Post by Cliff Clinton on Apr 30, 2009 15:51:27 GMT -6
[glow=red,2,300]“I WANNA TALK TO SAMPSON!!!!!!!”[/glow]
A metal wail starts the show followed by a badass guitar riff. Brent Sampson is standing in front of his desk in his office with a scowl that makes Vladimir Kosloff look like Jack Hammond at a car show. He’s dressed in some blue jeans and a leather jacket.
Brent Sampson: Well, well, well. Here it is finally after teasing it and toying with your emotions about it, your finally going to bear witness to the only show that doesn’t give a rats ass what the other shows think. Damien Sparks and High Voltage? Please, there was never any electricity coming from a frosty blonde British guy who writes in his journal about…..you know…I don’t even know what the hell it is he writes about. Something about bitching in an advanced vocabulary just kind of throws me off.
And then there’s Keybo….what the hell kind of name is Keybo Shabaz anyway? I bet his momma was thinking, Gee what are the two most stupid names we could think of? Keybo? Ooh that’s really dumb…..and then something to make it pop off the retard charts….ooh I got it…Shabaz…..its perfect. PERFECTLY STUPID!”
Sampson rolls his eyes.
“And what’s with the electricity word play? Sparks, High Voltage, The Pulse….Next thing you know were going to end up seeing Mike Honcho on the new adventures of the Electric Light Company. And oh God…..the Pulse……if I have to watch Keyblow wear that stupid turban ONE MORE TIME…..I swear I might just fire somebody unimportant…like Phillip Burns.
“But seriously, this show is going to be way better than “When blogs attack” by Damien Farts and “Diet Fox Report” by KeyBlow MaAZZhole. This is “I Wanna Talk to Sampson” by Brent Sampson. The concept is simple…..I randomly grab a camera…whenever the hell I feel like it, and I talk about what I hate and what pisses me off. So without further adieu, I bring to you……My Hate List.”
[glow=red,2,300]“TWO, FOUR, SIX, EIGHT….THIS IS WHO I REALLY HATE”[/glow]
The same metal wail, and another equally baddass guitar riff.
Brent Sampson: Lets see…..who do I hate? Ah…I know whats been pissing me off lately…..this smarmy “ohh baby I love you” gay fest that Angel and AJ Phoenix has been crapping out onto us lately. You know what? You two are men. Grown men in a career that allows you to actually act like men. This isn’t MTV…..this isn’t “For the Love of Shelly” where you two live in a house and go on separate dates with some chick. This is nCw…..where people are supposed to get in the ring and duke it out like men. You both want Shelly? Get in the ring and bare knuckle box like real men. Although its obvious to me that Shelly don’t know what she wants…..if it were me….I’d toss that confused little girl to the curb and try and get me a peace of that Jackie Bates…..
“Now that’s a hotty right there. She’s the younger sister of Steve Awesome…..the pussy who is afraid of a big slow lummox in a mask. God…it just boggles my mind how the guy who went from “I’m better than you and if you don’t agree I’ll take you out viciously and brutally, too….”oh no……Harold is bigger than me….he’s gonna beat me up….whatever shall I do.” If that’s the case…..you’ll never get Hope back. Why don’t you start acting like the guy who broke Trent Helms’s wrist…..beat up a cancer patient in front of millions……and had sex with about half the worlds population of females just because he had the time and the penis….
“What else? Oh….can we PLEASE….PLEASE….get a world champion that can last longer than a month? I mean…what is this musical chairs? Once “Wheels on the bus” is done playing another asshole takes a seat and plays pretend champion for awhile. I hate to say it folks….but the douche bag who is afraid of a homeless guy was the last world champion with an ounce of credibility and he cheated to win the belt! What does that tell you? But hey…im just the head of talent relations so what do I know about talent right? You don’t have to listen to me….you don’t have to like what I say……but if you want somebody who isn’t afraid to tell it like it is and somebody who shys away from stupid electrical puns……then you wanna talk to me.
