Post by The Ace on Jan 28, 2010 17:50:38 GMT -6
If it hadn't been for Cotton-Eyed Joe
I'd be married a long time ago
Where did you come from?
Where did you go?
Where did you come from Cotton-Eyed Joe?
I'd be married a long time ago
Where did you come from?
Where did you go?
Where did you come from Cotton-Eyed Joe?
I know, I know. The lyrics don't make much sense and really have nothing whatsoever to do with the upcoming match for the National Championship, but hey I got time to fill here and not much to say, so I'm using my Joe Everyman Get Out Of Promo free card on this one - its like the Get Out Of Jail Free card in Monopoly, only considerably less useful. Now you'd be forgiven for thinking I'm not taking this title opportunity very seriously, its a Dragon's Den Match after all, I shouldn't be pissing away my shot like this in one of the biggest matches of my nCw career, right? I should be fired up, talking about whooping some piddly ass and taking that title fom the most useless Champion since...
*The Ace's voice is drowned out by some more pointless song lyrics as they play in the background to fill space and make it seem like he's put more effort into this promo than he really has...*
If it hadn't been for Cotton-Eyed Joe
I'd be married a long time ago
Where did you come from?
Where did you go?
Where did you come from Cotton-Eyed Joe?
I'd be married a long time ago
Where did you come from?
Where did you go?
Where did you come from Cotton-Eyed Joe?
Anyway, the reason I'm cutting a promo like this is less to annoy my opponent and more to try and understand how Joe's mind works, its often said not to judge someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes, and well if I can just understand Joe, then maybe, just maybe I'll understand what it takes to beat him this Sunday...
...
...
...
*The Ace can't keep it up and neither can the cameraman, both burst out into hysterics, almost as if saying 'Yeah, right!'...*
What? You're not buying that either huh? Oh alright! Who am I kidding, I am doing this to take the piss...but it sounded good though, right? Almost believable, like I really meant it. Yeah, Joe has a knack for doing that at times, and sometimes its actually quite inspiring and other times he talks about being unbeatable by an army and that fate somehow preserved my humilation for a later date and everybody's just thinking 'Quit talking out of your ass' and I'm sure that even he doesn't believe half the crap he says with such utter conviction and sense of unnecessary hyperbole...
*Obligatory song lyric interlude*
If it hadn't been for Cotton-Eyed Joe
I'd be married a long time ago
Where did you come from?
Where did you go?
Where did you come from Cotton-Eyed Joe?
If it hadn't been for Cotton-Eyed Joe
I'd be married a long time ago
Where did you come from?
Where did you go?
Where did you come from Cotton-Eyed Joe?
I'd be married a long time ago
Where did you come from?
Where did you go?
Where did you come from Cotton-Eyed Joe?
If it hadn't been for Cotton-Eyed Joe
I'd be married a long time ago
Where did you come from?
Where did you go?
Where did you come from Cotton-Eyed Joe?
I mean come on! If Joe ever wrote a book, he'd have to be the worst kind of mystery thriller writer ever, I mean he sets up the story pretty well, the table with the seven chairs and the random items each with a story to tell, that was great, but where's the rest of it? Surely, after only telling us about the dust, the rifle and the coin, you're going to tell us about the crown, the playing cards, the bloody nail and the model car too? If this was a televised murder mystery, it'd be okay for you to leave the audience hanging all week for the bloody nail biting conclusion, but Joe - Metamorphosis is THIS Sunday, and none of us have the time or patience to wait all week for part two or three! Geez man, playing Cluedo with you must be a nightmare - I bet most people have already gone home after the game is over whilst you're still setting up the fact that it was Colonel Mustard in the library with the candlestick - and trust me Joe, I have a feeling that's exactly what will happen to you this Sunday. Your big chance to prove everybody wrong and beat me in the most brutal match in nCw will have already passed you by, by the time you get round to telling your story of the mystery items on the table with seven seats. Why seven seats by the way? Where you expecting guests and they no showed? Poetic justice or tragic irony? You tell me...
If it hadn't been for Cotton-Eyed Joe
I'd be married a long time ago
Where did you come from?
Where did you go?
Where did you come from Cotton-Eyed Joe?
If it hadn't been for Cotton-Eyed Joe
I'd be married a long time ago
Where did you come from?
Where did you go?
Where did you come from Cotton-Eyed Joe?
I'd be married a long time ago
Where did you come from?
Where did you go?
Where did you come from Cotton-Eyed Joe?
If it hadn't been for Cotton-Eyed Joe
I'd be married a long time ago
Where did you come from?
Where did you go?
Where did you come from Cotton-Eyed Joe?
I don't particularly care what your excuse for being late to work again is going to be this week Joe, you can make all the promises you want about how that title will stay around your waist and how this is a new Joe, the bottom line is simple. If you don't have the courtesy to take me as a legitimate threat for your title, then I have no time to take you seriously as a Champion either. Old Joe, New Joe, Borrowed Joe, Blue Joe, all they are to me is Dead Joe. Now I admit, its pretty cheap me bashing your most common promo style like this, and trust me I hate it when guys like Angel and Falcon do the same to me - but really you've left me no choice. I want to win, and not even your poor work ethic is going to dampen my resolve. I'll do my job today, just as I will on Sunday. I'm through trying to motivate competition out of you Joe, if you truly insist on dying inside that den, then I will dance all over your grave. You see whilst you're nervously shuffling through your Ipod looking for the perfect track that will form the bread of the baloney sandwich you call a last minute promo, I'm putting on my dancing shoes and the fat lady is clearing her throat and in the end the only song and dance routine that will matter is the one you always hear Joe...
The same old song and dance and frankly you're not worth spit.
*Kathy comes over as Cotton-Eyed Joe is still playing in the background and she takes her husband by the hand and leads him to the centre of the dancefloor where they both cut loose, the scene fades leaving you thinking that The Ace was actually quite a good dancer, who'd have thought it, eh?*