Daredevil
Rookie
The Death Defying Daredevil!!!
Posts: 71
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Post by Daredevil on Jul 18, 2009 14:05:32 GMT -6
Good work man and like your RP's.
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Post by Joe Everyman on Jul 25, 2009 12:25:39 GMT -6
New RP for this week is up. It's a little long (A little over 2000 words), but I did that to make up for my lack of RPing earlier in the week. I don't think it's the greatest thing I've ever written, but any feedback would be great ;D
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Post by adm on Jul 25, 2009 12:32:26 GMT -6
Seriously...it was a good rp...but to be HONEST it was a LITTLE long...could have cut a few things here and there. To be honest, each bit on each opponent could be missing one paragraph...easily...
You said too much to each guy, and I think you didn't need to re-use the chorus so many damn times...we get the point by the time you use it the 2nd time. and then you use it another 3 times cuz it's in the song? Yeah...you could trim it up...make it a bit more effective.
Also...out of spit huh...nice...the two grammar mistakes you make...are ****ing hilarious to me...cuz I bet they'll be make quote of the week...out of spit from Adam
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Post by Joe Everyman on Jul 25, 2009 12:46:22 GMT -6
Seriously...it was a good rp...but to be HONEST it was a LITTLE long...could have cut a few things here and there. To be honest, each bit on each opponent could be missing one paragraph...easily... You said too much to each guy, and I think you didn't need to re-use the chorus so many damn times...we get the point by the time you use it the 2nd time. and then you use it another 3 times cuz it's in the song? Yeah...you could trim it up...make it a bit more effective. Also...out of spit huh...nice...the two grammar mistakes you make...are ****ing hilarious to me...cuz I bet they'll be make quote of the week...out of spit from Adam Yeah I know, I was typing it a little fast and missed some grammar stuff, but that happens with everyone. I made it a little long to make up for my other RP that didn't happen, so I guess it works. Thanks for feeding my backs
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Post by Spike Kane on Jul 25, 2009 14:10:26 GMT -6
Yeah, pretty awesome roleplay. I'd like to think it's you at your best like I knew you could be. I can't really say anything that Bates hasn't, the song though just probably shouldn't have been there, maybe at the end or the beginning but using it to break up the text didn't make much sense.
Props on the good work, even if it did take all week :-p
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Post by Joe Everyman on Jul 31, 2009 21:22:52 GMT -6
Thanks Spike. Also, my new RP for this week is up. It's the return of an old Everyman favorite, under a new format, so I hope everyone likes it. Feedback would be great
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Post by adm on Jul 31, 2009 21:30:22 GMT -6
OH NOES NO SONG!
Pretty good nonetheless...you planning on a 2nd one this week this good?
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Post by Cyrus Daniels on Aug 1, 2009 6:38:45 GMT -6
Have to say I prefer the songless Joe rps alot more...and this did not disappoint...
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Post by Maniac on Aug 1, 2009 8:31:28 GMT -6
Everyman at his best, imo.
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Post by Joe Everyman on Aug 1, 2009 10:20:35 GMT -6
OH NOES NO SONG! Pretty good nonetheless...you planning on a 2nd one this week this good? Yes Now go feed my backs again for the second one this week. Any tips on being a better heel are more than appreciated ;D
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Post by adm on Aug 1, 2009 11:33:41 GMT -6
Just be a big asshole like Knite or Spike or most of us OOC and you'll do fine. If you wanna get better at being a heel, research guys like Orton, Flair(in heel phases earlier in like the 80s/90s before people respected him no matter what) older Trips stuff, CM Punk(though it's straight edge mostly it's good ideas). But if you wanna go with guys here, go with Knite, Spike, etc. Good job all around this week, damn you...why couldn't you have done this, you know...LAST SUMMER! Edit: Yeah, I still kinda wished you won that ladder match
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Post by Joe Everyman on Aug 8, 2009 13:10:42 GMT -6
First RP for the PPV is posted (Yes I know it's late in the week, bite me). Feedback would be great. It was a little shorter than what I normally post, but sometimes shorter is better.
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Post by Joe Everyman on Aug 9, 2009 3:21:05 GMT -6
My second RP for the PPV is now up. I would greatly appreciate some feedback on this one. I did something a little weird and a little unlike Joe's current run (It's 3 am, go figure), but I personally think it came off well. Please someone, feed my backs
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Post by Joe Everyman on Aug 22, 2009 13:26:34 GMT -6
New RP is up. I know it's kind of short, but I'd figure I didn't need to say too much. And anyway, quality > quantity
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Post by Joe Everyman on Sept 4, 2009 21:03:45 GMT -6
New RP up...I know it's long and I know it seems to drag on forever, but I did it as a venting thing. I know it proubly won't get me the win, but I needed to post something like that. Kind of a story arc, but eh. Feedback would be great though.