You wanna talk to Sampson!
A metal wail starts the show followed by a badass guitar riff. Brent Sampson is standing in front of his desk in his office with a scowl that makes Vladimir Kosloff look like Jack Hammond at a car show. He’s dressed in some blue jeans and a leather jacket.
Brent Sampson: Well, well, well. Here it is finally after teasing it and toying with your emotions about it, your finally going to bear witness to the only show that doesn’t give a rats ass what the other shows think. Damien Sparks and High Voltage? Please, there was never any electricity coming from a frosty blonde British guy who writes in his journal about…..you know…I don’t even know what the hell it is he writes about. Something about bitching in an advanced vocabulary just kind of throws me off.
And then there’s Keybo….what the hell kind of name is Keybo Shabaz anyway? I bet his momma was thinking, Gee what are the two most stupid names we could think of? Keybo? Ooh that’s really dumb…..and then something to make it pop off the retard charts….ooh I got it…Shabaz…..its perfect. PERFECTLY STUPID!”
Sampson rolls his eyes.
“And what’s with the electricity word play? Sparks, High Voltage, The Pulse….Next thing you know were going to end up seeing Mike Honcho on the new adventures of the Electric Light Company. And oh God…..the Pulse……if I have to watch Keyblow wear that stupid turban ONE MORE TIME…..I swear I might just fire somebody unimportant…like Phillip Burns.
“But seriously, this show is going to be way better than “When blogs attack” by Damien Farts and “Diet Fox Report” by KeyBlow MaAZZhole. This is “I Wanna Talk to Sampson” by Brent Sampson. The concept is simple…..I randomly grab a camera…whenever the hell I feel like it, and I talk about what I hate and what pisses me off. So without further adieu, I bring to you……My Hate List.”
[glow=red,2,300]“TWO, FOUR, SIX, EIGHT….THIS IS WHO I REALLY HATE”[/glow]
The same metal wail, and another equally baddass guitar riff.
Brent Sampson: Lets see…..who do I hate? Ah…I know whats been pissing me off lately…..this smarmy “ohh baby I love you” gay fest that Angel and AJ Phoenix has been crapping out onto us lately. You know what? You two are men. Grown men in a career that allows you to actually act like men. This isn’t MTV…..this isn’t “For the Love of Shelly” where you two live in a house and go on separate dates with some chick. This is nCw…..where people are supposed to get in the ring and duke it out like men. You both want Shelly? Get in the ring and bare knuckle box like real men. Although its obvious to me that Shelly don’t know what she wants…..if it were me….I’d toss that confused little girl to the curb and try and get me a peace of that Jackie Bates…..
“Now that’s a hotty right there. She’s the younger sister of Steve Awesome…..the pussy who is afraid of a big slow lummox in a mask. God…it just boggles my mind how the guy who went from “I’m better than you and if you don’t agree I’ll take you out viciously and brutally, too….”oh no……Harold is bigger than me….he’s gonna beat me up….whatever shall I do.” If that’s the case…..you’ll never get Hope back. Why don’t you start acting like the guy who broke Trent Helms’s wrist…..beat up a cancer patient in front of millions……and had sex with about half the worlds population of females just because he had the time and the penis….
“What else? Oh….can we PLEASE….PLEASE….get a world champion that can last longer than a month? I mean…what is this musical chairs? Once “Wheels on the bus” is done playing another asshole takes a seat and plays pretend champion for awhile. I hate to say it folks….but the douche bag who is afraid of a homeless guy was the last world champion with an ounce of credibility and he cheated to win the belt! What does that tell you? But hey…im just the head of talent relations so what do I know about talent right? You don’t have to listen to me….you don’t have to like what I say……but if you want somebody who isn’t afraid to tell it like it is and somebody who shys away from stupid electrical puns……then you wanna talk to me.
You wanna talk to Sampson!