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Post by Xavier Cross on Sept 7, 2009 12:11:45 GMT -6
Started after my first battlegrounds post. Check 'I'm not Superman...I'm more.." and throw me some feedback/suggestions/ or your phone number
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Post by adm on Sept 7, 2009 12:37:33 GMT -6
Superman huh...
Good rp, interesting take on the whole XC thing.
Uh...my only question is...why did I create you? You were around before...lol
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Post by Maniac on Oct 31, 2009 11:05:40 GMT -6
Dude... I don't even know where to start...
Your first role play was really solid, not the greatest thing I've ever seen from you, but it was a step up for a big match.
Your second role play was way too long with way too many happy jokes.
We all love a good happy joke when you can slide it in there and make it really stick, but you beat the dead horse with an even deader horse while riding a dead horse, know what I mean? I'm not trying to insult you, but it was like way over the top, way out of character from what we've seen from Xavier Cross and lately, and to be honest, as an admin, stuff like that really takes away from a role play for me. I mean, if you can't Say what you have to say without breaking down into happy jokes every five seconds, then I don't think your really putting the effort into it.
Then it just kept going, you had a few good exit points where had the rp ended there it would been pretty good, but then you kept going. I know its a big match, but its always quality over quantity.
I like you as a role player and generally dig what you put out there but please try to tone down the happy jokes.
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Post by Xavier Cross on Oct 31, 2009 12:09:26 GMT -6
yeah no problem Chris, i'm tryin to get the whole doucher heel thing over, and its a really awkward transition for me, and i just find it easier to be Larry Johnson when it comes to insulting people. I'll take the advice, the only reason it was logn was because i just got goin and goin and it just kept writing. Honestly so far, I see my character as an immature teenage boy trying to be a badass, like junior high humor. But i'm gonna try and step the game up as the weeks go on. i'm averaging like 3-4 gay jokes per paragraph and as a writer that pains me more than it shows. There are plenty of outlets to be a douche, so far i can't stop focusing on calling Falcon gay...hahah, but thanks for the advice Senor Diamond.
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Post by Maniac on Nov 1, 2009 9:31:05 GMT -6
I was looking over the second rp, and if you pulled maybe half of the happy jokes it would of been a really sweet rp, it was just too much immature humor for me. I mean, HHH can be funny, but sometimes his whole chicken routine with McMahon got old.
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Post by Spike Kane on Nov 1, 2009 11:33:11 GMT -6
^Rob is spot on there dude. I think you've grown as an rper and you've begun to mature too, so once that transition is complete and the immature humour is gone you'll be unstoppable.
Some really nice roleplays and great writing, just the childish humour holding you back in my opinion.
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Post by Xavier Cross on Mar 1, 2010 2:48:36 GMT -6
I'm not one to whore myself out for feedback, but this new angle i'm taking with Cross it would really help getting some voices from my peers, so 'The Scar that Never Fades' is my newest, so please throw me some stuff.
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Post by Andrew Jacobsen on Mar 1, 2010 15:41:29 GMT -6
Cross, that has to be by far the best RP you've written. Made me mist up a bit reading it. I could almost hear the words being said and the emotion in his voice. Great job, man.
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Post by doc on Mar 4, 2010 15:26:09 GMT -6
Just to let you know that I read your latest RP, the final goodbye, and wanted to give you a heads up to keep up the great work.
Top notch RP, the dialogue with the kids and the funeral in particular were extremely well written, extremely. Great job.
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Post by Mike Machado on Apr 3, 2010 20:37:34 GMT -6
Big fan of Scott Van Pelt.. Really enjoyed your rp this week start to finish. Nice work!
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Post by doc on Aug 19, 2010 6:38:48 GMT -6
First RP was good, as is pretty much always the case with your work, just would like to see a little more meat on the bones on the second one.
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Post by Xavier Cross on Mar 30, 2011 11:36:27 GMT -6
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Brad Kane
Junior Member
...::What I Get::...
Posts: 332
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Post by Brad Kane on Mar 30, 2011 11:50:54 GMT -6
Needs more weightlifting.
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Post by Xavier Cross on Mar 30, 2011 11:58:06 GMT -6
I had you LeBron Kane
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