Post by Kelly Fox on Aug 17, 2007 23:47:22 GMT -6
Opening
Sorry about last week my loyal "Fox-heads" but I was kinda busy, and couldn't find the time to write my Fox Report, but here I am and I'm ready to go.... WOOSH!
I'm looking forward to another great show this week as the card is stacked with talent from top to bottom. We have main event calibur stars kicking off the show in consecutive matches... how do you beat that? As soon as the the show kicks off it's going to be nonstop! Well let me get things started.
Kelly's Previews
The Tank vs. The Burning
The Tank.. the unstopable machine who oozes charisma versus the human sleeping pill.. Burning. Watching a Burning match is about as interesting as playing connect the dots. I fully expect The Tank to destroy Burning here, he's bigger, stronger, better looking and most importantly I don't have to spend any of my daddy's money on energy drinks (to stay awake) when I'm watching his matches.
Winner: The Tank with the Skud Drop which fuses Burning's head with the ring mat.
Davey Ortega vs. Johnny Craven
This is a tough match folks, we have "The Dude" squaring off with a fellow Texan. I don't know which way to go. On one hand we have the pennicle of excellence in "The Dude" but on the other with have a big guy from Texas. Side note, I hear Craven makes a mean taco salad. Maybe if Craven brings one of his famous taco salads to the ring and uses it to distract "The Dude" he might be able to pull this off. However I doubt Craven is that smart so I guess I'll have to give the edge to Davey "The Dude" Ortega.
Winner: "The Dude" wins in a hard fought match.
John Anthony vs. “The Maniac” Jack Manson
This is easy, John Anthony the guy who rid nCw of that JJ Biggs trash will dominate this match. He has my dad in his corner.... there will be no stopping him.
Winner: John Anthony crushes Jack Manson by winning in impressive fashion, possibly withen in one minute.
Hexx vs. “The Madman” Jax Meridius
No Comment..... I hate Hexx.... Crap.. that was a comment.
Winner: The Madman Jax Meridius, rapes Hexx's face before pinning him.
Dave Holland vs. Blaze vs. Matt Jenkins
We haven't seen much of Dave Holland here in nCw but he's impressed the entire staff with what little we know. Blaze put on an epic match with his stable mate Wilbur Katina and ended up with a disappointing loss which could have easily been a win. Matt Jenkins is also a very talent wrestler.... I'm very torn here. I think I'll use a process of elemination to decide. Firstly, I thinkt he logical choice for a loser would be Matt Jenkins since his initials of MJ... the same initials of Michael Jordan, What? You say that should mean he'll do well? No way, see Jordan's initials were so great there is no way Jenkins couold live up to them therefore logically he must lose this match. Now we're down to Holland vs. Blaze... I've gotta give the Edge to Blaze here, Holland is very impressive but he also smells like cheap cologne and hooker spit.
Winner: Blaze wins this one in roughly 10 minutes, but he'll have to overcome Holland's hooker's interference.
“Fatal Fury” Wilber Katina vs. “The Icon” Lance Ryan
Few men have caught the eye of the nCw staff in such short periods as these two have. Backstage all you hear is the praise Lance Ryan gets from nCw officials and Wilbur Katina showed what it takes to be a main event last week when he took his Stable mate to the limit for a shot at the nCw World Title. Ryan does have the awesome hair so that of course will overcome whatever size advantage Katina might have.
Winner: Lance Ryan wins after doing a reach around to Katina that leaves him both confused and intrigued.
Kelly's Thoughts
nCw's future is looking very bright, I mean this. The staff have just hired a new member to help run the daily operations of nCw and we have wrestler's joining from around the world. I can't wait to see more great action. Each week just sets the bar higher too.
I'd also like to take this time to mention Burning again and let him know... he's name shouldn't be "The Burning" it should be perma-changed to "The Boring."
List of the Week
1. The nCw World Title
2. A baby blanket
3. The Family Dog
4. A First cousin
5. Cassie Dixon
What they all have in common: They're all things Davey Boone has slept with.
But in all seriousness Davey Boone has announced his intentions to retire and I'd like to say the nCw.... wait the entire wrestling world Is going to suffer from this. He was a true competitor and wrestled every match as if it was his last. We'll miss you Davey "The Savior" Boone.
Finally, I'd like to wish everybody a great week, and I hope you enjoyed reading this week's edition of The Fox Report.