Post by Gib on Dec 26, 2009 23:56:01 GMT -6
(We are at a mall, suburbsville USA. People are lined up at stores the amount of hustle and bustle is amazing in its amount. At the center of the mall there is a large line of children and parents ready and raring to see Santa Claus for the special time of the year. Waiting in anticipation, the sound of screeching tires is heard and driving down the main mall entrance. Stepping out of the vehicle is a gigantic Santa Claus and some elves that were riding illegally in the back of the truck)
Santa: Ho, Ho, Ho little boys and girls. Please, please don’t get too excited for it isn’t you that I want on my lap it is your single mothers craving the attention of a man since your fathers abandoned you…
(Nervous glances look, Santa pumps his fist in the air swirling the bag of presents around his head then throwing it at the chair where he is supposed to sit. He goes up to a lady, caressing her hair gently, looking at her)
Santa: What would you like for Christmas little girl?
Mom: I want my child to see Santa Claus and not want her most memorable Christmas moment to be when her mother denied Santa.
Santa: That’s fair… But believe me, I am not the normal Santa Claus… My belly isn’t bouncing up and down, the only thing that bounces is….
(Suddenly a commotion from the crowd stops the sentence as we see Adam Knite and Kelly Knite walking to the area, Kelly is dressed in a Santa’s little helper outfit, Adam is wearing jeans and a tight fitting t-shirt)
Adam: Is his merry laugh as he eats the delicious cookies and milk that you leave out.
Gib: And then the springs on the bed when I…
(Kelly puts her hand around Gib’s mouth as Adam grabs him and starts forcing him behind the Santa set. Kelly finishes the sentence for him)
Kelly: Jump into bed after a long night of delivering presents to little girls…
(Gib grabs Adam embracing him with a holly jolly hug)
Gib: Thanks for coming, I didn’t think you would!
(Kelly joins them)
Adam: Although I came for the obvious end of you getting arrested and me laughing Kelly thought we shouldn’t allow you to ruin the Christmas of so many children, and figured we should stop you from ruining them for life.
Gib: What do you mean?
Kelly: Listen, I don’t know why you signed up to be a mall Santa but regardless…
Gib: The add said girls will sit on your lap.
Kelly: Kids Gib, not women.
Gib: What the ****, that’s false advertising.
Kelly: Haven’t you ever visited Santa Claus before?
Gib: I am not really familiar with the custom.
Adam: Let’s not get into it Kelly, that is a long story you most likely don’t want to hear.
Kelly: Well, go out there be nice, let the kids sit on your lap and tell you want you want for Christmas and in no way is it okay for you to hit on the mothers.
Gib: What if they are single?
Kelly: No.
Gib: Lesbians?
Kelly: No…
Gib: Paraplegics?
Kelly: What the hell is wrong with you?
Gib: I am just trying to find love.
Kelly: Not here, not now. You can’t defend the titles from jail, so quit being a moron go out there, let the kids sit on your lap and do what you are supposed to.
Adam: And for god’s sake, don’t get a boner looking at the cleavage of some mom.
Gib: That is a lot to ask.
Adam: Well, just do it.
(Gib gives the high five to Adam who begrudgingly returns it. He steps out pumping his fist, screaming ho, ho, ho in pure 80’s falsetto as if Ronnie James Dio himself was Santa Claus.)
Gib: Merry Christmas boys and girls I figure that you are all here to sit on my soft and cushiony lap, but first I wanted to tell you all a cautionary tale, a tale that may make you think twice about beating women, slamming people through car windows or overall being complete and total wastes of the specimen your father’s used to impregnate your mothers.
(Kelly starts to rush out from the back, but Adam holds her back, signaling to give him a chance)
Once there were two little boys, and these little boys they wanted something more then anything else in the world, they wanted the nCw tag team titles. The only problem was that they weren’t skilled enough to get them on their own. They tried and tried to earn those titles but the fact of the matter was, they just weren’t that good. They just didn’t have the gravy necessary to be the successful champions of the world.
(He raises his hand, putting it to his lips)
But one day, God must not have been paying attention, and somehow these two talentless sods were able to win the tag team championships of the world. They won those titles and you know what happened to baby Jesus that day? Baby Jesus cried, he cried and cried and cried because he knew that for just one second, the one moment his father wasn’t paying attention… Maybe his father was taking a crap, or hitting on his mother Mary but the fact is he wasn’t paying attention and Dirty Deal won the tag titles. This was god’s greatest mistake, and one that he thought he would never recover from.
