Post by Lord Dominicus on Jan 27, 2010 2:36:44 GMT -6
*The camera opens on Randy Angel in a white room. His suit today is, well, a bit flashier than usual, one might even argue that he’s border-lining on looking like a pimp. He’s wearing big beach-style sunglasses and he’s even wearing a feather boa. Now, before I start with the words, I’m just gonna let you know, it’d take a mountain of sentences to do justice to how Randy is moving throughout this promo. So, for my benefit, just assume that he’s gesturing, gesticulating, and gyrating more than a lemur on PCP.*
Randy: Hello there folks, “Kung-Pao” Randy Angel here and I’ve got a message for one Mr. ROB DIAMOND! Now you come out every week and you say the same darn thing about my client. You keep singin’ along with your same old tune every time and think that somehow somethin’s gonna change, don’tcha? You say my brother doesn’t have the will, doesn’t have the drive, doesn’t have the perspicacity to stand in the same ring as ya. Right? Ok, ok, here me out then a minute.
Folks, lemme tell you a little story. Now this all starts a coupla months ago. A coupla months ago myself and my brother, one Mr. Nelly Angel are, well, in between jobs. We’re hard workin’ Americans so we’re not collectin’ welfare or anything; we’re just going around looking for what work we can find. Well, wrestlin’ ain’t what it used to be and my brother’s special brand of product ain’t what people are lookin’ for anymore, y’know? But anyway, he’s out one day lookin’ for a job, and I’m lookin’ around too. Suddenly, my phone rings, it’s from some big wig at NCW. So I pick up the phone.
“Hello?” I say and the guy on the other end says, “RANDY! Randy Angel! Finally I’ve gotten a hold of you! See, we here at the NCW offices, we’ve got a proposition for ya!” So obviously I tell him to go on.
“Randy, Randy, Randy. Now I know, I KNOW that last time your boy Nelly was in NCW, the end wasn’t so sweet. His contract was runnin’ out and right when that happened we had a shark go after him and at the same time let him get the shaft end of what turned out to be pretty mean stable. And I know, I KNOW that Nelly didn’t re-sign his contract for a reason. But I want ya to hear me out here. I want you to listen Randy. NCW wants Nelly, NCW NEEDS Nelly, and by god I do think that NCW will die without Nelly comin’ back in.”
Now of course I’m not sure what to do. Nelly’s last few weeks in NCW didn’t really paint him in well, I mean, he started lashing out at the crowd, got a little too strict on his own beliefs and all of that stuff. So I tell the guy I’m gonna think about his offer but he just won’t leave me alone.
“Randy! Man, you gotta see what it’s like here, people are craving for somethin’ fresh. We’ve got some bad dudes here and there’s nobody- there ain’t nobody gonna clean them out like your boy Nelly. He’s somethin’ different than all these guys, he’s- he’s a medicine of sorts. We gotta get our medicine now then Randy, c’mon. I swear, I swear the people will smile and cheer when they see their white knight ride back in on his horse.”
And that’s when I feel it. I feel the need of NCW. I feel the desire for a quality man the people can believe in. I hear the outcry for my brother. And so I hold the phone, I hold it real close to my ear and I say we’ll do it, but, there’s one stipulation.
That’s right, one little note to be added at the bottom of Mr. N. Angel’s contract. Right there below or above the dotted line in which to sign his name. Right there where it’s clearly printed in case of a situation where we might need to use it for legal reasons. Folks, do you know what is says right there in Nelly’s contract? Rob, has Chris showed this thing to ya? No? Well lemme tell ya what I said to the guy to make sure is legally binding in my client’s contract.
“CHECK THE FOUNDATION, BABY! I said, check the foundation one more time. See I don’t want no legal problems from people gettin’ hurt because, baby, when my client Mr. Nelly Angel himself walks into a building, into that office, into that arena, THE WHOLE ROOF IS COMIN’ RIGHT OFF!”
And now I want you to TELL ME! What happened when Nelly came a’walkin’ down that aisle? He’s a puttin’ one foot in front of the otha and he’s a lookin’ around like a big goof and what happened? THE WHOLE DARN ROOF CAME OFF! MY GOD! It’s like I’m a prophet or somethin’! And every week since his debut Nelly has not only outshone and outwrestled the competition but he’s blown off every roof he’s come into contact with!
Now that brings me back to you, Rob Diamond.
*Randy takes off the sunglasses.*
Randy: Now you can talk all this talk that you want about my boy. You can say that he’s only second rate second place sloppy seconds second base whatever. You can run your mouth all day long but the simple fact of the matter is this- my client is better than you and it scares you. It scares ya don’t it? Now I’d like to take this time to point out that since my client has come back he has worked harder than any man in this company, and he’s taken home wins that only a god could get. My client doesn’t care about wins or losses you say, and yet, let’s rewind, let’s rewind a coupla weeks. It’s you and Nelly takin’ on the likes of one bad-rear set of dudes called the Dirty Deal. Nelly comes down to the ring and gets ready to help you add another ‘W’ to your column- he doesn’t even like you but he’s gonna get that win anyway! And you? The man who wants to rule the world with his winnings? Where were you at? You’re at home or in back or whatever waiting for Nelly to lose, for your team to lose!
