Post by Keybo Shabaz on Apr 8, 2009 17:19:34 GMT -6
(Everybody wants you by Damone plays in the background, signaling the start of nCws favorite TV show, the Pulse! A highlight clip of nCws finest is shown for an opening montage. Fade in a sound stage, with a large desk and a neon "The Pulse" sign behind it. A man sits at the desk, black suit, gray tie, he shuffles the papers in front of him as the music fades and the camera shifts into position.)
Keybo: Welcome to the hottest show in New Championship Wrestling! That's right, forget O-TV, forget the Fox Line, forget Over the Top, this is where it is at my friends.
The Pulse!
Tax day looms ever closer and so does the awesomeness of a Night to Remember! Things are shaping up to be one of the best events ever recorded in the history of recordable TV. But there's still a couple weeks left, So, it's time for The Rundown!
(Keybo spins in the chair, stopping when he's facing the left side of the desk, looking into camera #2.)
Keybo: Trauma? The B Show? Ha! I scoff at you. With appearances from several of the top ten and a slew of former World Champs and contenders and even.. a hall of famer. Oh yes, the Spiked One returns!
Ron Gibson vs Jack Hammond vs Shaddix
Keybo: Three men, each with something to prove, and there can only be one! Ok, McCloud references aside, this match was just the pulse pounder needed to open the show, and it didn't disappoint. In the end, the Hamster rides high again!
Jack Hammond 1-0
Kristoff Liam Bates vs Spike Kane
Keybo: The God of Xtreme ran head long into Xtremely normal. Jeez, the guy gets back from the injured list and this is who you throw at him? Dear lord. Though he didn't win, Spike showed he hasn't lost a single step in his time away.
Kristoff Liam Bates 2-0
Angel vs JFK
Keybo: If you wanted a killer main event, this would be the one. Angel, the iron fist of the revolution. JFK, golden savior of the resistance. The stars aligned, the planets fell into rhythm and the world exploded. And it was awesome. When the smoke cleared, we found that Angels do fall first, but they always rise again.
Angel 3-0
Keybo: I hope Trauma left you wanting more. Because exactly one night later, you were given more. A lot more.
The Ace took on the behemoth. Steve defended the National title. My man Everyman walked through fire again to get a chance at Bates. And a number one contenders match for the tag belts was set next week. Don't tell me you missed it. Lie to me if you have to.
Lords of Destruction vs Diamond and Honcho
Keybo: The Sexy Hammer keeps trucking right along. Proving that they can handle the best of the speed bumps. And proving me wrong for the first time this week. Drat.
Diamond and Honcho 3-1
Joe Everyman vs Curtis Kanyon
Xtreme Rules
Keybo: I really have faith in your spirit Joe. It's just there are times when I can tell that you're out of your league. But the pride comes not from the win, but from the fact that you tried your best. Right?
Curtis Kanyon 4-1
Falcon vs AJ Phoenix
Keybo: Two X Division wrestlers put on one of the greatest X Division shows in recent memory. And after it all, my man AJ stood victorious. Way to even the score.
AJ Phoenix 5-1
Adam Knite vs MGK
Keybo: This was it, round 3. Who would win out? The Revolution? The Resistance? The Recovenant? Ok, even I don't know where that was going. But, it pains me to say that the Resistance did win this little triage battle. Thanks to the Ace. Come on, we're the good guys.. remember?
MGK 6-1
Xavier Williams vs Brad Kane
Keybo: Well, Brad came in with a lot of mystery, and left with just as much. It's hard to say why he doesn't seem to be able to stay around. It could be health or contract issues. I don't know. All I know is that he left on a high note by beating my man X. Sorry bro, looks like I do have to bet against you.
Xavier Williams 6-2
Steve Awesome (c) vs Jimmy Zane
National Championship Match
Keybo: I had my popcorn. I sat down with my pepsi. I was ready for a good mat classic match, and one little blue bird destroyed all that. He wants that title back, and he wants to take it from Awesome. But Zane isn't going to sit there and just let it happen. I expect his vengeance will be swift and merciless.
Steve Awesome 7-2
The Ace vs Homeless Harold
Keybo: The World Champ takes on the nigh unbeatable. The classic David and Goliath scenario. I'll give Kathy credit, she tried to do the right thing by her and help. Kelly tried to do the right thing by her and stop it, and ended up paying for it. That distraction was enough for Ace to get a mouthful of ringpost. Ouch.
