Post by Keybo Shabaz on Jun 10, 2009 20:43:15 GMT -6
(Everybody wants you by Damone plays in the background, signaling the start of nCws favorite TV show, the Pulse! A highlight clip of nCws finest is shown for an opening montage. Fade in a sound stage, with a large desk and a neon "The Pulse" sign behind it. A man sits at the desk, black suit, gray tie, he shuffles the papers in front of him as the music fades and the camera shifts into position.)
Keybo: Welcome to the hottest show in New Championship Wrestling! That's right, forget O-TV, forget the Fox Line, forget Over the Top, this is where it is at my friends.
The Pulse!
Once again, I reign supreme over the NCW airwaves. No more shall we be plagued by High Voltage. Sampson is too busy writing into my show to do his own. Hammy is still the man. And we're closing in on Picture Perfect!
(Keybo spins in the chair, stopping when he's facing the left side of the desk, looking into camera #2.)
Keybo: The first Collision after Reborn saw many surprises. Adam and AJs marital troubles took a wrong turn, the pale horse was revealed and the summarily squished, and a certified legend returned... again..
Night Blade vs Chris Brock
Keybo: It's so refreshing to see that Brent Sampson hasn't become completely useless and can sign fresh talent like these guys, because let's face it, he's been real iffy lately. But these two guys look like winners. And in an impressive showing for both of them, Night Blade proved me wrong and took home the win. And gave a stern message for one Joe Everyman.
Chris Brock 0-1
Steve Ramone vs Fergus Callaghan
Keybo: I said you couldn't count out the fighting Irish, and I was right. Unfortunately my prediction didn't match my mouth. Nice job Fergie.
Steve Ramone 0-2
Keybo: And the new showcase ends with me not knowing what these new guys are capable of. But, never fear, because that never lasts more than week.
Dirty Deal vs The Superfans
Keybo: Well, after a serious case of gimmick infringement that had a very large company blowing up my phone, this match got underway. While the Superfans may be a bit of the fan favorites, Dirty Deal is still Dirty Deal, and that's all it takes.
Dirty Deal 1-2
The Ace vs Rob Diamond
Keybo: In a bit of sad news, The Ace has left New Championship Wrestling. I think the siren will lure him back here eventually, but only time will tell. But, he leaves on a downslide, losing to the King of Diamonds.
Ace 1-3
Jackhammer vs Xavier Williams
Keybo: And so soon after defeating the Ace, Diamond takes a turn down douchebag lane and screws somebody else over. Way to go nerdling, you've managed to piss off the one man who really will ripe your face off and put it on the TP roll.
Xavier Williams 1-4
Falcon vs Homeless Harold
Keybo: Well, it's official. Bird boy has gone off the deep end. One too many hits to the head. But then again, against Spike Kane, that might just be the best thing for him. I just hope that taking a face full of ringpost hasn't killed whats left of his brain.
Falcon 2-4
Adam Knite and AJ Phoenix vs Joe Everyman and Jack Hammond
Keybo: Well, I said it would last as long as the teams played by the rules, and the one who couldn't would lose and yet again, I was right. As Adam followed Rob down Douchebag lane and screwed not only himself, but AJ out of a win.
Joe Everyman and Jack Hammond 3-4
Week: 3-4
2009: 84-48
Keybo: We've reached the first stage of the climb back to the top, time to set base camp and take a breather. Then it's onward and upward. To the Future!
(Keybo spins the chair again, stopping facing the other way. He reaches down and puts on a Adam Knite wig. The camera switching to #3.)
Keybo: Trauma has it all, action, suspense (TM) and drama. After a week under their belts, it's time to see where the new guys fit in.
Christian Kane vs Hexx
Keybo: After a match cancellation last week, we finally get to see the revamped Christian Kane in action. I'd like to point out that it's against Hexx, and well, that never really shows too much of anything.
Christian Kane
Chris Brock vs Shane Hunter vs Cameron Corvis vs Steve Ramone[/color]
Keybo: Four men, all from different places, converge on NCW, looking for one thing. Gold, and perhaps a name for themselves in our hallowed halls. Ok, that's two things, but you get the idea.
