Post by James Warren on May 11, 2013 22:01:59 GMT -6
So long behold here I am on the very last edition of Collision and I have the opportunity to defend my hardfought won X Championship against the one and only Joe Everyman. Joe Everyman you are a man who has been in this company for a very long time and you are a man who holds many records within this company. You are the man who is a three time National Champion... That’s good I mean you will go down in history as being the only three time National Champion in this company’s history...
Oh wait... That was true until the Ace won the title for a third time, and despite you holding the belt for so long the Ace actually has a relevant reign. When was the last time you held a championship anyway?
2009?!?!
That’s like four years ago... But I get it Joe... That was a long time ago and I know.... I shouldn’t question your heart because you are going to rise up. You are going to bounce back and you are going to show me that you have what it takes to take this X Championship away from me. Joe Everyman not for anything but I can’t even take you serious man. You are a has been. You are a man who can beat a Hall of Famer in Adam Knite one week and in the very next week lose to ****ing Jackhammer... You are the man who couldn’t even win a tag title with Lex Sense as your partner.
The very same Lex Sense who was able to carry Jimmy Zane to a Tag Team Champion... What honestly makes you stand out being so great anyway? You talk all this nonsense like you want to become a double champion but you haven’t held a singles let alone any title in four years so what makes you think you can fight for something like that? You aren’t the same Joe Everyman from a couple of years ago you are just a shell of your former self. You pride yourself on being an American Dreamer and yet what dreams of yours have come true?
Do you like suffering a state of being a has been?
Do you like being a shell of your former self?
Dude what the hell has happened to you? But no worries because even if you lose like you always tend to do you get to go home to your daughter who has been raised like a puppet to tell you how great you are. You will kiss “Insert random girlfriend’s name” on the cheek and she will propel you to go back out and get your ass kicked again and again.
We call this insanity Joe... Do the same exact thing over and over again and expecting a different result. However maybe I shouldn’t “question” your heart because it can do unknown things for you. It can lead you do some great milestones like the epic milestone of being the first person ever to reach 100 losses...That’s really amazing....
I mean how many people in this company get praised for being a loser?! Only you Joe Everyman... Only you could... But it’s ok because you are Joe Everyman and you will fight harder and stronger next time.
Next time rolls around... And you end up losing again and again...
Joe Everyman I am going to be absolutely blunt when I say this but you are nothing more than a waste of space. What’s the point you coming back for more again and again? Do you enjoy opening your mouth just so you could put your foot in it. Do you enjoy going that route Joe?
But long behold you have the chance of a lifetime, you have the chance to break away from 4 years of embarrassment. You have the chance to step out and do something you haven’t done in a long time and that’s become relevant... Are you ready to break out of your shell and do what’s needed to get the job done? Do you have it in you to beat a man like me?!
I will give it to you Joe... When push comes to shove when you really give your all you are a formidable man to face. You are a man to be feared, a man that should not be taken lightly but... Where the hell is this Joe Everyman every single week? Where is Joe at in the matches that don’t mean anything? The reality is that every match should be considered a must win match. Where’s the logic of entering into a match without the intention to win...
That just sounds retarded.... Ridiculously stupid... Kind of like driving a tank for some unknown reason... Or telling people not to question your heart... Or believing the lies from a cookie clutter daughter and a cookie clutter girlfriend or wife that will only tell you how amazing you are when in reality if you look at the facts you are far from that...
But go on Joe count your chickens before they hatch... Go ahead and take the title away from me if it will make you feel better because chances are you will probably go on to defend the title next week and practically be one of the shortest reigning champions in this company’s history...
But I guess that is what you do right? Joe Everyman is the man who gets known for the bad stuff. The man who likes to bring up petty accomplishments that happened 4 years ago but when it comes to today well... The only thing that can be said about Joe Everyman is that he is one big joke...
So let the good time rolls Joe and show me what you got... If you beat me it will be no different than it was when you beat Adam Knite. You will accomplish this great task and everything will come crashing down upon you the very following week. Save yourself the embarrassment. Go home and come back when you gain a personality. As for this match don’t even bother showing up because I will pick you apart...
Listen to the words that I am saying Joe... Let me help you... You can trust me... I am a doctor after all....
See you chump....
