Post by Jasmine Barrera on Apr 27, 2013 22:58:26 GMT -6
I don't even know what to say.
I'm so disgusted with myself that it's hard to really put it into words. For the first time in long time, I'm actually happy outside the ring, but inside I can't catch a break again. It's like the people in charge of life cannot let me have it both ways.
Losing to Kathy was something I'm not going to live down any time soon. I really wanted to win that match. I needed to win that match. And I failed. Kathy seemingly has sucked the will out of me. I...I don't even really care about this tag match. I should be excited about teaming with Zelda Knite, I should be thrilled to face both Shelly and Crystal, but the truth is, after last week, I'm just not with it anymore.
I've faced Crystal a few times and I've certainly relished the experience. I really wanted to be excited about this Crystal, but the fact is I'm just done with this week. I don't know where I even stand anymore. How good am I? Am I in the same boat as you Crystal? We've never been Starlets champion, and we've only gotten a few chances. But now, it's all over. Now all the chances are gone. Are we similar Crystal? Sure. Whatever. I'll see you out there Crystal. I guess.
Shelly, I've wrestled you a couple of times, I think. I know you beat me in the starlet's road to the gold, and I know that beat you before one time or another. All of that aside, this tag match, which should mean a lot, is now just another match. A tease of what could have been. I should be really testing my abilities against Zelda at A Night to Remember, but instead, we're simply teaming so that I look at this as something that...could have been. Shelly, I don't know if you've ever felt this way, but when everything you work for is taken away from you in the blink of an eye...in three seconds it all went away, all those dreams and aspirations. Do you know of this sort of thing Shelly? Maybe you do. But even defeating you just doesn't mean the same thing anymore. A win here...is just a win.
Now that it's all gone, I don't even know if it's worth it to go out there and compete. Why bother? Sure, I team with a legend, but that's not what I wanted. Not what I needed. I needed to be competing for the Starlets title, and I am not.
Sure, I want to win, but really, the place is closing down, I don't know what my wrestling future holds after it's over, and really, I guess I can be satisfied with what I've done. But that loss will haunt me for a long time. It will burn inside me. It's not motivation, it's just a reminder of how quickly everything you want and wish for can just be snatched for you at moment's notice.
I moved back to New York, and being here should be lighten up the mood, but it doesn't. I looked around the room, exactly as I left it, and still, it just seemed empty. Just like I am inside right now. I usually am able to move on from things like this, but...I don't know anymore. That was the last shot. There are no more. I'm showing up to Collision to just...try to fill a void. A void I don't think I'll ever fill again.
Wrestling may be the last thing I need right now, but I will do my job and go out there. it's just never going to be the same again. How can it be? How can I go out there and face the fans know I let them down against Kathy. Furthermore, I let myself down. It's all been a big mess. Zelda, Jenny, Crystal, Shelly... their names and faces no longer bring a smile to my face. No longer hold that exictement anymore.
I think Kathy has broken me. I think she's taken away everything and left me with no chance to redeem myself. If this is the last match I have...then so be it. I'm beginning to realize that life outside of wrestling is the way to go. Maybe that's what I need. Maybe that's what I should do.
I will see you all at Collision.
I'm so disgusted with myself that it's hard to really put it into words. For the first time in long time, I'm actually happy outside the ring, but inside I can't catch a break again. It's like the people in charge of life cannot let me have it both ways.
Losing to Kathy was something I'm not going to live down any time soon. I really wanted to win that match. I needed to win that match. And I failed. Kathy seemingly has sucked the will out of me. I...I don't even really care about this tag match. I should be excited about teaming with Zelda Knite, I should be thrilled to face both Shelly and Crystal, but the truth is, after last week, I'm just not with it anymore.
I've faced Crystal a few times and I've certainly relished the experience. I really wanted to be excited about this Crystal, but the fact is I'm just done with this week. I don't know where I even stand anymore. How good am I? Am I in the same boat as you Crystal? We've never been Starlets champion, and we've only gotten a few chances. But now, it's all over. Now all the chances are gone. Are we similar Crystal? Sure. Whatever. I'll see you out there Crystal. I guess.
Shelly, I've wrestled you a couple of times, I think. I know you beat me in the starlet's road to the gold, and I know that beat you before one time or another. All of that aside, this tag match, which should mean a lot, is now just another match. A tease of what could have been. I should be really testing my abilities against Zelda at A Night to Remember, but instead, we're simply teaming so that I look at this as something that...could have been. Shelly, I don't know if you've ever felt this way, but when everything you work for is taken away from you in the blink of an eye...in three seconds it all went away, all those dreams and aspirations. Do you know of this sort of thing Shelly? Maybe you do. But even defeating you just doesn't mean the same thing anymore. A win here...is just a win.
Now that it's all gone, I don't even know if it's worth it to go out there and compete. Why bother? Sure, I team with a legend, but that's not what I wanted. Not what I needed. I needed to be competing for the Starlets title, and I am not.
Sure, I want to win, but really, the place is closing down, I don't know what my wrestling future holds after it's over, and really, I guess I can be satisfied with what I've done. But that loss will haunt me for a long time. It will burn inside me. It's not motivation, it's just a reminder of how quickly everything you want and wish for can just be snatched for you at moment's notice.
I moved back to New York, and being here should be lighten up the mood, but it doesn't. I looked around the room, exactly as I left it, and still, it just seemed empty. Just like I am inside right now. I usually am able to move on from things like this, but...I don't know anymore. That was the last shot. There are no more. I'm showing up to Collision to just...try to fill a void. A void I don't think I'll ever fill again.
Wrestling may be the last thing I need right now, but I will do my job and go out there. it's just never going to be the same again. How can it be? How can I go out there and face the fans know I let them down against Kathy. Furthermore, I let myself down. It's all been a big mess. Zelda, Jenny, Crystal, Shelly... their names and faces no longer bring a smile to my face. No longer hold that exictement anymore.
I think Kathy has broken me. I think she's taken away everything and left me with no chance to redeem myself. If this is the last match I have...then so be it. I'm beginning to realize that life outside of wrestling is the way to go. Maybe that's what I need. Maybe that's what I should do.
I will see you all at Collision.