Chris Brock
Night Blade vs Fergus Callaghan[/color]
Keybo: Both men are coming off debut wins last week. And both will be looking to continue their momentum swing. To be honest, I flipped a coin for this one. And it came up heads.
Night Blade
Keybo: And so, Trauma ends in greatness, and thus leaves a hole in your heart. Until, of course, Collision starts.
Lords of Destruction vs The Superfans
Keybo:[/color] Let's take a poll, who do you think the Superfans will cause to sue us this week? Legion of Doom, The Un-Americans, The Mexicools? Ok, maybe not that last one. But, I'm starting to cringe at the thought.
The Superfans
Angel w/ Burns vs Kristoff Liam Bates w/ Nero
Keybo:[/color] A rematch of a pick your poison from several months ago. The internet kids have been waiting for this, let me tell you. And well, somehow, I think this will end the same way the first one did. That is of course if Nero doesn't spoil it.
Angel
Dirty Deal vs Homeless Harold
Handicap Match
Keybo: [/color]Harold is such a monster that he needs two opponents a week. But, even he may be asking a little too much of himself to stand up against a blitzkrieg like Dirty Deal.
Dirty Deal
Spike Kane and Xavier Williams vs Falcon and Rob Diamond
Keybo:[/color] Oddly enough, all four of these men have been allies in some form or another during the past year, and now here they stand. Some on the same side, some on opposite sides, all for the sake of entertainment.
Spike Kane and Xavier Williams
Jack Hammond (c) vs Joe Everyman
NCW X Division Title Match
Keybo:[/color] Two short weeks ago these two put on an epic show on skill and determination. And though my man Everyman didn't pull it out, he gets a second shot this week. But the Hamster is still the Hamster, one hundred percent.. Awesome.
Jack Hammond
(He spins around again, back to the center, and camera #1, losing the Knite wig in the process.)
Keybo: I'd like to welcome my guest this week, Curtis Kanyon!
("Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap" plays as Kanyon emerges to a chorus of boos and a You Suck chant or two. But the crowd murmur dies when they see him a tuxedo t-shirt and a real tie.)
Keybo: Glad to have you on the show Curtis.
Curtis: Hey there Hobo She-man, good to finally be on your show, too bad you're here though. The NCW just can't get enough of Dirty Deal, so now people will actually be watching your show. Also being here should get some good CEO cred.
Keybo: Actually you're here because I've been running out of guests, but I digress. So, you and Ron have been doing pretty well for yourselves in the ring, but how is the CEO business going?
Curtis: Pretty good. We're really close to securing the position, Hobo.
Keybo: I doubt that. Ready for some questions that somehow ended up in my mailbox?
Curtis: You have fanmail?
Keybo: Different mailbox. These are for you.
Curtis: Ok. Shoot.
Keybo: Cade Walker from Austin asks.. Exactly how long does it take you every morning to be so dang awesome?
Curtis: That is a great question. If you're an idiot. I am constantly awesome. I eat, sleep, and wrestle awesome. I wake up awesome. Now, if you mean to ask how long does it take me to see my wife's O face in the morning, then about two and a half minutes for the first one, then a minute or so between for the next five. I'm like the energizer bunny. And Hobo, you're sick for asking that question.
Keybo: Don't think Cade meant that when he asked the question. But it's nice to see you fail at simple concept grasping. Ron Gibson.. it says here, not 'the' Ron Gibson from Tuscaloosa, Alabama asks.. First off, thanks for taking my question curtis. This is your biggest fan and I think you should get more credit for the ass kicking you deliver. I just need one thing from you. It's kind of a big favor but can you please slap keybo right in his mouth for me? Thanks.
Curtis: Well not NCW Ron Gibson, thank you for that. I greatly take your credit, and would gladly give it back to you if you rocked as hard as the real NCW Ron Gibson. As for slapping ol' fruity over here, I would love to. But you don't just walk into a man's house and **** on his table when he offers you dinner. And this man is offering the chance for me to express myself diligently and professionally, so that Leo can take notice of myself and Ron and promote us into the CEO position. So thank your lucky stars tonight Hobo.
