rights is your Superman to your Lex Luthor, your Captain America to your Red Skull, or perhaps more fittingly your T-Ray to your Deadpool? Or for those looking for a little more mainstream, your Wolverine to your Sabretooth.
That seems more fitting to me.
Why?
Because Angel and I both have so much in common, we have had such a similar career path in this business, not just nCw. We are men to be feared, we are legends in our own rights, we are iconcs, and we are rivals. We’ve never had the conflict that seemed to be building between us. We never had the war that was supposed to explode and tear nCw apart. Instead we did our own thing, had our seperate time in the limelight, and learned to respect each other. Don’t get it twisted though, we are both two of the most dangerous individuals to ever walk into an nCw ring.
It’s time we gave the fans what they wanted.
It’s time for Angel Vs Spike
~~~
We open up on the scene of Spike Kanes home in Boston, MS. Like a panning shot that spans through the streets and then zooms through the house into the basement, where we can see Spike Kane standing there shouting at someone, it’s Rob Diamond standing there holding some folded clothes.
Spike: How many times do I have to tell you Rob? I’m not doing it!
Rob pouts like only he can.
Rob: I’m telling you Spike, we have to rise to the occasion. If Criminal Intent have some comedy schtick, we have to top it.
Spike looks at Rob like he’d just shat in his wheaties.
Spike: Rob....Criminal Intent are not a comedy team.
Rob: Then what’s with the lame British accents?
Spike: They’re not British....
Rob: *poor british accent* g’day mate, let’s put another shrimp on the barbie.
Spike laughs at Rob’s terrible attempt at an Australian accent which sounds like a really poor attempt at a British accent.
Spike: They’re a bit more robotic than that, especially Kingsley.
Rob: *poor scottish accent* Nay, Spike Kane.....ye cannie stop me good chum Cyrus Daniels....I always use full names.
Spike bursts out laughing now as Rob switches from a stereotypical british accent to a poor Scottish accent now. Spike hunches over holding his stomach as he laughs.
Spike: Still. I’m not doing it.
Rob: But Spiiiiiiiiiiiiike!
Spike: No Rob. I said I was done with that life, that I wouldn’t go back. We did enough damage Rob, the world still has not recovered.
Rob looks like he’s about to cry, like Spike has just told him that his favourite toy was broken.
Rob: The world needs us Spike.....without us......who will relieve the boredom of Criminal Intent’s promos?
Spike: Good point....
Rob: Who will bring the entertainment value to the match where only we have the talent?
Spike: You’re right....
Rob: Who Spike......will make love to all the women in the world at once?
Spike: I get it......we’re needed.....OK Rob, I’m in.
Rob jumps into the air like a teenage cheerleader who had just been asked to the prom by the quarter back of the football team.
Rob: Prepare for trouble!
Spike: We’re not team rocket dude....
Rob: And make it double!
Spike: ......
The screen goes blank and flashes wildly for a few seconds before the scene changes completely to Lord Dominicus and Senor Xtremo standing on the roof of Spike’s house, with the wind blowing their capes.
Lord Dominicus: Criminal Intent, you’re time has come!
Senor Xtremo: To suck it!
The two crotch chop, and the scene fades ending this childish bit of character development.
~~~
So I suppose I should be intimidated, right? I should be shaking in my stylish - yet affordable boots. Big bad Cyrus holds a grudge....
Wait....
Who?
And then the crocodile hunter speaks up about my half brother and how I leave more than him? Listen here douchefag, I’ve given more to nCw than you could even fathom, if you have something you want to say to me you piddly ass coward, man the hell up and say it. Don’t hide behind filler words and you’re big bad tag team partner, say it to my face....and you’ll get knocked the f*ck out.
Oh! I remember! Racial stereotype number fifty six. G’day mate, I’m so sorry that your cliché schtick isn’t exactly memorable. I did after all used to know a much more convincing.....Xcon! Hehehehe.....in jokes.....they’re so awesome.
I have to be honest though boys, I’m not sorry that I barely remember who Criminal Intent are. No, I’m not sorry that I barely remember the time that The Forgotten ran riot over you and all the other racial stereotype and cliché teams in that tournament that barely had an effect on nCw’s landscape.
---Wait, is that when you team up with Bird Boy?
Not now Rob.
---No man, this isn’t about your love fest with him, it isn’t about they Forgotten, you guys are exactly that - forgotten!
Rob. I’m talking here.
---Dude, we were Awesomeness Personified.
I know Rob.
---We were InFamous!
Yes, I know Rob.
---We were Lord Dominucus and Senor Xtrem-
DUDE! Don’t even......ever!