The Ace 7-3
Week: 7-3
2009: 41-22
Keybo: Once again I surge ahead to well above the mediocrity of the 500 mark. I'm on fire right now, which means all you gamblers need to sit up and pay attention. Because we're going... Into the Future!
(Keybo spins the chair again, stopping facing the other way. He reaches down and puts on weird turban, looking like the thing Johnny Carson used to do. The camera switching to #3.)
Keybo: That's right, all the way to April 11th when once again it's Trauma Time!
Sexy Jason vs Damien Sparks
Grudge Match
Keybo: Jason finally gets his hands on the man who has been tormenting him. Don't screw it up buddy. But, something tells me this isn't going to go down right.
Damien Sparks
Xavier Williams vs JFK
Keybo: You two, need to get on track real quick. Unfortunately, only one of you can do it this week. And the only way I can get X to win a match it seems, is to bet against him. So, here goes.
JFK
Kristoff Liam Bates vs Steve Awesome
Keybo: The National Champion vs The Xtreme Champion, fighting for the right to declare themselves the king of Trauma. DVR this show if you do anything at all this weekend, because if you miss it, you WILL be sorry.
Steve Awesome
Keybo: And that will do it for Trauma. However, my psychic powers are not all used up yet.. Let's take a look at Collision. All the way to April 12th!
Joe Everyman vs Jack Hammond
Xtreme Rules
Keybo: Everyman continues to run the gauntlet, chasing after Bates. Now, he runs headlong into that suicidal Hamster. I can't decide who to back in this one. Ok, here we go, heads Joe.. tails.. Jack.. and it's.. Tails..
Jack Hammond
Homeless Harold vs MGK
Keybo: Harold continues his rampage against the members of the Resistance, but MGK himself is coming off a big win against the Revolution leader. But, somehow I think the Ace will be a bit less willing to dirty his hands with this one.
Homeless Harold
Dirty Deal vs The Family Diamond
#1 Contendership to the Tag Team Championship
Keybo: Here it is. The last game for the whole shebang. The Dirtiest team in the game, against the king of Diamonds and the magic man. Should be epic. Epic I say!
Family Diamond
Falcon vs Jimmy Zane
Keybo: Last week, Falcon ruined Jimmys chances of a National title run, and kicked a chair in his face to boot. Now, Zane picks himself up and dusts himself off, the blood deep in his eyes. Thats it boy, make him pay. Just watch the roll-ups.
Falcon
Kelly Fox vs Kathleen Conway
Keybo: This may be only the second ever Womens match in New Championship Wrestling. And it promises to be full of pain and humiliation. Watch this one Ace, Kelly isn't going to play nice.
Kathleen Conway
AJ Phoenix vs Angel
Keybo: A dream match, version eight or nine. And every time, these two guys steal the show away from everyone. I expect this to be another stealer. And I expect the dark horse to run with it.
AJ Phoenix
(He spins around again, back to the center, and camera #1, losing the turban in the process.)
Keybo: Joining me in the studio is a former NCW World Champion and resident hamster. Jack Hammond!
("F'in in the Bushes" by Oasis plays as Jack steps out from the back. He walks up to the barricade that seperates the stage from the audience and is immediately mobbed by throngs of people. Then he shakes hands with Keybo, receives a pat on the head, then takes a seat on the couch.)
Keybo: Welcome to the Pulse, Jack.
Jack: My pleasure, mate.
Keybo: Man, do the people love you. I don't think I've ever seen that big a reaction to anyone on this show.
(Huge crowd pop. Hammond gets a bit red faced.)
Jack: Oh thank you, you people are too nice.
Keybo: I think it's safe to say that you've surpassed all expectations in NCW. Not only winning the World title, but holding onto it for an impressive seventy days. How did that feel?
Jack: At first I felt, almost cheated. But then as time passed I realized that I had a chance to wrestle the best, and that was a thrill like no other. Cept driving.
Keybo: Awesome. Ready for some questions from your millions of fans?
Jack: Shoot.
Keybo: Ok.. Gordon Ramsay from.. wait.. THE Gordon Ramsay? err well he asks..I know you love Top Gear, Hammo, but I just needed to be the arse I am and plug myself and my two shows on BBC, Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares and The F Word. So...to help you and nCw out I invite you and nCw to the UK and when you come, you all get one free (half price, actually) meal at my Restaurant Gordon Ramsay at Royal Hospital Road. Thanks, I hate wrestling, but...come try the mutton, it is ****ing awesome! Wait.. is that even a question?