(He lowers his finger, the crowd mixed between being enamored and disgusted)
See, these bad men they started fornicating with women they weren’t married too, they started fighting everyone, beating people up and trying to hurt them but eventually God saw what was happening, maybe Baby Jesus, who hadn’t stopped crying yet told him or turned his attention to it in some way but on that day, God was determined to make sure that Dirty Deal didn’t keep those titles, what type of role models were they, what type of behavior they were showing the world with their poor dialect and immoral behavior…
And God, the father of baby jesus, the man who deflowered mary, he sent two knights to regain those titles, he sent two trusted servants to defeat these ragamuffins and claim the titles for him, they sent these men who are demigods in the wrestling world to save people from the stupidity that was the tag team champions…
(People are in awe, and a scene is developing)
And I, sitting at God’s right arm because that is where Santa sits, right next to god with Peter on the other side of me witnessed in glory as the Millennium Knites took those titles, took them and restored balance in the entire universe, and that day, the baby stopped crying… He smiled and all was good.
(He frowns)
But it wasn’t meant to be that easy for Satan’s forces were to strike again, using a women as bait they lured one hero to a car where they smashed him through it, he stood again and now this weekend our two heroes will try to smite these evil forces one more time. They will try to stop the evil doers from taking the crown and thus eliminating the crying that is sure to happen again.
(Finally a mother yells)
Mother: Are you going to let our children sit on your lap or what?
(Gib jumps at this)
Gib: Sure, yeah, send them up I have some candy canes and stuff
(The restless line begins to move again and the scene fades, reopening in the basement, the mannequin in the background no longer has a mask on it, but it is resting on the end of Gib’s hand, that much closer to his head)
Time is passing Ronald, time is passing Curtis. Your meeting with another failed destiny is about to occur. I have had enough of the petty games, you want the shot you have it, you want to attack until you get something you deserve and you got it. It would be a brilliant plan, a brilliant plan if you didn’t entice my desire for ultraviolence. If you didn’t make my goal not to defeat you but you completely end any chance you have of challenging for the titles again for this will be your last shot. After this you will not be able to get these titles again and if I have it my way, you will never be able to walk again.
For you awakened a beast that wants nothing more then blood, nothing more then your pain, nothing more then your ultimate demise. This weekend you may meet Homeless Harold again, and if the first time you met him wasn’t enough to give you a grasp of what he is capable of, I urge you to watch the films, I urge you stand again and face him…
What happens to you is your fault, not mine… Don’t blame me.
(fade)
Santa: Ho, Ho, Ho little boys and girls. Please, please don’t get too excited for it isn’t you that I want on my lap it is your single mothers craving the attention of a man since your fathers abandoned you…
(Nervous glances look, Santa pumps his fist in the air swirling the bag of presents around his head then throwing it at the chair where he is supposed to sit. He goes up to a lady, caressing her hair gently, looking at her)
Santa: What would you like for Christmas little girl?
Mom: I want my child to see Santa Claus and not want her most memorable Christmas moment to be when her mother denied Santa.
Santa: That’s fair… But believe me, I am not the normal Santa Claus… My belly isn’t bouncing up and down, the only thing that bounces is….
(Suddenly a commotion from the crowd stops the sentence as we see Adam Knite and Kelly Knite walking to the area, Kelly is dressed in a Santa’s little helper outfit, Adam is wearing jeans and a tight fitting t-shirt)
Adam: Is his merry laugh as he eats the delicious cookies and milk that you leave out.
Gib: And then the springs on the bed when I…
(Kelly puts her hand around Gib’s mouth as Adam grabs him and starts forcing him behind the Santa set. Kelly finishes the sentence for him)
Kelly: Jump into bed after a long night of delivering presents to little girls…
(Gib grabs Adam embracing him with a holly jolly hug)
Gib: Thanks for coming, I didn’t think you would!
(Kelly joins them)
Adam: Although I came for the obvious end of you getting arrested and me laughing Kelly thought we shouldn’t allow you to ruin the Christmas of so many children, and figured we should stop you from ruining them for life.
Gib: What do you mean?
Kelly: Listen, I don’t know why you signed up to be a mall Santa but regardless…
Gib: The add said girls will sit on your lap.
Kelly: Kids Gib, not women.
Gib: What the ****, that’s false advertising.
Kelly: Haven’t you ever visited Santa Claus before?
Gib: I am not really familiar with the custom.
Adam: Let’s not get into it Kelly, that is a long story you most likely don’t want to hear.
