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Post by Will Washington on Sept 4, 2009 1:15:37 GMT -6
It was suggested to me that this would be a good idea. So leave me some feedback on my RPs if you want to. Anything constructive is welcome.
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Post by Xavier Cross on Sept 4, 2009 1:22:45 GMT -6
first off Will. Big welcome to NCW, guard your ass we got some....unique.... people here.
Great start bro. You used color well to seperate your dialogue from the kids speaking. You did a good job presenting the emotion and introducing your character. You can really feel the heat off your promo, are you an ex-war veteran or does this have any personal appeal.
I really like the depth of your character, and you'll provide a very interesting heel. The only thing i can really say is it just feels awkward having everything centered. Brad Kane gave me a tip a while back to just center the Dialogue and leave the other things off to the side. and instead of using * maybe just change the font? or maybe just keeping it on the left would make it easier.
Keep on Keepin on young blood. If you keep this up, you'll move up here faster than herpes....and trust me that spreads veerrrry fast.
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Post by Will Washington on Sept 4, 2009 1:45:54 GMT -6
Thank you for the feedback. I took your advice and made the changes.
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Post by Seth Evans on Sept 4, 2009 1:55:19 GMT -6
My personal opinion, and no offense to XC, but a lot of that sounds like personal preference. You could have it all on the left, you could have it all centered, you could have a rainbow made out of it... it's all your preference on how you want to write.
As far as the RP goes, I thought the context was very well thought out. Kind of let us know about the character, what he's about and such... how he's going to do what's best for him, and anyone getting in his way he'll simply knock off. Along those lines. You didn't talk too much about your opponent, which is a good thing... I'm guilty of going on and on about my opponent, but I think the better RPs if you avoid directly talking about them for the most of the time, which, again, you did a great job of doing. Detail-wise, I think you could have done better, which I'm sure you will when it isn't a spotlight in a room. So, all in all, it was a good RP.
And, again, about everything that's your personal preference... just come up with that on your own. If you like to center things, center them. If you like the color blue, then use it. If you like your actual speech standing out as opposed to action, bold it. That's all your own preference.
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Post by Will Washington on Sept 4, 2009 2:51:29 GMT -6
Thank you for the feedback. I don't really worry too much about the format of the RP as much as I do the contents of it. I tried to introduce my character with this RP. I honestly doubt that my opponent is going to RP anyway, so I didn't focus on him too much, and quite frankly there's not much to focus on since he hasn't RPed, and his gimmick is that of a "Human Suplex Machine."
And with my next RP I will go into more depth about the surroundings. I thought with my first one I just wanted to get the character out there, so I focused on his dialouge and actions instead of the other less important things. I thought I'd make the actual spoken word more of the focus that everything else that was going around, but in my next one, I will balance it out more.
And again, thanks for any feedback. Any way I can improve, I will try to.
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JFK
Senior Member
Sucks to be you.
Posts: 950
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Post by JFK on Sept 4, 2009 8:57:05 GMT -6
Very interesting I'll be watching the growth of this character closely. Good job.
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Post by adm on Sept 4, 2009 9:02:05 GMT -6
Talk about politically charged...this is the kinda stuff that would be great if it were a logical choice to have like...the char be in the vietnam war but this is 2009, those people are Flair's age and would be retiring...so Iraq, both of them, are the closest/best options you got.
Freaking sweet ideas with the politics there, man, I can see you working out amazingly as a heel...probably one of the best politically driven heels I've ever seen in Feds in nearly 8 years.
Also...about X's comment for "unique" individuals...he forgets that 99% of us have this thing about anally raping the new guys...too bad Adam's not around, we can't do that till he gets to you first. So...lucky you, we'll have to make you eat 50 hot dogs in 10 minutes or some other stuff like that.
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Post by Will Washington on Sept 4, 2009 13:22:42 GMT -6
Thanks for all of the positive comments. I hope I can live up to the hype. And as for being anally assaulted, I'm not looking forward to it.
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Post by Xavier Cross on Sept 9, 2009 18:45:38 GMT -6
Ladies and Gentlemen....as i called Pissing Blood and Spitting fire, William T. Washington brings it again.
First of all Will, kuuudddooossss. Man, you really know how to pull the emotions of your reader. I was into it, i was feeling it like thinkin of 9/11 and everything. The Hero gimmick was a nice little thing you pointed out that I as well as some other people use alot. You def got this guy you love to hate thing down. Keep it up young blood, its hard to believe this is for a Wired match.
you keep spitting fire and pissing blood sir.
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Post by disdonn on Sept 9, 2009 19:48:58 GMT -6
Ladies and Gentlemen....as i called Pissing Blood and Spitting fire, William T. Washington brings it again. First of all Will, kuuudddooossss. Man, you really know how to pull the emotions of your reader. I was into it, i was feeling it like thinkin of 9/11 and everything. The Hero gimmick was a nice little thing you pointed out that I as well as some other people use alot. You def got this guy you love to hate thing down. Keep it up young blood, its hard to believe this is for a Wired match. you keep spitting fire and pissing blood sir. I want to see a bit more on 9/11. It's a good week to use it (being that 9/11 is Friday) maybe have him burn a flag or something in your 2nd or 3rd rp for the PPV. I really liked this one. The Anti-American Hero is really growing on me. Hopefully one day we'll face off.
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