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Post by adm on Apr 22, 2009 16:53:13 GMT -6
And I have one word for feedback... SHORTER!
Yeah, that's the main problem. It's too long, it drags, and you could be saving some of that good material for later instead of using all the prior incidents vs Adam in one shot. That's the only thing I have to say bad about it, everything else is solid but the fact that you missed an opportunity to drag the idea of re-visiting the past over the week.
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The Ace
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2008 nCw Road To The Gold Champion
Posts: 675
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Post by The Ace on Apr 23, 2009 15:58:38 GMT -6
Second PPV RP is up.
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Post by adm on Apr 23, 2009 16:19:08 GMT -6
...GRRR! One word again...SHORTER.
That's the main thing wrong with it...it gets long, it starts to drag, most of the internal monologue while he's on his 2nd pint of alcohol can be cut or shortened. you push nearly 5400 words in this rp, and the last one is 5200...cut it to 3k or less and they won't be that bad...and if you think I'm picking on you...well I'm gonna re-read and tell Adam the same thing
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The Ace
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Post by The Ace on Apr 24, 2009 12:03:46 GMT -6
Right, that's me officially done for this week. It has to be the earliest I've finished for a PPV, so thanks Adam for the early rps, and good luck, if you read this.
Oh and sorry Bates for completely ignoring your advice. I was not trying to play the quantity game, I just had a lot to say and I apologise in advance if the length works against me in this case and prompts several votes against me. I figure it might. I wanted to win, but oh well. At least I tried.
Sorry for boring you all to sleep.
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The Ace
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2008 nCw Road To The Gold Champion
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Post by The Ace on May 1, 2009 9:36:52 GMT -6
First RP of the week up...deliberately toying with heel Ace in this one as I'm tempted to go back there with this new direction, taking my own 'you're all against me' attitude and superimposing it onto the character. I'd like feedback particularly because of the vignette I created for this particular promo...
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The Ace
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2008 nCw Road To The Gold Champion
Posts: 675
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Post by The Ace on May 2, 2009 17:06:15 GMT -6
Part 2 is up.
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The Ace
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2008 nCw Road To The Gold Champion
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Post by The Ace on May 7, 2009 7:58:00 GMT -6
Firs RP of the week is up, I hope you enjoy wnough to leave me some feedback...
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The Ace
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2008 nCw Road To The Gold Champion
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Post by The Ace on May 9, 2009 7:29:00 GMT -6
Right that's me done for the week...
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The Ace
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2008 nCw Road To The Gold Champion
Posts: 675
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Post by The Ace on May 14, 2009 15:00:11 GMT -6
To all those who still care, my first rp fot this week is up...
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Post by msjsn3 on May 14, 2009 16:08:24 GMT -6
Nice song....just please don't sing.
Nice rp
Do I get the feeling you are trying to hint at something
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The Ace
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2008 nCw Road To The Gold Champion
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Post by The Ace on May 16, 2009 13:22:42 GMT -6
My second rp is up...shorter than usual but meh...
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Post by Maniac on May 17, 2009 0:19:17 GMT -6
Your first rp was pretty cool, different, which made it worth reading. All in all I liked it.
Your 2nd rp was exactly what Jeff and I have been saying for a while now, it was "short" and simple and to the point.
The first one was inventive and well thought out, but the second one was just straight to the point, take no prisoners, and I think you'd do well to continue on that path.
I'm not telling you to drop CD all together, but a much more refined Ace is a much more dangerous Ace.
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The Ace
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2008 nCw Road To The Gold Champion
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Post by The Ace on May 22, 2009 8:36:37 GMT -6
Feedback on the latest rp appreciated.
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The Ace
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2008 nCw Road To The Gold Champion
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Post by The Ace on May 23, 2009 9:34:03 GMT -6
Second RP for the week is up, hopefully I can beat Falcon this time...
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The Ace
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2008 nCw Road To The Gold Champion
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Post by The Ace on May 25, 2009 8:58:43 GMT -6
First PPV RP is up...yes I pulled an Angel and prematurely ejaculated my first load this week...
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The Ace
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2008 nCw Road To The Gold Champion
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Post by The Ace on May 28, 2009 9:57:48 GMT -6
Second RP is up for this week...
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Post by adm on May 29, 2009 13:00:51 GMT -6
First one was really long...and got boring. Seriously...you could have split it into two rps.