---Oh yeah, we ugh....we don’t really know who those guys are, we don’t have a clue, but I did hear that they are really awesome guys and so much better than Criminal Intent.
Oh yeah, totally. So can I get back to it now?
---Yeah......sorry.
Right. Listen, Stephen, Cyrus - I don’t care how big and bad you -THINK- you are. I don’t care how many prison riots and fights you might have been in, hell I won’t even make any prison rape comments.....besides that one of course. In fact, you should consider yourselves lucky that Rob doesn’t remember who you are, because otherwise his whole promo would have been filled with “don’t drop the soap” comments and “you sure do got a purdy mouth” remarks, but not me....I’m a class above, see?
I’m far superior to you colonail clichés, I’m the God of Xtreme, and two throwaway cookie cutter generic jobbers, do not even register as a threat to someone like me. I mean look at you Cyrus, all but frothing at the bit just at the idea of sharing the ring with The Spiked One. You don’t have to be ashamed of it, either of you. You should know that stepping into the ring with a founding father is one hell of an honour. Cyrus, we both know that the moment you were hit with that Thunderstruck it was the single most greatest moment of your life. For me? It was a Sunday.....or possibly a Saturday I don’t exactly recall.
Why?
Because you are small fry guys, you have to understand that even in my very short return time I’ve already taken on half of a legitimate tag team, one of the best X champions we have ever had, arguably one of the most destructive monster this place has ever seen, and one of the greatest all round superstars and world champions to step foot in the company. So when measured against that you can see why Criminal Intent just don’t rate anywhere near where you guys may think you do. Seriously though, I’m the guy who was raised in a child fighting ring, I joined a motorcycle club to survive, I began wrestling on the streets, in hardcore barbaric, backyard **** that can straight up kill you.....when I was only sixteen. I’ve held more championships than you’ve had matches! Funny thing is.....that isn’t even an over exaggeration.
I am one of the most decorated wresters in this business, to the point where having a match with me is like being in a title match. People raise their games, they try harder, fight further, push themselves, because a match with me means something - and an actual victory over me means so much more. The sad this is guys, Cryrus, Stephen......that victory will not be yours, it will evade you once again, and just like when Criminal Intent went up against The Forgotten-
---Dude, I’m still here! I knew you loved him more than me!!!
Just like then....you’ll fall at my hand.
---And mine.
~~Suck it!~~
That seems more fitting to me.
Why?
Because Angel and I both have so much in common, we have had such a similar career path in this business, not just nCw. We are men to be feared, we are legends in our own rights, we are iconcs, and we are rivals. We’ve never had the conflict that seemed to be building between us. We never had the war that was supposed to explode and tear nCw apart. Instead we did our own thing, had our seperate time in the limelight, and learned to respect each other. Don’t get it twisted though, we are both two of the most dangerous individuals to ever walk into an nCw ring.
It’s time we gave the fans what they wanted.
It’s time for Angel Vs Spike
~~~
We open up on the scene of Spike Kanes home in Boston, MS. Like a panning shot that spans through the streets and then zooms through the house into the basement, where we can see Spike Kane standing there shouting at someone, it’s Rob Diamond standing there holding some folded clothes.
Spike: How many times do I have to tell you Rob? I’m not doing it!
Rob pouts like only he can.
Rob: I’m telling you Spike, we have to rise to the occasion. If Criminal Intent have some comedy schtick, we have to top it.
Spike looks at Rob like he’d just shat in his wheaties.
Spike: Rob....Criminal Intent are not a comedy team.
Rob: Then what’s with the lame British accents?
Spike: They’re not British....
Rob: *poor british accent* g’day mate, let’s put another shrimp on the barbie.
Spike laughs at Rob’s terrible attempt at an Australian accent which sounds like a really poor attempt at a British accent.
Spike: They’re a bit more robotic than that, especially Kingsley.
Rob: *poor scottish accent* Nay, Spike Kane.....ye cannie stop me good chum Cyrus Daniels....I always use full names.
Spike bursts out laughing now as Rob switches from a stereotypical british accent to a poor Scottish accent now. Spike hunches over holding his stomach as he laughs.
Spike: Still. I’m not doing it.
Rob: But Spiiiiiiiiiiiiike!
Spike: No Rob. I said I was done with that life, that I wouldn’t go back. We did enough damage Rob, the world still has not recovered.
Rob looks like he’s about to cry, like Spike has just told him that his favourite toy was broken.
Rob: The world needs us Spike.....without us......who will relieve the boredom of Criminal Intent’s promos?