Keybo: (eye roll) Oh you're too kind. John Connor from Washington, D.C. asks... I was just wondering...when you were going to stop being a racist pig. I'm half-black and I don't get the racism you think is funny. What's funny about racism...or hitting kids? I hope Ron leaves you.
Curtis: Racist? Who said I was a racist? What's all this racist stuff? Look, I can address this, but why bother? I'm me. That's that. I'll beat up anybody, white, black, or green. Why am I the racist one? Is it not my surroundings? As far as I can tell, NCW is a whites only wrestling federation. The only black wrestler I've seen here was a dumb mute security guard that was fired after two months. We're employing the only black guy on the NCW payroll at the moment. And as a co-CEO, I would help to rectify this situation, you can bank on that Leo! Ron and I are like brothers, we've no reason to split. And John, half your opinion just doesn't matter.
Keybo: Xavier Williams ring any bells? No? Go figure. Price.. from.. the afterlife? So annoying.. asks Sex? Whatever the hell that means.
Curtis: Well, if the price is right, we'll get Amber over to your house buddy. See Leo, door to door service. We'd be perfect CEOs.
Keybo: Yeah, because prostitution is so professional. Oh, hey, the next one is from good old showless Brent Sampson who's definately not chillen with my sister.. Hey Curtis.....dude...I just have to say...your the man. You and Ron should have been tag team champs like five times already. Anything is better than the Burning Angels.....sounds like a Roller Derby team doesn't it? Anyway...I was just wondering...say I had some dirty work I needed done....could I count on Dirty Deal to do it? Oh and just in case nobody has asked this yet.....will you please slap Keybo in the balls please?
Curtis: You're damn right we should have been tag team champs by now! But we keep getting held down by the man. Which is why we need to be the man. Burning Angels are nothing but wife beaters, they definitely don't need to be champions. Much like with Amber, if the price is right, we'll do whatever needs to be done. That's the point of DDPA. We're at your service. And man, everyone just wants me to slap you Hobo. But I'm sorry, you may have been hoping I was...that way...but I'm not going anywhere near your no-no place. You're so lucky I've got bigger fish to fry, cause, I'd slap you so hard if I could. But I won't. Or maybe...no, no, I won't.
Keybo: Sure you would buddy. Well, that's all the random questions for today. I'd like to thank Curtis for finding time out of his klan rally meetings to stop by.
Curtis: Thanks for having me over Mr. She-man, I'll see you around. Put in a good word for me with Leo.
Keybo: I'll be sure to forget.
(Curtis hesitates a second.)
Curtis: Ah screw it! You only live once!
(Curtis reaches across the desk and slaps Keybo right across the face. Keybo falls out of his chair. Curtis stands up, raising both arms in victory. Keybos hand comes up and lands on his desk, pulling himself up, then he vaults over his desk, tackling Kanyon to the floor. The producer quickly cuts the feed.)
'We are experiencing Technical difficulties.'
'Please stand by.'
'Please stand by.'
(Fade back in, Curtis seated on the couch, his tuxedo shirt torn. Keybo sitting at the desk, his suit jacket ripped at the sleeve. Both are quite happy with themselves, even after their little slugfest.)
Keybo: I'm Keybo Shabaz for the Pulse! Always Remember..
Steel Chairs are fun...
Barbed Wire is a good time..
And always tip your waitress!
Good night.
(Everybody wants you by Damone plays again as the transmission fades out.)
"Hey, join me again next week when my guest in the studio will be the rampaging redneck, Ron Gibson! Questions? Comments? Want to hire Amber for your prom date? Send them in to:
TheShabaz@newchampionshipwrestling.com
Or Call the studio lines at 1-866-555-3737
And I'll see you here next week!"
(Reply with a question, or PM me if it's private. Just like the Fox Line you can ask ridiculous questions, just edit them for TV.)