In fact, my enemy, ever since my brother has stepped his flighty little feet back in NCW he’s done pretty well for himself- well, what about you hmm? If I seem to recall, the best you’ve done is lose a title that you now think ain’t worth anything. See Rob, you can change your tune all you want, but it don’t mean a darn thing. Since Nelly’s come back, since NCW decided to inject some medicine back into its veins, you’ve been runnin’ second behind him. You’ve been fallin’ into his shadow. You’re becomin’ a loser.
Y’know, I think you might be wantin’ to lose this match come Sunday. Why? Because back when you were Lord Domino before every time you lost a match, nobody was surprised. Now suddenly Rob Diamond’s hit a cold streak and everyone’s forgotten about him. At least Lord Domino got press right? At least you’ll get attention from someone if you’re wearin’ some silly getup try to keep up with the amazin’ flyer that is my little bro.
Now, I thought for a moment I’d address a little somthin’. You see these, Rob?
*Randy produces from his coat several reels of film and a few VHS tapes, many of which fall as he pulls them out.*
Randy: You know what these are, son? These are the master copies of some of your best matches, Rob. In fact, this is pretty much the whole post-Lord Domino edition right here. Now why do I got these? Well I’m a good manager and I’m trainin’ my client so I gotta know your every move. I pooled my money. I went out to my friends, I begged them to gimmie a hand, I called in old favors all over the place. I got all this money together and I bought these tapes and the rights to them from NCW. And I’ve been a-watchin’ them. We’ll have you scouted just in time for Sunday night. Any move you know as Rob Diamond will be scouted. So I guess what I’m tryin’ to say here Rob is, if you don’t wanna be Lord Domino again, you’re gonna have to be him on Sunday night just to get a move in edgewise, because my client is gonna BASH you in!
*As Randy says “bash” he throws the tapes to the ground in a relative spasm.*
Randy: Because if you don’t, IF YOU DON’T DO EVERYTHING, everything in your power to beat my brother. You ain’t gonna be Rob Diamond no more, that name’ll be more associated with failure than Lord Domino. So folks, you all best get ready. Rob, you better prepare to see a man who wants to beat you so badly it hurts. NCW, you betta check the foundation! Because come Sunday, Nelly Angel is gonna walk down to that ring and blow the roof off that arena and leave Rob Diamond laying in the middle of that ring all wrung out and broken just like a whole bunch of his tapes on the floor, YEEHA!
*Randy flashes a cocky smile and struts off camera, leaving us only with the stark view of black tapes spread across the white floor. This is when we fade out.*
Randy: Hello there folks, “Kung-Pao” Randy Angel here and I’ve got a message for one Mr. ROB DIAMOND! Now you come out every week and you say the same darn thing about my client. You keep singin’ along with your same old tune every time and think that somehow somethin’s gonna change, don’tcha? You say my brother doesn’t have the will, doesn’t have the drive, doesn’t have the perspicacity to stand in the same ring as ya. Right? Ok, ok, here me out then a minute.
Folks, lemme tell you a little story. Now this all starts a coupla months ago. A coupla months ago myself and my brother, one Mr. Nelly Angel are, well, in between jobs. We’re hard workin’ Americans so we’re not collectin’ welfare or anything; we’re just going around looking for what work we can find. Well, wrestlin’ ain’t what it used to be and my brother’s special brand of product ain’t what people are lookin’ for anymore, y’know? But anyway, he’s out one day lookin’ for a job, and I’m lookin’ around too. Suddenly, my phone rings, it’s from some big wig at NCW. So I pick up the phone.
“Hello?” I say and the guy on the other end says, “RANDY! Randy Angel! Finally I’ve gotten a hold of you! See, we here at the NCW offices, we’ve got a proposition for ya!” So obviously I tell him to go on.
“Randy, Randy, Randy. Now I know, I KNOW that last time your boy Nelly was in NCW, the end wasn’t so sweet. His contract was runnin’ out and right when that happened we had a shark go after him and at the same time let him get the shaft end of what turned out to be pretty mean stable. And I know, I KNOW that Nelly didn’t re-sign his contract for a reason. But I want ya to hear me out here. I want you to listen Randy. NCW wants Nelly, NCW NEEDS Nelly, and by god I do think that NCW will die without Nelly comin’ back in.”
Now of course I’m not sure what to do. Nelly’s last few weeks in NCW didn’t really paint him in well, I mean, he started lashing out at the crowd, got a little too strict on his own beliefs and all of that stuff. So I tell the guy I’m gonna think about his offer but he just won’t leave me alone.
“Randy! Man, you gotta see what it’s like here, people are craving for somethin’ fresh. We’ve got some bad dudes here and there’s nobody- there ain’t nobody gonna clean them out like your boy Nelly. He’s somethin’ different than all these guys, he’s- he’s a medicine of sorts. We gotta get our medicine now then Randy, c’mon. I swear, I swear the people will smile and cheer when they see their white knight ride back in on his horse.”
