Post by Lord Dominicus on Jan 25, 2010 9:52:22 GMT -6
*The camera opens as Nelly Angel sits on a table in a rather provocative position. Around him are tons and tons of tapes and old film reels. No, this is not his porn closet.*
Nelly: Hey there folks out there in computer land or TV land, or wherever you might be watching my promos these days. Now I don’t know how long most of you have been following my career. But I think most of you know my career didn’t start in NCW. And I don’t need to tell you where my career did start, since neither the company I started in, nor the company it became are still around. However, I don’t think that a lot of you know that between there and here, I actually applied at several other companies.
*He switches tone to something more mocking.*
Nelly: “Oh but Nelly, why do I care? You’re saying worthless words.”
*Back to normal.*
Nelly: No, I’m not. You see, there were a few things I’ve learned about myself over the years. Things I don’t mind talking about, and am often told are wrong. This Sunday I’ll be facing Rob Diamond, a man who’s pretty much my opposite in terms of personality and he seems to think that my gimmick, or shtick, or as I like to think of it, my mantra is pretty stupid. -That unless I want the whole world, I have no place in the ring with folks like him.
*Nelly puts his hands up defensivly.*
Nelly: Now, I imagine a lot of my fans might become rather enraged by such a notion. But, oddly enough, I think we should give Rob a break. His opinion is one that is fairly common in this sport. Why in fact, one of the companies I applied to, and interviewed with had the exact same idea as Rob, and is actually why I’m working at NCW right now. This brings us to why we are here. I thought that instead of just going on one of my usual speeches, which Randy thinks would be boring, I’m actually going to show you the interview I did with this company. Now, lemme give you some background information. The company is Kaiju Big Battel, they’re into a more- um, creative product to say the least, I’m generally drawn to slightly different styled companies. So here we go folks, check this out.
*The camera fades out*
*We fade back in on a slightly lower production quality camera facing Nelly as he’s being interviewed by Dr. Cube. Dr. Cube looks like this:
Dr. Cube clears his throat.*
Dr. Cube: Alright then Nelly, it says here you’d like to work for KBB, why is that?
Nelly: Well Mr. Cube-
Dr. Cube: That’s Doctor Cube.
Nelly: Are you really a doctor?
Dr. Cube: My scalpel says yes.
Nelly: Noted, anyway, I’ve been given the heads up that my current employer will soon be closing down, and I’d like to get a job at another company that doesn’t play by the standard rules.
Dr. Cube: Hmmm, I see. Now then, you don’t seem like a very big guy. As you probably know, we here at Kaiju Big Battel pride ourselves on hosting the best monster battles known to man. So, um, there’s a slight problem.
Nelly: I don’t follow.
Dr. Cube: Well, you’re not a giant city-crushing monster. As a generality we only hire giant city-crushing monsters.
Nelly: Well you’re not a giant, nor are you a monster.
Dr. Cube: YOU DON’T KNOW ME! DON’T YOU ACT LIKE YOU KNOW ME! *Ahem* Sorry, I think I had something in my throat. Anyway, while it is true that I am neither a giant, nor city-crushing, I am an evil scientist bent on taking over the world. In this vein I create giant city-crushing monsters.
Nelly: Hmm.
Dr. Cube: So since you’re clearly not a giant city-crushing monster, do you want to take over the whole world? Does a lust for power drive you to despicable acts that most would see as sleezy, underhanded, or downright evil?
Nelly: Ummmm, no?
Dr. Cube: Well, then what do you want?
Nelly: Competition. I thrive on it. I live for the spirit of this sport. To go toe to toe with the best is my dream.
Dr. Cube: You do know that by taking over the world, you’d be constantly fighting off some of the best.
Nelly: True, but it sounds really stressful.
*Dr. Cube thinks for a moment.*
Dr. Cube: We’ll call you back.
Nelly: Darn.
*The camera fades.*
*Until it fades back in on Nelly!*
Nelly: So yeah Rob, I’m not a giant city-crushing monster. And I don’t want to rule the world. You’ve said nothing I haven’t said already. Why would I want to be a champion? If I’m the Xtreme Champion, I only fight crazy violent people or super extreme non-hardcore wrestlers as the Honor Champion. If I’m the X-Division champion, I’m not fighting the best, you said it yourself, and you’ve trashed the crap out of that belt in previous promos. Just because you’re changing your tune now doesn’t make what you said before null and void. Every match would be the same after a while, I mean, sure, X-Division guys are fun, but most of them have the same style. What about the National Championship? I’d be facing Joe Everyman every other week, and let’s be honest, nobody wants to do that. And why would I want to fight Lance Ryan and Adam Knite every two days as the World Champion? I want variety! I don’t want to be tied down with some piece of metal. I just wanna wrestle.
*Nelly puts his hands behind his head as he lies down on the table.*
Nelly: Rob, I don’t expect you to understand me. I expect you to face me with all of your power on Sunday. In fact, I’m pretty glad the loser will become Lord Dominicus, because you’d rather kill me and you before that happens. And I’d love, LOVE to see you back in that getup. Lord Dominicus was a laugh riot.
*He weighs an idea in his head as he moves it back and forth.*
Nelly: Though, Rob, usually I don’t care much about winning. But, um, you know, this time is different. See Rob, I don’t give a crap about humbling you, or getting revenge for anything you’ve done to me in the past or anything. No, I need to win this match because, well, I just don’t think I’m cut out for this whole “World Dominating Psychopath” thing that I’d have to don along with the Lord Dominicus name. I mean, you saw it yourself in my little video; I am neither a giant city-crushing monster nor an evil scientist heck bent on a total takeover of the world- that’s really more your thing.