[Our scene opens up and we find ourselves in the home of the Warrens. Jimmy walks around his house and finds his wife Cindy feeding a bottle to their daughter Terra. Jimmy grins as he sits down next to Cindy as he gazes right into her eyes.]
“Ok Cindy it’s title match time... I need you to tell me what I want to hear... Tell me I am the best wrestler ever... Tell me don’t question my heart! Tell me I can totally do this and no matter how much of a failure I am tell me that I am in fact the world’s greatest despite losing over 100 plus matches and what not... Tell me Cindy! Tell me...”
[Cynthia rolls her eyes as she continues to feed Terra. She seems befuddled as she looks into James eyes shrugging her shoulders at him.}
“But why would I even do that?! Where is the logic in any of that... How can you be the best when you had to cheat to beat Alex Jones... I clearly remember you grabbing the ropes to cheat and win the title in the first place...”
[James shakes his head as he stares back at Cynthia shaking his head.]
“No you don’t understand Cindy... I am trying to see what it feels like to suffer under the disease that is the logic of Joe Everyman... Don’t you understand your roll in all of this... Lose the personality and just build me up... Do it Cindy! Do it Cindy!”
[Cindy just shakes her head as she rolls her eyes back at James shrugging her shoulders at him.]
“Right...Have you been drinking James... smoking... Did you fall down and hit your head on something... Everything you are saying is absolutely making no sense...”
[James just looks at his 11 month old child as he smirks at her. He smirks at her as he stares down at her.]
“Terra tell daddy that he is the best ever... Tell him he is a winner!”
“James... She can’t talk yet and even if she could she’s sleeping...”
“Yeah but under Joe Everyman logic she would be talking right now! So come on Terra start saying daddy is amazing... Speak in that baby talk... goo goo ga ga daddy is amazing ga ga...”
[Cindy rolls her eyes as she rises up with the baby in her hand and heads for the bedroom.]
“Right.. Well whenever you become sober feel free to join us in the room Jimmy... Don’t act so ridiculous it doesn’t suit you well...”
[Cindy walks away leaving James alone by himself. He shakes his head as he looks into the camera.]
“Hmmm being one with the Everyman is going to be harder than I thought... How does he pull this off... Maybe I should go get a tank.... CINDY DON’T QUESTION MY HEART!!!!!!!!!!!”
[James yells as we fade out on this image.
Oh wait... That was true until the Ace won the title for a third time, and despite you holding the belt for so long the Ace actually has a relevant reign. When was the last time you held a championship anyway?
2009?!?!
That’s like four years ago... But I get it Joe... That was a long time ago and I know.... I shouldn’t question your heart because you are going to rise up. You are going to bounce back and you are going to show me that you have what it takes to take this X Championship away from me. Joe Everyman not for anything but I can’t even take you serious man. You are a has been. You are a man who can beat a Hall of Famer in Adam Knite one week and in the very next week lose to ****ing Jackhammer... You are the man who couldn’t even win a tag title with Lex Sense as your partner.
The very same Lex Sense who was able to carry Jimmy Zane to a Tag Team Champion... What honestly makes you stand out being so great anyway? You talk all this nonsense like you want to become a double champion but you haven’t held a singles let alone any title in four years so what makes you think you can fight for something like that? You aren’t the same Joe Everyman from a couple of years ago you are just a shell of your former self. You pride yourself on being an American Dreamer and yet what dreams of yours have come true?
Do you like suffering a state of being a has been?
Do you like being a shell of your former self?
Dude what the hell has happened to you? But no worries because even if you lose like you always tend to do you get to go home to your daughter who has been raised like a puppet to tell you how great you are. You will kiss “Insert random girlfriend’s name” on the cheek and she will propel you to go back out and get your ass kicked again and again.
We call this insanity Joe... Do the same exact thing over and over again and expecting a different result. However maybe I shouldn’t “question” your heart because it can do unknown things for you. It can lead you do some great milestones like the epic milestone of being the first person ever to reach 100 losses...That’s really amazing....
I mean how many people in this company get praised for being a loser?! Only you Joe Everyman... Only you could... But it’s ok because you are Joe Everyman and you will fight harder and stronger next time.
Next time rolls around... And you end up losing again and again...