Kelly: Well, go out there be nice, let the kids sit on your lap and tell you want you want for Christmas and in no way is it okay for you to hit on the mothers.
Gib: What if they are single?
Kelly: No.
Gib: Lesbians?
Kelly: No…
Gib: Paraplegics?
Kelly: What the hell is wrong with you?
Gib: I am just trying to find love.
Kelly: Not here, not now. You can’t defend the titles from jail, so quit being a moron go out there, let the kids sit on your lap and do what you are supposed to.
Adam: And for god’s sake, don’t get a boner looking at the cleavage of some mom.
Gib: That is a lot to ask.
Adam: Well, just do it.
(Gib gives the high five to Adam who begrudgingly returns it. He steps out pumping his fist, screaming ho, ho, ho in pure 80’s falsetto as if Ronnie James Dio himself was Santa Claus.)
Gib: Merry Christmas boys and girls I figure that you are all here to sit on my soft and cushiony lap, but first I wanted to tell you all a cautionary tale, a tale that may make you think twice about beating women, slamming people through car windows or overall being complete and total wastes of the specimen your father’s used to impregnate your mothers.
(Kelly starts to rush out from the back, but Adam holds her back, signaling to give him a chance)
Once there were two little boys, and these little boys they wanted something more then anything else in the world, they wanted the nCw tag team titles. The only problem was that they weren’t skilled enough to get them on their own. They tried and tried to earn those titles but the fact of the matter was, they just weren’t that good. They just didn’t have the gravy necessary to be the successful champions of the world.
(He raises his hand, putting it to his lips)
But one day, God must not have been paying attention, and somehow these two talentless sods were able to win the tag team championships of the world. They won those titles and you know what happened to baby Jesus that day? Baby Jesus cried, he cried and cried and cried because he knew that for just one second, the one moment his father wasn’t paying attention… Maybe his father was taking a crap, or hitting on his mother Mary but the fact is he wasn’t paying attention and Dirty Deal won the tag titles. This was god’s greatest mistake, and one that he thought he would never recover from.
(He lowers his finger, the crowd mixed between being enamored and disgusted)
See, these bad men they started fornicating with women they weren’t married too, they started fighting everyone, beating people up and trying to hurt them but eventually God saw what was happening, maybe Baby Jesus, who hadn’t stopped crying yet told him or turned his attention to it in some way but on that day, God was determined to make sure that Dirty Deal didn’t keep those titles, what type of role models were they, what type of behavior they were showing the world with their poor dialect and immoral behavior…
And God, the father of baby jesus, the man who deflowered mary, he sent two knights to regain those titles, he sent two trusted servants to defeat these ragamuffins and claim the titles for him, they sent these men who are demigods in the wrestling world to save people from the stupidity that was the tag team champions…
(People are in awe, and a scene is developing)
And I, sitting at God’s right arm because that is where Santa sits, right next to god with Peter on the other side of me witnessed in glory as the Millennium Knites took those titles, took them and restored balance in the entire universe, and that day, the baby stopped crying… He smiled and all was good.
(He frowns)
But it wasn’t meant to be that easy for Satan’s forces were to strike again, using a women as bait they lured one hero to a car where they smashed him through it, he stood again and now this weekend our two heroes will try to smite these evil forces one more time. They will try to stop the evil doers from taking the crown and thus eliminating the crying that is sure to happen again.
(Finally a mother yells)
Mother: Are you going to let our children sit on your lap or what?
(Gib jumps at this)
Gib: Sure, yeah, send them up I have some candy canes and stuff
(The restless line begins to move again and the scene fades, reopening in the basement, the mannequin in the background no longer has a mask on it, but it is resting on the end of Gib’s hand, that much closer to his head)
Time is passing Ronald, time is passing Curtis. Your meeting with another failed destiny is about to occur. I have had enough of the petty games, you want the shot you have it, you want to attack until you get something you deserve and you got it. It would be a brilliant plan, a brilliant plan if you didn’t entice my desire for ultraviolence. If you didn’t make my goal not to defeat you but you completely end any chance you have of challenging for the titles again for this will be your last shot. After this you will not be able to get these titles again and if I have it my way, you will never be able to walk again.
For you awakened a beast that wants nothing more then blood, nothing more then your pain, nothing more then your ultimate demise. This weekend you may meet Homeless Harold again, and if the first time you met him wasn’t enough to give you a grasp of what he is capable of, I urge you to watch the films, I urge you stand again and face him…
What happens to you is your fault, not mine… Don’t blame me.
(fade)