*Nelly looks at the camera with a big smile on his face, almost cute, like Pikachu or something. We then fade out.*
Nelly: Hey there folks out there in computer land or TV land, or wherever you might be watching my promos these days. Now I don’t know how long most of you have been following my career. But I think most of you know my career didn’t start in NCW. And I don’t need to tell you where my career did start, since neither the company I started in, nor the company it became are still around. However, I don’t think that a lot of you know that between there and here, I actually applied at several other companies.
*He switches tone to something more mocking.*
Nelly: “Oh but Nelly, why do I care? You’re saying worthless words.”
*Back to normal.*
Nelly: No, I’m not. You see, there were a few things I’ve learned about myself over the years. Things I don’t mind talking about, and am often told are wrong. This Sunday I’ll be facing Rob Diamond, a man who’s pretty much my opposite in terms of personality and he seems to think that my gimmick, or shtick, or as I like to think of it, my mantra is pretty stupid. -That unless I want the whole world, I have no place in the ring with folks like him.
*Nelly puts his hands up defensivly.*
Nelly: Now, I imagine a lot of my fans might become rather enraged by such a notion. But, oddly enough, I think we should give Rob a break. His opinion is one that is fairly common in this sport. Why in fact, one of the companies I applied to, and interviewed with had the exact same idea as Rob, and is actually why I’m working at NCW right now. This brings us to why we are here. I thought that instead of just going on one of my usual speeches, which Randy thinks would be boring, I’m actually going to show you the interview I did with this company. Now, lemme give you some background information. The company is Kaiju Big Battel, they’re into a more- um, creative product to say the least, I’m generally drawn to slightly different styled companies. So here we go folks, check this out.
*The camera fades out*
*We fade back in on a slightly lower production quality camera facing Nelly as he’s being interviewed by Dr. Cube. Dr. Cube looks like this:
Dr. Cube clears his throat.*
Dr. Cube: Alright then Nelly, it says here you’d like to work for KBB, why is that?
Nelly: Well Mr. Cube-
Dr. Cube: That’s Doctor Cube.
Nelly: Are you really a doctor?
Dr. Cube: My scalpel says yes.
Nelly: Noted, anyway, I’ve been given the heads up that my current employer will soon be closing down, and I’d like to get a job at another company that doesn’t play by the standard rules.
Dr. Cube: Hmmm, I see. Now then, you don’t seem like a very big guy. As you probably know, we here at Kaiju Big Battel pride ourselves on hosting the best monster battles known to man. So, um, there’s a slight problem.
Nelly: I don’t follow.
Dr. Cube: Well, you’re not a giant city-crushing monster. As a generality we only hire giant city-crushing monsters.
Nelly: Well you’re not a giant, nor are you a monster.
Dr. Cube: YOU DON’T KNOW ME! DON’T YOU ACT LIKE YOU KNOW ME! *Ahem* Sorry, I think I had something in my throat. Anyway, while it is true that I am neither a giant, nor city-crushing, I am an evil scientist bent on taking over the world. In this vein I create giant city-crushing monsters.
Nelly: Hmm.
Dr. Cube: So since you’re clearly not a giant city-crushing monster, do you want to take over the whole world? Does a lust for power drive you to despicable acts that most would see as sleezy, underhanded, or downright evil?
Nelly: Ummmm, no?
Dr. Cube: Well, then what do you want?
Nelly: Competition. I thrive on it. I live for the spirit of this sport. To go toe to toe with the best is my dream.
Dr. Cube: You do know that by taking over the world, you’d be constantly fighting off some of the best.
Nelly: True, but it sounds really stressful.
*Dr. Cube thinks for a moment.*
Dr. Cube: We’ll call you back.
Nelly: Darn.
*The camera fades.*
*Until it fades back in on Nelly!*
Nelly: So yeah Rob, I’m not a giant city-crushing monster. And I don’t want to rule the world. You’ve said nothing I haven’t said already. Why would I want to be a champion? If I’m the Xtreme Champion, I only fight crazy violent people or super extreme non-hardcore wrestlers as the Honor Champion. If I’m the X-Division champion, I’m not fighting the best, you said it yourself, and you’ve trashed the crap out of that belt in previous promos. Just because you’re changing your tune now doesn’t make what you said before null and void. Every match would be the same after a while, I mean, sure, X-Division guys are fun, but most of them have the same style. What about the National Championship? I’d be facing Joe Everyman every other week, and let’s be honest, nobody wants to do that. And why would I want to fight Lance Ryan and Adam Knite every two days as the World Champion? I want variety! I don’t want to be tied down with some piece of metal. I just wanna wrestle.
*Nelly puts his hands behind his head as he lies down on the table.*
Nelly: Rob, I don’t expect you to understand me. I expect you to face me with all of your power on Sunday. In fact, I’m pretty glad the loser will become Lord Dominicus, because you’d rather kill me and you before that happens. And I’d love, LOVE to see you back in that getup. Lord Dominicus was a laugh riot.
*He weighs an idea in his head as he moves it back and forth.*
Nelly: Though, Rob, usually I don’t care much about winning. But, um, you know, this time is different. See Rob, I don’t give a crap about humbling you, or getting revenge for anything you’ve done to me in the past or anything. No, I need to win this match because, well, I just don’t think I’m cut out for this whole “World Dominating Psychopath” thing that I’d have to don along with the Lord Dominicus name. I mean, you saw it yourself in my little video; I am neither a giant city-crushing monster nor an evil scientist heck bent on a total takeover of the world- that’s really more your thing.
*Nelly looks at the camera with a big smile on his face, almost cute, like Pikachu or something. We then fade out.*