(Hammond shrugs.)
Jack: Uh, thanks I guess. I'm not sure when, if ever, nCw will be making its way to England at all, so I may have to take a raincheck on that generous offer of yours. Though I am honoured that a professional swearer like yourself would take the time to call in. Try not to burst a vein next time you yell at someone too. Unless it's some daring new recipe; 'Exploding Chef's Head, with a light splattering of brain matter.
Keybo: Yeah, and I thought some guys here had anger issues. Next is from Bill Norrington from London.. Mr. Hammond, now that your no longer World champion, and nCw seems to have moved on without you, what title are you considering going after now? Personally, I'd like to see you and Xavier Williams meet up for Round 3 for the X-Division title.
Jack: That's a little harsh to say that I've been left behind...considering I was never up with those guys in the first place to be honest, but let's not get caught up in that. *cough* As for a title run in the X-Division? Well it would certainly be fun to face off against Xavier at the very least at the next PPV. But that said I'm perfectly fine at taking things easy for a while after the rather exciting start of this year, and the less people I have bashing be in the head because I have or want a belt, the better.
Keybo: Good old humble hamster. James May from.. also the UK.. man your english fans really love you.. asks..Hammond, why are you such a babe magnet that more and more women tune into Top Ge - I mean nCw to watch that little short bloke with the big dreamy eyes every week?
Jack: Wow, you're right, plenty of people phoning from home...that said, I do feel a bit chuffed that someone of my stature, no pun intended, on this pokey little wrestling show would get a question from someone like Captain Slow himself. Is it odd though, that my two mates back from the UK both look strangely similar to some well-known motoring hosts? Anyways, to answer your question, I have no idea. I'm just some short bloke with tipp-ex teeth and a knack for falling off things and yet the amount of moistened undergarments I get sent each week through the post is enough to make Keith Richards jealous and my wife annoyed enough that I'm forced to sleep on the couch...in a different state.
Keybo: Ahhh marital bliss. Ah, Miguel Cantu from good ole Mexico asks.. Jack Hammond.. how does it feel to have finally defeated Jackhammer?
Jack: In a word; cathartic. Well he'd always been my big, white whale. When I started off in nCw, he was the first person to smash my face into the canvas and pin me. Quite the horrific experience to have someone of his size bashing you about a ring for about 5 minutes, powerless to really do anything. I vowed to defeat him the second time I faced him, but he pretty much steamrolled right over me. When he came back and I found out I was going to be facing him on his return match one-on-one, I'd just had enough of getting nervy and trying to make some hollow promises like last time. In the match itself I put my head down, flailed around a bit and somehow came away the winner, albeit with my life expectancy considerably shortened in the process. Now I don't like being cocky, but being able to beat someone who could use me as a barbell was something I can take away and boast about, I guess.
Keybo: Oh come on, don't be that humble buddy. One last question here: Dear Jack... Just so you know, they've written pink little hearts around the 'Jack'.
Jack: Ooh.
Keybo: I think that you're the best person on nCw. You're cute, and sooooo funny when you make fun of those other wrestlers. Me and all my friends are all big fans of yours and we hope you stay as a cute and cuddly Hamster. You'll always be a champ to us!
Jack: Well, thank you very much.
Keybo: Yes, and that's from a Joe P. Lumber.
Jack: ...come again?
Keybo: Currently staying in the high-security wing of Pelican Bay apparently, or so it says here.
Jack: That's...nice.
Keybo: He also writes; What happened to all those nice shirts you used to wear, and can I have them if you don't want them anymore?
Jack: Uh...they're all in the wash...back home...in England.
Keybo: Yeah, even I'm weirded out by that. And I've seen everything.
Jack: Going to be adding an extra deadbolt to my front door after that.
Keybo: Good call. Anyway, that's all the time we have for this week. I'd like to thank my guest, Jack Hammond. Always remember..
Steel Chairs are fun...
Barbed Wire is a good time...
And always tip your waitress!
Good night.
(Everybody wants you by Damone plays again as the transmission fades out.)
"Hey, join me again next week when my guest in the studio will be the good old boy with a mind to whoop yer ass, James Franklin Karn! Questions? Comments? Wanna recommend a good bar? Send them in to:
TheShabaz@ncwentertainment.com
Or Call the studio lines at 1-866-555-3737
And I'll see you here next week!"
(Reply with a question, or PM me if it's private. Just like the Fox Line you can ask ridiculous questions, just edit them for TV.)