Spike: Good point....
Rob: Who will bring the entertainment value to the match where only we have the talent?
Spike: You’re right....
Rob: Who Spike......will make love to all the women in the world at once?
Spike: I get it......we’re needed.....OK Rob, I’m in.
Rob jumps into the air like a teenage cheerleader who had just been asked to the prom by the quarter back of the football team.
Rob: Prepare for trouble!
Spike: We’re not team rocket dude....
Rob: And make it double!
Spike: ......
The screen goes blank and flashes wildly for a few seconds before the scene changes completely to Lord Dominicus and Senor Xtremo standing on the roof of Spike’s house, with the wind blowing their capes.
Lord Dominicus: Criminal Intent, you’re time has come!
Senor Xtremo: To suck it!
The two crotch chop, and the scene fades ending this childish bit of character development.
~~~
So I suppose I should be intimidated, right? I should be shaking in my stylish - yet affordable boots. Big bad Cyrus holds a grudge....
Wait....
Who?
And then the crocodile hunter speaks up about my half brother and how I leave more than him? Listen here douchefag, I’ve given more to nCw than you could even fathom, if you have something you want to say to me you piddly ass coward, man the hell up and say it. Don’t hide behind filler words and you’re big bad tag team partner, say it to my face....and you’ll get knocked the f*ck out.
Oh! I remember! Racial stereotype number fifty six. G’day mate, I’m so sorry that your cliché schtick isn’t exactly memorable. I did after all used to know a much more convincing.....Xcon! Hehehehe.....in jokes.....they’re so awesome.
I have to be honest though boys, I’m not sorry that I barely remember who Criminal Intent are. No, I’m not sorry that I barely remember the time that The Forgotten ran riot over you and all the other racial stereotype and cliché teams in that tournament that barely had an effect on nCw’s landscape.
---Wait, is that when you team up with Bird Boy?
Not now Rob.
---No man, this isn’t about your love fest with him, it isn’t about they Forgotten, you guys are exactly that - forgotten!
Rob. I’m talking here.
---Dude, we were Awesomeness Personified.
I know Rob.
---We were InFamous!
Yes, I know Rob.
---We were Lord Dominucus and Senor Xtrem-
DUDE! Don’t even......ever!
---Oh yeah, we ugh....we don’t really know who those guys are, we don’t have a clue, but I did hear that they are really awesome guys and so much better than Criminal Intent.
Oh yeah, totally. So can I get back to it now?
---Yeah......sorry.
Right. Listen, Stephen, Cyrus - I don’t care how big and bad you -THINK- you are. I don’t care how many prison riots and fights you might have been in, hell I won’t even make any prison rape comments.....besides that one of course. In fact, you should consider yourselves lucky that Rob doesn’t remember who you are, because otherwise his whole promo would have been filled with “don’t drop the soap” comments and “you sure do got a purdy mouth” remarks, but not me....I’m a class above, see?
I’m far superior to you colonail clichés, I’m the God of Xtreme, and two throwaway cookie cutter generic jobbers, do not even register as a threat to someone like me. I mean look at you Cyrus, all but frothing at the bit just at the idea of sharing the ring with The Spiked One. You don’t have to be ashamed of it, either of you. You should know that stepping into the ring with a founding father is one hell of an honour. Cyrus, we both know that the moment you were hit with that Thunderstruck it was the single most greatest moment of your life. For me? It was a Sunday.....or possibly a Saturday I don’t exactly recall.
Why?
Because you are small fry guys, you have to understand that even in my very short return time I’ve already taken on half of a legitimate tag team, one of the best X champions we have ever had, arguably one of the most destructive monster this place has ever seen, and one of the greatest all round superstars and world champions to step foot in the company. So when measured against that you can see why Criminal Intent just don’t rate anywhere near where you guys may think you do. Seriously though, I’m the guy who was raised in a child fighting ring, I joined a motorcycle club to survive, I began wrestling on the streets, in hardcore barbaric, backyard **** that can straight up kill you.....when I was only sixteen. I’ve held more championships than you’ve had matches! Funny thing is.....that isn’t even an over exaggeration.
I am one of the most decorated wresters in this business, to the point where having a match with me is like being in a title match. People raise their games, they try harder, fight further, push themselves, because a match with me means something - and an actual victory over me means so much more. The sad this is guys, Cryrus, Stephen......that victory will not be yours, it will evade you once again, and just like when Criminal Intent went up against The Forgotten-
---Dude, I’m still here! I knew you loved him more than me!!!
Just like then....you’ll fall at my hand.
---And mine.
~~Suck it!~~