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Post by adm on Sept 4, 2009 21:49:28 GMT -6
She doesn't forgive you Joe...she'll nag for a while. Now come with me...come to RTTG and "get your dream".
Nice rp btw, and the length...*cough*damn foo fighters song*cough* sorry...I really don't like the B-sides in your rps, they kinda take away from ones like this one.
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Post by Joe Everyman on Sept 4, 2009 21:58:48 GMT -6
She doesn't forgive you Joe...she'll nag for a while. Now come with me...come to RTTG and "get your dream". Nice rp btw, and the length...*cough*damn foo fighters song*cough* sorry...I really don't like the B-sides in your rps, they kinda take away from ones like this one. Theory of a Deadman, good guess though
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Post by adm on Sept 4, 2009 23:11:51 GMT -6
You know the title made me think Foo Fighters...you tricky bastard...kudos on the trickery of B-sides...
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Post by Joe Everyman on Sept 4, 2009 23:36:34 GMT -6
You know the title made me think Foo Fighters...you tricky bastard...kudos on the trickery of B-sides... The title is indeed Foo Fighters, but the song is not...so ha!
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Post by Joe Everyman on Sept 11, 2009 23:10:25 GMT -6
New PPV RP is up. Feedback would be great on this one. I know it's long...like, really long. Almost 3000 words long, but I am facing Lance Ryan after all
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Brad Kane
Junior Member
...::What I Get::...
Posts: 332
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Post by Brad Kane on Sept 11, 2009 23:14:22 GMT -6
How much of those words are lyrics and flashbacks though?
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Post by Joe Everyman on Sept 11, 2009 23:18:01 GMT -6
A little less than half I believe...I tried to make the bulk of it Joe talking, which it is.
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Post by Lance "The Icon" Ryan on Sept 11, 2009 23:26:51 GMT -6
Alright man, I am going to be honest because I have always tried to help you out. None of these words are because you are my opponent at the PPV. This is just me being constructive.
First of all, your roleplay by my count is 2740 words. After I took out the lyrics and the flashbacks, 1925 words. That means 815 words are simply "filler".
My first roleplay back, i was told that I should be very basic in rehashing history, we all know what happened. I have never been one to enjoy posting play by play from old shows. I have done it before, but I know many hate it.
I found that because of that format, I couldn't read the roleplay. I had to REALLY focus, and at that I couldnt do it very well.
You need to continue to work on your flow. When you are done, read it, see how it flows man. Flow is almost as important as WHAT you write.
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Post by Joe Everyman on Sept 13, 2009 1:27:48 GMT -6
Thanks for the feedback Lance. And as you can see in my new RP, there is less "filler". It has half the fat of a normal Joe Everyman RP Feedback would be much appreciated on this new one as well.
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Post by Lance "The Icon" Ryan on Sept 13, 2009 12:52:18 GMT -6
Joe, congrats. I liked this roleplay a lot. I like that Joe has more of a heel persona now and I was able to read this roleplay through and through. While I was reading, I thought of Jack Manson who had this gimmick, hopefully you can run with it and do something different though. Gives Joe a new edge.
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Post by Joe Everyman on Sept 13, 2009 14:26:02 GMT -6
Joe, congrats. I liked this roleplay a lot. I like that Joe has more of a heel persona now and I was able to read this roleplay through and through. While I was reading, I thought of Jack Manson who had this gimmick, hopefully you can run with it and do something different though. Gives Joe a new edge. Thanks Lance, it means alot coming from you.
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Post by Joe Everyman on Sept 19, 2009 21:07:19 GMT -6
New RP up for this week. After last week, I wanted to do something more of a comedy RP. I am defiantly pulling for quote of the week in this one Feedback would be greatly appreciated.
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Post by Maniac on Sept 19, 2009 22:30:41 GMT -6
High-Larious.
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Post by Joe Everyman on Sept 26, 2009 22:58:28 GMT -6
Thanks Ed.
I just posted my RP for this week. I know it was late in the week, and I know it is really long, and I know it was just a vocal RP, so please save your breath on that. I would like feedback on the rest of it, ie, if I had any spots that repeated or anything like that. Thanks ahead of time.
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Post by Will Washington on Sept 26, 2009 23:09:24 GMT -6
What does it say about your talent that you just found out today that you had to do another RP, and you rolled out an RP that good? Jesus. Admittedly I didn't read the whole thing because it's really long, but I read most of it, and it's really good. Like you said, there's no setting or anything, but the words really keep you reading. I like it, and I'm afraid that if I win vs. Jason, I might have to face you. You sir will give me nightmares.
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