Joe Everyman I am going to be absolutely blunt when I say this but you are nothing more than a waste of space. What’s the point you coming back for more again and again? Do you enjoy opening your mouth just so you could put your foot in it. Do you enjoy going that route Joe?
But long behold you have the chance of a lifetime, you have the chance to break away from 4 years of embarrassment. You have the chance to step out and do something you haven’t done in a long time and that’s become relevant... Are you ready to break out of your shell and do what’s needed to get the job done? Do you have it in you to beat a man like me?!
I will give it to you Joe... When push comes to shove when you really give your all you are a formidable man to face. You are a man to be feared, a man that should not be taken lightly but... Where the hell is this Joe Everyman every single week? Where is Joe at in the matches that don’t mean anything? The reality is that every match should be considered a must win match. Where’s the logic of entering into a match without the intention to win...
That just sounds retarded.... Ridiculously stupid... Kind of like driving a tank for some unknown reason... Or telling people not to question your heart... Or believing the lies from a cookie clutter daughter and a cookie clutter girlfriend or wife that will only tell you how amazing you are when in reality if you look at the facts you are far from that...
But go on Joe count your chickens before they hatch... Go ahead and take the title away from me if it will make you feel better because chances are you will probably go on to defend the title next week and practically be one of the shortest reigning champions in this company’s history...
But I guess that is what you do right? Joe Everyman is the man who gets known for the bad stuff. The man who likes to bring up petty accomplishments that happened 4 years ago but when it comes to today well... The only thing that can be said about Joe Everyman is that he is one big joke...
So let the good time rolls Joe and show me what you got... If you beat me it will be no different than it was when you beat Adam Knite. You will accomplish this great task and everything will come crashing down upon you the very following week. Save yourself the embarrassment. Go home and come back when you gain a personality. As for this match don’t even bother showing up because I will pick you apart...
Listen to the words that I am saying Joe... Let me help you... You can trust me... I am a doctor after all....
See you chump....
[Our scene opens up and we find ourselves in the home of the Warrens. Jimmy walks around his house and finds his wife Cindy feeding a bottle to their daughter Terra. Jimmy grins as he sits down next to Cindy as he gazes right into her eyes.]
“Ok Cindy it’s title match time... I need you to tell me what I want to hear... Tell me I am the best wrestler ever... Tell me don’t question my heart! Tell me I can totally do this and no matter how much of a failure I am tell me that I am in fact the world’s greatest despite losing over 100 plus matches and what not... Tell me Cindy! Tell me...”
[Cynthia rolls her eyes as she continues to feed Terra. She seems befuddled as she looks into James eyes shrugging her shoulders at him.}
“But why would I even do that?! Where is the logic in any of that... How can you be the best when you had to cheat to beat Alex Jones... I clearly remember you grabbing the ropes to cheat and win the title in the first place...”
[James shakes his head as he stares back at Cynthia shaking his head.]
“No you don’t understand Cindy... I am trying to see what it feels like to suffer under the disease that is the logic of Joe Everyman... Don’t you understand your roll in all of this... Lose the personality and just build me up... Do it Cindy! Do it Cindy!”
[Cindy just shakes her head as she rolls her eyes back at James shrugging her shoulders at him.]
“Right...Have you been drinking James... smoking... Did you fall down and hit your head on something... Everything you are saying is absolutely making no sense...”
[James just looks at his 11 month old child as he smirks at her. He smirks at her as he stares down at her.]
“Terra tell daddy that he is the best ever... Tell him he is a winner!”
“James... She can’t talk yet and even if she could she’s sleeping...”
“Yeah but under Joe Everyman logic she would be talking right now! So come on Terra start saying daddy is amazing... Speak in that baby talk... goo goo ga ga daddy is amazing ga ga...”
[Cindy rolls her eyes as she rises up with the baby in her hand and heads for the bedroom.]
“Right.. Well whenever you become sober feel free to join us in the room Jimmy... Don’t act so ridiculous it doesn’t suit you well...”
[Cindy walks away leaving James alone by himself. He shakes his head as he looks into the camera.]
“Hmmm being one with the Everyman is going to be harder than I thought... How does he pull this off... Maybe I should go get a tank.... CINDY DON’T QUESTION MY HEART!!!!!!!!!!!”
[James yells as we fade out on this image.