Post by Philip Burns on May 4, 2013 22:17:12 GMT -6
I cant get it out of my head. Mike Honcho, the loveable goof, the over-the-top burrito enthusiast himself... my “best friend” has turned on my. Its like I had a cute little Mogwai and I fed him after midnight. Then I gave him a bath. Now I’ve got this bad ass mustachioed gremlin that is a negative African American stereotype.
I couldn’t focus all week and collision was no exception. I don’t even recall a single move performed in that match. I only remember the pain and seeing the referee raise another mans hand. All I can think about it Mike wanting to fight me. The last thing I want is to fight Mike Honcho. He was like a big teddy bear, always there in the corner with that goofy looks on his face. Id come home after a hard day and maybe kick at him or slap him around (verbally of course) to blow off some steam. I never dreamed that he would blindside me, kicking me right in my kickstand, and then glue a mustache on me.
Speaking of that, the paint wont come off. You can only scrub a lip so much before it becomes extremely painful. So now I live my life with this grease stain of a mustache because my ego would not let me see that Mike Honcho, much like Billy Zane, is a cool dude.
I will not fight you Mike. You are like a brother to me. Maybe a brother with a missing chromosome but a brother nonetheless.
{Burns awakens to a knock at the door. He fumbles around for the lamps light switch. Phil groans as he takes a labored step toward his front door. Now the doorbell is ringing. He is getting upset.}
Just a damn minute!
{He flings open the door to see none other than former his former manager and local Indiana TV personality, Theo Newsington AKA “The News” Burns is at a loss for words.}
News? I haven’t seen you in forever!
I wish I was here on better terms kid but we need to talk.
Sure come right in. Let me put on something decent.
{Burns shows Theo to the living room and disappears for a moment to change into normal clothes. Theo eyes the place while he is gone, perhaps looking for something to steal to pay off his massive back child support payments. Burns returns after a few moments.}
Hey like I said Phil I wish I was just here to catch up but this is serious. I got this voice-mail from Mike. I think you should hear it.
I’m not interested. I don’t want no part of that ****.
I think you do. Its pretty f*cked up.
How f*cked up? Like the fiance on “That's My Boy” banging her own brother or...
Damn it! Spoiler alert!
Oh sorry. I guess you can play me the voice-mail since I spoiled the movie for you. I know what its like to be spoiled.
{News pulls out his phone and puts it on speaker, playing a message from a very tired and distraught sounding Mike Honcho.}
“Hey News... It's Mike. Mike Honcho. Never-mind you probably have caller ID. Anyway... I just thought you should know before it happens.. I think I am going to kill Philip. Yeah. I think its going to happen. He didn’t follow the rules man. He didn’t treat me right. I was a loveable little guy and he just had to feed me after midnight. Now I feel like a total gremlin. I bet he has never even seen that movie. That reference is probably lost on the almighty Burns. But no matter. I'm probably going to invite him into my yuppie 90s apartment and cut his head off. By apartment I of course mean a wrestling ring. And by cut his head off I of course mean hit him with the Magic Trick for the win. This reminds me of all those songs you did with Huey Lewis. Is this real life? Sorry man I had dental work done a few weeks ago and I think the gas is still in my system.
Hey have you seen The Dark Knight Rises? Why did Talia have sex with Bruce if she was just going to stab him? I mean wouldn’t her dad be pissed about that? I mean here is a guy-”
It gets really weird from there on. Just trust me. He is out for blood. He is sex nuts and retard strong. He will be crying over your bloody corpse before he knows he did anything wrong. If you’re not sh*tting your pants you should be.
I'll tell you what I have said time and time again. I. Wont. Fight. Him.
Well you better. If you don’t fight him he is going to end you. Besides a van he literally has nothing. Which means he has nothing to lose. You hurt his feelings and his little T-Rex brain says your number is up. You had better put him down first or you wont be going home in one piece. Maybe not at all.
Look I respect what you are trying to do, even after all this time you are looking out for me. But I cant. I have no desire to wrestle Mike. It doesn’t make sense to me from a business perspective. And maybe it's personal for him but not for me.
So what if he makes it personal?
I doubt that would happen but you know a man can only be pushed so far.
Look I warned you all I could.
I appreciate your concern.
{News gets up to leave. Burns follows him to show him out.}
Just be careful Phil. I'd hate to see something terrible happen.
Me too.
Good luck against Andrew Jacobsen. He's a hell of an athelete.
Sh*t I forgot about that. My mind has been elsewhere. Thanks man. Dont be a stranger. I'd love to see you more often.
Oh I think I can arrange that. Take care buddy.
Good luck against Andrew Jacobsen. He's a hell of an athelete.
Sh*t I forgot about that. My mind has been elsewhere. Thanks man. Dont be a stranger. I'd love to see you more often.
Oh I think I can arrange that. Take care buddy.
{The door closes after The News and he smiles while taking out his phone. He dials and puts the phone to his ear.}
Mike. Its News. No, I don’t have news. This is The News. Theodore Newsington. Any way, I think I have what we need. Brainstorm some ideas to make this personal with Phil. He'll be ready to fight you in no time.
{END SCENE}
If I cant focus in the ring for these last weeks of nCw I may just have to fight him. No matter how much I don't want to. Maybe the only way to prove I take him seriously and I am a real friend IS to fight him. I was hoping it wouldn't come to this.
If I cant focus in the ring for these last weeks of nCw I may just have to fight him. No matter how much I don't want to. Maybe the only way to prove I take him seriously and I am a real friend IS to fight him. I was hoping it wouldn't come to this.