And that’s when I feel it. I feel the need of NCW. I feel the desire for a quality man the people can believe in. I hear the outcry for my brother. And so I hold the phone, I hold it real close to my ear and I say we’ll do it, but, there’s one stipulation.
That’s right, one little note to be added at the bottom of Mr. N. Angel’s contract. Right there below or above the dotted line in which to sign his name. Right there where it’s clearly printed in case of a situation where we might need to use it for legal reasons. Folks, do you know what is says right there in Nelly’s contract? Rob, has Chris showed this thing to ya? No? Well lemme tell ya what I said to the guy to make sure is legally binding in my client’s contract.
“CHECK THE FOUNDATION, BABY! I said, check the foundation one more time. See I don’t want no legal problems from people gettin’ hurt because, baby, when my client Mr. Nelly Angel himself walks into a building, into that office, into that arena, THE WHOLE ROOF IS COMIN’ RIGHT OFF!”
And now I want you to TELL ME! What happened when Nelly came a’walkin’ down that aisle? He’s a puttin’ one foot in front of the otha and he’s a lookin’ around like a big goof and what happened? THE WHOLE DARN ROOF CAME OFF! MY GOD! It’s like I’m a prophet or somethin’! And every week since his debut Nelly has not only outshone and outwrestled the competition but he’s blown off every roof he’s come into contact with!
Now that brings me back to you, Rob Diamond.
*Randy takes off the sunglasses.*
Randy: Now you can talk all this talk that you want about my boy. You can say that he’s only second rate second place sloppy seconds second base whatever. You can run your mouth all day long but the simple fact of the matter is this- my client is better than you and it scares you. It scares ya don’t it? Now I’d like to take this time to point out that since my client has come back he has worked harder than any man in this company, and he’s taken home wins that only a god could get. My client doesn’t care about wins or losses you say, and yet, let’s rewind, let’s rewind a coupla weeks. It’s you and Nelly takin’ on the likes of one bad-rear set of dudes called the Dirty Deal. Nelly comes down to the ring and gets ready to help you add another ‘W’ to your column- he doesn’t even like you but he’s gonna get that win anyway! And you? The man who wants to rule the world with his winnings? Where were you at? You’re at home or in back or whatever waiting for Nelly to lose, for your team to lose!
In fact, my enemy, ever since my brother has stepped his flighty little feet back in NCW he’s done pretty well for himself- well, what about you hmm? If I seem to recall, the best you’ve done is lose a title that you now think ain’t worth anything. See Rob, you can change your tune all you want, but it don’t mean a darn thing. Since Nelly’s come back, since NCW decided to inject some medicine back into its veins, you’ve been runnin’ second behind him. You’ve been fallin’ into his shadow. You’re becomin’ a loser.
Y’know, I think you might be wantin’ to lose this match come Sunday. Why? Because back when you were Lord Domino before every time you lost a match, nobody was surprised. Now suddenly Rob Diamond’s hit a cold streak and everyone’s forgotten about him. At least Lord Domino got press right? At least you’ll get attention from someone if you’re wearin’ some silly getup try to keep up with the amazin’ flyer that is my little bro.
Now, I thought for a moment I’d address a little somthin’. You see these, Rob?
*Randy produces from his coat several reels of film and a few VHS tapes, many of which fall as he pulls them out.*
Randy: You know what these are, son? These are the master copies of some of your best matches, Rob. In fact, this is pretty much the whole post-Lord Domino edition right here. Now why do I got these? Well I’m a good manager and I’m trainin’ my client so I gotta know your every move. I pooled my money. I went out to my friends, I begged them to gimmie a hand, I called in old favors all over the place. I got all this money together and I bought these tapes and the rights to them from NCW. And I’ve been a-watchin’ them. We’ll have you scouted just in time for Sunday night. Any move you know as Rob Diamond will be scouted. So I guess what I’m tryin’ to say here Rob is, if you don’t wanna be Lord Domino again, you’re gonna have to be him on Sunday night just to get a move in edgewise, because my client is gonna BASH you in!
*As Randy says “bash” he throws the tapes to the ground in a relative spasm.*
Randy: Because if you don’t, IF YOU DON’T DO EVERYTHING, everything in your power to beat my brother. You ain’t gonna be Rob Diamond no more, that name’ll be more associated with failure than Lord Domino. So folks, you all best get ready. Rob, you better prepare to see a man who wants to beat you so badly it hurts. NCW, you betta check the foundation! Because come Sunday, Nelly Angel is gonna walk down to that ring and blow the roof off that arena and leave Rob Diamond laying in the middle of that ring all wrung out and broken just like a whole bunch of his tapes on the floor, YEEHA!
*Randy flashes a cocky smile and struts off camera, leaving us only with the stark view of black tapes spread across the white floor. This is when we fade out.*