The second, however...was probably one of the best rps you've done since the shorter ones when you were champ. Keep them short, to the point, with a good amount of description while being a badass evil heel...and you may actually get back up to the top...not immediately, but...eventually. And trust me when I say this, cuz the 2nd was so much better than the 1st...the 1st seemed lost after I read it.
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The Ace
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Post by The Ace on May 30, 2009 6:26:10 GMT -6
Rp 3 is up...enjoy, that's me done whether MGK last minutes or not...
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The Ace
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Post by The Ace on Jun 6, 2009 13:08:46 GMT -6
That's me done with very basic rps rhis week, hopefully they were still enjoyable...
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The Ace
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Post by The Ace on Jun 18, 2009 7:01:44 GMT -6
I'm back with my first rp for this week, hopefully people enjoy the heel ace more as they've been telling me to bring him back...
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Post by Maniac on Jun 18, 2009 8:31:39 GMT -6
It could of been a touch shorter and still of been just as effective, but I serioulsy liked all the "eye" puns, they were good. Nice to have heel Ace back my friend.
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Post by Cyrus Daniels on Jun 18, 2009 9:27:26 GMT -6
I had a lot to comment on with winning the Hammy and with Rob's t-shirt so now that's done, the second should be a bit shorter unless Brock whips a monster out on me...
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Post by adm on Jun 18, 2009 11:58:20 GMT -6
I agree with Ed about the tad shorter, not much, just shorten the DD/Diamond thing considering picking on other heels, for a returning heel, doesn't make as much sense as just getting to berating Brock.
I also liked the eye for an eye thing, and it was a good return of Heel ace.
Shorten the 2nd...and all will be well.
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The Ace
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2008 nCw Road To The Gold Champion
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Post by The Ace on Jun 19, 2009 8:18:50 GMT -6
Second RP for this week is up...enjoy!
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Post by adm on Jun 19, 2009 9:14:01 GMT -6
The biggest thing I have to say NEGATIVE about this rp is that you did a few too many "Oh My"'s when you rattled off the list of matches. I know I'm being nitpicky, but being a former film/animation student and knowing writing conventions...it's supposed to be escalation in 3's...but if that's all the negative I got...that says a lot about how much a great asshole heel you're portraying.
Brock gave you a lot to work with, and you didn't waste the opportunity to show us just how Heel Ace works. Good job.
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Post by Chris Brock on Jun 19, 2009 11:31:47 GMT -6
You are a very talented writter Ace, there's no doubt about that. However, the only Negative thing I will say about both of your promos is this:
1.) I see a lot of missed oppertunities in the grammer department. A lot commas not where they belong, or missing all together in certain spots. Not something writters normally think about right off the bat, but I had to study your work this week to do my Rp's
2) This is a personal preferance of mine. You seem to be very reliant on the rebutal promo, which is fine and dandy, but at a certain point I think you should step away from relying on taking what your opponent says to base a promo around. It's something that I was forced to get really good at in a past fed because there were alot of young Rp'ers that loved to deadline their opponents. Hell, in some cases I won't even acknowledge that my opponent did a promo. As a heel that style could really work for you.
Other than that, you are with out a doubt a very talented man. I wish I would have had more for my first Rp because then I might actually stand a chance in this one, but just judging by what you've put out I'd say you have clearly won. Good work Sir.
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Post by adm on Jun 19, 2009 11:36:20 GMT -6
1.) I see a lot of missed oppertunities in the grammer department. A lot commas not where they belong, or missing all together in certain spots. Not something writters normally think about right off the bat, but I had to study your work this week to do my Rp's Thanks for taking my job...but commas aren't as bad as using the wrong words for me. Commas are indications of pause in speak...maybe he just talked like Bill, Shatner with his, odd, Pauses while he talks. lol
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Post by Chris Brock on Jun 19, 2009 11:39:03 GMT -6
lol, that would be a hilarious evolution of Ace
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Post by Cyrus Daniels on Jun 19, 2009 11:46:19 GMT -6
thanks guys and Brock I take your comments on board and will say yes sometimes my grammar suffers because I have a lot to say so the trash talking becomes more important to me than the grammar. I'll try and be more careful in future with that. To your second point, yes I do like to do the rebutal style promo wherever possible. It's just a personal preference but I have done some rps where I didn't rely on it so much. Other than that, if my experiences in fedding have taught me anything, its that no victory is guaranteed and in my mind you have a good shot.
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The Ace
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2008 nCw Road To The Gold Champion
Posts: 675
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Post by The Ace on Jun 26, 2009 13:48:18 GMT -6
first rp of the week is up...enjoy
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